


Out of the Dark

by AuryonBlack



Category: Naruto
Genre: ANBU OC, Anbu Hatake Kakashi, Breaking Up & Making Up, Canon-Typical Violence, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Female Friendship, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hatake Kakashi Has Issues, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Torture, Kakashi has a secret girlfriend, Male Friendship, Male-Female Friendship, Near Death Experiences, Original Character Death(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Hatake Kakashi, Romance, She doesn't interfere with canon events, Team as Family
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-23
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-02-28 18:47:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 25
Words: 91,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23281984
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AuryonBlack/pseuds/AuryonBlack
Summary: As Kakashi’s reputation and body count grew, so did his need to know that somehow this was all worth it. That he lived in the shadows so others could enjoy the sun. Kotori Sorano had always been a bright spot; someone seemingly untouched by the darkness of their world.So naturally she ended up on his ANBU team.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 299
Kudos: 768
Collections: A Collection of Beloved Inserts, Fanfics To Read Over and Over, Naruto OC (include SI OC)





	1. Real or Not Real?

**Author's Note:**

> Brought to you by Corona. No, not the beer. What started as a self-indulgent romance never to see the light of day to keep my mind occupied after all the uncertainties turned into a therapeutic story where I was able to vent my frustrations about being isolated from my friends, family and co-workers, my anxiety about the world and inability to do much about it at the moment and the surreal post-apocalyptic feeling every time I have to venture out. There’s a bit of snarky commentary about workplace frustrations. There’s also my hope in the ability of communities to come together and rebuild after feeling like everything has fallen apart. Who needs to pay for therapy when they can write their feelings right? But mostly it’s a romance, I swear. 
> 
> I hope wherever you are, you are staying safe and sane. We’ll get through this. xo Aurie
> 
> 29/05/2020 Update: The bulk of this story is set in the past working its way back to present day as Kotori 'relives' her memories. I do have a present day interlude chapter planned for around chapter 30 that explains what's happening. Then after that we go back in time to cover the Naruto/Shippuden era and work our way to the fourth war/present day.

_She could still feel him wrapped around her in bed. The warmth of his body radiating behind her. The electricity of her skin pressed against his. Her back against his chest, his arms wrapped securely around her, his chin resting on top of her head. She felt safe and yet anxious. She drifted somewhere between half asleep and fully awake. She knew he wasn’t sleeping either. Neither could when they were on the eve of the fourth shinobi war._

_“I need you to promise that you’ll come back to me,” he eventually said._

_“Kakashi - ” her voice caught in her throat. They both knew she couldn’t promise that._

_“Winning this war will mean nothing to me if I lose you in the process. I can’t let you - I_ won’t _let you become another name on some monument.”_

_His left hand fiddled over top of hers and she felt him slip something onto her ring finger. Her eyes widened as she freed her hand to look at it. Two delicate bands of gold weaved in and out of each other, forming the ring around her finger._

_Real or not real?_

It was a question that Kotori Sorano had to ask herself every day. Ever since waking up from the Infinite Tsukuyomi and feeling as if her world had been tipped upside down, turned inside out, ripped apart and then clumsily reassembled.

Her memories of the present were as crisp as ever, but the muddled memories of the past - her _real_ past - and the fake memories the Infinite Tsukuyomi implanted were at odds. When she had woken up in the makeshift medical unit outside the battle field, she had had to relive and grieve the deaths of her family, her teammates and her friends once more. She had no idea where she stood with Kakashi. She had dreamt that they were in love and engaged, but had all these juxtaposing memories of him using her and dumping her. Kakashi was absent by her bedside and Sakura knew her only as Captain Kotori. Those validated her suspicions.

Kotori no longer knew what was real or not. She no longer knew who she was. So she lost herself into the anonymity of being ANBU Hawk once more. At least that was one constant in her life.

She felt her empty ring finger. _Not real._ It was tangible proof that the proposal had never happened. It was a mantra that kept her footed in reality.

She forced herself up out of her bed. If she stayed, she would lose herself to heartache and let memories of things that had never happened wash over her. She needed to find something to occupy herself with. She had not yet been in Konoha for a full twenty-four hours and she was already itching to leave. There was still so much work left to do, so much damage to fix and rebel groups looking to gain power now that the great shinobi villages were weakened from the war. Konoha also needed the money from missions so they were continuing to accept them from across the land. Surely there was a mission that she could pick up. Her ANBU commander had dismissed her upon her return last night and said to report back in seven days and not a minute before. With the Black Ops out, that left the mission desk and her public identity.

Iruka glanced up at her from the mission desk. “No.”

“You don’t even know why I’m here.”

“Sakura has your name on the grounded list for the next thirty-six hours. You have acute chakra exhaustion and three cracked ribs.”

“Seems a bit excessive,” Kotori replied. She felt fine. The ribs were hardly noticeable and acute chakra exhaustion was just part of life as an ANBU. “I’ve done missions with worse. Don’t you need all hands on deck?”

“Forty-eight hours then.”

“Excuse me?”

“Every time you protest, I’m adding another twelve hours because _clearly_ you have a concession if you think you’re going out there before you’re healed. Go. Home.”

She glared at Iruka for another minute only to be met back with his unflinching gaze. She realized it was a futile effort as he stood his ground against dozens of academy students every day. It was fine, there were other ways to get a mission. She just had to find a team that needed an extra pair of hands. Childishly, she stuck her tongue out at him only to be given a surprisingly rude hand gesture in return.

Perhaps teaching academy brats all day and then dealing with stubborn shinobi at the mission desk was pushing Iruka’s patience a bit too far.

Kotori walked out of the Hokage Tower and surveyed around her. The last time she had been in the village, it was still under construction from the damage Pain had wrecked during the invasion. Things seemed to be under control now. A group of genin were repairing a roof under the supervision of their jonin instructor. A woman worked in her garden with a pair of small children. The streets were bustling with civilian and shinobi alike. Trees were starting to bud, a sign that spring was nearly upon them.

How long had it been since the war ended then? Four months? Five? She had been on back-to-back-to-back missions. Sometimes she would be on route home from one and then receive notice that she was needed on another. The moment she came back to the village, she would report to her commander and then leave on another as soon as possible. She hadn’t spent more than a single night here at a time. She couldn't remember the last time she had seen Konoha in the daytime.

She leaned against the tree and glanced up to find the bird’s nest that she hoped would still be there. She whistled up at the bird. The ability to form chakra birds and use them to spy had been her clan’s secret technique. Over the years, Kotori had created thousands across the elemental nations. It only took chakra to initially create them and then later if she needed to call upon them. They mostly lay dormant, collecting intel for when she needed it. She also thought they were cute and added something to Konoha’s local fauna. It was pleasant to hear them chirping in the trees.

_Chika dee dee dee_

She smiled at the response. Excellent. Her former ANBU captain was still in the village. Surely Tenzo would have something for her. He wasn’t someone to sit idle for long. She hoped for a good long track and capture mission. She stretched her arms above her head as she set off to find him. According to her birds, he was in the newly rebuilt training ground three.

“Morning Tenzo!” She singsonged as she stepped into the training grounds. Only to realize that he wasn’t alone. Naruto and Sakura curiously glanced between her and their captain.

“It’s Yamato,” he carefully spoke. “Can I help you?”

Kotori froze in place, the blood draining from her face. She knew Tenzo. She _knew_ she knew Tenzo. They had gone on countless missions together over the years. She had been assigned to Team Ro ever since she made ANBU over a decade ago. That couldn’t have been fabricated in the Infinite Tsukuyomi. He lived down the hall from her in the jonin complex. Her heart sped up as she sorted through her memories. It couldn’t have been all a lie.

 _But what if it was all a lie?_ Panic started to rise and Kotori felt her throat start to close up.

A hand landed on her shoulder and quickly snapped her out of it. Tenzo _\- Yamato -_ seemed to recognize that she was distressed. There was a softness in his expression as his eyes scanned her reaction.

“This will be just a moment,” he told his team. He steered her away from them. Kotori could feel the curious glances from Sakura and Naruto burn into the back of her head.

“Sorry,” he explained, scratching the back of his head. “Current codename. I still haven’t explained my past to them. Is everything alright?”

“Sorry to intrude” she said. “I forgot you were working with Naruto. I was hoping you needed to assemble a team for a mission or something.”

“Ah, no,” he apologetically said. His hand ruffled the back of his hair. “My current assignment is to help Naruto adjust to his new arm and pass the chunin exams. You’re welcome to join us.”

“You seem to have it handled,” she said.

There was a small frown that tugged at the corners of his mouth as he stared at her for a moment. It was, admittedly, a little unnerving. More often than not, they had their ANBU masks on when they interacted. She didn’t like that he could read her so openly. This was a man who could notice minute changes in her posture and voice. Surely her face was like an open book.

“You can always report to the Hokage’s tower, I’m sure Kakashi would appreciate the help.”

Her heart pounded at the casual mention of Kakashi. She wanted to ask more, but knew Tenzo would immediately catch on.

“Paperwork?” she said, feigning disinterest. “I’m not that desperate.”

“You haven’t been in Konoha for more than a night’s rest in months, maybe you should relax. The village is recovering and things are starting to return to normal.”

“I suppose,” she said. The thought of spending two days idle in the village was a terrifying one. At least on missions she needed to be focussed and didn’t have time to reflect on the muddled mess that was left of her mind.

“I’m around if you need anything,” Tenzo said. There was a note of hesitation in his voice. “Why don’t we grab dinner tonight, catch up?”

“Who are you and what have you done with my captain?”

There was a chuckle at that. Tenzo had always been socially distant. While Kotori considered him a friend - _or was he? So much of their friendship had been built around Kakashi_ \- he tended to stay behind a wall of professionalism. Kotori had never seen him outside of work before other than the odd glimpse of him coming and going from his apartment.

“I’ll come find you later,” Tenzo decided.

With nothing left to do, Kotori rented out one of the training fields close to the forest. With all the missions she had been running, she had been neglecting her taijutsu training again. Her specialities were in intel gathering and tracking and she had a repertoire of long range ninjutsu for fighting. It wouldn’t do to grow complacent.

Hours after she worked herself to exhaustion, she collapsed under one of the trees. The cracked ribs were more agitated than ever and she hissed as she lowered herself. She didn't want to go anywhere near the hospital least Sakura find out and ground her further. Kotori wished she had had the foresight to bring a lunch. She had been existing on food pills and mission rations for months. There wasn’t much point in keeping food at her apartment if it would go bad by the time she got around to eating it. She noticed she had lost some of her muscle mass. The exercises seemed more strenuous than they had before. No wonder Tenzo looked worried. He probably wanted to make sure she actually ate something. She should make her way into the village and pick up something. As she tried to find the will to do just that, she was interrupted.

_Chika dee dee dee_

Kotori glanced up at the tree. There were few people in the village who knew how her chakra birds worked and they would only contact her in the case of an emergency. She held her fingers in the bird seal as she focused on the chakra bird. Her mind tunnelled through the network of birds that she had created until the found the one trying to rely information to her.

Tenzo was crouched in a tree next to her bird. “The Rusty Kunai. Tonight. Twenty hundred hours. I’ve gathered the rest of the team. You’re coming or I’ll track you down myself.”

She groaned as she released the seal. That was _not_ what her birds were for. It also seemed that dinner plans got corrupted into drinks. She wondered which of her former teammates was responsible for that.

She didn’t have to think too hard. It was probably Mimi’s doing. Perhaps it would do her some good to see her team again. There was a little bit of nervous excitement. Perhaps she could fill in some of the gaps in her memory tonight. Mimi was a good source of gossip and the boys never held back when they teased her. Most of her memories around Team Ro’s current team were unaffected by the Infinite Tsukuyomi. Their team had been together for almost four years and had been officially disbanded before the fourth war when they had been separated to different divisions. In the months after, they had been assigned to whatever mission could use them with so many of their people dead or injured. There was a vague promise of regrouping them when things slowed down.

The Rusty Kunai was a bar with a questionable reputation. The staff were known to turn a blind eye to underage chunin and jonin. The general attitude was that if you were old enough to wear the vest, then you were old enough to have a drink. The floors seemed permanently sticky. Every table and chair had multiple nicks and scratches from bar fights and knives. In fact, the tables had been bolted down over the years as a preventative measure. And like a cockroach, it managed to escape Pain’s destruction entirely unscratched. Or at least, not any more damaged than a regular Tuesday.

The remnants of their team were clustered in a booth when she got there later that evening. Tenzo and Satoshi Utatane were on one side while Mimi Inuzuka was squashed between Ryoku Nara and Kouta Yamanaka on the other. Mimi’s ninken, a white and pink akita, laid underneath the table. Kotori tried not to see the ghosts of their team, the members they lost over the years or the members of a Team Ro from a different time. A time that might never have existed. She could remember herself seated between Kakashi and Tenzo with Yugao across from them curled into Hayate’s side. _Was it real or fake?_

“Since when can you three go to a bar?” Kotori asked, gesturing towards the younger members of their team.

“You missed my birthday,” Ryoku smugly said. “I’m legal now.”

“Do they even care here?” Mimi airily asked. Her upper canines were visible as she grinned. There was a gleam in her eye, making her look almost feral. Kotori slide into the booth next to Tenzo and gratefully accepted the glass of sake he poured for her.

She let the chatter from her team wash over her. It was nice. She rarely saw them outside of uniform when they were required to maintain the professional facade. Or as professional as they could be. The team had gotten less strict now that Tenzo had been off on assignment and Kotori had stepped in as captain. Something that Ryoku, Kouta and Mimi gleefully teased Tenzo about. Alcohol seemed to enhance their strongest personality trait. Ryoku grumpily retreated into himself, only to be provoked into bickering with Kouta. Kouta happily recounted a date he scored with a pretty medic ninja. Satoshi started a running commentary on the different types of whiskey that absolutely no one was paying attention to. Mimi was making Tenzo uncomfortable with her flirtatious jokes.

“We’ll be back,” Tenzo waved them off as he gestured for Kotori to let him out of the booth. Kotori didn’t realize how much she had been drinking until she stood up and felt a head rush. She swayed as Tenzo guided her to the bar. The two of them took a seat as they waited to get the bartender’s attention.

Tenzo seemed relaxed. Kotori glanced at him from the corner of her eye. “You’ve changed. It’s - it’s a good change.”

He closed his eyes and there was a peaceful smile on his face. “Naruto has taught me more than I’ve ever been able to teach him.”

“I hear he has that effect on people,” Kotori said.

Tenzo gave her a funny look. “You’ve met him before. That’s twice today - why don’t you tell me what’s going on?”

“Eh?” She tried to play dumb.

“Either I can pry it out of you with sake or Aimi can when I tell her you’re back in the village and haven’t seen her yet.”

Kotori wasn’t sure if that was a threat to take her to Torture and Interrogation or not. Aimi Yamanaka was both a member of Ibiki Morino’s team as well as her best friend. She had several ways of extracting Kotori’s secrets, but her most popular one was a good old fashioned heart-to-heart. And when all else failed, she was not above snooping around in Kotori’s mind when she thought she wasn’t looking. There was a reason Kotori had been avoiding her.

“I’m not a spy, if that’s what you’re implying. I’ve just had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Alcohol then,” Tenzo said, catching the attention of the bartender at last. “There's something going on with you, and I'm not the only one who's concerned. You've been throwing yourself into mission after mission and it’s not healthy. _You know that_. You’ve seen what happens to ANBU agents who get too deep and lose themselves. I can’t believe - _fuck_ , Kotori. We’re not going to sit by and let you do that to yourself. So you can tell me, or Aimi, or Kakashi or whoever you need to tell. Whatever happened out there - ”

She buried her face in her hands as tears started slipping out. Damn Tenzo and his sake. He knew she got emotional when she was drunk. He had probably been counting on that when he invited her out tonight. She was small and light enough that it didn’t take much. However she was also trained in resisting interrogation attempts. So she had no idea what Tenzo was playing at, but he would give her alcohol poisoning before she said anything she didn’t want to say.

She felt his hand on her shoulder as he hesitantly called her name. “Kotori?"

“If I promise to talk to Aimi tomorrow, will you promise to stop trying to get me wasted?”

“I don’t make promises I can’t keep.” The words were light and he probably meant them in a joking manner. Still, they cut right through her heart. The dream from this morning still all too real.

“I should probably get home.” She clumsily hoped off of the bar stool. 

“Kotori - wait!”

He reached out to grab her arm, but she shook him off. She just wanted to be left alone. Approaching Tenzo had been a mistake. There had been a reason she was living as ANBU Hawk and not as Kotori Sorano these past few months. Her friends knew her too well. That much hadn’t changed in one reality or another. There was no mending this, there was too much hurt and loss all at once and she didn’t know how to cope with it again. She didn’t know how to face them without putting on her brave, cheerful face and more than ever, that face was a literal porcelain hawk mask rather than a metaphorical one.

She stumbled as she turned around and fell into someone. Arms reached out and caught her with lightning fast reflexes.

“I’ve got you,” came a voice that haunted her dreams. Kotori’s heart stopped as she glanced up into Kakashi’s eyes. Then she fainted as a million memories hit her at once.


	2. A Sorrowful Silence

_Approximately seventeen years ago..._

Smoke drifted up from the ashes. It created a haze over the portion of the village that now lay in ruins. There was a mournful silence that filled the air. Even the chatter of birds was missing. Shinobi were beginning to organize into teams to find the missing, the injured and the deceased from the battle that had happened over night.

Kakashi Hatake let out a heavy sigh as he glanced around the wreckage.

He had just started to allow himself to feel _hope_ for the future when it all came crumbling down in one night. Watching Kushina over the last several months had brought a strange sense of peace. The war had ended and while it came with many sacrifices, there was a chance that this next generation would grow up in peace. It felt like they had achieved something with their blood and tears. He had seen Minato and Kushina prepare for their little one’s arrival and Kakashi vowed that nothing would ever hurt their child. They would grow up with two loving parents and get to experience a normal childhood.

Life had a funny way of proving him wrong over and over again. Why did he bother?

Konoha was in ruins. Hundreds were dead. Many more were gravely injured or missing. Naruto was now orphaned. Kushina was dead. _Minato was dead._ What was the point of being a shinobi if he couldn’t stop terrible things from happening to those he cared about?

Minato had been the one stable presence in his life since he had been a child. He had been there for the deaths of his father, Obito and Rin. He had stood next to Kakashi at every funeral, a heavy hand on his shoulder. Minato was an anchor keeping him from drifting out into the vast ocean of rage and despair that threatened to drown him. Kakashi never imagined a scenario in which he would lose Minato. He was too strong a shinobi, too good a person. He never imagined it would be Minato’s grave he’d be visiting next.

_It was supposed to be me._

He had been ready to go down fighting for his village. He had been ready to die to protect them. Only for the village elders to round up all the shinobi under sixteen and keep them out of the fighting.

Kakashi and Gai made their way through what was once the Sorano district. They were a minor clan with a hawk summoning contract and a strong affinity for wind style jutsu. The Sorano clan lands were near the forest where the nine-tailed fox had first appeared. They had no time, no warning and no way to escape. They were completely slaughtered as they rushed into battle to buy time for the rest of the village. The Sorano had valiantly held off the demon and sounded the alarm while Konoha rushed into action; evacuating civilians, children and the elderly while organizing their shinobi defences. The streets in this district were littered with the bodies of the Sorano. An entire clan older than Konoha had been wiped out in a single night.

Kakashi had accepted this task knowing there was no hope for survivors. Gai had insisted they be paired together out of some misplaced sense of friendship? Loyalty? Duty? Kakashi had no idea. All he knew was that he couldn’t shake him, Gai seemed glued to his side. His usually boisterous personality was subdued and that seemed to add to the absolute _wrongness_ of everything.

At each home, they located any bodies and stored them in storage scrolls to take back to the morgue for identification. Kakashi shoved his hands into his pockets as they moved on to the next building, his sharingan scanning the area for chakra that would indicate someone was alive. So far, nothing. One of the Sorano’s giant ninja hawks was wrapped protectively around the body of a young shinobi. They looked like they had plumetted from the sky. The hawk’s feathers were singed black and covered in blood. The shinobi’s head had a deep gasp that had covered him in blood as well.

“I knew him,” Gai said. His bushy eyebrows furrowed together as if he was trying to place him.

“Hibari Sorano,” Kakashi distantly said. “He was in our class at the academy.”

He could faintly remember Hibari from a time when the world wasn’t shit; playing shinobi before they were sent onto the frontlines of a war as the real thing. The memories were hazy and felt like they had happened to someone else. Their fathers had known each other and with sons close in age it was natural to introduce them. Hayato was Hibari’s older brother who would organize games for them. Often times he and Hibari teamed up against Hayato, who pretended to be a rogue ninja who had stolen the Daimyo’s daughter. Their baby sister would toddle after them, sometimes helping and other times hindering, as he and Hibari attempted to rescue her. Kakashi supposed he would find their bodies in the wreckage too. He wondered just how many people he once knew he would see dead before he joined them. _Too many._

Kakashi and Gai made quick work of sealing Hibari’s body and that of his ninja hawk into a scroll. At least they were able to properly identify him. A great number of bodies had been destroyed beyond recognition. The morgue had their work count out for them in the coming days.

“Is there anybody out there?” Gai hopefully called out. Kakashi knew better than to hope in such destruction. Still, it was their duty to find any survivors first.

They continued moving debris and searching for bodies, occasionally running into other groups on the intersecting streets. Kakashi heard chirping before he saw the little songbird. Through his sharingan the bird glowed bright with chakra, like a little ball of light.

_Chika dee dee dee_

It flew into his hair, pulling at it with its beck and flapping its wings urgently. Irritably, he waved it out of his hair. Only for it to dart straight at his forehead. Kakashi bent himself backwards at the waist to duck and avoid the bird as it flew over his head.

_Chika dee dee dee_

“It’s a chakra bird,” Kakashi realized out loud. An unrecognized feeling bubbled inside his chest. “The Sorano clan’s secret technique. Someone must still be alive. Is anyone out there?”

He and Gai spun around, scanning the area for where someone may be. The bird continued chirping at him as it flew through the streets. They chased after it as it darted beneath a collapsed wall.

“Someone - help me - ” a voice weakly called out from beneath the rubble. It was hoarse. “ _Please_.”

Kakashi lowered himself to the ground and peered under the wreckage. A girl was trapped. She was wearing the Konoha forehead protector so was probably a genin based on her age. There hadn’t been any unusually young chunin since the war ended. There was a pool of blood underneath her while a large piece from the wall had fallen on her back, pinning her down. They could easily move it, but Kakashi didn’t want to risk further aggravating any spinal injuries or causing her to bleed out from an unknown wound. It seemed unwise to remove it without the advice of a medical ninja.

“Gai, you’re faster than I am, go get one of the medics!” He felt this desperate need to save her. The need to do something right for once. He couldn't let her just bleed out in front of them after she had survived throughout the night.

“On it!” Gai said, giving a salut before he rushed away in a green blur.

“You’re going to be fine,” Kakashi lied. She was losing a lot of blood and her eyes were swimming in and out of focus. Kakashi lifted his forehead protector again. Her chakra was very low; it had probably been trying to heal her for hours. “You need to focus on staying awake. What's your name?”

“Kotori,” she said. “Where’s my mom? Where’s Hibari and Hayato?”

“You’re Hibari’s sister?”

“You know my brother? Did you see him?” There was hope in her voice and Kakashi immediately felt like an ass. The scroll containing her brother’s body sat heavy in his chest pocket. It felt wrong to break such news when she was fighting for her life. Grief could come later. Assuming there even was a later. _Don't think like that._

“We went to school together, but I haven’t seen him,” he lied.

“Oh.”

She went quiet as Kakashi awkwardly wondered what to say to her. _Sorry your whole family is probably dead, what’s your favourite jutsu?_ He knew it was important to keep her awake, but had never been good at small talk. Rin had been the medic and a natural at keeping the conversation flowing as she patched him and Obito up.

“Come on Kotori, stay with me,” he said. “Gai will be back soon.”

“Am I dying?” she softly asked. Her green eyes slowly lifted to meet his. There was no fear in them, just acceptance. Shinobi don't fear death. “I can’t feel anything, but I know I’m hurt.”

“No,” he vehemently insisted. “I never let my comrades die.”

“I’m not - I don’t even know you.” Her eyes closed in a slow blink.

“Wake. Up.” He gritted through his teeth. “You’re a genin, aren’t you? You’re a part of Konoha. That makes you my comrade. I’m not going to let you die. We’re going to get you out, we’re just waiting for a medic. Stay with me.”

Her eyes fluttered open and focussed on his forehead protector as if it was a lifeline. "What's your name?"

“Oh, it's Kakashi," he said.

“You're the copy ninja!"

“I suppose I am,” he said, half paying attention. His sharingan noticed that Gai was rapidlyapproaching with someone. The medic was a broader shinobi with a strong jawline and black hair in an undercut. He looked to be several years older than them.

“Satoshi,” the ninja introduced himself. “I’m not a medical ninja, but I know enough. What’s going on?”

Kakashi moved out of the way so that Satoshi could kneel down and see. Satoshi spoke reassuringly to the girl and even Kakashi was fooled into believing everything was going to be okay. Until he stood up and Kakashi could see the worry on his face.

“We need to work quickly to get her out. She's lost a lot of blood, but the wall is keeping everything in place for now. She may start to bleed out as we lift it.”

Satoshi pulled out a storage scroll that opened to reveal a stretcher. “On the count of three, I need you two to lift the wall, I’m going to stabilize her. Then we’ll move her to the stretcher."

Kakashi and Gai got in place as Satoshi counted down. All three of them moved in unison and the moment the wall was raised, Satoshi slide underneath to immediately begin treatment. Kakashi and Gai were easily able to toss the wall out of the way and then slide the stretcher underneath Kotori. Satoshi hovered over her, his hands glowed with the green medical ninjutsu.

“I need you to carry the stretcher as quickly, but smoothly, as you can. I’m going to climb on top.”

It was a tedious journey to the hospital. Kotori seemed to have passed out as she was no longer responding to Satoshi’s words. That was probably for the best, at least she was no longer in pain. Satoshi carefully straddled her, showing surprising grace as he maintained balance on the stretcher. One hand was used to apply pressure to staunch the bleeding wound while the other flashed through one-handed seals.

Kakashi tried not to pay attention to the trail of blood left in their wake. It seemed impossible for a girl of that size to have so much.

When they arrived at the hospital, they were greeted with a sight that would only add to Kakashi’s nightmares for years to come. Gurneys lined the hallways with the injured as field medics attempted to heal minor to moderate injuries. It was clear that the hospital was overcapacity. A lone nurse rushed out to greet them.

“Where’s the doctor?” Kakashi asked, already knowing the answer. 

“We have so many injured - I’m it for now,” she apologetically explained as she rushed alongside the stretcher. “This way, I was able to get a room.”

Kakashi and Gai held the stretcher in place as the nurse and Satoshi gently moved Kotori onto the bed. The room was an examination room that had been converted into a makeshift emergency room. Gai clapped a hand on his shoulder as he headed out of the cramped room to give everyone more space.

Kakashi awkwardly lingered in the doorframe. His hand shifted to his hair. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

He wasn’t trained as a medic aside from some basic first aid, but with his sharingan he could observe and pick things up quickly enough.

“What’s your blood type?” The nurse asked, not even glancing up as she and Satoshi continued to work.

“O negative.”

“Perfect. In the cupboard, you should be able to find needles and tubing for a blood transfusion. She’s going to need it, can you handle that?”

He had watched Rin do it a few times in the field. His blood type was the universal donor and she used him whenever the other person’s blood type was unknown. Kakashi gathered an empty IV bag along with the tubing and needles. He took the plastic chair in the corner as he ripped open the packaging with his teeth. He clumsily jabbed the needle into his left arm. It took a few tries, but eventually blood started to collect in the bag.

It was filled within several minutes and he handed it off to the nurse. She then hand waved him over to a portable set of machines and gave verbal instructions on how to read the vital signs. She never once looked up from her patient. 

“Let us know if any of those start dropping,” the nurse said. “You wouldn’t happen to know where her parents are?”

“Dead, more than likely,” Kakashi said. “She’s from the Sorano clan.”

“Oh,” the nurse quietly said. “Does she have a jonin sensei?”

“I’m not sure, I just found her.” He could check in at the jonin lounge later and find out who her sensei was. Without parents, they had the ability to temporarily act as her guardian. It would also be better for her to have a familiar face when she woke up.

A doctor joined them not long after they were able to stabilize her and made quick work of using medical ninjutsu to repair the damage. All that was left was some scarring on her back. 

The nurse gave him a tired smile once she stepped away. “You saved her life, getting her here when you did. I’ll be sure to tell her.”

Kakashi awkwardly shrugged and shoved his hands into his pockets. Anyone would have done the same. It was their duty as shinobi. “No need for that, you did more than I did.”

“Well, thank you for your service,” the nurse said. “I have to make my rounds if you would like to stay here.”

The girl seemed somehow smaller hooked up to the machines. A glance at the monitors told him that she was still stable. He lifted his forehead protector just to be sure. Her chakra seemed to be little stronger than before.

“I told you I wouldn’t let a comrade die,” he muttered. 

With that, he shoved his hands into his pockets as he walked out of the room. He headed towards the Hokage Tower to check the jonin lounge and see if anyone could let Kotori Sorano’s sensei know that she was in the hospital. After that, he was going to rejoin the search and rescue teams and see what else he could do. Smoke still billowed in the distance. Teams were still out working to clear the debris. A lone bird chirped in the trees above him. He glanced towards the sky as he thought, _Rin, I was finally able to save someone today._


	3. The Little Songbird

_Almost five years later..._

Kotori stood overlooking her family’s gravestone. The wind ruffled through her hair as she let out a sigh and knelt down. She began the process of cleaning it with water and then checking for any weeds that may have sprouted since her last visit. Once satisfied with her work, she placed the white calla lilies as an offering. They had been her mother’s favourite in life. She then lit the incense she had brought and sat cross legged in front of the stone.

“I’m sorry it’s been a while. I’ve been - ”

Busy was a lie. Perhaps preoccupied? It was a weak excuse. In the weeks and months that followed the nine-tailed fox attack she would spend every day crying in the cemetery. Her sensei would dutifully drag her from the cemetery to his house every evening to ensure she ate something before passing out. Then as time went on she came less and less, sometimes going weeks or months before paying her respects. Life would start to move forward and she would spend less time thinking of the past. Then something would happen that would rip open the fresh wound once more and she’d find herself back day after day. Some days guilt would creep up that she wasn’t a dutiful sister or daughter and hadn’t spent enough time mourning. Other times she felt exhausted, as if that’s all she ever did.

Grief was an odd thing.

Her mind had been on her brothers more and more lately. Especially as today was her birthday. Hayato and Hibari had always seemed bigger and stronger to her. She had always been the little sister trying to keep up. She would force them to let her play with them and then later train with them. Now at seventeen, she was older than either of them had ever gotten to be. It seemed wrong. They were her older brothers, but they would never grow older than she was in this moment.

Few Sorano escaped that night. Only a handful of civilian cousins and their children remained. She was the lone shinobi survivor. The last trained in her clan techniques. 

After she finished chatting with her mother and brothers, she pinched the incense and tidied it up before making her way to the memorial stone where her father’s name was inscribed. It seemed she was not alone today. Her eyes glanced to the grey haired shinobi standing at the memorial stone. His hands were shoved in his pockets and he seemed deep in thought. She noticed the forehead protector was pulled down, covering his left eye.

So this was the infamous copy ninja, Kakashi Hatake.

The staff at the hospital told her that he and another shinobi had rescued her and brought her in. If it wasn’t for him, she would be buried in this cemetery with the rest of her clan. Thanking him proved to be an impossible task. She had tried to find him after she was released, but he never seemed to be in the village. Or if he was, he managed to avoid most of the population. He probably didn’t even remember her now.

She adverted her eyes so she wouldn’t be caught staring. Not that he seemed to be paying her any attention. Her eyes then shifted to her father’s name on the memorial name and she traced her hand along the engraved inscription.

How could you mourn someone you don’t even remember? She had been three when he died during the war. She had grown up missing the idea of a father more than the man himself. If she tried hard enough, she could remember the sound of a man’s laughter and airy melody of a flute.

_Chika dee dee dee_

That stirred her from her thoughts. It also seemed to startle Kakashi from his as well. A single, lazy eye glanced between her and the chakra bird.

“Sorry,” she sheepishly said. “That was my warning, I seem to be late for training.”

She barely noticed the slow two finger wave he gave her as she rushed off. 

“You’re late,” her ninja hawk, Raiden, accused. He had somehow managed to cross his wings across his chest. The forehead protector he wrapped around his feathered head gleamed in the morning sun. “You were supposed to be here when the sun reached the tree line, it's now over it!"

Teaching her ninja hawk to gage time by the sun had clearly been a mistake.

“Sorry, sorry! It won’t happen again!” She promised, crossing her fingers behind her back. Raiden made a little _hmph_ noise in response. “I’ll make it up to you.”

That had Raiden’s attention. “How?”

“I’ll get you more of those sweet mice you like from the market.”

“I suppose that’ll do.”

Forgiveness was easily bought with the promise of treats and Raiden gave an exaggerated bow as he let her climb onto his back. Kotori let out a delighted whoop as they flew above the tree line. She raised her arms in imitation of a bird’s wings as she concentrated her chakra into her shins, allowing her to stick to Raiden’s back while kneeling down.

The wind rippled through her hair and she could hear the ends of her forehead protector flapping behind her. Kotori closed her eyes and tilted her face up towards the sun. She felt completely at home in the sky, her spirits lifted with each beat of Raiden’s wings. Her earlier troubles seemed far beyond her.

“Aren’t we supposed to be training?” Raiden asked, his voice carrying over the wind. She could hear the amusement in his tone.

“Isn’t team bonding an essential part of training?” Kotori teased.

“But I’m already bonded to you for life,” Raiden replied. He sharply turned so that he was perpendicular to the ground. “And it will be a short life if you lose your balance!”

Raiden suddenly dropped through the tree line and was rapidly approached the clearing in the training field Kotori had booked. He darted around trees as well as under and over branches to avoid being hit. She ducked and angled her body in sync with her summon. They had been together since she was an academy student and Raiden just a hatchling and had learned to react as one. The elder members of her clan once boasted they could share thoughts and see through the eyes of their summon. Kotori and Raiden hadn't quite reached that level of their bond yet.

Kotori's mind wandered to the jonin interview she had had two days before. Her former jonin sensei had been the one to nominate her for the position. Ever since the nine tails attack, she had been pushing herself with her training. Determined to never let something so horrible happen to her loved ones again. 

The nomination had caught her completely by surprise. She had never considered trying for jonin before.

The panel had been made up of the Hokage, the Jonin Commander and three other experienced jonin in the village. The skills portion was the easiest for her. Jonin needed to have at least two chakra natures and some sort of speciality. They needed to be adaptable to different mission types. Kotori was a lightning and wind style user and had her clan technique that made intel gathering and espionage her speciality. However she could also be used on infiltration and tracking type missions and was classified as a long-range fighter. It was the aptitude portion of the interview that gave her pause. The panel had reviewed her mission record, paying careful attention to any C or B Ranks that she had led. They had questioned her decisions on the missions and gave her scenarios. The intense, rapid-fire style of questions had been designed to make her crack under pressure and after an hour her nerves were making her second guess her answers.

Finally there was a spar with the Hokage. 

Kotori had lost. Although she had managed to last a full twelve minutes which she thought was impressive considering it was the Hokage. Lord Third had laughed and said no one had bested him yet, however it was good for him to see what potential jonin could do. 

Now she had to wait. And wonder.

More than once, Raiden twisted himself sideways to get out of a tight spot. Once they were in the clearing, he shot upwards in a burst of speed before suddenly diving at a sharp angle towards the ground. It took all of Kotori’s chakra control to remain on his back.

Kotori took her bow off of her back and aimed three arrows at the targets below. As Raiden looped around the training field, she practiced shooting arrows from different angles. In an actual battle, she would use her lightning style jutsu to send a current of electricity through them. The next step would be to create arrows purely out of lighting. She hit the centre of nineteen of the twenty targets she had set up. She notched her last arrow and aimed for the final target.

Only for Raiden to flap his wings, hurling two gusts of wind that sliced through it.

“Can’t let you have all the fun,” he taunted. “Chakra birds next?”

Kotori was already forming the seals, releasing twenty birds into the surrounding area. They hunted down each of the birds, little explosions of chakra as her arrows or Raiden’s gusts huddled into them. Two more remained when Raiden did an aileron roll close to the tree line while Kotori focused on staying on. Only for the pair of them to be caught upside down.

“I can’t move!” Raiden squawked.

Kotori glanced down at the ground to see a thin shadow connected to Raiden’s from beneath the trees.

“Ensui-sensei,” she growled.

Her sensei chuckled as he approached from where he was hiding in the shadows. His hands remained in the rat seal. “Well, well, well, what have I caught here?”

She could feel the blood rush to her head as he held her upside down. If she didn’t act soon, they could pass out. Kotori’s mind connected with two of her nearby chakra birds. She called them towards her, intending to use them as explosions to distract Ensui.

“I don’t think so,” Ensui said, as two thin shadows whipped out from behind him to catch the shadows of her chakra birds. They exploded from a safe distance away. “As much as I would like to see how you get out of this one, we’ve received a summons to the Hokage’s office.”

His shadow broke connection with Raiden’s and snapped back in place. Kotori and Raiden dropped into a heap on the ground.

Raiden gave an indignant squawk as he smoothed out his ruffled feathers. Kotori hopped to her feet and brushed the dirt off her black pants and the Konoha standard issued flak jacket before finger combing her windswept hair. She purposely kept her wavy, brown hair shoulder length so that it was easier to maintain. It got tangled easily whenever she flew. She should appear respectable if she was being summoned to the Hokage’s office.

“How do I look?” She asked.

Ensui sighed as he turned around, not even sparing a glance. “You’ll do.”

Kotori rolled her eyes as she dismissed her summon and followed her sensei to the Hokage Tower. He could have at least pretended to glance at her. They met up with the rest of their team in the corridor outside of the Hokage’s office.

Aimi Yamanaka enthusiastically waved at them. She had her long, blonde hair in a messy bun with a pair of senbon criss-crossing it in the back, holding it in place. A few tresses fell out in front of her face. While she was a chunin, Aimi avoided wearing the Konoha uniform with a passive and opted today for light blue pants and a white kimono style shirt. “Ensui-sensei! Kotori! Are we getting a mission?”

Sayuri Uchiha was leaning against the wall with her arms crossed. Her bluish-black hair was pulled in a high top ponytail and swished behind her when she moved. Like most of her clan, she had the Uchiha fan on the back of her flak jacket rather than the Uzushio spiral. “It’s about time you showed up. Did you not notice the summons? I thought you of all people spoke bird.”

“I don’t speak bird - “ Kotori retorted through clenched teeth.

“Enough,” Ensui gruffly told them. “You’re about to see the Hokage.”

The pair of ANBU outside of the doors quietly opened them, admitting the three chunin and their jonin sensei before the Hokage. The team knelt and respectfully inclined their heads to the third Hokage, Hiruzen Sarutobi, like they had so many times before.

“Team Ensui,” Lord Third greeted them. He had the ever present pipe in his mouth, smoke curling up from it. “When you graduated from the academy, I faced much resistance at breaking tradition and putting together a team of kunoichi. You have exceeded my expectations and I’m sure your sensei has become proud of the women you have become.”

From the corner of her eye, she could see Ensui scratch the bridge of his nose, a sign that he was uncomfortable. Kotori was sure he was proud of them, but it was buried in the deepest, darkest crevice of his heart. They had accepted long ago that their sensei was allergic to feelings.

“You have journeyed together on the path from genin to chunin. However, this next stage in your journey finds you embarking on different paths.”

The three girls looked at each other. She found the same surprise reflected in Aimi’s bright blue eyes and the same hesitation in Sayuri’s black ones. This team was her family, they were all she had left. Aimi and Sayuri were the sisters she had been denied by blood, but given anyway through circumstance. Ensui fluctuated somewhere between reluctant team dad and annoying older brother. How could the Hokage just break them up? Only Ensui looked unsurprised and Kotori realized that either he knew or suspected that this would happen.

“Aimi, I would like to offer you the rank of tokubetsu jonin for your advanced skills with mind transfer techniques. You will now be reporting to Inoichi Yamanaka in the Intelligence Division.”

Aimi bowed her head as she graciously accepted. It was where most shinobi of her clan ended up. Aimi’s skills as a chunin were average at best, but she could uncover secrets with ease.

“Sayuri, I would like for you to join the Konoha Military Police Force. You will be reporting to Fugaku Uchiha tomorrow for your orientation.”

Sayuri’s shoulders tensed before she politely bowed her head. Kotori knew that her teammate had hoped for a different path than the Konoha Military Police Force. She had dreamt of becoming an ANBU ever since they were children and worked hard at improving herself. Unfortunately, she was met with much resistance among the elders of her clan. 

“Kotori, I would like to promote you to the rank of jonin and for you to continue with the regular shinobi forces. You will report to Shikaku Nara.”

Kotori sucked in a breath before she quickly bowed her head. Her heart hammering in her chest. _She had done it!_

“Well, that is all. Please, enjoy the day. It is quite lovely for spring. Kotori and Ensui, if you may stay for a moment? I have one last mission for the pair of you.”

Aimi and Sayuri rose, leaving the three of them behind. Kotori curiously glanced between her sensei and the Hokage.

“Sir?” She asked.

Lord Third regarded her for a long moment before blowing out a puff of smoke. “I would like for you to join the ANBU. You will be reporting to Captain Hound. Joining the regular jonin forces will be your cover story."

“I -” she glanced between Ensui and the Hokage. “Me? An ANBU?”

Ensui gave a small nod. “I’ve seen you survive hell and get up to fight again. I wouldn’t have agreed with the Hokage if I didn’t think you would make an exceptional ANBU.”

“While you are, no doubt, a talented kunoichi, it is your clan technique that I am interested in. The Sorano were traditionally trained in tracking and espionage,” Lord Third said. “Their chakra bird networks extended throughout the land giving us valuable intel. Many have been among ANBU's ranks, including your father. I had hoped to make use of your skill once more.”

Her chakra bird network stretched through Konoha and the Land of Fire as she left her birds with every new location. The past few years, Ensui had been leading the team to further and further locations outside of their country. They rarely visited the same places twice. She wondered if he was helping her lay the groundwork.

“I would be honoured to accept,” she said.

The Hokage passed her a bird-like mask that had had a triangular beck where her nose should be. The eye holes were outlined with blue, the line lifting in the outer corners giving them a cat eye appearance. There was a solid blue triangle pointing downwards in the forehead and pair of wavy, parallel blue lines on each of the cheeks. She sealed it into one of her storage scrolls along with the bag containing her new uniform. She then delicately placed them into one of the flak jacket’s many pockets.

“Welcome to the Black Ops, ANBU Hawk. You will be expected to take at least six regular missions as Kotori Sorano per year. I find when shinobi disappear entirely off the books, everyone suddenly knows they’re ANBU. Defeats the whole purpose of a secret operation if you ask me. This should help protect your identity. Any questions?”

“Just one, where am I supposed to go?”

Lord Third chuckled. “Captain Hound will meet you here tomorrow for orientation. I would tell you to be here at eight hundred hours, but knowing him, it’s best if we say nine hundred hours.”

She could _feel_ Ensui’s irritation just by the way he slowly exhaled through his nostrils. Just what kind of team captain was late? Especially in the presence of the Hokage? She could remember the countless times Ensui had locked one of them out of training grounds for being five minutes late. _Don’t bother showing up at all if you’re late_ , he had growled. He had once left Aimi behind in some small coastal village because she overslept on the final day of a mission.

Not that any of them dared to retaliate the one time he was a few minutes late. Although they were all thinking it.

“That will be all,” Lord Third said, dismissing the pair of them.

Kotori followed Ensui out of the room, only for him to suddenly stop her. He lightly grabbed her by the forearm.

“Wha- ” she said, startled as he pulled her into one of the conference rooms. The shadows that fell across his face gave him a guarded look. She and Sayuri had a theory that he did that on purpose to make himself look intimidating.

“I have one last piece of advice before I hand you over to ANBU,” Ensui said. He looked weary. “Do not operate in the shadows so long that you forget the warmth of the sun.”

“Ensui - ” she said. Her brows knitted together.

“So many ANBU lose themselves to the shadows, becoming nothing but an emotionless mask. The day you find it easier to exist as ANBU Hawk is the day you need to give up the mask.”

“Of course,” she promised.

“Good girl. You have friends in this village. Always remember that.”

Overcome with affection, Kotori threw her arms around Ensui and hugged him. 

When she woke up in the hospital after the nine-tails attack, Ensui had been sitting in the plastic chair by her bedside. His eyes had dark bags under them as if he had been awake for hours and the rims of his eyes looked a little red. It had been the moment that Kotori realized that perhaps her gruff sensei cared for them after all. They were more than the nuisance that he proclaimed them to be. The trio of ten year old girls he had been given in the midst of a war with the instructions to _keep them alive_ as well as _train them to kill._

She was orphaned, homeless and completely lost when Ensui discharged her from the hospital and took her home with him and his newlywed wife. He had become her rock in the aftermath, supporting her recovery both physically and emotionally.

Ensui stiffened as he instinctively caught her, before awkwardly patting her head. “There, there. Now, I’ve made a reservation at Yakiniku Q for the four of us. My sources say that one of my students has a birthday.”

"Aw, you remembered!"

He scratched at the bridge of his nose as he escorted her out of the conference room. 

“So this is it,” Kotori said as the pair of them stepped outside of the Hokage Tower. Aimi and Sayuri waved at them from where they were waiting underneath a tree. “The end of Team Ensui.”

“Every ending is just a new beginning,” Ensui said. He glanced skyward at the clouds above. “What happens next is what you make of it.”

“I suppose even when though we’re no longer doing missions we can still be a team.”

He gave a rare, genuine smile. “Something tells me I’ll be stuck with you three until I’m old and grey. Sensei’s job is never done.”


	4. Team Ro

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Someone please send help. The only things keeping me sane are fanfic, wine and Tiger King.

Kakashi leaned his forehead against the tiled wall in the ANBU shower room. The cold water washed over him. It was a pain to find the balance between too cold and too hot and most days he couldn’t be bothered. He hadn’t slept well the night before so the cold was a shock to his system, forcing him to be alert.

He could catch snatches of conversation from the men's locker room on the other side. For an organization that could be trusted to take Konoha’s secrets to the grave, they were surprisingly full of gossip. They knew everything about everyone. Kakashi supposed they kept so many life or death secrets that these ones seemed petty in comparison.

_“Did you hear? They’re giving Hound his own team - ”_

_“Yeah, because no one else wants to work with him - ”_

_“Well, other than Tiger. Wasn’t he from_ you know _to begin with? He’s a bit weird - ”_

_“They have no idea - ”_

_“Itachi Uchiha, he’s only eleven years old. They’re saying he’s a prodigy - ”_

_“The girl is so short! Where are they getting recruits these days? The academy?”_

_“Dunno who she is, but she’s a dead girl walking. You know what happens when you get between the Hound and the mission. Didn’t you hear about - "_

_“Oh yeah, that girl. What was her name again?”_

_“Rin Nohara.”_

_“I hear he put that chidori of his straight through her chest!”_

His fist slammed against the tile. Obito’s sharingan started crying blood as it replayed Rin’s final moments in front of his mind’s eye. It was a wonder no one in the Uchiha clan had snapped and gone rogue. Having your worst moments replayed over and over was something straight out of Ibiki Morino's playbook. He had never learned to deactivate it or make it stop. The Uchiha were reluctant to show him their ways, some even believing he had killed Obito and stolen the eye. The few who tried couldn’t find a way to help him as he wasn’t an Uchiha and lacked the level of control that they instinctively had over it. He had learned enough to use it on missions through trial and error. The rest of the time he rested it, keeping it hidden behind his forehead protector. It served as a reminder of his broken promise to Obito. A reminder of his failure to save Rin.

Her hand reached out towards him in perfect clarity as she mouthed out his name.

There was a ringing in his ear and his heart pounded almost painfully in his chest. The dull sound of the splatter of the water from the shower head onto him and then onto the tiles below returned. His heart rate slowed as the adrenaline left him. He had to get a grip. It wouldn’t do to have one of these attacks in the middle of a mission.

The shower groaned as he turned off the taps before grabbing a towel. He haphazardly used it to dry most of the wetness out of his hair, letting the rest of it drip dry. He fixed his face mask in place and wrapped the towel around his waist before heading out into the locker room.

“Good morning everyone,” Kakashi said, deciding to make his presence known at last. He closed his eye into a mockery of a smile. A hush fell over the room as he made his way to his locker. He could feel all eyes on him, perhaps wondering how much he overheard. Well that just served them right. They should really pay more attention to their surroundings if they were going to gossip about their comrades. 

He opened his locker to pull out his uniform and when he slammed it shut, he was met with a pair of dark, earnest eyes. 

“They’re wrong,” Tenzo said. “And it shows a lack of character to say such things behind your back.”

“Maa, don’t worry about their character,” Kakashi said. He closed his eye and tried to give what he thought was a reassuring smile this time. It probably came out as more of a grimace, but it’s not like Tenzo could actually _see_ him smile anyway. “Most of them have said worst to my face.”

Besides, it was _his_ character that was lacking. He only hoped that Tenzo’s ill-guided loyalty didn’t drag him down with him. He had been trying to push the teen into making friends with the others. The more he pushed him away, the more Tenzo seemed to cling to him. Kakashi didn’t have the energy to continue to push. Plus, it was nice to talk to someone who didn’t hate him.

The thud against the lockers announced a new presence on his blind side. When he turned his head, Genma was leaning against the locker next to him.

“Morning Captain!” He cheerfully greeted.

“Piss off, Gecko.”

“Oh now, now, is that any way to greet an old friend? We’re going to be spending a lot of time together - ” despite the gecko mask covering his face, Kakashi could just picture the mocking smile on the other man’s smug face.

He had managed to avoid Genma since he had joined ANBU five years ago. It wasn’t anything personal. He just tried to keep all of his old friends at arm's length. Something that was getting increasingly difficult. Gai kept challenging him with more and more outrageous competitions. Asuma and Kurenai always seemed to run into him and invite him to join them. Genma pestered him in the ANBU training grounds and locker rooms. As with Tenzo, Kakashi was running out of the energy required to fight them.

Now he was going to be spending even more time with Genma. The gossip had been correct that very few wanted to work with Kakashi. He had been bounced around from team to team. He was a liability; no one trusted him to have their back. _Friend-Killer Kakashi._ Everyone assumed he would leave them for dead or put his hand through their chest the moment a mission ran into problems. It couldn’t be the furthest from the truth.

More often than not, he had been partnered with Tenzo. Then Lord Third decided to make Kakashi an ANBU captain and give him his own team. He thought he had _leadership_ qualities. The very word sounded exhausting.

Kakashi gave a deep sigh as he adjusted the hound mask over his face. It seemed it was too late to back out of this now. 

As if sensing there was an unofficial team meeting, Bear and Owl silently came over to join them. Kakashi had worked with them on a number of missions. They were some of the more seasoned ANBU shinobi. Kakashi knew them to be several years older than he and had been members of the Black Ops ever since the Third Shinobi War. Neither were particularly interested in leadership roles, both preferring supporting ones. They came to work, did their job and then went home at the end of the day. Kakashi wondered how he could sign up for that level of responsibility instead.

Kakashi had long ago correctly guessed the identity of Bear as Satoshi Utatane. The man’s giant build and use of medical ninjutsu easily gave him away. The pale, white eyes of the Hyuga peered out at him from Owl’s mask. That was to be expected. Some clans had a tradition of having the same mask through the generations. You could always expect a Nara underneath the deer or stag mask and a Yamanaka underneath the boar or pig. Haruki Hyuga was the only member of the Hyuga clan currently in ANBU.

Cat, otherwise known as Yugao Uzuki, was no doubt waiting for them outside. That left the two new recruits he was supposed to pick up from the Hokage’s office, well, five minutes ago.

“Find Cat and head to the third training ground for sparring practice. I’ll join you when I’m done showing Hawk and Lynx around. We’ll be testing their skills and getting them adjusted to working as a team. We have four weeks before we’re expected to take our first mission.”

The initial plan was to get an idea of everyone’s skillsets and how they worked as a team and in smaller pairs. By the time they hit the road, Team Ro was expected to be a well functioning machine. As missions came up, Kakashi would divide them based on the needs of the task. It was rare all eight of them would act as one. More often, they would break into smaller groups of two, three or four. Larger missions may require them to break into two groups of four with one group acting as backup.

There were nods of agreement and then they parted ways. The rest of his team headed out to the private training grounds reserved for ANBU members while Kakashi took an underground pathway that would spiral up into a hidden stairwell that lead to the Hokage’s Tower. Mouse and Crow were on guard duty today and opened the doors to admit him.

There were two people standing before him when he entered the Hokage’s office. Lord Third gave an amused smile as he greeted him. Being late to the Hokage's office was a bit like playing with fire. Kakashi had figured out over the years how far he could push the old man without crossing the line. 

“Yo,” he casually greeted. “Sorry I'm late. I had to call a plumber, the hot water tank wasn't working again."

Lord Third's mouth twitched in response. Hawk and Lynx glanced at each other and then at him.

"I am called Hound."

It was no surprise to see the young Uchiha before him wearing the lynx mask. The gossip mill had been churning ever since Shisui leaked the news two days ago. When Kakashi was told he was to pick up Lynx and Hawk from the Hokage’s Office he knew he would be expected to train Itachi.

Itachi politely bowed his head, and following Kakashi’s lead said, “I am called Lynx.”

“Hello, I’m Hawk!” chirped the second recruit.

Kakashi froze as his eyes glanced at her. The petite build, the brown hair, the olive skin tone - _absolutely not_.

It was Kotori Sorano. He was sure of it. He gathered chakra to his nose, a technique he had copied from the Inuzuka years ago. It was definitely her scent. He felt ice in his veins and dread curl at the bottom of his stomach.

As his reputation and body count grew, so did his need to know that this was all somehow worth it. That he lived in the shadows so that others could live in the sun. He checked in on the little genin from time to time as a reminder that he could do more than just kill. She was a bright spot; seemingly untouched by the darkness of their world. The chirping of her little songbirds were a welcome sound that seemed to follow him from one end of the country to the other. She had grown stronger despite her grief to become an admirable chunin. Kakashi fully expected her to have a career with the tracking units or perhaps the Intelligence Division. Something nice and safe and out of any real danger. And if some of her missions were a little too easy because a nearby ANBU was willing to cut down any enemies that threatened her team, well so be it.

Now she was standing here before him dressed in an ANBU uniform. Could he not have one little aspect of his life untouched by darkness?

“If I may have a minute of your time, Lord Third?” Kakashi asked. “Hawk, Lynx, wait for me in the corridor. I will show you to the ANBU Headquarters.”

Both politely nodded to him as they left the room. He waited until the door clicked behind him before he spoke.

“Why - ” he began almost the same time Lord Third cleared his throat. He stopped himself as it would not do to question the Hokage’s authority. As an ANBU, his role was to follow orders without hesitation. 

“I understand that you feel some sort of obligation to Hibari to look out for his sister,” Lord Third said. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that you have been keeping tabs on her.”

“She’s not meant for ANBU, she’s too - ” he failed to come up with a word. He didn’t even know her, not really. Just what he had observed over the years. She was too nice, too chipper, too bright.

“It was either you or Danzo,” Lord Third bluntly replied. There was a faraway look on his face as he glanced out the window. “He has expressed an interest in her. She is the last of her clan and has an unique technique for espionage. You know how he likes to collect rare things.”

Kakashi kept the dark laugh from creeping out. In what world was he the better alternative? However his hands were tied. He couldn’t abandon her to a fate he considered worst than death. Danzo would turn her into one of his emotionless puppets. He would suck the light right out of her. Every bit of warmth and kindness gone. There would be nothing more than a shell of the girl he had tried to watch out for. If Danzo was still halfway serious about killing him for the sharingan, then he would send Kotori to do it. Why not exploit his weakness? Kakashi didn’t doubt his ability to defend himself against her, but at what cost?

“Fine,” Kakashi grudgingly agreed.

“I am glad to hear it,” Lord Third said. He smiled as he lit up his pipe and let out a puff of smoke. “Your fathers worked together for many years. I expect the two of you will complement each other. Minato had always intended to partner you with Hibari in ANBU.”

Kakashi bowed his head as he took his leave and collected his new recruits outside of the Hokage's office. He kept his tour of the ANBU facilities brief. He showed them the secret entrances that connected ANBU to the Hokage Tower, the Intelligence Division, Torture and Interrogation building and hospital as well as the underground passage that lead out of the village. He showed them to their locker rooms. There was only one thing left to do before introducing them to the rest of the team.

The tattoo process was extraordinarily painful. The tattoo inked into their skin was a seal that connected to their chakra. In the event they were killed, the seal would activate and destroy their body. It prevented their bodies from being taken by enemy shinobi to learn their secrets. It also meant that there was little proof that they had come from Konoha. The ANBU operated fully in the grey area unlike the regular forces; their actions often went against peace treaties that kept their world from descending into war. If any of them were discovered, it could have dire consequences for Konoha.

Itachi sat stoically as the tattoo was inked onto his arm. However Kotori was crying from the pain. Silent tears were running down her face, underneath the hawk mask, as she clenched and unclenched her fists.

“Shinobi don’t cry,” he reminded her.

She sucked in a deep breath as her eyes snapped to him. Slowly she inhaled in and out through the pain, gritting her teeth. The tears eventually stopped.

She would need a higher pain tolerance if she was to survive being in ANBU. They needed to be able to withstand torture to protect Konoha and her secrets. He gritted his teeth as he realized that meant she would need to go through torture and interrogation training. He loathed the idea of sending anyone to Ibiki Morino. The man took sick pleasure in what he did.

He would have to harden his heart though. Being soft on her now would only get her killed later.

He started running through all of the training she and Itachi would need before he took them on their first ANBU mission. They needed to learn ANBU rules as well as team formations. They needed to learn the standard ANBU hand signals. They needed to get started on their new training regiment to keep up with ANBU standards. It was going to be an intense four weeks.

“Try to keep it covered until it heals,” their sealing expert and unofficial tattoo artist informed them once he was done. He passed them a scroll. “Here are the instructions for keeping it clean. I don’t want to see either of you in the hospital with an infection.”

After that, they made their way to the third training ground to locate the rest of Team Ro. To Kakashi's dismay, he realized that none of them had been sparring like he had asked. Instead, they were all lounging above in the trees. He could hear Genma's voice carrying across the field as well as Yugao's laughter. He couldn't be too annoyed. It would be good for their teamwork to bond.

“Everyone, this is Lynx and Hawk,” Kakashi said, giving a lazy gesture towards their new teammates. “Lynx and Hawk, this is everyone.”

He grouped everyone off to test the new recruits. Yugao and Genma against Kotori, Haruki and Satoshi against Itachi. He kept Tenzo, already having enough experience with what he could do. He also valued his opinion. Despite his young age, Tenzo was an expert. Mostly because he had been grown in a lab and then raised by Danzo. The poor teen knew no other life.

“Itachi Uchiha?” Tenzo asked, nodding towards the kid. “Impressive. He almost has Owl beat.”

Itachi was already fighting on a level that very few could hope to achieve in their lifetime. Give him a few more years and Kakashi doubted anyone in Konoha could match him.

“Who’s the girl?” Tenzo asked.

“Her name’s Kotori Sorano. Skilled in tracking and espionage. Danzo wants to collect her so she's with us,” Kakashi rattled off.

Tenzo tensed at the mention of Danzo and then gave a brief nod. Message received. He was sure Tenzo would keep an eye out for her. 

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pocket as he observed Kotori more carefully. She was more defensive in her techniques, dodging and deflecting attacks from both Yugao and Genma. Every time Genma threw a senbon, she used a wind style jutsu to blow a gust of wind, throwing it off course. She seemed to have eyes everywhere, able to dodge attacks that she shouldn’t have been able to see or hear. Kakashi lifted his forehead protector and saw dozens of chakra birds hiding throughout the training grounds. They blended in with their environment, but Kakashi could see the bright chakra pulsing in them through the sharingan. The birds were probably feeding her information as she fought. That could be useful.

She was evenly matched with Yugao in hand-to-hand combat, but it didn’t take much for Genma to pin her down with her arms behind her back. She struggled against him, but even using chakra to strengthen her movements was of no use.

“Her taijutsu needs improving,” Tenzo critiqued. “She’s too small, she needs to learn to compensate for that. Everyone we could go up against is going to be bigger and physically stronger.”

“I’ll have her train with Bear to start then.”

“Is she a sensory type? She seems to know where Gecko and Cat are at all times.”

“Check the trees,” Kakashi said. He tilted his head up and waved at the little songbird sitting above them. The bird chirped back at him.

“Summons?”

Kakashi shock his head and then smiled underneath his mask as he made direct eye contact with the bird. “You’re going to have to play dirty if you want to win. Gecko doesn’t wear a cup to practice. Teach him a lesson.”

Within seconds, Kotori kneed Genma in the groin and freed herself. She glanced over towards him and Tenzo so he gave her a cheeky wave.

Tenzo let out a small wince before saying, “Well, that technique could be useful.”

Kakashi leaned against the tree and crossed his arms as he contemplated his new team. Team Ro was stacked with people he liked, people he respected, people he trusted. The thought of being responsible to lead this team filled him with dread. The only place he had ever lead his last team had been to their deaths.Kakashi pushed himself off the tree and signalled for them to come over. He would be damned if he let that happen again. It was time to start training them.


	5. The Hawk and the Hound

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay. I had hoped to get this chapter out sooner but nothing in my life was behaving this week. Not this chapter, not my work and certainly not my cats.
> 
> On another note, Genma was a last minute addition to Team Ro when I was plotting and now I can't imagine how I would have moved things without his meddling. I think it's generally accepted as fanon that he's in ANBU.

“I’m just going to stay here and die,” Kotori decided.

She collapsed her exhausted body on the bench in the women’s locker room. It seemed as good a place as any. She hoped her friends would lie for her at her funeral. If she died in the ANBU facilities would it not be considered classified? _Kotori died a valiant death fighting a rogue shinobi._ It sounded much better than _Kotori died of exhaustion from her sadistic captain’s training._

“Oh no you don’t,” Yugao said, peering over her. “This is our first weekend off in weeks! No missions, no training, no boys. I have plans for us.”

There was a gleam in Yugao’s hazel eyes and Kotori realized that perhaps their captain wasn’t the only sadistic member of Team Ro. _They deserve each other_ , she miserably thought. If Yugao thought she was in any shape for a girls’ night out in the village then she was sorely mistaken.

Kotori’s plans for the weekend included sleeping and not much else. Every one of her muscles cried out from sheer exhaustion. There were bruises on top of her bruises from her last sparring match. Already the thought of making her way back to her apartment seemed like too much effort just to sleep in a bed. The bench was good enough. The ground was good enough. She didn’t really need a bed. ANBU training was unlike anything she had ever experienced before. Every day she was pushed past her limits and expected to come back the next day and do better.

That was excluding the absolute hell that was torture and interrogation training. She had been granted a week off to recover from it. It had nearly been enough to make her give up on ANBU altogether. Kotori had been contemplating turning in her mask when her captain suddenly showed up on her doorstep with a summons for her very first ANBU mission. The mission had needed both of their focus as they tracked a group of rogue shinobi through the Land of Rivers to recover a scroll containing a forbidden fuinjutsu technique developed by Mito Uzumaki. Before she knew it, it was two weeks later, they had the scroll in hand and she had forgotten her original intention to quit. She had come back too caught up in the thrill of a successful first mission.

Although days like these made her wonder why she stayed.

“You doing okay?” Yugao’s eyebrows pinched together.

“Living the dream.”

A hesitant knock on their door interrupted them. It creaked open and footsteps shuffled inside as if purposely trying to alert them to the newcomer’s presence.

“Cat, we’re needed in the Hokage’s Office,” came the voice of Tenzo. He was holding his hands in front of the eye holes of his mask. “Captain Hound recieved a summons.”

“And I just got undressed and everything,” Yugao dramatically whined. She let out a sigh. “Fine, I’ll be ready in a few minutes.”

The girls gave each other an amused grin when Tenzo quickly nodded, his ears turning red. He retreated from their locker room rather quickly after that. They dissolved into giggles. They were still fully dressed in their ANBU gear, but it was so easy to fluster him. It also bought Yugao a few minutes to complain about this last minute summons.

“I could cry right now,” Yugao said. “I really wanted the weekend off. How did you get out of this one?”

“Probably because Captain Hound hates me and thinks I’m useless?” Kotori joked. It was a little too close to the truth to be funny. She had only been on two missions so far. She tried not to take it personally; the others had been working together for much longer. “There’s no other explanation for it.”

“He doesn’t hate you,” Yugao said, hiding an amused smile behind her hand. “And he certainly doesn’t think you’re useless. He’s like that with everyone.”

Yugao respected their captain. That much was obvious. Kotori tried to hide her more ungenerous thoughts. She didn’t want to put a rift in their new friendship by insulting Kakashi.

She had guessed the identity of Captain Hound almost immediately. From the grey hair to the single sharingan behind the mask, he was very distinctive. She supposed the ANBU mask wasn’t to conceal their identity from each other, but rather from enemy shinobi. Anyone who got close enough to notice the sharingan didn’t live for very long. Kakashi used their names interchangeably with their codenames so Kotori figured he didn’t care either way. He was less uptight on protocol than other ANBU captains, but more strict in other ways.

He was a cold captain. Kotori tried not to pay much attention to the rumours that circulated around the ANBU Headquarters. She heard them all. _Cold-hearted Kakashi. Friend-Killer Kakashi._ She defended him and denied the rumours whenever she could. She felt that her new captain deserved her respect and loyalty. She remembered some of the other women laughing and calling her naive in the women's locker room.

 _“You seem like a nice girl,”_ Rabbit had said. _“We thought you should know what happens to girls like you.”_

 _“It’s not a rumour, he killed that girl on his genin team. Ask him about it,”_ Llama had challenged.

 _“I’d ask the Hokage to switch if I were you,”_ Sable had told her. _“There’s an opening on my team.”_

Of course, he made it very difficult to defend him. His entire demeanour towards her was like she was a waste of his time. She tried not to take it personally. He seemed to be that way with everyone on their team. Cold. Aloof. He didn’t join them when they took breaks or ate together. Didn’t seem interested in talking to them outside of work. She waved at him once in public and she might as well have not existed for all the reaction she got.

More than once he had knocked her down during sparring and when she asked for a moment to catch her breath he gave a cold reply.

_“If you can’t handle it, maybe you should quit.”_

_“Do you think the enemy is going to give you a break?”_

She had learned to push herself off the ground and keep going. Kotori thought she was good before this. She had been one of the top among her age group. Kakashi was on an entirely different level. He was incredibly graceful and agile in his movements. While his sharingan gave him precognition, he didn’t seem to need it and kept it closed most of the time. His mind was always several steps ahead of her. He was able to anticipate how she would react to his moves and then proceed accordingly. Every sparring match ended the same. He would knock her around and then at some point decide it was enough. More than once she had woken up in the infirmary in ANBU headquarters.

It wasn’t just him though. Everyone on her team was noticeably better. Tenzo was creative with his ninjutsu, the only limitation to his Mokuton was a modest chakra reserve. Yugao was a kenjutsu prodigy. Satoshi used his size to dominate in taijutsu. Haruki had a mastery of the Gentle Fist technique. Genma was a wild card and his unpredictability kept her uncertain how to counter him. She might have justified it with everyone having been ANBU for years, but then there was Itachi. It was embarrassing to lose to a child the age of an academy student.

Kotori, well, she had her birds. It was laughable.

Yugao gently patted her on the arm, bringing her focus back to the present. “If anything, I’d say he might actually _like_ you. He spends so much time training you; he must see something in you. I’d be jealous if I didn’t have Hayate privately training me.”

Kotori’s head whipped over so fast she nearly got whiplash. That was interesting. After weeks of being knocked into the dirt over and over again her ego was feeling more than a little bruised. She not ashamed in needing a little confidence boost.

“Maybe that’s because I need more work than everyone else.”

“I don’t think that’s the case,” Yugao thoughtfully said. “Kakashi would have had you kicked off the team by now if he had any doubts. Lord Third respects his opinion. You’re still new, it’s been only three months? Everyone else has been doing this for years. Give yourself time. You don’t see it yet, but you belong on this team just as much as any of us.”

Yugao left on a mission with Tenzo and Kakashi that night. The three of them were still gone on Monday when the rest of Team Ro met for their usual training. They worked individually throughout most of the morning, focusing on their individual skill sets. Kotori felt at peace zipping through the trees on the back of Raiden, shooting arrows from above at targets. At some point Genma got bored and started throwing senbon at her so she shot arrows back at him until they agreed to a truce.

She silently dropped onto one of the trees to rejoin the others when they broke for lunch. Genma, Haruki and Satoshi were spread out on the ground below it. Itachi was off to the side. He was the only one who still wore the ANBU mask. Kotori had followed the lead of the others and ditched it early on during practice.

“He sits so far away from us,” Genma bemoaned. “It’s almost as if he doesn’t like us.”

Itachi tilted his head as if he heard him. Which he probably did and Genma probably intended. Genma enjoyed teasing everyone. He held back with her and Itachi, as if still testing the waters. He was merciless when it came to the others. Kotori had noticed that Kakashi always seemed easily agitated by Genma. 

“I don’t blame him,” Kotori commented without thinking.

Her heart froze when she realized just how rude that sounded. She was so used to the easy banter between her old teammates that she never stopped to consider how her new ones would respond. Luckily she was met with approving laughter below her.

“Oooh, does the little bird want to come out and play?” Genma sounded giddy, like he found a new toy to play with. “The big mean scarecrow isn’t around, you can come out of hiding now.”

She sat down on the branch, her legs dangling beneath her as she joined them. “Bird puns? How original.”

She didn’t like that glint in his eye or the way he smirked around the senbon sticking out of his mouth. On the other hand, she should make friends with more than just Yugao. It was lonely being the new girl on the team. Attempts to bond with Itachi over their shared status as _new_ were only met with the same bland politeness he gave to everyone on their team. 

“You know, I have money on you breaking after twelve months.”

“Genma - ” there was an authoritative warning in Satoshi’s tone.

“Breaking?”

“The job gets to everyone,” Genma easily replied. “Just look at our fearless leader. Kakashi is so full of angst and guilt that he is one bad mission away from exploding and getting kicked out of ANBU.”

“Maybe we shouldn’t talk about - ” Satoshi glanced meaningfully between Genma and Kotori.

“You think she doesn’t hear the rumours? We all do.” Genma tiled his head back against the trunk of the tree. 

Kotori pulled her legs up onto the branch and wrapped her arms around them. “I hear a lot of things. I'd rather not gossip about a teammate."

She rested her chin on her knees. She preferred hearing news from the source when possible. Stories got embellished each time they were told. She hadn’t made up her mind about the rumours regarding Kakashi just yet.

Genma chuckled. “See Satoshi? I was right, she's soft hearted and _noble_. That's why I bet you haven't even had your first kill yet and when you do you'll be consumed by guilt over it and quit ANBU."

She wasn’t even going to address that. Never killing by her age and rank was unheard of and something she kept private. It wasn’t as if anyone was keeping score. Ensui and Sayuri were always quick to make kills on their missions so she just never needed to. Most times their directions were to recover something or capture someone and return them alive anyway. Sure, everything was reported in her file, but it's not like - 

Suddenly a light bulb went off in her brain. “You broke into the records room, didn’t you?”

“We’re ANBU,” Genma scoffed. “Everyone's been doing it for years. You find out all sorts of interesting secrets that way. As our espionage specialist, you should give it a try.”

Somehow this lead to Kotori and Genma spending the rest of the afternoon plotting to break into one of the records rooms. The one Genma wanted to target was in the highest room in Hokage tower, accessible only by a guarded staircase. The only other way in was a window that was locked from the inside. As an ANBU, no one questioned as she made her way through the Hokage Tower. She casually waved at Bull and Rooster who were on guard duty. Once she was past them, Kotori opened one of the vents and crawled inside. She was just petite enough to fit. She made her way through the vent system until she was able to drop from the ceiling into the records room. From there, she unlocked the window and opened it, finding Genma waiting on back of Raiden. He climbed inside and followed her through the rows of shelves.

“There’s different categories of shinobi in our village,” Genma explained. “Up until recently, you were rated B-rank. It was easy enough to get clearance for your file in one of the less secure rooms. Now that you’re ANBU you’re A-rank with the rest of us. If you want a challenge, try getting hold of a S-Rank file like Kakashi or Tenzo.”

They had found the files for herself, Yugao, Genma, Satoshi and Haruki with the majority of the lower ranked ANBU. It felt like a total invasion of their privacy. They were her team. So she opened Genma’s in front of him. He had already read hers. It was only fair.

“You used to be the guard for Lord Fourth,” she read. That was impressive. He couldn’t have been very old at the time.

“Yeah,” he said. He seemed less keen to talk about that, so she dropped the subject. The death of the Fourth Hokage was a sore topic for many in the village.

“Why is Tenzo considered S-rank?” Kotori curiously asked. She understood Kakashi as he was an ANBU captain and one of the most infamous shinobi from Konoha. It also made sense that Itachi was presumed to follow on that path. 

“Because he’s the second person in history to have the ability to use Mokuton.”

“I assumed he was from the Senju clan,” she said. “It’s a bloodlimit, isn’t it?”

“When you assume you make - "

“An ass out of you and me,” Kotori finished. She rolled her eyes. That had been one of her sensei’s favourites.

“Tenzo is an interesting guy,” Genma commented. He had his nose in a file. “Who’s lived an interesting life and keeps interesting friends. What I wouldn’t give to get him drunk and talking. And speaking of interesting - !”

“What’s that?”

“Asuma’s file has a note that he is romantically involved with Kurenai. _I fucking knew it._ They’ve been keeping it a secret, all this time I’ve been the third wheel on their dates - "

“I thought you’ve been in here before,” Kotori said, suddenly wondering how he had done it before. She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. “You’ve read my file.”

“Back when it was a B-rank, sure.” Genma glanced up at her from Asuma’s file and gave her a mock smile. “We’re going to make such a great reconnaissance team. A-Rank! I bet you could infiltrate the S-Rank records room too. I've been telling Kakashi you needed less sparring practice and more breaking and entering!”

“We never met before ANBU. Why would you -?"

“That’s where you’re wrong,” Genma said. He then opened and flipped through her file in front of her. "You see, I thought it was interesting that Kakashi would make random detours to spy on a team of kunoichi. At first, I thought he was just being a pervert. There's been more than one guy with a fantasy about rescuing one of you and getting a date out of it. But then Satoshi made the connection.”

Her file flipped open to her medical section. The details of her hospitalization after the nine tails attack had been filled out and signed by Kakashi. _Sorano was conscious on discovery, lost consciousness during transportation._

“Right, he was the one who found me.” She didn’t remember being found, only waking up in the hospital. He couldn’t have been checking on her though. All these years? She was just a random genin he found barely alive and brought to the hospital. She didn’t have long to think about it.

_Chika dee dee dee_

One of her birds she had positioned around the tower sang outside, alerting them that someone was coming. They carefully put everything back in place and left, quietly locking the window before Raiden flew them to the training grounds. Kotori and Genma rejoined Satoshi and Haruki as if they had never left. Genma flopped down beside them and Kotori sat in the tree above them. They had even managed to convince Itachi to take off his mask and join them. It made for a pleasant afternoon as they blew off steam and laughed about some of their missions.

“Incoming!” Kotori said as she caught a glimpse of grey hair walking through the ANBU training grounds in her mind's eye.

It was the only warning they had before Kakashi body flickered into their field.

“Don’t you guys have training to do?” He asked, a hint of annoyance in his otherwise even tone. He shoved his hands into his pockets. “You’re ANBU, not genin, you don’t need hand holding anymore.”

“Team bonding is an essential part of training,” Kotori quipped.

It was the second time she had spoken without thinking today. The hound mask stared blankly up at her.The mismatched eyes caught hers. She dreaded his response. He was either going to verbally annihilate her or kick her ass in a sparring match.

He did neither.

“Well, you got me there.” His hand awkwardly ruffled the back of his hair.

Kotori nearly fell out of the tree.

Genma looked like he was about to choke on his senbon from surprise. He recovered quickly enough. “So that’s it? All these years we just needed a pretty girl to invite you?”

“That’s not - " she could practically hear him rolling his eyes behind the mask. “She has a point. Teams live or die on their ability to work together. It’s good to have bonds.”

“Are you suggesting we go out for ramen or something?” Haruki skeptically asked. “Team bonding exercises?”

Kotori remembered the time Ensui read a book about team bonding exercises. He had them practicing falling out of trees, trusting their teammates to catch them. She decided not to voice this activity out loud. While she trusted them to have her back on a mission, she couldn’t help but picture Genma letting her fall on purpose during training.

“No, just carry on,” Kakashi said. He sounded tired. “I need to report to the Hokage anyway.”

“Not so fast,” Genma said. “We’re having a team bonding night. I have an idea.”

Naturally Genma’s idea of team bonding was going to the Rusty Kunai later that night. Oddly enough, everyone else agreed to it. They even managed to round up Tenzo and Yugao who were resting after their mission. It was fun to see everyone out of their ANBU uniforms for once. Yugao had been delighted. It wasn't the girls' night she had wanted, but any chance to go out was a good one. Genma shoved Itachi into the corner of their booth and told him to keep his hood up. While the Rusty Kunai turned a blind eye to underage shinobi, there were limits to how much they could ignore.

Kakashi sighed as he looked at the ceiling. “I’m about to become the worst ANBU captain in history. He’s _eleven_.”

“ _Tsk tsk,_ corrupting the youth,” Genma said. “How irresponsible.”

Kakashi’s eye crinkled as he sat across from Genma and Itachi. “Actually, that would be you. I’m still underage. I’ve never stepped foot in one of these establishments before.”

“Like hell you haven’t,” Genma dryly replied. “Anyone else I’m corrupting tonight? Little Bird? Purple?”

“You’ve shattered my poor innocence,” Yugao joked. There was a sly smile on her face. “Also, I heard a rumour that Tenzo has never been to a bar before.”

Tenzo groaned at the attention suddenly being put on him. Genma looked delighted, hauling him into the booth next to him.

Kotori slide in next to Kakashi and Yugao followed after her. It was a tight fit. These booths were meant to fit six comfortably and they were squeezing eight with Haruki and Satoshi on the ends. Kakashi was in the corner and awkwardly lifted his right arm and rested it along the back rest behind her. Kotori’s knee bumped into his. Any closer and she would be sitting in his lap.

They kept sending Satoshi or Haruki to the bar to order a round of drinks for everyone. Well, everyone except for Itachi who stuck to water. He looked resigned to being trapped here until they were done. He kept a polite expression on his face, his eyes occasionally darting around the bar. Genma and Kakashi went pale at one point when the door opened and Fugaku Uchiha came in. Even Itachi slide down in the seat, trying hard not to be noticed.

When Fugaku left, the entire table let out a sigh of relief.

“That was a close one,” Kakashi pointed out.

“I think I saw my life flash before my eyes,” Genma agreed.

Kotori felt pleasantly tipsy from all the alcohol. For the first time since she had joined the team, she felt a rush of affection for these people. She had spent almost every day for the last three months with them. It was nice to finally have a day where everyone was relaxed. Perhaps Genma’s version of team bonding was working. She adored all of them. Even Kakashi. He was nice when he wasn’t trying to kill her with training. She told him so.

“You should switch to water for a while,” he awkwardly said in response.

When it was Kakashi’s turn to buy a round, Kotori tried to sneak a peak at the Konoha identification card he carried in his wallet. If it was anything like the rest of theirs, he would have been forced to take off the mask for the picture. Unfortunately the photo was strategically hidden by the fabric, but she found something far more interesting.

“Why didn’t you tell us it was your birthday?!”

“Huh? Oh, I suppose it is. I forgot.”

She playfully dug her finger into his side and poked him. “You know we’re going to have to sing to you now, don’t you.”

He caught her hand and stopped her. She was amused to see a blush over the top of the mask. “Please don’t. I don’t like making a big deal out of it.”

She looked up into his eye as he let go, feeling a tingle like electricity where his hand had briefly touched hers. “Fine, but this round is on me.”


	6. The Rescue Mission

Kotori and Sayuri sat on a log in the middle of training ground fourteen. Sayuri was panting from their morning spar, but Kotori found herself unaffected for once. It seemed that all of the intense ANBU training was starting to pay off. She had noticed that her stamina had increased along with her strength and speed. It only served to further annoy Sayuri, who was used to being better than her.

Their match had ended when Sayuri let out a growl of frustration and used her sharingan in an attempt to get an advantage. The familiar red eyes with the three tomoe had whirled into existence. Only, Sayuri was not as skilled as Itachi or Kakashi with it. Kotori had been able to use its predictive ability against it, feigning muscle movements as she often did against Kakashi. While he was prepared for that, Sayuri was not. She had fallen into her trap and Kotori had easily pinned her to the ground until she yielded.

Kotori wordlessly passed her water canteen over to her friend. It was good to be able to spend time together. Kotori had been on several missions over the last few months. It was a challenge finding time to squeeze in the occasional regular mission never mind finding time to train with Sayuri. These days it felt like she was rarely in the village. Her friend was equally busy with shifts at the police station and had made friends with more of the Uchiha in their generation. She saw Aimi often, if only because Aimi handled interrogating the prisoners they brought back to Konoha. She missed her friends.

“You’ve improved,” Sayuri curiously said. “Who have you been training with?”

“Oh, um, some of the other jonin have been helping me. You know Genma?”

She couldn’t outright admit who had been training her. It was one of the worst kept secrets that Kakashi was an ANBU. Genma was more of a common fixture around the village. He blended both lives seamlessly. They had even taken a few regular jonin missions together to add credibility to the fact that they knew each other. 

Kotori watched with amusement as her friend took a mild painkiller.

“I always get a migraine when I train with you,” Sayuri grouched. She tilted her head up as she took a drink from the water canteen.

“What do you mean?”

“The sharingan can see chakra, right?” Sayuri explained. “They're like these different coloured lights. The more concentrated, the brighter. Your chakra birds look like these tiny balls of condensed chakra all over the place and they’re annoying. I can still kick your butt, but they’re annoying.”

The fact that Sayuri could no longer do that was best left unsaid.

“Tough talk for someone taking painkillers,” Kotori reminded her. An idea occurred to her. “So if I used more chakra when making chakra birds what would happen?”

“Well, how much chakra are we talking?” Sayuri glanced at her. An eyebrow curiously lifted. “You’d probably end up with chakra exhaustion and I would have to stop using my sharingan. I might get temporary blindness if it was a quick flash and I wasn’t expecting it - why, what are you planning?”

“I’ve gotta go,” Kotori quickly said. She leapt up and started heading towards the pathway that would lead back to the village.

"Damnit, no wonder you've gotten so good. You've been training with another Uchiha, haven't you?!"

"No comment!" 

“You can’t use it against any of my clan!” Sayuri jumped up and yelled after her. “I’m going to get in trouble for giving out clan secrets again!”

“Don’t worry, I promise I won’t use it against an Uchiha!” Kotori yelled back. 

“If you’re doing that thing where you cross your fingers behind your back, it doesn’t count!”

Kotori gave Sayuri her brightest smile and showed both of her hands, fingers uncrossed, before she ran off. She had no problem keeping that promise. Besides, there was a non-Uchiha with a sharingan who could use a migraine.

She raced through the ANBU training fields, checking for a distinctive head of grey hair. She was so busy scanning the fields with both her eyes and her birds, that she almost ran right into him. He caught her before they collided. His hands caught her by the shoulders and held her at arms length before letting her go. He had the ANBU mask clipped on his belt. He looked bored, but an eyebrow curiously lifted as he spoke.

“Where’s the fire?”

“I - ah,” she startled. “No fire. I was just excited about a new technique and wanted to try it out. I don’t suppose you have time?”

“Not now, but maybe we can do that when I get back,” Kakashi calmly said. He rubbed his chin. “I’m assembling a team for a rescue mission. I could use you.”

Kakashi had been sending her on more frequent missions. She took it as a sign that she had improved to a level he found acceptable. “Sure thing, I’ll get ready and meet you.”

They met twenty minutes later in front of the ANBU locker rooms. Tenzo and Genma were also waiting for them. The four of them left immediately from the underground tunnel. It lead out of the ANBU Headquarters and into the forest outside of Konoha. A three person team from the regular forces had been captured and held prisoner at a facility in the north that was rumoured to belong to Orochimaru. They had managed to get an emergency message to the Hokage who was dispatching Team Ro to extract them. It was a two day journey to the facility.

The plan was for Kotori and Genma to infiltrate the facility and rescue the team while Kakashi and Tenzo covered them. From the intel they received, Orochimaru was not at this facility but he did have guards there. There was always the possibility that the situation had changed.

Kotori and Genma made quick work of sneaking through the facility. The place seemed surprisingly empty. Genma had been easily able to take out the lone pair of guards with his senbon. They came across a prison cell containing the three Konoha shinobi. She recognized Izumo Kamizuki and Kotetsu Hagane. They had been in the same class as her at the academy. The third shinobi grinned at them.

“Don’t suppose I can ask for a smoke? We’ve been trapped in here for a week. The withdrawals are killing me.”

“If that’s your biggest issue, Asuma, then you need to sort out your priorities,” Genma said.

"I wondered who was sent this time," Asuma chuckled. "I don't recognize your friend though."

"No way, that's Kotori!" Kotetsu said. He looked pleased at being able to guess her identity. There was little point denying it either. They would recognize her abilities."No wonder we never see you around anymore."

"Is there even a point to these masks?" Kotori rhetorically asked.

The cell had a seal over it that prevented the occupants from being able to use chakra. It was the same seal they used in Konoha. Kotori grit her teeth at the injustice that someone would use a Konoha seal against their own village. Genma started using a senbon to try and pick the lock. Kotori used a wind slicing jutsu that was sharp enough to cut through the metal bars. Genma gave a little shrug when Kotori removed the bars, as if indicating that that worked.

“Are any of you injured?” Kotori asked. The closest they had to a medic at the moment was Tenzo. Genma was their poison expert, which seemed irrelevant at the moment. She and Kakashi could only do basic first aid.

“Izumo’s leg is injured. We fixed him as best we could, but he can’t stand on it,” Asuma told them. “Kotetsu and I are fine.”

Asuma and Kotetsu helped Izumo while Kotori and Genma guarded from the front and back of the group. Once they reached the outside, Kotori summoned Raiden. He had gotten big enough that he was able to carry two on his back.

“Raiden will bring you both back to the village,” Kotori said. It was decided that Kotetsu would take Izumo back to the village while the rest of them regrouped with Kakashi and Tenzo. 

Everything felt too easy. There were barely any guards on the way in or out. Perhaps it was an abandoned facility, but she didn't think they would have been able to take Asuma and the others so easily. Even if Izumo was injured. Lord Third's youngest son was a formidable opponent. She held her hands in the bird seal to find Kakashi and Tenzo and give them the signal. Only to find that the pair of them were in the midst of a battle with over a dozen enemy ninja.

“They need our help,” Kotori said, releasing the seal.

“Are you in any shape to fight?” Genma asked Asuma.

Asuma had let up a cigarette as soon as they got out. He let out a deep exhale, blowing smoke into the air. Kotori crinkled her nose.

“Yeah, I can fight. Let's go."

The three of them raced through the trees outside of the facility to where Tenzo and Kakashi were fighting. Tenzo was trying to fight six shinobi at once. They had him surrounded as he held them off with his tanto. Two of them rushed forward at once from different sides.

Kotori’s hands flashed through the seals and then she pulled her right hand back in imitation of pulling an arrow. She released her chakra, shooting a lightning arrow through the heart of one of the shinobi. He fell to the ground before he reached Tenzo.

Tenzo’s head tilted up and he must have noticed her in the trees because he gave a nod. She was already aiming a second lightning arrow at another enemy shinobi. He managed to dodge it, her arrow exploding as it hit the ground. Asuma let out a breath of hot ash, burning two of the shinobi while Genma rushed to provide Kakashi with backup. She could hear the clang of metal.

Kotori leapt out of the way as another shinobi tossed an exploding tag towards the tree she had been standing in. Her foot slipped on the branch of the tree she landed on and she fell, only for a branch to shoot out below her. She caught it with her hands and used her momentum to swing herself up onto the branch, landing in a crouch.

“Thanks!” She said, unsure if Tenzo could hear her. 

One of her chakra birds fed her an image of a shinobi going in from behind Kakashi’s back with a blade. Without hesitation, she threw herself between the shinobi and Kakashi, blocking the attack with her kunai. The shinobi overpowered her with his sword and her kunai dropped to the ground.

Her world slowed down as she felt the blade then slice across her stomach. Her hands uselessly pressing against the wound in shock as she fell to her knees. The edges of her vision started to go blurry. Above her head she could hear the chirping of a thousand birds as Kakashi used his chidori to kill the shinobi who had injured her.

It was strangely comforting for that to be the final sound she heard. It reminded her of home, when the Sorano compound was always buzzing with the sound of birds. She felt peaceful as she closed her eyes.

“What were you thinking?” Kakashi was yelling at her. It was odd. Kakashi didn’t yell, he got quieter when he was angry.

“Move aside, Senpai.” Tenzo this time. “Let me see.”

The last thing she remembered before the darkness completely took her was Kakashi pleading with her to hold on.

_“I won’t lose you too.”_

When Kotori came to, she found herself in the hospital.

Kakashi was curled up in the plastic visitors chair. His arms were crossed and his head lulled forward into his chest as he slept. He was still wearing the ANBU uniform although his mask was off. Well, the hound one at any rate. There was still the ever present fabric one he wore. Kotori assumed he took her straight to the hospital and never left.

As if sensing she was awake, he stirred. A lone droopy eye blinked at her. “You’re awake. How are you feeling?”

She smiled weakly at him. “Like I’ve been gutted.”

He gave a soft snort. “Well, that’s what happens when you throw yourself in front of a sword.”

“Most people just say _thank you_.”

He ignored her as he walked over, checking her bandages. “I don’t want to see you ever put yourself in harm’s way to save me again. I’m your captain, it’s my responsibility to make sure you all get back safe.”

“That’s not how it works, we’re a team.”

She could hear him grinding his teeth behind the mask. “Don’t endanger yourself to save me. That’s an order.”

“Fine,” she stubbornly agreed as she crossed her fingers next to her side. Kakashi stared at her for a moment, as if not really believing she would back down so easily. There was really no point arguing this. Kakashi couldn’t control where she ended up in the middle of a battle or how she would react. She was also exhausted. The fight died out of her easily as she slumped into the pillow.

Kakashi dropped it and his tone was much lighter when he spoke again. “The doctor is recommending you take three weeks for recovery. So I’ll see you for training then.”

Kotori couldn’t help but smile a little. “Three weeks off? Whatever will I do with myself.”

Kakashi’s lone eye gave a mock glare at her, before crinkling into a smile. “I’m sure I can come up with something if you’re bored, Kotori.”

The rest of the team trickled in and out of her room throughout the day. Kotori slept on and off as she received visitors. Genma had gleefully informed her that she was officially part of ANBU now. Apparently getting almost killed was a rite of passage. Satoshi fussed over her charts and bandages. Tenzo used his mokuton to create flowers. Izumo had tipped off Aimi and Sayuri that she was in the hospital. Aimi inspected the flowers Tenzo had brought. They were unlike anything Kotori had seen in Konoha and suspected that much like her birds, Tenzo’s flowers were unique to him.

“You’re not doing regular missions, are you?” Aimi quietly asked. She sat on the edge of Kotori's bed.

Kotori gave them a tight smile. “Is it that obvious?”.

“Your sparring style has changed a lot,” Sayuri explained. She crossed her arms as she leaned against the wall.

“We can never find you in the village,” Aimi added. “You’re too busy for someone who only takes a B rank every other month.”

"And Kotetsu may have said something," Sayuri said. There was an amused smirk. "He's not subtle." 

A weight she hadn’t realized she had been carrying lifted from her shoulders. She was glad that she didn't have to hide this from her friends anymore.

She was released from the hospital two days later. True to his word, Kakashi had found something else for her to do and had dropped off several scrolls containing reconnaissance tactics as well as one with notes on lightning style. That one looked like it had been written in his own hand. She had been reading it when she heard a knock on her door.

Kotori weakly stood up to answer it. Only to find one of the annoying paper pushers from the Hokage’s administration office standing outside with Kakashi, who was dressed in full ANBU attire like he was about to set off for a mission. He was visibly agitated, his grey hair mused as if he had been running his hands through it. His stance was aggressive, as if he was about to light up a chidori right there in her hallway.

Kotori hoped that anger wasn’t directed at her.

“You’ve ignored a direct summons to report for a mission,” the paper pusher said in a nasally tone. “As an ANBU you are under contract to - "

That’s when Kakashi exploded. He didn't raise his voice, but the chilling tone sent goosebumps down her arms. “She’s _injured_. She has serve chakra exhaustion and the only thing keeping her intestines from spilling out right now are chakra infused stitches. Her file clearly indicates that she needs at least three weeks, preferably six, to fully recover.”

She blinked. She had seen the bird, but had assumed it was a mistake. She could barely move from her bed to the bathroom. No one could seriously expect her to run a mission like this. The thought of going to the Hokage’s tower was a stretch. At least Kakashi had her back. She was grateful to let him argue on her behalf, not having the energy or words at the moment. If there was one thing she was starting to realize about her captain; nothing infuriated him more than putting his team at risk.

The paper pusher looked Kotori up and down. He mumbled, “I suppose we can delay the mission. Would you be ready to leave tomorrow?”

Sometimes she wondered if the administration in the Hokage’s office saw them as anything more than numbers. We need x number of shinobi on x amount of missions at any given time to bring in x amount of ryo. They seemed to have no regard for human life.“Ah, probably not?”

The paper pusher sighed. “We’re short on sensory types for track and capture missions and have received an influx of them this week. Team Ro has already been split into four teams. I need a second person to accompany Hound.”

“I can operate solo.”

“You’re not a sensory type,” the paper pusher said.

“Neither is she,” Kakashi argued. “She moulds her chakra into birds and uses them to gather information. I can do that.”

His hands flashed through a familiar set of hand seals with ease and his chakra was moulded into a beautiful grey bird in the palm of his hand. The bird had a crest of feathers on its head that reminded her of Kakashi’s hair. It tweeted at her.

Kotori felt the indignation. _He had stolen her jutsu!_ That was a secret clan technique and he had no business copying it.

  
“You can’t do that!” 

”I believe I just did,” he replied. He gave her a sharp look. “Now isn’t the time.”

She bit back a reply, crossing her arms as Kakashi and the paper pusher argued back and forth about the requirements for this mission. Kotori was beginning to feel resigned. She could probably replenish her chakra. Dispelling a bunch of her chakra birds would do in a pinch as she reabsorbed their chakra, although naturally replenishing it was always better. If Satoshi was still in the village he could check her wounds and make sure the stitching would hold. She couldn’t believe she was even entertaining this idea. Her hand lightly grazed her stomach. She would be nothing but a liability. Unable to defend herself and worse, jeopardizing Kakashi if he had to protect her.

“Sending her out in the field would be a death sentence,” Kakashi growled. “Do we have so many shinobi we can afford to send an ANBU out on a suicide mission over what? A B rank spy selling secrets?”

“She knew what she signed up for,” the paper pushed replied. “Her life is for Konoha. Shinobi die in the name of duty all the time.”

Kakashi looked at the ceiling like he was finding the restraint not to go rogue. He lifted his forehead protector so that he was now staring at the paper pusher with both eyes. Outside of a sparring match or mission, he seemed to use it as a form of intimidation. There were few who could look at the sharingan and not flinch. Especially when he was that pissed off.

“Team Ro will not be accepting the mission unless we have a replacement or I have permission to operate solo. As a member of the Aburame clan, don’t you have something with insects? Those work just as well as birds.”

“My leg was injured during the war, I’m unsuitable for missions.”

“Walk it off,” Kakashi snarled. “Or find a replacement. You can tell the Hokage we’re not leaving. I don’t answer to you, I answer directly to Lord Third or the ANBU Commander.”

The paper pusher left in a huff, shouting at them that the ANBU Commander will be hearing about their disobedience. Kakashi folded his arms and looked unimpressed as the man walked off.

“It’s - "

“It’s not fine,” Kakashi insisted. His eyes were as hard as steel and the outline of his jaw looked like it was clenched. “To carelessly throw your life away. If we’re short on shinobi then they need to reprioritize what missions they’re sending us on and keep enough on reserve for emergencies.”

“Well, thank you.”

He looked at her, the tension seeming to ease. “No need. It’s my fault you’re injured anyway.”

Kakashi bit his thumb and summoned one of his ninja hounds. A grey dog appeared wearing the blue vest and forehead protector that all of Kakashi’s dogs wore. “Shiba, this is ANBU Hawk. She’s injured and needs to stay behind. You’re to stay with her and make sure the higher ups don’t give her any trouble. Come get me immediately if they do.”

Shiba sat still at attention as he received his instructions. “Yes sir.”

“You don’t have to - " 

“Stay home and rest,” Kakashi put a hand on her shoulder. He looked at her with those mismatched eyes and she closed her mouth. Her heart leapt into her throat and she suddenly found that she couldn't speak. “That’s an order. I expect you to make a full recovery.”

She glanced down at the dog once Kakashi had left. She had only really cared for ninja hawks in her life and they were self sufficient. Even the alley cats she used to feed could fend for themselves if needed.

“So, um, what do you like to eat?”

Shiba wagged his tail as he followed her. “I’ll eat anything you eat.”

“Do you?” She skeptically asked. Perhaps smaller portions then. Shiba couldn’t be more than ten kilograms. She didn’t want to explain to Kakashi why one of his dogs grew fat and lazy while under her care.

Shiba snuggled into her side as she laid back down after lunch. He crossed his front legs and rested his head on top of them. Kotori found her hand absentmindedly scratching his head as she read.

Shiba let out a happy sigh. “Best. Mission. Ever.”

“Is that so?” Kotori asked. She supposed getting to hang around and just be a dog was a good assignment. It was why she tried to summon Raiden outside of missions as much as possible. Even though she knew he had his own home with the rest of the ninja hawks at Mount Takagake. _Team bonding was an essential part of training._ It was what Hayato had always said. 

“I can see why the Boss likes you, you’re really nice.”

“Why, did he say something?”

“He didn’t have to,” Shiba said. “He left me to watch over you, didn’t he?”

Kotori awkwardly scratched behind Shiba's ears in response.


	7. Warmth

Another scroll handed to him from the Hokage. Another rogue shinobi to track down and assassinate. They had received intel that one of their own had been helping Orochimaru from within Konoha. He had been slipping information from the Intelligence Division so that Orochimaru could stay one step ahead of them. These were their own people who had deflected to that traitor. It disgusted him that a Konoha shinobi could betray their village like that. 

The name on the scroll was a chunin he had been on several missions with after the war. He squashed down his conflicted feelings on the matter. The man had sealed his fate the moment he began slipping Orochimaru information.

“Choose your team and leave immediately.”

“Of course, Lord Third.” Kakashi politely bowed his head.

There would be no need for a team; he was more than capable of running this mission solo. His ninja hounds could easily track the chunin and he was capable of making the assassination on his own. The chances of a fight requiring backup were slim to none. The man had fled the moment his crime had been uncovered. There was no need for the others to have the blood of a comrade-turned-traitor on their hands. His hands were covered in so much blood already. What was one more?

He caught up with the chunin by midnight.

“They’ve sent Friend-Killer Kakashi after me, how fitting.”

“You’re no friend to Konoha.”

The chirping of a thousand birds followed. The chunin slumped to the ground. The glassy eyes stared up at him.  _It was for Konoha. The man betrayed Konoha._ Kakashi told himself over and over as he washed the blood from his hands in a nearby stream. He took care of the body and any traces of their fight. The shinobi would officially be declared missing-in-action and no one would ever know he was a traitor. It would decrease morale for the truth to come out.

Kakashi was home before dawn. The light was just creeping over the horizon as he darted across the rooftops to the his apartment complex. He disabled the chakra wire and other traps he had left before slipping inside the window.He collapsed onto his bed, feeling a weariness that he shouldn’t have from such a simple mission. He could run for longer lengths and fight more demanding battles. After some internal debate, he lazily removed his arm guards and gloves, dropping them to the ground. He couldn't be bothered with the rest of it, he slept in his uniform often enough.

Kakashi’s hand grazed over the wet noses and soft fur of his hounds as they piled in bed with him. They normally did not spend the night. They had when he was a small child and craved the company, but that had happened less and less over the years. He cracked opened his eye and stared at them.

“You’re dismissed.”

He was met with a great amount of whining and protesting. Kakashi did not have the energy to argue with them.

“Fine,” he sighed. His right hand was already scratching behind Akino’s ears and the left was rubbing Bisuke’s stomach. The others were competing for his attention, their noses bumping his hands towards them and jostling each other. His eyes flickered to the ceiling. “Just this once.”

He fell into an uneasy sleep. He was used to the usual loop of nightmares. Obito’s death. Rin’s. The nine-tails attack. Ever since he became captain of Team Ro his nightmares featured a few new faces. Tenzo pinned underneath him, his mask aglow with the blue light of the chidori. Kotori falling to her knees after being sliced open.

They were safe, he reminded himself. He let out a heavy breath, forcing his racing heart to slow. For once, he was grateful for the memories the sharingan had captured. He could see a recent memory of Tenzo ducking his head, bashful at receiving a well deserved compliment. He could see a recent memory of Kotori perched in a tree, one of her chakra birds in hand as it tweeted at her. It was comforting that they were not part of his failures. _Not yet_ , a voice nagged inside his brain. _It was only a matter of time._

He had tried to keep his distance from all of them, but grudgingly began to care for them and even like them. He enjoyed trading barbs with Genma, teasing Tenzo about his lack of social skills and pondering the philosophical questions Itachi asked. He found himself seeking out Kotori’s bright smiles. The thought of losing any of them now -

His heart stuck to the back of his throat. He couldn’t lose any of them. 

Kakashi rolled out of bed. The sun was up and he was unlikely to get much more sleep anyway.  He spent the morning doing a short workout. It was technically his day off and he was supposed to be resting. He didn't do anything too strenuous, but he always felt better if he could do something. 

Afterwards, he aimlessly strolled through the village. The four walls of his apartment felt suffocating when he had to spend any amount of time there beyond sleeping. He walked at a slow pace as he read Icha Icha Violence. It was the latest in Jiraiya's series.

“Look who decided to show his face.”

He was not in the mood to entertain Genma’s antics today.

"What we can see of it, anyway."

It seemed that Genma had met up with Asuma and Kurenai at their usual hangout. His former classmates had been regulars at the Dango Shop since they were academy students. He had never liked sweet things, but had occasionally joined them in their youth. These days he lacked any desire to join them.

Kurenai warmly smiled at him. “Come, join us. We haven’t seen you in months!”

“I’ve been busy,” he evaded. “And I have a few things to take care of today.”

Genma grinned at him. “That’s fine, I was just about to tell everyone how you nearly lost to a girl.”

Kakashi shrugged, giving off his usual air of indifference. “Don’t be sexist, Genma. Gender does not determine the outcome of a sparring match.”

Genma glanced nervously towards Kurenai who had crossed her arms and narrowed her eyes. Kakashi was almost tempted to see how Genma would maneuver around this one. Implying that a kunoichi was weaker was a sure way to get stabbed. Kurenai could get very creative with genjutsu if she was properly motivated. 

“That’s not - her gender is only relevant because Kakashi has a soft spot for her!”

Now this he couldn’t let stand. He was growing tired of Genma insinuating that he had feelings for Kotori. He did not. The only reason she had come close to beating him was because she fought _dirty_. She used his hesitation to seriously injure a comrade against him and had faked tears for him to lower his guard. He had noticed at the last possible second that her shoulders were shaking with laughter rather than sobs. He had pinned her arms behind her back in retaliation. 

He sat down before his mind even registered the action. Kurenai’s crimson eyes blinked owlishly at him. Asuma managed to catch the cigarette that was dangling from his mouth. Genma smirked as if he had been anticipating this.

“Kakashi is in love,” Genma dramatically declared. He stretched his arms behind his head and leaned back on the chair, balancing it on the hind two legs. Kakashi resisted the urge to kick it out from underneath him. Knowing his luck, Genma would choke to death on the senbon.

“Oh my.” Kurenai hid a giggle behind her hands.

“I am not.”

“Kakashi is also in denial,” Genma continued.

He rolled his eyes skyward. Why did he bother. He should let them think what they wanted. Everyone had their own opinions of him anyway. Except, he really did not want this getting back to Kotori. That would make things _uncomfortable_. She was his subordinate and a valued comrade. She would start behaving differently and reading into every interaction between them. And knowing Genma, it definitely would.

Then another terrifying thought set in. What if this reached the ears of an enemy? There were plenty who would want to use someone perceived as a loved one to hurt him. It was risky enough having a team who could be used as hostage -

His morbid thoughts were interrupted by Kurenai. “We need more details, Genma. Who is she? How long has this been going on?”

Asuma looked thoughtful. “Is this the ANBU with the bird mask?”

“It’s the hawk mask,” Kakashi offhandedly corrected.

“Right,” Asuma slowly said, as if speaking to a child. Kakashi resented that, he had been able to handle the complexities of adult thinking since toddlerhood. “So the same ANBU who got sliced open saving your ass?”

“That’s classified.”

Asuma nodded, a smug smile on his face as flipped open his lighter. “I see.”

Kurenai looked worried. “Is she okay now?”

“Full recovery,” Genma said. A shit-eating grin erupted across his face. “Kakashi left his dogs to guard her the entire time.”

“There was an issue with administration.” He would have done it for anyone on the team. Except Genma who was getting on his last nerve right now.

Kurenai put her hand on top of his. “Oh, Kakashi. Love is a wonderful thing, you deserve to - ”

He removed his hand. He couldn’t look at Kurenai.“I have somewhere to be.”

He didn’t have anywhere to be.

So he visited the Memorial Stone, completed his errands, mended his uniform and repacked his mission pack. Exhausting the list of chores, he found himself stretched out on the couch in his apartment, attempting to distract his wayward thoughts by burying his nose in the familiar pages of Icha Icha. With things calming down in the years after the nine-tails attack, it was unnecessary to have ANBU running back to back missions. The commander made sure to schedule them time in the village. It was a way to allow them to decompress while also having ANBU on hand in the event of an emergency. Most of this time was dedicated to training, but Kakashi made sure to give his team a day or two to unwind and attend to personal matters. Usually he found a short solo mission to keep himself occupied. Sometimes Tenzo would accompany him. The teen also struggled with how to fill his downtime, although for entirely different reasons.

Kakashi must have read the same paragraph three times now. The aching breakup between the male lead and his romantic interest in an effort to protect her. It would be a painful few chapters of mutual pining before getting back together in the third act. Jiraiya had a surprising way of evoking emotion and weaving a plot around the erotic scenes the books were well known for. 

It seemed that his mind was too preoccupied for escapism today. The words fell flat as he read them. Kakashi sighed as his eyes flickered up to the ceiling.

“Boss?” Pakkun sat on his chest, peering down at him. Kakashi was surprised he had stuck around. He thought that Pakkun had disappeared with the rest of the pack that morning. 

“Hm?”

“Scratch my head.”

Kakashi stared at the pug.

“I’ve switched shampoo,” Pakkun explained. “My fur is nice and soft. Pet it.”

He scratched behind Pakkun's ears. The pug was right, his fur was softer. Kakashi let out a deep sigh as he continued to pet Pakkun, the weight on his chest somehow lessened despite the summon getting comfortable.

Later that evening, he found himself aimlessly wandering around the village again. It seemed that Gai was off on a mission. Usually the other ninja would have pounced on him by now and demanded a challenge. Not that Kakashi cared either way, but his absence was strange. He caught sight of Kotori out with her two friends, Uchiha and Yamanaka. The three of them were laughing about something. His feet took on a mind of their own as they angled themselves towards her. He awkwardly diverted his course towards a market stall that was closing up shop for the night. Feeling the annoyed glance of the proprietor, Kakashi browsed the fruit still on display as if he intended to do that all along.

It was her day off. She was with her friends. He should leave her alone.

She seemed to notice she was being watched as her eyes flickered around. He could see the tension in her body by the way she held herself. She relaxed when she caught his eye. She gave a cheeky wink and the briefest of smiles to him. Outside of ANBU he had no real reason to know her nor did he want to give away her identity or connection to him. He shoved his hands in his pockets as he walked away from the market stall.

"I have an early mission," he overheard her tell her friends. That was a lie. "I should head home."

"Lame," scoffed Uchiha.

"It's not like you have a curfew, who's going to know if you stay out a little longer?" Yamanaka goaded.

Her lips quirked upwards in an amused little smirk. "My captain is a hard ass. He'll know."

Kotori waved goodbye to her friends and left. Or rather, her clone waved goodbye to her friends and left. Kakashi could sense her presence behind him. She was good enough at concealment techniques that he knew she was purposely revealing herself to him. Once her friends were out of sight, he turned around to find her leaning against the wall in the alleyway. Her face was obscured by the shadows. He could still make out the arch of her eyebrow and the curious look on her face.

"Looking for me?" 

"Not particularly," he said. He awkwardly scratched the back of his head. "You shouldn't let me keep you from having fun."

"Honestly? I'm _exhausted_ ," Kotori said. Her body slumped as if to prove her point. It was a habit most ANBU adopted. So much non-verbal communication was lost when they wore the masks that they greatly exaggerated their body language when they spoke with each other. Kakashi could always pick out who was an ANBU out of uniform. "I wanted to have an early night. You just make for a convenient excuse."

"Your friends must have the worst impression of me."

"Oh definitely," Kotori teased. "Sometimes I pretend my birds are delivering a message from you to get out of things."

"Glad I can be of service," he deadpanned. 

She crossed her arms, a serious expression flickered across her face. "So no mission?"

"Not tonight," he confirmed.

The serious expression remained she tilted her head and regarded him. He mused that she looked oddly birdlike when she did that. Her face softened as she stepped forward. "How's your day been, Kakashi?"

That caught him off guard. He gave a casual shrug. "Ah, you know."

She hummed a response before speaking again. "Have you had dinner yet? I was thinking of grabbing something before going home. You're welcome to join me, I could always use the company."

That was probably a white lie for his benefit, especially after she just parted ways with her friends. 

Her hand reached out and lighting wrapped around his wrist. He was keenly aware of the exact point where her hand brushed against his and her fingers rested against his pulse. He resisted the instinct to grab her wrist and twist it behind her back. It wasn't often that someone was bold enough to touch him outside of sparring or healing. Gai was one of the few, but he always anticipated that grabbing Kakashi could mean a kunai was pulled. 

"Come on then, there's a new sushi place I've been wanting to try."

He ought to make his excuses and leave. That’s what he normally did. Sometimes he didn’t even bother with an excuse, he just left mid conversation. Kotori deserved an excuse at least. She was always kind to him, even when he did not deserve it. Oh he could tease her and push her buttons and she would respond in turn. However he drew the line at being an actual asshole towards her. He respected her too much. How she had managed to survive ANBU thus far without losing that part of herself was admirable. So many of them became jaded and bitter over time. Everyone had a coping mechanism or three.

He had exhausted all of his for the day and still found no relief. He would be lying to himself if he didn’t admit their interactions gave him a warm feeling. He wouldn’t call it _happy_ , but he found himself relaxing in her presence and smiling came more naturally. His frozen insides craved that warmth, that feeling. So as much as he ought to say no, he found himself saying, “Alright then.”

Her eyes widened in pleasant surprise, as if she had doubts he would accept her invitation. She was smiling though as he let her drag him forward.


	8. Undercover Lovers

After using her chakra birds to scan the area for any unwanted shinobi or perverts, Kotori stripped down and swam out into the middle of the river. Despite cycling her chakra to stay warm, the water was cold and unpleasant this time of the year. It was the middle of autumn and the trees were a canopy of red, orange and yellow. The Land of Hot Water was named for its many hot springs, but unfortunately that didn't seem to extend to the other bodies of water that flowed throughout the country. She lathered the bar of soap to wash the worst of the dirt and grim from her skin and hair. Weeks of camping was starting to get to her. She would kill to sleep in her own bed and be able to take a long, hot bath.

On the bright side, she would be spending the night at one of the many onsens in the area. The downside was that she was undercover as part of a newlywed couple and tasked with assassinating the leader of a criminal gang. The original mission was for Kotori and Genma, but then they received intel that the target had hired a rogue shinobi by the name of Junichiro.

Junichiro was listed in the Konoha Bingo Book with the warning to proceed with caution. He had taken out a team of jonin was well as two ANBU teams. He was twice the size of a regular shinobi and known for incredible strength as well as his ability to wield a giant long sword. While Genma and Kotori could handle themselves against most opponents, neither were combat specialists. Their assignments usually involved slipping in somewhere and killing the target without leaving a trace. The decision to call for backup on this mission hadn’t been made lightly. Kakashi and Tenzo had arrived and the mission parameters had switched. Kakashi and Kotori would be going undercover while Genma and Tenzo provided backup.

_Chika dee dee dee_

In her mind’s eye, she could see Genma approach from the direction of their camp.

“No peaking!” She sternly warned.

“Yeah, yeah,” Genma said as he settled down with his back turned towards her. He leaned against one of the trees. She knew he was only here to keep watch while she got ready. They respected each other’s privacy as much as they could while spending every waking hour together.

“Getting pretty for your date?”

“If by _date_ you mean _mission_ , then yes,” Kotori pointedly reminded him. “I can’t exactly show up looking like a gremlin. They’d turn me away.”

Genma liked to imply that Kotori had a crush on their captain.

She did not.

She was _friendly_ to Kakashi. If Genma wanted to misinterpret that as flirting then that was his problem. Frankly, she was beginning to feel that Kakashi needed more friends. She never saw him interact with anyone outside their team. It wasn’t unusual in ANBU to not mention your personal life. Especially for those who were married or had children. There was always the fear a loved one could be used against them. Secrecy was their best friend.

It just so happened that her chakra birds saw everything. She didn’t mean to spy on her friends, but she happened to catch glimpses of their lives. Kotori kept their secrets and never spoke of them. At best, it wasn’t anyone’s business. At worst, she would hate for that information to be used against them. She knew Satoshi was married with two young children. She knew Yugao was secretly dating her kenjutsu instructor. She knew Kakashi spent way too much time at the memorial stone.

Once she noticed it, she couldn’t _stop_ noticing it. The way he held himself apart from everyone in his life. The sad look in his eye when he thought no one else was paying attention. The way he seemed almost _lifeless_ when he wasn’t consumed by training or missions. 

Her heart ached at the thought. She didn’t like to see someone suffer in silence. Especially someone she considered a friend. 

So she made a bit more effort with him. She tried to draw him into conversations and come up with reasons to hang out outside of work. He seemed open to team activities so she organized as many as she could get away with. She didn't expect him to confide in her or even knew if she made a difference. She hoped so. She liked seeing him smile. Or well, the silly little eye smile he did.

“Well, I’m sure your lover thinks you’re an adorable gremlin.” 

Genma was answered by the heavy _thunk_ of her kunai hitting the tree above his head. She could hear him chuckle. Then somewhat soberly, Genma added, “I’m glad he’s going with you.”

“Same,” she said, giving in a little to her nerves. She knew she stood no chance against someone like Junichiro. She would go down fighting if it came to it.

“Be careful,” Genma said. “You still have the poison right?”

“Yes.”

“And you’ll send a message if you need help."

She rolled her eyes. “Yes, mother.”

She could almost hear Genma grinding his teeth on the senbon. The banter had struck a sense of familiarity. A long lost memory of Hayato riffling through her pack before she was expected to leave on her first messenger mission, giving last minute pieces of advice as she scoffed and rolled her eyes. The memory caught her off guard. She felt something swell in her throat. Now was not the time for those emotions.

“I’ll be fine,” Kotori said. She was glad he couldn’t see her pathetic attempt at a smile. She hoped the false cheer in her voice was convincing.

“You have too much trust in us.”

She didn’t have an answer to that. It was foolish, she knew that. She had attended enough funerals over the years to know how a mission could go wrong. No one was untouched by grief in their village. Being a shinobi was a risky career and being in ANBU even riskier. However she still had faith that things would work out. It was trust in her abilities as well as her teammate's that stomped out any fear.

Kotori finished washing herself and climbed out of the river. She used a wind jutsu to dry herself off and got dressed, wearing the few civilian clothes she had brought with her. Kotori wondered how Kakashi planned to disguise himself. He wasn’t exactly the most inconspicuous ninja. With his gravity-defying silver hair, sharingan and face mask he was one of the most recognizable. She was more average looking and able to blend into the background. She was also unknown. Her face had yet to grace any country’s Bingo Books. Of course, if Kakashi took off the mask, it was possible no one would even recognize him.

They made their way up the embankment and back to the camp they had set up the night before. Tenzo had made quick work of making all traces of them disappear. The small, wooden cabin he had made was gone as were the remnants of their fire.

An unrecognized man silently hopped out of the tree and landed in front of them. He had messy, ashen brown hair and light blue eyes. A scar ran the length of his left eye and he had a beauty mark on the lower left side of his chin. Kotori instinctively pulled a kunai and while Genma tensed beside her.

“Yo.” He drawled, giving them a lazy wave. It was only familiarity in the way that his eyes curved into little crescents that had Kotori lowering her weapon.

“So is this what your face looks like or are you using a henge?” Genma curiously asked.

Kotori couldn’t tell one way or another. His jawline and facial structure seemed about right, but he could have made minor adjustments. He seemed to be wearing contacts, she could see the faint edge over the whites of his eyes now that she was properly looking at him.

“No.”

“No, it’s a henge or no, it’s real?” Genma pressed.

“No, I don’t feel like answering that.”

Kotori decided not to get involved in their bickering, not wanting to enforce whatever hang ups Kakashi had about his face. Especially since he was so handsome. Objectively speaking of course.

'Mitsu' and 'Sukea' checked in early at the inn. They had arrived shortly after noon, giving them plenty of time to prepare. Their target wasn't expected to arrive until later. Kotori was even able to spend some time relaxing in the women’s baths. She gave a deep, content sigh as she soaked in the hot spring. Her eyes were closed, keeping an eye on the surroundings with her birds.

Genma and Tenzo were in position in the forests surrounding the hot springs. The staff were preparing the rooms for the incoming guests. Junichiro and the target were about two hours south from the inn along with the rest of their entourage. Kakashi was -

She quickly reabsorbed that bird before anyone noticed it. She did not need to view the men’s side. She trusted Kakashi had it handled.

She rejoined him in their room shortly after, adjusting the belt around the floral print yukata she was wearing. Kakashi was already in their room, seated at the table as he read. It was not one of the porn books he was known for, but rather a light hearted romance. He didn't seem the type, but perhaps he decided Sukea was a romantic. He had an eyepatch over his left eye and she assumed he was resting the sharingan. 

“There’s some beautiful waking trails, just south of the main building. Maybe we could take a hike in about an hour or two?”

Kakashi nodded as he flipped the page. Message received. “That sounds like a wonderful idea, _honey_.”

The overly sweet tone he used did not suit him. The hint of mischief in his eyes told her enough. He was enjoying this mission. She supposed hanging around an onsen while they waited for their target was a fun break. It was almost enough to make her forget that they were undercover and about to assassinate the leader of a criminal gang. As far as missions went, this day felt peaceful. The eye before the storm, she supposed.

She felt a little bad for Genma and Tenzo who were spending the night in trees. Perhaps when this was over they could spend another night here before setting out in the morning. Assuming the staff would let them after they assassinated their other guests.

Kotori waited until Kakashi took a sip of his tea before responding.

“Oh _my_ _love_ , I’m so glad you agree,” Kotori simpered. Kakashi looked like he swallowed his drink the wrong way. She could feel her lips twitch and she held back the smirk. “Should we set off, then?”

Kakashi put the book away and took off the eyepatch. His eyes curved into crescents and for once it was nice to know that he was actually smiling when he did that.“I hear there’s cute little birds in the area. I was hoping to get some pictures.”

Kotori snorted. “Cute? I hear they’re quite vicious. They have sharp teeth.”

He poked his finger into her side when he walked by and tickled her in response. She crinkled her nose as she tried to keep herself from laughing.

“Hm, they seem pretty harmless to me.”

They spent the rest of the afternoon exploring the walking trails near the onsen. Kotori discreetly added more birds to the area while Kakashi took photographs. At one point, she caught him aiming the camera at her and taking photos.

“Don’t!” She said, waving her hand in front of the camera.

“Too late."

He took the polaroid and shook it until it became visible. It was, admittedly, a nice picture of her. He had captured it from her side as she was looking off into the distance. 

His eyes curved into those crescents again as he teased her. “I think I’ll frame this one and keep it on my nightstand.”

“That’s weird.”

“What’s weird about about a photo of my beautiful wife?” He waved the photo just out of her reach. Kotori crossed her arms and gave him a mock glare.

“Come on, you don’t really want to keep that one - ”

“Oh no, I think I really do - ”

She stepped onto the tips of her toes to reach, only for him to wave it higher. She had thought most of his height came from his hair, but when he straightened up he still managed to be several inches taller. He tickled her side again, neatly dodging when she attempted to elbow him in response.

This was the most fun she had has on a mission since she joined ANBU. It was almost like a real -

Kotori didn’t bother finishing that thought. She felt as if she had been dosed with the cold lake water. This was all an act in case someone was watching. Kakashi didn’t mean any of it. Sure, some of it was him teasing her which was probably real. The flirting, the compliments, that was all bullshit. She found herself oddly disappointing in that. No one had ever called her beautiful before. She wasn’t exactly plain, but when your friends were Aimi Yamanaka and Sayuri Uchiha, well, you settled for being the cute one and called it a day.

_Chika dee dee dee_

The song from her birds interrupted her musings. In her mind’s eye, she could see the target approaching the inn.

“Should we get going?” Kakashi asked. His tone was light, but Kotori knew him well enough to see that his playful mood had shifted to something more serious. Underneath the relaxed posture, Kakashi was on high alert.

“Yes,” Kotori agreed.

As they approached the inn, Kotori caught sight of the target and his group approaching them from the main path. She slid her hand into Kakashi's and squeezed, hoping he would understand. In response, he gracefully twirled her around and pinned her up against one of the trees. His forehead rested against hers and his body blocked her view of the road. Well, physical view. She still had her birds, however she hesitated to use them this close to Junichiro. They didn't have any intel if he had sensor abilities. Probably not, he seemed more like a brute with strength. It was still better to be safe than sorry.

“Mitsu?”

“Sorry, my mind had wandered off,” she said with a giggle. “Where you saying something, my love?”

His face relaxed as he cupped her cheek in his hand. “Just that I’m glad I got to spend the day with you.”

The group turned the corner of the path and Kakashi immediately moved into her personal space. His hand never left her cheek as he leaned in to kiss her.Everything about Kakashi was quick and intense; kissing him was no different. It was over just as fast as it began.

She was left with her heart hammering in her chest. Something with wings was fluttering around in there too. Butterflies, her mind unhelpfully supplied. She blinked at him, her mind choosing that moment to shut down. Did he just -?!

Kakashi had the nerve to wink at her. “Was I that bad?”

“I - ah, no? You were fine.” She hated the way her voice caught.

She resisted the urge to touch her lips with her fingers. They tingled with an electricity unlike any lightning style jutsu she had ever used. She could feel her cheeks burn. Her traitorous heart was hoping he would do it again. This was bad. She could not fall for her ANBU captain. His eyes widened for a quick second before he shoved his hands in his pockets and started walking down the path. Enough time had passed that the target and his group were further ahead, not even sparing them a second thought.

As much as she wanted to hide and be embarrassed, she forced her feet to follow him. They were supposed to be married. They couldn’t act like teenagers on a first date. Finding her courage, she linked her arm through his and continued on like this was a normal romantic stroll. His hand slipped out of his pocket, intertwining his fingers with hers.

“Sorry,” he said once they were back inside their room. His voice just loud enough for her to hear. He was scratching the back of his neck. “I didn’t want Junichiro paying much attention to us. People tend to not look closely at couples when they're being affectionate.”

“You don’t have to apologize." Kotori gave him an embarrassed smile of her own. "It was just unexpected."

They had dinner together in their room and spent a quiet evening. They made light conversation, filling the silence with talk of other tourist sites to visit as well as Kotori's knowledge of the local flora and fauna. Any awkwardness dissipated and was replaced by a thick tension that had nothing to do with the kiss. They left the room only once to sneak down to the kitchen. Kakashi distracted the staff while Kotori slipped the poison Genma had given her into the dinner that had been prepared for their target’s room. It was colourless, tasteless and slow acting. The Shiranui clan was their experts on poison, although most worked in the labs or hospital.

Kotori settled into her futon next to Kakashi's as they prepared for bed. She rolled over to face him. “I’ll take first watch. You should rest.”

She knew he must have been feeling the drain from having the sharingan open most of the day. She was already intending to let him sleep longer so that he could recover more. She could lightly doze while using her birds to keep watch. The rare time she ran a solo mission it was the only way to get any sleep.

He hummed in agreement. “Make sure to wake me in three hours. You need your rest too.”

“Of course,” she said. Her fingers crossed on her other side.

His normal eye flickered open, almost as if he knew what she was planning. Kotori wondered if he had copied the Yamanaka techniques. Probably not, she could remember Aimi struggling with them even with the specialized training from her clan.

She smiled as innocently as she could, both well aware that she was not fooling anyone.

“I had fun today,” she softly added. “Really. We should do this again."

His eye closed and a peaceful smile settled over his face. “Goodnight, Mitsu.”

“Sleep well, Sukea.”

Kotori stood on the dock overlooking the lake the next morning. She could hear the song of birds from the trees. Not her birds, but real ones. She breathed in the fresh, crisp autumn air. It was almost peaceful.

_Chika dee dee dee_

She smiled to herself as a kunai poked into her throat and her wrists were held together behind her back. Her mind connected with three chakra birds to alert the others.

“I had my suspicions you were a kunoichi,” Junichiro said. He used his kunai to lift her chin, the blade flat against her throat. “Did you really believe I'd fall for poison?”

Kotori stayed quiet, adopting a sense of calm even as the blade drew blood. They had expected it wouldn’t be so easy. Although it had been a nice thought that they would have been able to get out of here without a fight. 

“Who’s your boyfriend?”

“That’s classified.”

“What’s your real name?”

“Also classified.”

“Who sent you?”

Kotori gave a mocking hum. She could feel the smirk settle on her lips as her eyes glanced up at Junichiro. “That would be, oh yeah, _classified_.”

“I wonder if your boyfriend will be more chatty when I start slicing you up in front of him? I’m assuming he’s hidden somewhere.”

“What makes you so certain I’ll let that happen?” 

Junichiro turned around, keeping a tight grip on her and his kunai still poised under her throat. Kakashi was standing on the dock in his regular uniform. His grey eye were as hard as steel and his voice vibrated with anger. The sharingan spun wildly in his left eye.

“Kakashi Hatake,” Junichiro responded, sounding mildly surprised and a touch wary. “This changes things.”

The second the kunai slashed across her throat, Kotori dissolved into dozens of chakra birds. Her actual body flickered and reappeared in a nearby tree. She watched as Kakashi charged forward, rushing the length of the dock with a Chidori in hand and engaging in combat with Junichiro. Two tree roots shot up from the ground, wrapping around Junichiro's legs and holding him in place. Junichiro managed to free himself from the wooden binds, displaying the monstrous strength he was known for. 

In her mind's eye, she could see Genma slipping inside the inn to take out the body guards and assassinate the target. It made her decision to stay much easier. Kotori bit her thumb and pressed it against the tree, summoning Raiden to the scene. She climbed onto his back and soared into the fight, shooting her lightning arrow jutsu whenever she could get an opening. Each were blocked with Junichiro's long blade, sending them ricocheting off into the lake. They exploded as they collided with the water.

Below her, Kakashi danced in and out of battle, using substitutions and clones every time Junichiro got close enough to strike. Kotori rarely had time to observe Kakashi during battle, but she admired the way his movements were as graceful as they were lethal. 

Tenzo unsheathed the tanto he carried, engaging in a battle of blades as he attempted to distract and give them an opening. Junichiro easily overpowered Tenzo's tanto, shattering it into two. He then pierced the long sword into Tenzo's chest, only for it to strike through the wood clone instead.

Kotori hurled a typhoon wind jutsu at Junichiro. It was strong enough to send him flying into the lake. Kakashi took immediate advantage, sending a lightning hound jutsu that darted across the water before colliding into Junichiro. Kotori's hair stood on end as Junichiro was electrocuted in the water. His body grotesque and unrecognizable when it finally slumped forward. Tenzo let out a low whistle from behind her. Kotori gracefully dropped from Raiden to the ground below. 

Kakashi dropped a hand on her shoulder and squeezed as he walked by, the tension seeming to melt from his shoulders. “We work well together. Maybe we could do this again.”

She ignored the way her heart skipped a beat at the soft timber of his voice. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Missions and fights are admittedly not my forte. I hope it comes across that I'm trying not to 'damsel' Kotori as I intended for her to powerful in her own right without overpowering her. I personally see her as comparable to Genma/Yugao in skill, she's a jonin for a reason. However she's nowhere near Kakashi's level. Plus he gets all agitated when she's in danger ;)
> 
> And now we enter the fun stage. "No, we're not dating. We're undercover. This is just a mission. Yes, sometimes we hold hands to maintain our cover. Seriously, it's all in the report, Genma."
> 
> Hope you all enjoyed :)


	9. Dinner with Team Ensui

“So are you screwing your captain yet?”

“ _Sayuri!_ ” Aimi hissed.

“What? He’s all she ever talks about. My captain this - my captain that - I don’t even know the guy’s name. You should have invited him to come. I’m dying to meet him.”

The three girls were on their way to Ensui’s house for dinner. It was one of the rare times that the four of them were in the village. Between Kotori and Ensui’s missions, they kept missing each other. At least Aimi and Sayuri were usually in the village. The three girls made it a point to get together whenever Kotori was home for a few days. She couldn’t help but feel like they were starting to drift apart. Sayuri especially. She seemed more and more preoccupied with her Uchiha friends. Aimi had made friends with a group of kunoichi around their age. Meanwhile Kotori was spending more time with Team Ro, even in her free time. 

She was grateful that the three of them could just fall back into their friendship as if no time had passed. Even if that meant they were teaming up to tease her.

Kotori glared at them. “We’re not doing anything! And it’s not as easy to talk about everyone else. I do have other teammates you know. I can’t just give away everyone’s identities or codenames.”

“You don’t talk about Yugao or Genma nearly as much. Unless - ” Aimi let out a giggle. “Don’t tell me, is Genma your captain?”

“What!? No!” What a horrifying thought.

“You come in with him all the time to T and I, you seem pretty close.”

“Yeah, because we keep getting partnered up."

Well, she kept getting partnered up with either Genma or Kakashi. She had been on three more undercover missions posing as Kakashi’s girlfriend or wife since the first. Not that she would tell her friends partially because it was classified and partially because she would just be adding fuel to the bonfire. There was nothing going on between them.

Kotori Sorano was a professional kunoichi who did not develop crushes on her captain. It was a mantra she repeated over and over again. The mantra got louder whenever Kakashi took her hand or brushed a thumb over her cheek or pressed a kiss to her forehead. It was a mantra she repeated whenever she felt a blush creep across her face or her heart skip a beat.

So maybe she had the _tiniest_ crush on Kakashi. So what? People had crushes on their captain all the time. She was never going to act on it. It would make for an amusing little story in the future, nothing more. He obviously had no interest in her. Their interactions hadn't changed outside the missions. He treated her the same as before. So she hadn't changed their interactions outside of missions either. 

In fact, she was actively trying to move on from it. Her pent up frustration had led her to accepting dates from more of the shinobi in the village. Unfortunately, none of the men she went on dates with had any _spark_. The type that left her skin tingling with a single touch or short circuited her brain after a kiss. Well, at least she had never slept with Kakashi, she mused. That would probably ruin her expectations for life.

Her brain really needed to shut up.

“I’m trying to think of who else you’ve come in with,” Aimi said, thoughtfully tapping a finger against her lips. Her eyes lit up in recognition. “Ohh, what about the one with the brown hair and stripy cat mask?”

“Yes, that’s him,” Kotor lied. Tenzo was safe. He was very nondescript now that he cut his hair short; he could have been anyone in the village. He might even play along if Aimi decided to question him next time.

“I can tell when you’re lying,” Aimi reminded her. “Don’t worry, I’ll figure it out.”

The joys of having perceptive friends.

“Can’t you just use your mind jutsu?” Sayuri asked.

“That’s invasive and rude, but I’m totally not above it!”

Morally questionable friends at that. Kotori adored them. “ _Please_ , do I look like an amateur? You can interrogate me for days and I won’t tell you a thing.”

They were still bickering as they approached Ensui’s house and knocked on the door. Ensui glanced between his three former students and promptly shut his mouth. There was one time he may have asked _what_ , but years of experience taught him that he didn’t want to know _what_.

“Tori-Yuri-Mi!” Ensui’s daughter, Rika, happily shouted as she rushed up to them. Aimi grabbed the toddler and tossed her into the air. Rika’s delighted shrieks filled the entranceway. Her feet barely touched the ground as each of her ‘aunts’ took their turns cooing over her.

Ensui’s wife, Kosuke, greeted them along with their nephew, Shikamaru. It had been a while since she had last saw the boy. Kotori had lived with Ensui and Kosuke for the first couple of years after the nine-tails attack. As a result, she had often been roped into babysitting Shikamaru. Not that the task was particularly difficult. He was an easy child, his own mother saying that he was too lazy to be fussy. Kotori had adored the way he would climb up on her lap for cuddles or a nap. Not that she could remember the last time he had done that. With a pang, she realized he was growing up too quickly. The same sentiments were vocalized by Aimi.

“Oh, look at you!” She squealed as she squished him into a hug.“You’ve grown so much!”

Ensui crossed his arms. “Don’t coddle the boy. He’s an academy student now.”

It started an argument between Ensui and Aimi on the line between _child_ and _shinobi_. Starting at the academy was meant to prepare children for the reality of their profession. Parents were asked to support this by encouraging their children to be more independent at home. During times of peace, children were able to complete the entire program and graduate at the age of twelve. During times of war, children were rushed through the program and graduated as soon as possible. She was glad that Shikamaru’s generation wouldn’t be rushed through the program like hers had been. The older she got, the harder it was to battle actual _children_ from other villages. They seemed smaller every year with their forehead protectors and kunai.

“Some villages are still sending shinobi as young as Shikamaru on missions. Do not underestimate a child in our world.”

“Yes, but have you ever seen inside their minds?”

Kotori followed behind them, Rika still snug in her arms. She planted a kiss on the girl’s temple. Well, at least she could still cuddle Rika for a few more years.

“What do you think?” She asked Shikamaru. The kid tilted his head up at her while he regarded her. There was an almost adult-like intelligence in those brown eyes. Kotori got the impression that he understood more than the innocent face would have you believe.

“I don’t mind if she wants to hug me, but I don’t like being talked down to like a baby.”

“Hm, sounds reasonable to me,” Kotori said. She took the opportunity to ruffle the boy’s hair instead. Shikamaru gave an annoyed sigh, but didn’t move away. Years around Ensui and the rest of the Nara clan had taught her to ignore their sighing and proclamations of things being _annoying_ , _troublesome_ or _a drag_. If they didn’t like something, they would openly tell her. “How’s school?”

“It’s such a drag,” Shikamaru announced. “But my parents expect me to go. I sleep through most of it.”

Kotori and Shikamaru joined the others in the dining room and Kotori handed Rika over to Ensui. Dinner was a relaxing affair as they caught up with the Nara family. Ensui and Kosuke talked about Rika's antics while Shikamaru grudgingly answered questions about school. Apparently Shikamaru’s father was off on a mission and his mother was helping one of the women in the clan deliver a baby. The expectant mother was a medical kunoichi who had been just a year older than them.

“It makes you feel old knowing that people we went to the academy with are getting married and having children,” Kotori said. “I still feel so young.”

“You _are_ still young.” Kosuke smiled as she collected the plates. “Ensui and I were married at your age. The clan elders suggested it. There was some concern about the Nara dying out in the last war.”

“People make rash decisions during war times,” Ensui said.

Kosuke lightly smacked him in the back of the head. “Rash decisions?”

“I didn’t mean it that way.” He sounded sheepish as he scratched his nose.

Perhaps it had taken the Nara clan elders to suggest Ensui get married, but Kotori knew he wouldn’t have done it if he hadn’t been completely smitten by Kosuke.

“It all worked out for us,” he said.

Kosuke’s eyes were fond as she smiled at him. “That’s almost affectionate coming from you.”

“I wonder which of us will be the first to get married and have children,” Aimi dreamily said. “Ohh, wedding planning will be so much fun!”

Sayuri avoided eye contact as she twirled one of her chopsticks in hand. Her smile was a little forced when she added, “I don’t know, Kotori seems to have the most promising love life at the moment.”

Kotori rolled her eyes, annoyed that they were back to this. It was one thing to tease among friends, but she really wasn’t keen on Ensui weighing in. “What about you? I noticed you’ve been hanging around Shisui a lot.”

Sayuri’s expression darkened. There was an almost threatening undercurrent to her tone. “You shouldn’t spy on me.”

“I don’t.” Kotori narrowed her eyes, wondering what had gotten into her best friend.

“I’m serious, if Fugaku found out you’d be reprimanded by the Hokage.”

“They’re not in the Uchiha district,” Kotori eventually said. She forced her tone to be a bit warmer when she added, “If you don’t want people to know who you’re hanging out with, then stopping going to teahouses together. That looks very much like a date to me."

There was a delicate balance between having her birds all over Konoha and not upsetting the major clans. The Uchiha and Hyuga clans were notorious for wanting their privacy. Any chakra bird that wandered close to their district were immediately killed. The rest of the clans accepted the birds in common areas and Kotori made sure to give their homes and training areas privacy. Ensui once told her that if she ever tried to steal their clan secrets, then Shikaku would have to marry her to one of their cousins to keep it a clan secret. She didn’t want to test if he was joking or not. Shikaku could be intimidating at times. The academy, Hokage Tower, training grounds and other public places were fair game.

Sayuri crossed her arms and gave what could only be accurately described as a _pout_.

“What’s this?” Ensui asked. His shoulders sagged and he looked resigned to getting involved.

“Kotori has a crush on her team captain,” Sayuri smugly said. “She’s just deflecting attention.”

“I do not!”

“This sounds troublesome,” Shikamaru dryly informed his uncle.

“This is going to be very troublesome,” Ensui agreed. “Shikamaru, stay away from women.”

“You’re not very good at following your own advice,” Shikamaru pointed out. Indeed, between his students, his wife and his daughter, Ensui was hopelessly outnumbered.

Ensui and Kosuke held a silent conversation over Shikamaru’s head before Kosuke brightly asked him and Rika to come help her tidy up in the kitchen.

“I never thought I’d have to have this conversation,” Ensui grumbled. “I had hoped the academy or your parents would have. I suppose it can’t be helped that Kotori doesn’t have parents.”

“Thanks,” Kotori dryly retorted.

“Now how do I say this?” Ensui drummed his fingers on the table. He looked down with a frown.

The three girls glanced at each other with a slow sense of horror. Sayuri crinkled her nose in disgust. Aimi’s mouth fell open. Kotori hide her face in the palm of her hand. Dread crept in that this might be another one of Ensui’s sex talks. He had covered everything over the years from menstruation to birth control to seducing and killing a man in the same blunt tone. It was always uncomfortable.

He started ticking off points on his fingers. “It is inappropriate to have a relationship with someone directly above you and highly discouraged. Your captain would technically be the one in trouble as they’re held to a higher standard. It’s generally regarded as an abuse of power. However it does not help your reputation and you don’t want anyone accusing you of sleeping your way to better missions.”

Kotori peaked between her fingers. Ensui continued on completely unfazed by their reactions.

“Relationships on the same team are a bad idea. They interfere with group dynamics and cause drama. Most of the time you get reassigned to a different team. If you like your team, you’ll keep it strictly professional.”

He ticked off another point.

“And finally, I know your captain. Don’t date someone thinking you can fix them.”

“I am not - ” she protested.

“I know you, you’re kind. You think you know your captain, but you don’t. He’s saved your ass in a few missions, so what? That’s his job.”

Kotori bit her tongue, resisting the urge to argue. She wasn't trying to fix him. She knew there was no fixing that kind of sorrow. It was something that you lived with and learned to cope. Her friends had done so much for her in the years since her family's death. Aimi, Sayuri, the Naras - they had all helped her keep her head above water when she felt like she was drowning. Then slowly she found how to tread water until she could make it back to shore. Kakashi looked like he was drowning. If she could offer a life preserver, then she was going to offer one damnit. 

“So that’s one troublesome kunoichi down,” Ensui said. He seemed to mistake her silence for acceptance. “Sayuri, I think you and I should go for a walk.”

Sayuri glowered at their sensei, but followed him out all the same. It wasn’t the first time he pulled one of them aside for a one on one chat.

“He picked up on that,” Kotori said. “I shouldn’t be surprised.”

Aimi nodded. “Sayuri’s been tense lately. I’ve tried talking to her, but she just clams up. I mean, you know what the Uchiha are like; there’s always been a lot of pressure on her. I hope Sensei can get through to her.”

Sayuri was sitting alone on the edge of the veranda overlooking the garden when they found her. Kotori and Aimi had helped Kosuke clean up when Ensui had returned on his own. He had given them a brief nod, signalling it was okay to find her. It seemed that whatever Ensui and Sayuri had talked about had left her in a melancholy mood.

“I’m sorry,” Sayuri said when they sat on either side of her. “I haven’t been myself lately. You’re my best friends, you know that right?”

“Of course we are,” Kotori promised.

“Team Ensui for life,” Aimi agreed. Her tone was softer when she added, “Is everything alright?”

“J-just family stuff, I’m hoping it’ll blow over soon,” Sayuri weakly responded. She drew her legs up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Kotori and Aimi shared a worried look over top of their friend’s head.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aimi asked.

A moment of silence stretched before them as if Sayuri was wrestling with what to say. Kotori almost assumed she wouldn’t want to talk, before Sayuri said, “I’m just worrying for the future. It’s nothing. My parents are on my back about marrying and leaving the Konoha Police.”

“So soon?” Kotori asked.

Sayuri’s laugh was bitter, her voice then dropped in pitch, mimicking her father’s. “You’re nineteen now, you’re a grown woman. It’s time you start thinking about doing your duty.”

“That’s - " Aimi didn’t bother to hide the contempt in her voice. “You’re not a womb for the Uchiha clan. They can't force you.”

“No, they can't," Sayuri agreed. "Sensei said as much too. He offered to talk to my parents with me. It’s stupid, I shouldn’t need him fighting my battles any more.”

Ensui had often acted as a mediator between Sayuri and her father when they were young. His reasoning at the time was that if something from their personal life was affecting their work, then he was getting involved. Kotori doubted that was his only reasoning. He intervened in their personal lives as he saw fit, even when they were no longer on his team.

"Thanks," Sayuri quietly said. Her face was a little red. "I'd, um, rather not talk about this anymore."

"Of course," Kotori agreed. "Just as long as you know we're always here if you want to talk about it."

Sayuri leaned her head against Kotori's shoulder and Aimi wrapped her arm around Sayuri. The three of them sat in silence as the sun started disappearing behind the tree line. It gave the sky a reddish glow. 

“So," Sayuri paused, a sly smile creeping over her face as she lifted her head. "Were you ever going to tell us about these undercover missions you and Hatake keep taking together?”

"Not this again - " Kotori cut herself off. "Wait a minute. _No!_ How - ?! _"_

She was drowned out by Aimi's joyous shriek of " _What?!_ " that actually managed to scare off a flock of birds from the trees.

Sayuri cackled at the chaos her words had caused. “Oh, well you see, your first mistake was acknowledging Genma as your teammate. Your second mistake was acknowledging that you were working with someone with a Sharingan. I was able to put two and two together and Genma was more than happy to double check my math.”

“The identifies of my teammates are classified.” Kotori crossed her arms and tilted her head up. _Seriously?!_ She was going to kill him. They were ANBU. How could he not know how keep his mouth shut? “As are the details of my missions.”

“No,” Sayuri smugly said. “They’re really not. Genma is the _worst_ gossip. Don’t worry, I don’t actually know the details. I'm not sure how much details I want to know.”

“I want details!” Aimi butted in. Her pale blue eyes were wide as she peered at them. “I want the dirt, now please!”

“ _Sometimes_ ,” Kotori said in a snarky tone, “Due to the nature of my work I go undercover and _sometimes_ my partner will pose as a boyfriend or husband. Genma is a moron.”

“Just be careful,” Sayuri said. “Sensei’s right, you’re too kind. Hatake’s a stone cold bastard and I don’t want to see you getting hurt. I’ll go after him myself if something happens to you.”

Kotori sighed. “Just to clear the air, we’re not actually dating. It was just an undercover mission. It’s all an act, we’re both aware of that.”

“Can you say that three times with a straight face?” Aimi challenged. 

She rolled her eyes skyward as she repeated 'it's just a mission' three times to prove her point. "Should I recite it backwards next?"

“Hn,” Sayuri managed to make that noise _sound_ haughty. “I’m serious. Hell hath no fury like an Uchiha.”

The door slide open and Ensui’s voice followed. “Do I want to know?”

“You know, for someone who claims he doesn’t want to be involved, you sure hang around a lot,” Kotori accused Ensui.

Ensui shrugged as he began setting up the shoji board on the veranda. “I’ve been kicked out by my wife. She thinks I need to spend more time with you three.”

“Aw, you do miss us!” Aimi joyfully said.

“Troublesome brats,” Ensui said in an exasperated tone. His scratched the bridge of his nose as he finished setting up the board. “No, I don’t _miss_ you. My life has been quiet since I set you three loose on the world. Anyone for a game?”

The three girls crowded around as Aimi accepted the challenge. "Ready to get your ass handed to you, Sensei?"

"Every sensei wants to see their students surpass them, Aimi," Ensui said as he made his opening move. "But that will not be tonight."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone concerned for Sayuri yet? *smiles innocently*


	10. Gardenias

Kakashi waited at the front gate for Kotori. They had another undercover mission in the capital city. The Fire Daimyo had hired them to assassinate some noble who was visiting the capital for a festival. The plan was for them to stay at the same hotel, posing as a couple, and then for one of them to slip into the room during the middle of the night. If everything went well, it would be assumed that the man died from a heart attack.

Tenzo had decided to accompany him to the gate. Kakashi half paid attention to him, slouched against the wall as he read his book. He had been tempted to pull the codenames and backstories for their characters from it, however did not want to make it too obvious. There was always the chance that they could run into a fellow fan. He tried not to snicker at the thought of the uptight feudal lords admitting they read Icha Icha Paradise.

“This is your, what, seventh undercover mission together?” 

“Sixth,” Kakashi absentmindedly corrected him.

“You’re keeping track of your fake dates?!” Tenzo sounded exasperated with him.

“Of course, I have to write the mission reports.”

“You’re enjoying this too much, Senpai,” Tenzo dryly said. There was a sly grin on his face. Kakashi did not like that look. Who had been corrupting his innocent little kouhai? “If you like Kotori so much, then why don’t you ask her on a real date?”

Kakashi snapped the book closed. “Because I don’t. This is purely professional.”

Kakashi Hatake was a smart man. There was only so much denying, deflecting and dodging he could do before he was forced to face the terrifying truth. He was attached to her. He was affectionate towards her. He was attracted to her. His feelings towards Kotori went well past comrades or even friends.

And if he was reading her right, those feelings weren’t exactly one-sided.

Tenzo gave him a searching look. “Does she know that?”

“Of course she does.”

“Don’t play with her feelings then. We’ve all noticed the way she looks at you.”

Kakashi felt like a piece of trash in that moment. Tenzo was right. It was cruel to lead her on when he knew he would never act on whatever was between them. These missions had been a fun indulgence. A hint of a life he could not allow himself to have.

When he was younger he assumed that at some point he would pick a wife and have two children like a good shinobi. There were expectations for him to carry on the Hatake legacy. Then he stopped caring if he lived into adulthood. Somehow he had managed to survive to the age of twenty-one.

Kakashi knew that allowing himself to love someone was akin to putting a giant target on their back. His mother had been murdered in an act of revenge against his father. The details had been kept from him for years, until Jiraiya finally told him the truth as a teen. She had been a doctor working at the hospital when someone had managed to poison her. A seal had been placed on a patient and when she had removed it, it had unleashed a deadly airborne poison. Kakashi couldn’t remember her even if he tried. Her absence explained some of his father’s moods as a child. Jiraiya believed that part of Sakumo died with her that day.

Children were completely out of the question for the same reason. The bond a parent felt for their child frightened him. He remembered Rin’s stoic father, a shinobi as hard as any, collapse to his knees in tears when Kakashi and Minato informed him of Rin’s death. He remembered her mother sobbing in the cemetery every day until her health rapidly declined and she joined Rin.

Did he want to open himself up to the possibility of that sort of heartbreak?

The cold, logical part of him said no. He couldn’t afford to open himself up to such a weakness. He couldn’t get lost in his selfish desires. He had nothing to lose and no one to lose. It was what made him so efficient as a shinobi.

Unfortunately emotions did not listen to logic. 

“It’s against the rules,” he slowly said. The closest he could come to a confession.

“Hm,” Tenzo thoughtfully hummed. He crossed his arms. “You’ve never struck me as someone hung up on the rules.”

He wondered what Obito would have to say to that if he were still alive. Obito, who had declared him a piece of scum for putting the mission before his friends. Kakashi ruefully smiled behind the mask. Obito had never put much thought to the shinobi rules. He probably would have said something stupid and heartfelt about never giving up on true love.

His heart squeezed painfully at the reminder of his lost friend. He had failed everyone who ever mattered to him. Obito. Rin. Minato. He knew, without a doubt, that he would fail her too. It was only a matter of time. 

“She’s my subordinate.”

Tenzo shrugged. “The Commander married his subordinate. There seems to be a precedent for exceptions.”

The ANBU Commander also happened to be Lord Third’s eldest son. Not that Kakashi would ever say it out loud, but there was a difference in their situations. The Hokage had no investment in Kakashi beyond his use as a weapon for Konoha. Kakashi's cold and pragmatic side made him a useful weapon. Anything that threatened that - even something like _love_ \- was a risk. Kakashi would have to prove he was willing to put Konoha and the mission above his relationship. Something that went against his very core. 

Even if they were allowed the relationship, the Hokage would probably reassign Kotori to another ANBU team which was not an option. If he was going to allow himself to act on these feelings, he needed to ensure he could protect her.

“I’d rather keep her on the team.” He was not seriously considering this.

“Good thing the rest of us agree on that,” Tenzo said. “Genma and Yugao have prepared an argument for Lord Third if it comes down to it and I’ll be the first to say I encouraged it.”

He needed to find a new genre of book to read. All of these erotic romance novels were filling his head with nonsense. Kakashi wished he could flip to the last page and confirm that their story would have a happy ending. However he knew better than to hope. The were no happy endings in the shinobi world.

“She’ll get killed,” he finally said. His shoulders slumping in defeat. “I’ve made too many enemies.”

“Senpai - ”

However whatever argument Tenzo wanted to make would have to wait. Their conversation was cut short as Kotori approached them. She gave a jaunty wave and a cheerful smile.

“Hey! Sorry to keep you waiting. Tenzo, are you coming too?”

“Not this time,” he said. “I’m just seeing you off. Think about it, Senpai.”

Kotori glanced curiously at Tenzo’s retreating back, however she did not question. Kakashi slipped his book inside his vest pocket. He closed his eye in what he knew would look like a convincing smile. “Well then, let’s get going.”

It was half a day’s journey to the capital city at a shinobi’s pace. They reached it by late afternoon and were ushered inside the palace by the guards to meet the Fire Daimyo. Kakashi had never personally met with him before, however he had heard many things about the man. Including his fickle nature. He never thought that he would experience it first hand.

“This is a little awkward,” the Fire Daimyo said as he and Kotori knelt before him. “I’m sorry I have troubled you to come all this way. However your services are no longer needed.”

Kakashi watched Kotori in his peripheral vision. Her face remained neutral.

“You see we have come to an agreement, his son is to wed my niece. Bringing our two families together as a united front will provide for better stability in our country.”

Kakashi blinked. One week ago the Fire Daimyo wanted this noble dead and now they were planning a wedding.

“I am happy to pay for your services even if they are no longer required,” the Daimyo said. “You’re both invited to attend dinner tonight as an apology. I’m always delighted to have Konoha’s lovely Little Bird in my court. However, where is your usual partner?”

“He’s unavailable, my Lord,” she smoothly said. “Otherwise he would have come.”

“Give my best to Genma,” the Fire Daimyo said. “And who is his replacement?”

ANBU rarely showed their identities to a client never mind gave their true names. Standing before him in the standard Konoha flak jackets made him feel exposed already. Kakashi preferred to slip in, complete the assassination, and slip out without anyone knowing he was ever there. Or at the very least, he would go disguised and under a different name. However, this was their feudal lord and they could hardly refuse him.

“Kakashi Hatake,” He said in a flat tone. Kakashi hid his annoyance under the cold, aloof act that was second nature to him. In fact, he had fooled everyone into believing it was his only nature. The Fire Daimyo would expect it of him.

“Really?”The Daimyo looked intrigued. “Kakashi of the Sharingan, it is a pleasure!”

After a few more minutes of banal chitchat, they were shown to their rooms by one of the servants. 

Kakashi glanced around the accommodations. It was a suite with two bedrooms that shared a common area and bathroom. Kakashi knew it was often used to host parties from Konoha, although it was the first time he had been here. Well, the first time he had stayed at Fire Daimyo's palace.

“He often does this,” Kotori quietly explained. “Genma and I think he likes to flex about being able to hire elite shinobi. Or he’ll get into spats with minor nobles and then call it off when we get here. I think the guilt gets to him. He always pays for the mission he hired and he is generous about showing us around.”

What an absolute waste of Konoha’s resources. Unfortunately they needed to remain on good terms with the Daimyo. His patronage was needed to keep Konoha running. It would be a blow to their village if the Daimyo started using shinobi from another village. Kakashi could tolerate an evening spent ensuring Konoha left a good impression. It helped that people were curious when they heard his name. His reputation preceded him.

Well, at least he had good company for the mission. He would have preferred the dinner reservations he had booked for them though. He had an entire evening planned to help their cover and now it would go to waste. Perhaps Tenzo was right, he was being selfish with planning these missions. 

"Haven't you been on several of these missions?" 

“Yes, and we always include the details in the mission reports. Do you not read them?” Kotori innocently replied. 

“I don’t have time to read every successful assassination you complete.” Perhaps he should do occasional spot checks. He only read them if something went wrong. Something about the spark in her eye and the smirk that was threatening to dance across her face made him suspicious.

“That’s a shame. Yugao and I have been filling them with innuendos for months. I was a bit disappointed you filled out the Hot Water country one. I don’t get into as many sword fights and with one that large, you know he’s overcompensating.”

He definitely needed to spot check and possibly ask Kotori and Yugao to rewrite them. He could only imagine if someone from the Hokage office actually read them. _And he had been signing off on them for months._

Oh well, everyone in Konoha already thought he was pervert.

“Overcompensating how?” He lifted his eyebrow.

Kotori gave a bland smile as if they were talking about the weather. “Clearly overcompensating for his terrible ninjutsu skills.”

Kakashi crossed his arms and closed his eye, knowing he looked serious in that moment. Kotori couldn’t see the smile behind the mask. Two could play at this game. “Generally kenjutsu users think they can just swing their swordaround and lack the finesse needed to truly excel. Ninjutsu users are often more successful in battle because we’re quicker with our hands and have a variety of techniques.“

She covered her mouth as she giggled. Her nose scrunched and he thought she looked adorable. “Thank you for sharing that, Kakashi.”

He put his hands in his pockets and gave a little shrug. 

The pair of them dressed for dinner. He adjusted the black kimono he brought with him over his mesh shirt. He wore the undershirt with the mask underneath as well. After a brief hesitation, he removed the forehead protector. He knew it would be expected of him to appear as himself this evening. As much as that went against his entire being. 

The door to Kotori's room opened and she finally emerged.

She looked _radiant_.

She was wearing a pale blue kimono with a pattern of light grey birds. Her hair was artfully twisted back and held in place with a kanzashi. Her bangs swept across her forehead with a few wisps of hair framing her face. She had taken the time to apply her makeup and her skin seemed to glow. He couldn't tell if it was a result of the makeup or the soft smile on her face.

He was rendered speechless before he cleared his throat. “You look nice.”

She adverted her eyes, however looked pleased at the compliment. A lovely blush appeared on her cheeks. “Thank you.”

She accepted the arm he held out, curling her hand around his bicep. An evening politicking with the Fire Daimyo’s court was not something he was keen on. Most were content to goggle him, _Kakashi of the Sharingan_ , and accepted his silence as a typical shinobi. Kotori did not escape so easily. There were different societal expectations on kunoichi. Fortunately, Kotori had been through this song and dance a few times and was able to navigate through enough conversation to still be considered polite. 

Kakashi entertained himself by timing quick bites of food when people were not focussed on him. The sharingan predicated when someone was about to glance his way and his lightning fast reflexes had the mask in place every time. It got more difficult the longer he played this game and the more interest was peaked. Even the Fire Daimyo was being blatant with his staring. Eventually Kakashi cast a simple genjutsu so that he could eat in peace. To everyone, it would appear as though he was eating when they blinked. Out of the corner of his normal eye, he saw Kotori's lips twitch, but she schooled her expression and took a careful sip of her drink.

After dinner, they were led to another room for entertainment and more socializing. Kakashi's eye twitched a little as he was caught in a conversation with some older woman who bred _the best_ pugs. Kakashi privately felt that Pakkun would disagree. Kakashi glanced over where Kotori had a strained smile as she nodded along with some older man who kept droning on about his latest novel. 

There was relief in her eyes as he whisked her away in the pretence of needing to do a perimeter check. Most of the guests seemed to assume they were there for their protection. Perhaps regularly having guests from Konoha had dulled their suspicions that anything was afoot. It would be useful in the future.

They stepped out onto the terrace overlooking one of the Fire Daimyo’s many gardens. They were blissfully alone.

“I bet his novel doesn't have a single erotic scene." He closed his eyes and folded his arms, pretending to be disappointed. He was rewarded with a small giggle.

“I would hope not, he's the royal biographer."

It would probably be considered treasonous, or at the very least rude, to make a joke about the Fire Daimyo's sex life. How the man managed to have five children with three different wives was a mystery to him. Wealth and power seemed to make up for a poor personality and unattractive appearance. He lifted his arms in a shrug. "Not something I would read then."

"I don't think an erotic scene would improve the book anyway." Kotori rested her hands on the railing and closed her eyes, a serene expression on her face. "It's so beautiful here."

The Fire Daimyo's gardens were renown throughout the country. The gardens were rumoured to have been a gift from Hashirama Senju himself. Not that Kakashi was paying much attention to flowers when he could focus solely on the beauty next to him. Kakashi plucked a white gardenia from a nearby shrub and placed it in Kotori’s hair. His hand lingered a bit too long. Her fingers brushed the petals of the flower. Her eyebrow quirked upwards, however she didn't speak. 

His hand rested on the railing next to hers, as close as physically possible without touching. He could feel the warmth of her hand and the temptation to reach out grew. It was such a simple movement; he could reach out and lock his pinky together with his. He could lift his hand and cover hers entirely. He could interlock their fingers together. 

She lifted her hands from the railing and he knew the moment had passed. He was too late. 

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets. Perhaps that was for the best. It had been a foolish fantasy anyway. He would be reassigning these undercover missions to Genma moving forward. 


	11. Everything Goes to Hell

Kotori didn’t know what she had done to annoy Kakashi.

Ever since they had gotten back from the capital city, he had been noticeably _cold_ towards her. It was like the Kakashi she had met when she first joined Team Ro. He stopped assigning them missions together, he stopped sparring with her, he stopped talking to her in public. He could barely look her in the eye. Hell, he even stopped referring to her by her _name_. The rare time he addressed her, it was always as _Hawk_.

She had racked her brain for what could have possibly happened, overanalyzing their every interaction from that mission. He had been quieter on the way back to Konoha the next day. However he had seemed normal the evening before, _happy_ even. He had even been affectionate with her. She had tried not to read into their interactions on these undercover missions too much. However, she couldn’t deny that there was something _there_. Most of these missions didn’t require him nor the elaborate undercover stories he came up with. Kakashi seemed to take any opportunity for the pair of them to go undercover as lovers.

She remembered the tender moment they had shared when he arranged a flower in her hair. _Gardenias_. Kotori thought it stood for a secret love at the time, had wondered if perhaps he was trying to confess his own feelings. Her heart had just about bust from giddiness and excitement when his hand brushed against her hair on the balcony at the Fire Daimyo’s palace. They weren’t undercover at that moment and there was no reason for him to be affectionate unless he _wanted_ to be. The flower had been carefully preserved and placed in a storage scroll when she was alone that night. Kotori had thought it would signify a shift in their relationship. She just didn’t expect the shift to be for the worse. Pouring over Hanakotoba books in the weeks since revealed a second meaning. _Unrequited love_. It was possible it was his way of letting her know her feelings were one-sided.

He could have left it there. He didn’t have to be such a jerk. Apparently it was not enough for Kakashi Hatake to politely reject her feelings. Oh no, he had to completely grind them under his heel until there was nothing left but dust.

Kotori had ceremoniously set fire to the gardenia. She wished she could say it made her feel better, but it didn’t.

And now she was stuck on her first mission with him in over two months. It was wearing on her nerves. He had only interacted with her to give her orders and a brief moment when he had harshly grabbed her by the shoulder to pull her out of the way of a trap. It didn’t help that she was more distracted than usual. She went from longing to talk and joke as they once did to being annoyed by his very presence.

Tenzo seemed to notice the underlying tension. He had taken it upon himself to try and carry the conversation between the three of them.

The trio had completed the mission and were on route back to Konoha. They were all on guard, however a little less on edge now that they had crossed the border into the Land of Fire. The mission was a success and there were no major injuries. Normally that would have everyone in a good mood. Kotori couldn’t help but wonder if her presence on his mission was what had Kakashi so tense. She had hoped that whatever was going on wouldn’t affect their missions, but had no idea how to fix this. She had attempted to track him down prior to this mission and talk to him more than once, only to discover that he had vanished or taken off on another mission. Not even her birds could find him, which made her wonder if he had been purposely avoiding them or killing them.

The offer she received from another ANBU captain to join his squad had never looked so tempting. She liked her team, she really did. It was just hard to be part of the team while her emotions were so raw. She had this need to be both as close and as far away from Kakashi as she could get. She looked for him every time their team was assembled and felt the ache when he ignored her presence. It was pathetic of her. She shouldn't be so hung up over a guy and she shouldn't let rejection run her off a team.

Life was so much easier when she was on a team of kunoichi.

Tenzo’s voice cut into her thoughts. “We should do another night out soon. We haven’t had one in ages.”

Kakashi made a noncommittal noise.

“Hawk, don’t you usually organize those?” Tenzo tried again.

“I haven’t had a lot of time,” she replied in a flat tone.

“You two really aren’t giving me much to work with here,” he groused. “We should do something, none of us had the chance to get to know Raccoon yet.”

Oh yes, Racoon. Itachi had left their team when he had been made an ANBU captain several months ago. Lord Third had just gotten around to finding a replacement for Team Ro. Kotori felt a touch of annoyance. She didn’t like being jealous of another woman. She wanted to be welcoming and supportive. Ayumu Yamanaka managed to combine her family’s secret clan techniques with genjutsu to make for some interesting interrogation tactics. However she needed to be trained in standard ANBU formations and her hand-to-hand combat skills left much to be desired. Meaning that Kakashi was spending a lot of one on one time with her. Kotori tried to push out the bitter feeling that she had been replaced. They were all teammates and Ayumu needed the training. 

She should really organize something. It would help to give Ayumu a chance to know everyone. Plus it wouldn’t be a bad thing to see everyone outside of work. If she were to take the transfer, she would rarely see any of them. “Maybe tomorrow if everyone’s in the village.”

Tenzo seemed content with her answer. “We’ll have the day off, Raccoon, Bear and Gecko should be on standby. Cat and Owl were expected to arrive this morning from their mission. What do you say, Senpai?”

“Do as you will.”

“Oh no, you’re coming. Hawk, a little help here. What do you always say about team bonding?”

“I’m sure you’ve all heard it enough over the years.”

The conversation rapidly fell apart after that. Tenzo tried a few over lighter topics, with about as much success as a cat trying to fly.

They were about three hours away from Konoha when Kakashi signalled for them to take a break. The sun had started to sink behind the trees, directly in their line of view. Kotori was grateful that they would wait until the sun finished setting before continuing. Having to squint while running through the trees was not ideal.

Kakashi wandered off to do a perimeter check, leaving Kotori and Tenzo behind. She didn’t bother to tell him that she had already scouted the area with her birds. It was a relief to be given a reprieve of the thick cloud of tension that had engulfed their party for the past week. She finally felt like she could breathe.

Kotori crossed her legs as she sat down on the ground under one of the trees. She took a small sip of water from her canteen. She blinked open her eyes as she heard Tenzo sit down beside her.

“You’ve been quiet. Something on your mind?”

“I don’t have much to say.” She ripped up the blades of grass next to her, tearing them into small threads. Tenzo remained perfectly still, the tiger mask hiding any facial reaction. His head was tilted to the side and she knew he was searching her body language for _something_. He clearly did not believe her.

She kept silent, forcing him to once again speak when he realized she had no intention of continuing the conversation.

“I will respect your right to privacy then. However, it is apparent that you haven’t been yourself lately.”

She couldn’t help but roll her eyes behind her mask. She felt a little called out. “Don’t worry about me.”

He gave a little shrug. “Worrying about friends is just human nature.”

It was news that he considered her a friend. While she was quick to refer to everyone on Team Ro as her friends, Kotori knew that friendship was often hard earned in the shinobi world. People often had a small cluster of friends and family and were slow to truly let in anyone else. Kotori could not recall a single conversation with Tenzo outside of missions or training. She had tried, but he had always seemed awkward about it and navigated the conversation back to work topics. She had always assumed he preferred to keep his personal and professional lives separate, much like Satoshi or Haruki.

She softened, a bit. Perhaps Tenzo was just awkward. “I’m sorry, I’ve been stuck in my head too much. Captain Ox approached me, wondering if I would accept a request to join his team.”

“You want to leave?” She was surprised that Tenzo sounded so alarmed. Teams were created and disbanded all of the time. People came and went. People were injured. People were promoted. People died. It was unusual that Team Ro had kept most of its original members and had not lost anyone to death or serious injury. Kotori privately thought it was through Kakashi’s almost desperate determination to keep them all alive.

“Should I?”

Tenzo probably had more of an insight into Kakashi’s mind then anyone on the team. She trusted he would be honest with her if he thought she should leave.

“That’s your decision to make, although if I may give my thoughts?”

She gestured for him to go ahead, curious what he would say.

“You track record for both solo and group assignments is impressive. Only three failed missions and one injury requiring hospitalization since you joined. You’re highly ranked in espionage and infiltration. You’re respected and trusted by your peers. While I still wouldn’t classify you as combat, you’ve shown steady improvement in that area. Other captains have taken notice of you, that’s true. However, you can be picky about what team you accept. You’d be hard pressed to find a better captain than Hound or a team that compliments you as well as ours. There’s no _need_ for you to leave. Besides,” Tenzo said, the next words sounding careful and measured. “There’s not a single person on this team who wouldn’t be sad to see you go.”

She was glad that the hawk mask was covering her face because she knew she was blushing furiously. She could just feel the heat in her cheeks. It was rare to have your skills assessed and praised like that. Often, one only heard of their failures in this role. Or saw their failures as a mission imploded and they endangered themselves, their comrades or the mission. “You don’t have to be nice.”

“I have no reason to lie to you,” Tenzo said. “As for Ox, this will stay between us?”

“Of course.”

“I wouldn’t, if I were you. Ox uses kunoichi as bait. He has an opening because the last girl on his team ended up killed when the mission went sideways and they couldn’t get her back in time. It’s a pattern, but the council approves because he gets results. For all of Hound’s flaws, he’s not cavalier about your life. If you were sincere about wanting a reassignment, there are teams that would be willing to trade for you.”

Kotori had a sense she knew where this was heading. She felt tricked, almost as if Tenzo knew the cause of her sudden desire to leave and wanted to probe a little.

“You would just have to talk to Kakashi first.”

She hated being right. Kotori couldn’t help the bitter remark that followed. “Yeah, that’s not going to happen.”

“Probably not,” Tenzo agreed. He sounded amused. “I did tell you that you would be hard pressed to find a team that complimented you as well as ours. I'm not sure your reasons for considering this, but Hound wouldn't let you go without a fight."

Talking with Tenzo only left her more confused. However, he didn't seem to think Kakashi wanted her off the team. On the contrary, she would have to convince him why her leaving was for the best and that was not a conversation she was keen on having.

Kakashi reappeared shortly after that, silently signalling that it was time to leave. Kotori followed after Kakashi with Tenzo bringing up the rear. She didn’t quite have the same speed they did and knew they were allowing her to set the pace by keeping her in the middle.

_Chika dee dee dee_

Kotori paused as she heard the familiar cry. Kakashi and Tenzo both stopped, hearing it too. Both were poised to fend off an incoming attack. It usually meant danger or someone was trying to contact her. She held her hands in the bird seal as she tried to find the bird that was alerting her. In her mind’s eye, she could see Sayuri crouched in front of the bird. Her eyes were wide and fearful.

“- hope you understand. I tried to stop it. If I wasn’t so weak and useless, Itachi - “

Kotori screamed as a blade was plunged into Sayuri from behind. The tip of it poking through her chest, covered in blood. She could see the life drain from her best friend’s eyes, the surprise etched onto her face. The tanto was pulled out just as rapidly and Sayuri slumped to the ground. She could feel Kakashi shaking her, asking her what was happening. She held onto the connection to see her friend’s murderer. Only to find Itachi Uchiha standing there, sharingan activated as he mechanically cleaned the blood off the blade. His eye lifted, making contact with her. He threw a shuriken at the chakra bird, forcing Kotori to break the connection.

“- back to me.”

When she came to, she realized she was sitting on the ground and Kakashi was kneeling in front of her. He looked a bit shaken and Kotori realized he had taken off the hound mask. She must have fallen from the trees. Kakashi or Tenzo probably caught her as she didn’t feel sore. Kakashi’s hands were firmly holding her shoulders while Tenzo was hovering over them, keeping guard. Kotori looked into his mismatched eyes and while the grey one seemed concerned, the red sharingan gave off an eerie glow. She felt a chill go down her spine.

It was too much. It was too much like - she squeezed her eyes shut. It was too much like Sayuri. Too much like _Itachi_.

“No, no no no - ” she started crying. She needed to keep her composure. She needed to tell Kakashi what she had saw, even if she couldn’t make sense of it. “Itachi killed Sayuri. She was - she was trying to tell me something.”

Kakashi’s eyes widened for a split second. Already she could hear his mind at work. “Itachi? Why?”

“I don’t know, she said ‘hope you understand. I tried to stop it.’ Then she mentioned Itachi, but he killed her before she could say anything else.”

It didn’t escape her notice that Kakashi and Tenzo exchanged a glance. “We need to get back to Konoha. Can you send a message to Lord Third about what you saw? Someone should check on the Uchiha compound.”

“Yes, just give me a moment.” Sending a message, especially across a large distance, took a lot of chakra and focus.

“Concentrate on getting the message, I’ll get us back,” Kakashi said. He slid the tanto out of its holder on his back and handed it over to Tenzo. Then he spun around so that she could hop onto his back. His arms caught her legs, holding them securely as he took to the trees once more.

She wrapped her arms around his neck and formed the bird seal. Her head slumped forward as she found one of her birds and directed it towards the Hokage Tower. She urgently tapped on one of the windows, noticing that the Hokage was with the elder members of the council. She hoped she wouldn’t get in trouble for interrupting an important meeting. Her bird flew through an opening and started chirping. All of them went silent. Danzo lifted a kunai, prepared to kill the bird.

She circled the room before landing on the desk in front of the Hokage.

The Hokage lifted his hand to indicate that it was alright. “Hawk? Report.”

Her bird dipped its talon into a well of ink and started writing on a blank scroll in front of the Hokage. It felt long and painfully slow as she made each stroke. She rarely had to control her birds this long or with this much precision however she pushed herself to get the message out.

_There’s an issue in the Uchiha compound. Itachi killed Sayuri Uchiha before details could be given. Team Ro one hour out from Konoha._

Lord Third looked grimly at the message and then nodded. “I’ll dispatch an ANBU team to investigate. You’re dismissed.”

She blinked, returning to her body. Her forehead was leaning against Kakashi’s back as he dashed through the trees. From the sounds of it, Tenzo was close behind. She tapped Kakashi’s shoulder, indicating that she was back. She made movement to try and untangle herself, however Kakashi’s arms tightened against her legs, preventing her from getting down.

“It’s fine,” he quietly said. “I’ve got you.”

Without the urgency of getting the message, without the urgency of rushing home - oh gods, _Sayuri_. Her mind kept replaying that terrible moment. She couldn't believe it. She didn't want to believe it.

Kotori squeezed her eyes shut behind the hawk mask, grateful for the privacy it allowed. The porcelain forehead of her mask was resting against Kakashi’s neck and she was sure the beck was poking him. He didn’t say anything. Nor did he mention the fact that she was probably soaking the back of his shirt with her tears or making it difficult to carry her from the quivering of her shoulders. He didn’t say anything, but he did squeeze her leg in a gesture of sympathy.

“Thank you,” she whispered as she tried to compose herself.

_Chika dee dee dee_

She could feel Kakashi’s shoulders stiffen under her arms. Shakily, she formed the bird seal for the second time that evening. This time it was Yugao crouched down next to it. “Itachi went rogue and slaughtered his entire clan. We think he left the village. Be on the lookout.”

She felt numb as she returned to her body. “Cat says Itachi went rogue. He killed everyone in the Uchiha clan and fled Konoha.”

She could feel the tension in Kakashi's body as he nodded. His voice was steely as he said, "Try and track him down. I'll take us straight to the Uchiha compound."

She tried, darting from bird to bird throughout Konoha and the surrounding area. None of her birds were located anywhere near the Uchiha compound and Itachi was too familiar with her jutsu to leave any alive. She was starting to feel sluggish and the drain of overusing her jutsu by the time they made it back. The early warnings of chakra exhaustion creeped in and she returned to her body. Kakashi would have to use his ninken.

Kakashi set her down once they arrived on scene. Her legs almost wobbled beneath her. She pushed past the fatigue, carefully hiding it as she followed Kakashi and Tenzo at a brisk pace. The rest of Team Ro were amongst the ANBU that were clearing the compound. They were quickly filled in by the ANBU Commander, Monkey, who was leading the investigation. Kotori only half paid attention, her eyes taking in the chaotic scene around them.

Bodies had been hauled out and lined in the middle of the streets. Kotori rushed forward, scanning the faces. Her heart sank further as she saw more and more people she recognized, Sayuri’s parents, her younger brother, her elderly neighbour, the pair of shinobi on the police force, the clan leader and his wife, the teahouse owner -

She dropped to her knees next to Sayuri. Someone had closed her eyelids and she looked like she could have been peacefully sleeping. If not for the bloody wound in the middle of her chest. Kotori tore off the hawk mask as she bowed her head. Hawk was a kunoichi, an ANBU, a solider - Hawk did not cry. Kotori Sorano, on the other hand, did.

“Hawk - ” there was hesitation in Kakashi’s voice as he knelt next to her. She felt him squeeze her shoulder. Then the authoritative voice came back. “I’m sending you home. You’re not needed here.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but her brain couldn’t even formulate a thought and the protest stuck to the back of her throat.

There was another familiar voice behind her. Someone was grabbing her by the back of her uniform and hauling her to her feet.

“Get up,” came a gruff, but familiar, voice. “I’ll take it from here, Captain Hound.”

 _Ensui_ she belatedly realized. He grabbed her in a hug, letting her cling to him and cry all over him. He was the only thing keeping her from finally collapsing in that moment.

He rested his chin on the top of her head as he held her up. “Let it out.”


	12. Pushing Forward

Kotori could remember the first time she watched a person die.

She had been ten years old and deployed to Iwa during the third shinobi war. Her team was part of the unit responsible for blowing up supply chains. Kotori had always been small for her age and her smaller chakra reserves were easily suppressed. A little dirtying her up made her blend in with orphans in war torn areas. She would sneak into enemy camps and pretend to beg for food while planting exploding tags in their supplies. It was usually the signal for an attack by the nearby Konoha forces.

She had been caught by an Iwa shinobi and held down in the resulting chaos her third time. She remembered thinking _this was it_ as the man held her down, his hands closing around her throat as she struggled and thrashed and tried to rely on her taijutsu training to take down a grown man over three times her size. She remembered the relief and horror as a shadow pierced the man through the chest, spraying her with blood.

Ensui had yanked the man off of her before pulling her to her feet and pushing her to keep moving forward. He was always there at the worst moments of her life, helping to pull her to her feet and urging her to keep moving. There was no time in the middle of war or a mission to break down. He was also there whenever she finally stopped and allowed her emotions to catch up.

She was no longer a ten year old genin in the middle of a war. Or a twelve year old chunnin being informed that her family had been killed by the nine tailed fox. She shouldn’t need her former teacher so much. Especially not now. _Shinobi don’t cry_. She was jonin ranked and a member of ANBU; she should have better control of her emotions. She should be able to push them aside and do her duty.

Ensui held her, stroking her hair with one hand while the other wrapped around her shoulder. He didn't offer any placating words as she buried her head into his chest. 

Belatedly, she realized he was tapping the same message into her shoulder. She felt stupid for not noticing that sooner. _Follow Lead. Explain Later._

She slowly nodded. Her eyes flickering up to meet his. The stag mask was off and there was a pinched expression on his face. Kotori realized he was probably only keeping it together for her sake.

“That’s my girl,” he said. His dark eyes softened for a moment. “Why don't you come spend the night with Kosuke and I?"

Ensui slipped his stag mask back on and Kotori followed suit. She felt oddly numb in that moment. She had heard stories of ANBU agents who could separate themselves into two different people. She thought they meant they had a professional work side on the job and a personal side around their friends and family. Kotori had always blurred the two, professional and personal, Hawk and Kotori, work and family.

She let herself slip fully into her Hawk persona, relying on training and instinct like she was on a mission. It made things easier.

She noticed two ANBU approaching with clipboards as they left. A third knelt next to Sayuri, inspecting her eyes. Hawk glanced around and realized she no longer recognized the ANBU around the Uchiha district. She couldn’t spot the members of Team Ro or Team Fu. It wasn’t unusual, there were a couple dozen teams and Hawk didn’t know everyone. In light of the circumstances, it seemed suspicious.

Hawk channeled chakra to her ears.

“ - awoken the Mangekyo before death - ”

“ - add her to the list - ”

“Stag and Hawk,” a voice interrupted. “Your teams have been relieved of their duties.”

Hawk knelt before Lord Danzo. These must be the shinobi under his command then. She had heard whispers that Lord Danzo oversaw his own fraction of ANBU. The unspoken rule in ANBU was that you did not mention them. Not even Gecko would speak of it.

Stag spoke for the pair of them. “Sorry, sir. We will take our leave now.”

Hawk urged her to listen to her superiors however Kotori froze time the spot, not wanting to leave her friend’s body behind. Not _ready_ to leave her friend’s body.

Stag grabbed Hawk’s arm and quickly pulled her away. She followed him as he darted across the rooftops towards the Nara compound on the other side of the village. No one was stupid enough to go into the Nara clan lands uninvited. They lived on the outskirts of Konoha and were here long before the village was founded.

Some clans had high walls around their compounds and others were more like a neighbourhood. The Nara were more open, however there was often a sense of foreboding between the old forest and shadows that surrounded them. During the daytime, sunlight would filter in through the trees, dancing in patches on the ground. She could tell they were being watched as they walked along the path. Whether by other clansman or deer she was unsure. She knew she was safe as Stag signalled at someone in the distance.

Hawk pulled off the mask and let the flood of emotion finally consume her. Angry tears collected in her eyes as she spun on Ensui.

“What is the Mangekyo?” Kotori demanded. She could remember the unique pattern in Itachi’s eyes as he cleaned his blade. It wasn’t the same as the three tomoe pattern Sayuri shared with the rest of her clan.

“If you overheard anything, you best forget it,” Ensui growled. 

“They’re taking her eyes, aren’t they?”

“Kotori. I’m warning you - "

"Isn't that convenient? The entire clan is dead and - " she bitterly said. The normal procedure for when a member of the Uchiha or Hyuga clan died was to immediately destroy their body so that their eyes couldn't be stolen. Sayuri had made it abundantly clear that she expected her teammates to do it in the event she died on a mission. In fact, Kakashi having a sharingan was a rare exception and Kotori doubted that had gone over well with the Uchiha clan elders. 

Now there were no clan elders left and the vultures were sure to circle.

Ensui quickly pinned her to the tree with his arm and clamped a hand over her mouth. There was an intense look in his eyes and his voice dropped to barely a whisper. “Lord Danzo is a trusted advisor to the Hokage. Be very careful what you say, even here, even to me.”

Kotori glared up at him. He stepped on both of her feet, further preventing her from moving.

“You’re a smart girl, Kotori. There’s nothing I can do for Sayuri, other than mourn for her. My duty is to the living now.” He removed his hand so that she could answer.

“But -!” She protested. How could they just let Sayuri’s killer go free? “What about Itachi?”

“No.” Ensui cut her off, his expression darkening. “If you pursue Itachi Uchiha in revenge the only grave you’ll be digging is your own. Besides, while he may have been the shinobi behind the blade I would bet my life that someone else gave the order.”

Ensui released his hold on her. Kotori slid down the tree until she was crouched on the ground. She felt utterly powerless and hopeless in this situation. “What do we do?”

“I don’t know,” he admitted. “For now, my priorities are to keep my family safe and that includes you. So keep your head down and keep your birds out of places they don’t belong.”

"Sensei - "

Ensui sharply shook his head. "I can’t help you. If this had been five years ago - maybe, yes. I know what he’ll do to keep me in line. He’s done it to others; he takes their children away and brainwashes them into his soldiers.”

Kotori’s blood went cold. _Rika_.

“Tori, _please_ , don’t get yourself killed.”

”I - “ Something about the sheer desperation in his tone and the way he used her childhood nickname left her shaken. Ensui was not one to beg. “I won’t do anything.”

Relief was evident in his eyes. He looked about as exhausted as she felt in that moment. “One day, he’ll get what’s coming to him.”

Instead of leading her towards his house, Ensui continued to the main building. It was where the clan’s head - Ensui’s older brother - lived with his family.

“Kosuke is waiting with Yoshino,” Ensui explained. He knocked a quiet pattern on the door and then flared his chakra in a distinctive pattern.

The door slid open just a crack and Yoshino Nara peered at the both of them. “Come on in.”

Kosuke and the children were gathered in the living room. Rika was sleeping with her head in Kosuke’s lap while Shikamaru was stretched out on a sofa opposite to them. A green blanket with a pattern of antler and leaves had been gently placed over him.

Yoshino was suddenly pushing a cup of tea into their hands and urging them to sit. Kotori breathed in the steam, focusing on the earthy scent mixed with some floral. A few tentative sips helped with the bone-aching exhaustion that came with low chakra and a week long mission. Kotori sighed as she slumped into the lone armchair.

“What happened? Suzaku said Itachi Uchiha killed his entire clan - surely there were survivors. The civilians - the children - ?”

Ensui quietly shook his head. “We’re still investigating.”

Yoshino covered her face in horror. Her legs seemed to give out as she sat next to Shikamaru.

“And Sayuri?” Kosuke softly asked.

Ensui sunk into the sofa next to his wife. His eyes closed as he bowed his head into his hands. “Her too.”

The shatter of a porcelain teacup was Kosuke’s only response. Her large brown eyes watered as she looked between Ensui and Kotori. “No! Not - oh Ensui, I’m so sorry. I know those girls mean the world to you.”

Kosuke’s hand started running circles into her husband’s shoulders. Meanwhile Kotori and Yoshino both jumped to clean up the spill. Yoshino pushed Kotori back into the chair.

“Sit and drink your tea,” she commanded in a tone that left no room for argument. “You look like you’re about to collapse. You jonin are all the same, pushing yourselves to the absolute limit.”

“What about Sasuke?” Shikamaru suddenly asked, his eyes blinking open and intently staring at Ensui. So the kid wasn’t asleep like she had assumed. He listed off a few more names that Kotori assumed were probably other Uchiha children at the academy. “Kenta? Mayumi?”

Ensui lifted his head and glanced at Yoshino. She gave a grimace before sitting back on the sofa and wrapping an arm around her son. Shikamaru leaned into Yoshino as if subconsciously preparing for bad news. Yoshino rested her chin on top of his head as she ran her fingers through his loose hair.

“Sasuke is the only survivor,” Ensui explained. “He’s been taken to the hospital.”

Shikamaru’s face crumbled. His brows drew together as if he was trying to process. Kotori wondered if it was the first time someone he knew died. It was such a strange concept as a child, even if children in their village became acquainted with it all too young. That someone could be there one day and then gone the next.

Kotori squeezed her eyes shut, the realization once again that Sayuri was gone. She was no stranger to grief, yet time had dulled her to the sudden, sharp pain of losing a loved one. The way it ebbed and flowed in the background.

Shikamaru glanced around the room and asked the single question no one could answer. “Why would anyone kill their own clan?”

They sat in the living room, each lost in their own thoughts. She could hear Yoshino mutter soothing words to Shikamaru as the kid started crying. Rika seemed to have woken up and Ensui picked her up, tightly holding her in his arms as he paced the room. Kotori pulled her legs into her chest and buried her face into her knees. Part of her wanted to go home, almost feeling as if she was intruding on a private family affair. Another part of her dreaded going home and being left alone with her thoughts.

Yoshino suddenly took in a sharp breath. “Someone is coming.”

Kotori and Yoshino slid in a defensive position, prepared to give Kosuke time to escape with the kids. Kotori’s hands flipped through the seals and pulled a lightning arrow back, ready to release at a moment’s notice. Yoshino’s shadow snaked across the floor and then up along the walls, preparing to create her shadow barrier jutsu. Ensui handed Rika back to Kosuke while Shikamaru grabbed a kunai off of the coffee table.

There was a polite knock on the door. It didn’t have the same pattern that Ensui used. He glanced at Yoshino who narrowed her eyes and shrugged. She was a sensory type however it seemed she wasn’t familiar with the chakra of the person outside. Not someone from the Nara clan then, but probably not a foe. Rogue ninja usually didn’t knock and wait for a response.

Ensui slid open the door, kunai in hand. His body still taut with tension.

“What are you doing here?” Ensui growled.

Kotori recognized the almost apologetic voice on the other side. “Shikaku said I would find Kotori here.”

Ensui remained in the doorway, blocking Kakashi’s entrance. Kotori relaxed, carefully letting her chakra fizzle out in her hand. Yoshino exhaled, her shadow retreating back towards her.

Ensui leaned against the side, crossing his arms. “You couldn’t just send her a message?”

“I’d rather talk in person, if you don’t mind.”

“Ensui, don’t be so difficult,” Yoshino scolded. “I’m sorry Kakashi, please come in. Did my husband send any news?”

“He said don’t wait up,” Kakashi breezily replied. Despite the light tone, his face remained serious. His lone eye quickly surveying the room before resting on her.

Yoshino crossed her arms. “That man. He’s still in the village at least?”

“Yes,” Kakashi said. “Teams have been dispatched to find Itachi.”

“They’ve confirmed it was Itachi then?”

Kakashi’s eye flickered towards Shikamaru and Rika before he closed it and gave a fake smile. “Let’s just say we have it on good authority.”

“Witnesses?” Ensui asked. He glanced towards Kotori.

She gave a slight nod to confirm his suspicion. “I thought Sasuke was unconscious?”

“Inoichi was able to confirm it was Itachi,” Kakashi said. It was met with a grimace from the shinobi who were familiar with Inoichi’s methods. “Which brings me to the reason for my visit. Inoichi would like to see you when you get the chance. He’ll be in his office around seven.”

“Okay.”

That was only a few hours from now. Kotori doubted she would be getting any sleep. It would be best to go home, freshen up and take a solider pill. She was sure the next few days would be busy. Having a mission or task would give her something to do, keep her mind preoccupied.

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets and looked uncomfortable in the Nara’s family home. Shikamaru tilted his head and curiously looked at him. Kotori realized then that the three of them were unmasked - or at least as unmasked as far as Kakashi went - while still dressed in their ANBU uniforms. Well, there went their identities.

“That could have been a messenger bird,” Ensui grumbled just loud enough for Kotori to hear. “Or Shikaku would have said it when he got back.”

Kosuke stepped on Ensui’s foot while passing Rika over to him. He sighed, but his expression softened a little as he held her. Rika grumbled before burying her face into her father’s shoulder.  


Kakashi’s eye flickered towards Kotori and then towards the veranda outside. Kotori knew he wanted to talk to her in private. She made their excuses and led him outside.   


He leaned against one of the posts while Kotori clutched the handrail, leaning forward to stare off into the distance.

“Mission?” She wondered if they would be asked to track Itachi. She tilted her head to face him.

“No mission. After you meet with Inoichi you’re free. The team is meeting at three for some training, although I understand if you don’t make it.”

“That’s it?” She skeptically asked. She waved her hand. “What about-?”

Kakashi’s expression darkened. “We’ve been dismissed from the case.”

“What do you mean _dismissed_?” Kotori hissed. “You’re the best tracker we have! If anyone had a chance at finding Itachi it would be you.”

Kakashi shrugged. “I don’t make the decisions.”

“Why did you come here? You know how to contact me through my birds.”

His eye lowered, avoiding hers. “I wanted to talk to you in person.”

“Why?”

“Ah, since when do I need a reason?” Kakashi said. His eye curled into a smile although she doubted it was sincere. He was trying to deflect the question. Months of cold stone silence from him and suddenly he was being _nice_ because she witnessed her best friend - 

His shoulders were slumped and his hand awkwardly scratched the back of his head. 

_Oh_. That’s why he was here.   


He so rarely spoke of the friend who had given him the sharingan. Kotori only knew the name _Obito Uchiha_ because he had been a cousin of Sayuri’s. She didn’t even know the name of the girl who had thrown herself in front of Kakashi’s chidori. He never mentioned his sensei although she knew it had been Lord Fourth. 

She found she couldn’t be annoyed with him. 

Kakashi rested his hand on top of hers. “Take whatever time you need.”

His fingers interlocked with hers as he squeezed them.

“Thank you.”

Someone cleared their voice behind them. Ensui had his hands in his pockets and an unreadable expression on his face. “Sorry to interrupt.”

He didn’t look sorry at all.

Kakashi quickly withdrew his hand. “I should get going. I’ll be around if you need me.”

He was gone in a puff of smoke before anyone could respond.

“You know,” Ensui said, staring at the space where Kakashi had just been standing. “I’m not above feeding him to the deer if he comes back.”

“They’re herbivores.”

“Plants still need fertilizer.”

“Sensei - "

“I can’t protect you from everything,” Ensui said. He was twirling his kunai now. “But I can at least try to stop you from having your heart ripped out.”

Kotori gave him a filthy look. “Do you mean that literally or figuratively?”

Ensui grunted. His eyes were red rimmed again and he quickly blinked them a few times. “You know how I meant it. Fuck, why couldn’t you three stay cute little genin forever?”

She blinked as she watched her sensei try to pretend there weren’t fresh tears running down his cheeks.

“Do you remember the day we met you?” Kotori blurted out.

Ensui scratched the bridge of his nose. “Of course I do. Shikaku kicked my arse out of bed and told me I was now a jonin sensei and to meet my team in ten minutes. Yoshino gave me instructions. Told me not to fucking swear in front of the kids.”

“That lasted for all of five minutes into our survival training,” Kotori reminded him. “ _Fucking girls. Shikaku is probably laughing his ass off right now_.”

Ensui’s smile was bittersweet. “I had the last laugh when you wiped the floor with his team in the second chunin exam.”

“You bet on us, didn’t you.”

“Of course I did. Shikaku paid our bar tab for the next two years. He thought at least one or two from his team would have made chunnin and then you three knocked them out before the final exam.”

Kotori sniffed as she remembered their chunin exams. They were one of six Konoha teams that had been sent to Suna that summer. It had been hot and miserable the entire time and Kotori was finding pieces of sand in her bags for months afterwards. On the way back, Ensui had taken a detour to a coastal village and the four of them had a proper vacation to celebrate their promotions. It had been the blissful time between the war and the nine tails attack and everything seemed so promising.   


They were so young and naive.

“Come here,” Ensui sighed. His eyes were still damp as he wrapped an arm around her. “Troublesome kunoichi, the lot of you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys are the best! 200 kudos?! Thank you <3


	13. Someone Important

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a writer, I struggle with the need for proper warnings but also wanting to avoid spoilers. So let’s just say this chapter earns its mature rating (but not explicit) and when you get to that part you can skip to the end without missing much. I'm super excited, but also super nervous posting this one! Well, enjoy xo.

It had been two weeks since the Uchiha massacre. The bodies had been quickly cremated and a memorial service held. Sasuke Uchiha had yet to wake and it was unknown if or when he would. Kakashi had arrived on scene, only for the ANBU commander to immediately dismiss his team. There had been an emergency meeting for the ANBU captains, only to find out that they were taking on duties that had once belonged to the Konoha Military Police Force. It meant reshuffling the schedule so that teams would rotate and spend time patrolling the village. There was already talk of promoting several new captains and recruiting more shinobi to help with the extra duties.

He didn’t like it. The entire thing was just too convenient. The unrest from the Uchiha, Danzo’s obsession with obtaining the sharingan and now the entire clan was just gone. Kakashi only had suspicions. Suspicions he left in the hands of the Hokage. There was little else he could do.

Kakashi had a feeling that Lord Danzo’s fraction of Root was overseeing the investigation. Darkly, he thought that Lord Danzo now had his pick of sharingan to steal. Well, at least he shouldn’t have to worry about any more assassination attempts coming from that direction. Not unless Kakashi decided to dig up any more of Konoha’s dark secrets by the entire leaf, stem and root. 

Kakashi hated being on standby in the village. Too much idleness gave him time to think. Not that he was alone in that regard. Kotori seemed to be trying to throw herself into missions. She had managed to get two back to back solo B-Rank missions in before he started having mandatory team training so that she couldn’t just disappear. For so long, she had been his light in the darkness. He hated watching that same darkness consume her. She showed up for training or assignments and then left before he could pull her aside. He felt powerless to help her. 

So he may have volunteered his team for the next two weeks of this new ANBU patrol. It would give her some time in the village before they could go off on another mission.

He tried not to think too much on the hypocrisy of that. 

Kakashi hung out in the ANBU lounge, eavesdropping on the conversations around him. It was always good to know what was going on with the rest of the organization. He stretched out on one of the sofas as he read, keeping an ear to Rabbit and Llama’s gossip. There was nothing of particular interest to him. Unless he cared to know that Rabbit was hooking up with Weasel in the ANBU locker rooms after missions.

Tenzo’s tiger mask loomed over him, its eerie mocking smile not matching Tenzo’s even tone. “What happened?”

“I’m going to need you to be more specific.”

“On your mission to the capital.”

Kakashi sighed. The hushed silence between Llama and Rabbit confirmed that they had caught their attention.

“We’re not having this discussion.”

When Kakashi made no movement to get up to follow Tenzo to a place where they could speak, his book was yanked out of his hands. Tenzo dangled it in front of him. “Every minute you stay there, I’m tearing a page out.”

“You’re so cruel,” Kakashi mocked. Tenzo taking an interest in people’s personal lives was adorable and should be encouraged. It was not so long ago that Tenzo would stare blankly at him when he teased him. Now he was not only joining in, but initiating it. Kakashi just wished the personal life in question wasn’t _his_. Why couldn't Tenzo take an interest in Genma? Now _there_ was a personal life worth intervening in. Genma had no shortage of girl problems and was probably dating three at the moment.

Kakashi gave a melodramatic sigh before getting to his feet and following Tenzo out into the corridor. Tenzo crossed his arms and tucked his chin into his chest. Kakashi could almost picture the disgruntled look behind the tiger mask.

“I told you to ask her on a date or stop leading her on. So you decided to behave like a jerk. Did you know Captain Ox approached her for the opening on his team?”

He felt like something heavy slammed into his chest, forcing all of the air out of his lungs. He didn’t want - Kotori couldn’t _leave_. How was he supposed to keep her safe if she wasn’t on his team? Now more than ever he needed to keep her close.

“She can’t. I won’t authorize it.”

“Well, maybe you should do something. A hostile team is a valid reason to leave, especially if the captain is the cause. The Commander would overrule it.”

“I’m not hostile.”

Kakashi could almost hear Tenzo’s eyes rolling. “You are aware that your words and actions don’t match?”

Kakashi knew how he could come across. He had only meant to discourage any growing affections. He hadn’t meant to create any hostility on the team. 

“She can leave, but I won’t see her on Ox’s team. She deserves better.”

“I already talked her out of it.”

Kakashi smiled bitterly behind the mask. “She might reconsider if she understood her options. Captain Badger has offered to trade on several occasions. She and Stag worked together in the past. And well, they’re considering you for a promotion. She might choose to go with you.”

He could lose two of his best - not to mention _favourite_ \- teammates. However he knew Tenzo was more than ready to become a captain and didn’t want to hold him back. He also knew he could count on his friend to take care of Kotori for him. It would have to be enough.

He could tell he threw off Tenzo’s line of conversation. He recovered well, shaking his head. “You need to make nice.”

“Ah, now’s not the time. Her friend is dead.” It didn’t seem fair to suddenly drop his problems in her lap.

“Hm,” Tenzo thoughtfully said. “I would think that’s all the more reason.”

“Tenzo - "

“You’re afraid she will die one day. But isn’t that inevitable? Everyone dies eventually. If she’s lucky, it won’t be for another sixty years. But if she’s not - do you really want to spend the rest of your life standing at a memorial stone wondering what could have been?”

Kakashi spent hours every week doing that already. He would have given anything to roll back the clock and be a better friend to Obito and Rin. Perhaps things could have been different. Perhaps they would still be alive. He had precious few good memories of Obito and Rin, he had been such an arrogant little jerk. All he had were regrets. Is that how he would feel one day? 

“When did you get so wise, Tenzo?”

“When you started being an idiot, Senpai.”

Kakashi’s lips twisted beneath the mask. He would miss Tenzo.“Well, you’ll make a good captain. That’s why I recommended you.”

“I - ah, thank you. I’m honoured you would even consider me.” Tenzo awkwardly scratched the back of his head. The tips of his ears were red.“Wait, stop distracting me, you need to make up with Kotori!”

Kakashi didn’t know if she would even want to see him. He could at least check on her, from a distance. The more he searched, the more he grew concerned. She wasn’t at her apartment or with any of her usual friends. She wasn’t at any of her preferred training grounds. She wasn’t at the memorial stone. He summoned his ninken and had them search the village for her. She had better not be off on a mission. He would track her down and drag her back to the village.

It wasn’t long until Akino had picked up her scent. Kakashi sighed with relief until his ninken lead him to the Rusty Kunai. Perhaps he should have guessed. He had been too young after the deaths of Obito, Rin and Minato to understand the appeal and even if he had, no one would have let him. He preferred to stay in control anyway.

Kakashi silently slid into the empty stool next to her. She didn’t seem to notice him. The shinobi to her right kept droning on about some B Rank mission. He seemed to fancy himself a kenjutsu expert and was offering to teach her. Kakashi concluded two things from the conversation. They weren’t friends, in fact, Kakashi was sure the man did not even know her name. The man was also trying to talk her into going back to his apartment and Kakashi very much doubted the intent was some late night training.

“I’m really not interested - ”

“Nonsense! A pretty little thing like you - ”

“I _said_ I’m not interested - ” There was a rare tremor of anger in her voice.

Kakashi noticed that every time Kotori said she was not interested, the shinobi would top off her glass of sake. She didn’t seem to notice as she sipped her drink and Kakashi wondered how much she had had. Kotori was normally very observant of her surroundings. In fact, she still didn’t seem to notice he was sitting next to her. Anger bloomed in his chest at the thought of this shinobi purposely getting her drunk and trying to take advantage.

“She said she’s not interested. In case there was any misunderstanding.” He closed his eye in a mimicry of a smile while his lips pressed firmly together behind the mask.

“Mind your own business, Hatake,” the shinobi said. “We’re having fun here, aren’t we sweetheart?”

“Not really,” Kotori said. She rested her chin on her hand as she closed her eyes and gave a fake little smile to the shinobi. “Your missions could be handled much more efficiently by using ninjutsu or even stealth techniques. Especially if you want to make tokubetsu or jonin, which I don’t need your help with, for the record. Although, _you_ could stand to learn a thing or two from my friend, Yugao, about kenjutsu. She’s a true prodigy. Thank you for the drinks, but it’ll take a lot more than poor judgement and a bottle of sake for me to sleep with you.”

There was a moment as her words sunk in. Kakashi concluded he might have to intervene. Kotori had lost all of her normally polite filters.

“ _You little bitch._ ”

Kakashi wrapped an arm protectively around her shoulder. He decided to draw the attention back onto himself in hopes that the shinobi would just leave. “Sorry I’m late. A rogue goose was sitting outside my apartment building so I had to sneak out around the back.”

She gave him a tight smile. Her body relaxed against his. “Better late then never.”

He enjoyed watching the blood drain from the shinobi’s face. “I, ah - she’s with you?”

“That appears to be the case.”

The shinobi warily glanced at him. Kakashi knew his reputation preceded him, very few would be comfortable challenging him. Alcohol had clearly emboldened this one enough that he had pressed the issue so far. The man caved, tossing his drink back and mumbling, “Just a misunderstanding.”

The man slunk off to join a group of chunin clustered around a table in the back corner.

“I could have handled it.” Kotori was pouting as she poured him a drink. It bothered her when others in their village didn’t take her seriously. Kakashi knew she struggled with asserting herself as a leader outside of their team. Her small statue and friendly nature usually meant many underestimated her. Despite her rank as a jonin, she rarely took more than a B-Rank in the regular forces and most assumed she was another chunin.

“I know.” He sheepishly ran his hand through his hair. “I figured I would speed things along.”

She took a long sip from her drink. “So, what are you doing here?”

“Do I need a reason to come to a bar?”

“I’m not in the mood for your bullshit,” she said with a sigh. “I know you don’t drink or at least, not more than a token cup. You use a substitution jutsu and that’s if you even drink it at all because I’ve never seen you take off the mask. I never called you on it because I figured at least you were coming out with us.”

He took the offered drink to prove her wrong. He had his back to the rest of the bar and Kotori was polite enough to advert her eyes whenever he lowered the mask. A tense silence settled over them. Kakashi wondered how to even begin to ask the questions he wanted to ask. _How are you doing? Are you upset with me?_ They were too generic and broad and he could think of several ways she could get away with half truths or evasion because it’s what he would do.

Why were social interactions always so complicated? He could navigate a literal mine field with ease but he stumbled when it came to talking about delicate personal matters.

“Let’s play a game,” Kotori suddenly said. “Every time I say something about you that’s true, you take a drink.”

“Fine,” he slowly agreed. “But if I say something about you that’s true, you need to drink.”

He passed her a glass of water. Based on her body mass and the percentage of alcohol in sake, he doubted she could handle very much before he would have to carry her home. He was also unsure how much she had had before he had arrived. He knew from past experience she was good at hiding it. Then suddenly she would either start giggling or start falling asleep. Tonight she seemed more morose and he wasn't sure what to expect.

“You’re checking on me because Sayuri is dead.”

He took a sip. She nodded, her lips thinning into not quite a smile or a frown. She seemed to have expected that answer.

“I’m fine, you know,” she quietly said. Her eyes stared straight ahead. “As fine as I’m going to be. I’m not glass, I’m not going to break. You can stop checking on me and go back to pretending I don’t exist.”

He would have to revisit that statement later, but he ought to say _something_.

“I know you’re trying to throw yourself into missions as a distraction. I’m not going to just stand by and watch you lose yourself to that darkness.”

“Because that’s what you did after Obito died?” She really wasn’t holding back this evening.

“Yes,” he admitted. There was no point drinking. This was a confession that deserved words. “And then Rin and Minato. People called me _Cold Hearted Kakashi_ and it wasn’t without some truth to it. Luckily I had good friends who helped me see the light.”

“You think of me as a - ” she faltered for a moment, “- a friend?”

It wasn’t the full truth. However it was close enough. He took a sip. “You’ve become someone important to me.”

“Your turn.”

Her eyes adverted and her face was a little flushed. Whether from the alcohol or his admission, he wasn’t sure. While they were being fully honest with each other -

“You want to transfer to another team because of me.”

“That’s the last time I tell Tenzo anything,” she grumbled before taking a sip of water.

“I wish you wouldn’t.”

“I wish I wouldn’t tell Tenzo things either.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Well, I haven’t gone anywhere,” Kotori eventually said. “Tenzo said you would be the one I’d have to convince anyway.”

He closed his eyes and smiled underneath the mask. “Ah, looks like you’re stuck with me then.”

"How troublesome." There was a glimmer of her usual self as she smiled at him.

Some of the tension seemed to disappear. The questions took on a lighter tone after that. He was able to guess that her favourite flowers were cherry blossoms and her first crush was Kotetsu Hagane.

“He was cute and had spiky hair!” she had laughed. “What more could a girl want?”

In return, she had correctly guessed his favourite food, where he lived and that he secretly used his Sukea disguise to do errands in the village undetected.

“You would too with Gai waiting to ambush you on your days off."

“Who?”

That had involved a lot of explanation because apparently Kotori had never had the pleasure of being ambushed by someone youthful, loud and green. Kakashi was tempted to set Gai loose on her, knowing his so-called rival would be sure to make her laugh.

Kakashi found himself pleasantly relaxed and light headed as they traded stories and sipped their drinks. Some of the light returned to Kotori’s eyes. She was giggling along with him as he recounted the various challenges Gai had sprung on him over the years. In turn, he managed to coax some of her funnier stories involving Team Ensui. 

"I have to ask, what idiot put Ensui Nara in charge of a group of girls."

Kotori almost choked on her drink from laughter. "He was a last minute substitution. We were supposed to have a kunoichi, but she was killed returning from a mission the day before. It worked out?"

After Kotori managed a streak of five more correct statements in a row, he finally realized how she was doing it. He felt like an idiot.

“You already know these statements are true because of your chakra birds.”

There was a guilty expression on her face as she took a sip of water.

“You’re just trying to get me drunk.”

Another sip of water.

“You switched your water to sake with a substitution jutsu.”

She was giggling as she took another sip. “Maybe. Oooh, I have one more."

Kakashi glanced at her, curious what else she thought she knew. There was a bit of mischief in her eyes and a little of something else. Something he didn't quite recognize. 

"You knew gardenias were meant to be given to your crush."

He hesitated. Taking a sip would be as good as admitting his feelings for her. Not taking a sip - There was disappointment as she interpreted his lack of response as his answer. Kakashi finished the drink in that moment, feeling flushed and unsure if it was from the alcohol or his silent confession.

Then suddenly the bartender was ushering them out onto the street at he closed up for the night. Kakashi walked her to her apartment, not really wanting the evening to end. Her hand bumped against his, although she didn't say anything.

“I guess this is goodnight then.” She lingered in her doorway, her hand holding the doorframe.

Kakashi shoved his hands in his pockets. “Goodnight.”

She seemed hesitant to go in. He was just as hesitant to leave. The way she bit her lip was a little intoxicating. It drew his attention towards it and he wanted nothing more than to feel those lips for himself. In fact -

He brushed a thumb along her lower lip. He proceeded to gently stroke her cheek. Her beautiful green eyes watched him before flickering up to meet his.

“Would you like to come in?”

The door closed behind him and he wasn’t sure who moved first. They seemed to move in unison. His mask was down and her lips were on his. He had only kissed her a handful of times on undercover missions, ensuring that the kiss was both chaste but convincing enough to curious onlookers. This kiss was hungry, _desperate_. He found himself wondering why he had been avoiding and shutting her out when they could have been doing _this_ all along. He could feel her hands in his hair and her legs wrap around his waist as he pushed her up against the wall.

This was all so new to him. He had never allowed himself to get this close to a woman before. Not on a physical or emotional level. Not without layers of fabric and armour and weapons between them. Not without elusive words and half truths. Not without the literal and metaphorical masks he put between him and the world.

She helped him shed the last of his layers.

He carried her to her bed, laying her down before straddling her with his knees.

Her eyes glittered as she drank in his appearance. They settled on his face. “So this is what you look like.”

Now it was her turn to slowly explore his face with her finger tips. He smiled as he felt her trace what he assumed was the small beauty mark on his chin.

“Could be a genjutsu.” He kissed her thumb as it brushed against his lips.

“Well, it’s a very nice genjutsu. You should show it more often.”

He admired her in turn. Training had left her with more lean muscle and less body fat than a woman typically had. There was still some softness, some curves that were normally kept hidden with bindings and the ANBU uniform. She nervously watched him as he found each scar. His fingers lightly brushed against the long, jagged scar along her abdomen before kissing it. He silently vowed he’d never be the cause of another.

He knew his actions often spoke louder than his words, especially when it came to expressing his feelings. And he was determined to let her know the extent of his feelings. He was going to show her how precious every inch of her was to him.

He took his time, wanting to explore every exposed piece of skin. He blinked open the sharingan, committing this moment to memory. Another benefit was that he could predict how she would react to every touch. A benefit he took advantage of as he worked his way down her body. He looked at her, sprawled out underneath him, with her face flushed and swollen lips.

“Are you sure?” He whispered.

“Yeah.” She nodded.

Then all he could feel was _her_. His entire world was made up of her. She clouded all five senses. From the way she felt wrapped around him, the way she smelt, the way her skin tasted, the pleasant little sounds she made and the beautiful sight of her beneath him.

It was over far too quickly. He rested his head in the crook of her shoulder as he whispered in her ear and nuzzled her neck. He gave a few last thrusts and reached down with his hand to help her finish. It wasn’t long until she was writhing and whimpering underneath him.

He delighted in making his little songbird sing for him. His name on her lips was his favourite song.

He kissed the top of her head before he pulled her into him, feeling sleepy and sated. He buried his face into her hair, enjoying the feeling of her skin flush against his. She fit perfectly in his arms and he could wrap protectively around her. He felt secure in the knowledge that anyone wanting to get to her would literally have to get through him first.

Kakashi tried to fight the growing panic that something terrible would happen.


	14. The Morning After

Kotori woke up feeling great.

She let out a content little sigh as she stretched, not quite wanting to open her eyes just yet. Her mind hovered on the brink of consciousness. It was her day off and she was going to enjoy this lazy morning. She felt well rested. And cozy. And safe. All things were a rarity for someone in her profession. She could feel the warmth from the morning sun, shining through her window. There was a breeze moving across her bare skin so she reached to pull up the covers. Only to find that she was being lightly restrained.

She was less frightened than she should have been.

She blearily blinked open her eyes. A pair of strong arms were wrapped around her, keeping her in place. They were pale and the hair was so light it was scarcely noticeable. Almost silver in colour. That’s right, Kakashi had found her at the bar and then they had -

_Oh shit._

Her eyes widened and she was suddenly very awake. Her face felt horribly hot as she recalled the events from the night before. She had gotten them both drunk at a bar. She invited him into her apartment. She had, quite literally, thrown herself at him. She wanted to hide under the covers. She wanted to escape through the window. Both seemed impossible at the moment because Kakashi was surprisingly clingy in his sleep.

She could feel him stirring behind her. Instead of pulling away, he seemed content pull her in tighter and snuggle. He buried his face into the back of her neck.

“You think too loudly,” he complained into her hair. She privately congratulated herself on controlling the shiver that threatened to run down her spine. That deep timbre so close to her ear reminded her of the way he whispered into her ear as she came undone.

“Kakashi, about last night - ” She could feel him go still behind her. She licked her lips as she nervously pressed on. “What are we going to do now?”

He was quiet for a moment and Kotori knew he was carefully planning his response. Her heart pounded in her chest as she prepared for the lecture. It was just a one time thing. It shouldn’t happen again. Maybe this would have been easier if he had just disappeared out the window before she woke up. They could have ignored it ever happened. They could have pretended it was just a drunken one night stand. 

She knew it wasn’t. Not for him. Not for her either. Alcohol may have lowered their inhibitions, but there had been a spark long before. How could they possibly go back to being just friends? Or even worse, just teammates?

“Ah, I was thinking we could start with breakfast.”

“Breakfast?”

“Mhmm.” 

“You want to get breakfast?” She could hear the disbelief in her own voice.

“We could also make breakfast. We don’t have to go anywhere today.”

Kotori could already feel her brain spinning, trying to make sense of his line of thinking. She wouldn’t put it past Kakashi to try and deflect this conversation. She just wasn’t expecting him to carry on like waking up in her bed was a normal, every day occurrence. She steeled herself. He was not getting out of it that easily.

“You’re naked in my bed. We should probably talk about that first.”

His arms loosened around her as he retreated, if only by centimetres. She could still feel the warmth of his body behind hers, but they were no longer touching. Kotori found herself disappointed in that.

His voice sounded guarded when he spoke. “Do you regret anything that happened last night?”

As much as she worried about the consequences, she couldn’t say she regretted having sex with him. She just hoped it didn't ruin things between them.

“Well, no - ”

“I don’t either. So if you’re open to it, we could just see how this plays out?”

That wasn’t a rejection nor was it denial. Kotori could feel the tension lift from her shoulders. She tilted her head to properly look at him. He had propped himself up, resting his chin on his hand. His hand was splayed out, hiding the lower half of his face in lieu of his usual mask. The sharingan was closed, but his normal eye was carefully watching her reaction. He seemed almost nervous and she realized she hadn’t answered him yet.

“I - I’d like that.”

“Good.” He settled in, dragging her back into his arms. If it wasn’t for the faint patterns he was idly tracing into her skin she would have assumed he went back to sleep. “I meant it when I said you were someone important to me.”

 _Someone important._ She could hear the weight of what those words meant to him. Even if they were loosely defined. As much as she wanted to push for a more definite answer, she was afraid to push too much for fear it would only push him away. He was here. They would figure this out together. She trusted him, perhaps a lot more than she should. Not just to lead her or have her back on missions. Kakashi was a shinobi who valued his comrades more than anything. She could trust that he wouldn’t carelessly use her or play with her heart.

She turned so that she was fully facing him. The fact that he was still not wearing his mask made the moment more intimate than either of their nudity. “I’m giving you my heart here, just be gentle with it.”

“The heart is a vital organ,” he solemnly told her. There was an unreadable expression on his face, his normal eye half lidded as he stared into her eyes. “I don’t deserve it, but I’ll do everything I can to protect it.”

His kiss was chaste, almost as if he was asking permission. Permission she eagerly gave as she thread her fingers through his hair. Kakashi was surprisingly delicate with her as he explored her body in the morning light. Almost as if he was afraid she would break under his touch. It was ironic, considering she was the complete opposite of _delicate_ when they sparred against each other. Something she gleefully reminded him of as she flipped them both over so that she was on top. There was a spark of challenge in his eyes, however he seemed content to let her ride him. Kotori had a feeling she would pay later for her teasing and couldn't wait to see how.

She tucked herself into his side after she came down from her high. Kakashi’s eyes were both closed and he looked utterly peaceful. She couldn’t help but stare at him a little, still in disbelief that he had taken the mask off. It seemed he had been using his true face on all those undercover missions.

“That was amazing,” she happily sighed. She propped herself up so that she was now hovering over him. “Especially last night, it’s like you knew _exactly_ -”

His left eye lazily winked open at her, the red of the sharingan staring at her. “Precognition has other uses.”

“You -!” Her heartbeat sped up as she stared transfixed at the red iris and three black tomoe. Her words died on her lips. She could see Sayuri’s eyes, wide and fearful, the exact same shade of red and the three tomoe. 

_How could she get so caught up in herself? What was she doing? Her best friend’s ashes were still fresh and she was just moving on like nothing had ever happened._

“Kotori?” The eye blinked shut as the world returned around her. Kakashi was reaching for his forehead protector somewhere on the ground.

 _Breathe_ , she reminded herself. “I’m sorry, I - "

“Ah, no worries, I don’t like it either.”

“It’s part of you - ” she weakly protested. She should love every part of him. She shouldn’t have such a negative reaction.

“Technically, it’s on loan from a friend.” He looked thoughtful for a moment. “One I wouldn’t mind visiting today. You don’t have to come if you don’t want.”

She hadn’t been to the cemetery since the funeral service. It had been even longer since she had visited her family’s gravestone. “Yeah, I should probably go.”

“Only if you want.”

She was already standing up, wrapping her arms around herself. She felt naked and exposed. The thought of Kakashi seeing her so weak when he was always so strong.

“I just need to get ready first.”

Kotori let herself stand under the hot water in her shower for longer than necessary.She stepped out, grabbing a towel to dry herself off and entering her now empty bedroom. The window was wide open and a note was tucked underneath one of her flower pots. _Be right back_ was scrawled with a henohenomoheji. Kotori smiled gently to herself.

Most times, practicality won over her own vanity, but today was the rare day she could put more effort into her appearance and it wouldn’t be wasted. She scrunched up her hair and added a little bit of product before drying it with a light wind jutsu. It fell in soft waves, the tips just touching her shoulders. She pulled on a simple light green blouse over her mesh shirt. The blouse wrapped at the waist and flared over the top of her black pants. Her belt was hidden underneath, concealing a few weapon holders. Even while off-duty, shinobi were never truly off.

She found Kakashi in her kitchenette. He must have gone home and come back. His hair was damp and hanging low over his head. He was dressed in the standard issued Konoha uniform, however had left the green vest off. The mask was back in place, although she supposed it was out of habit.

Kotori paused uncertainly in the doorway. This was still so new and completely bizarre to her. She kept expecting him to disappear or to wake up from a dream.

Part of her wanted to exist in this little bubble for as long as possible. She didn’t want to begin to think of all the ways the outside world could burst it. There were so many uncertainties. Ensui was right in his warnings about dating within teams. Kakashi was in a position of direction authority over her. Would the Commander require her to be moved to a different team? Or would he turn a blind eye because it was _Kakashi Hatake_? Would Kakashi treat her differently? Would she act differently? What would their teammates think? She couldn't say for sure. She didn’t like the idea of starting with a new team and definitely did not want to end up on Ox’s after her talk with Tenzo.

She wrapped her arms around his middle from behind. His muscles stiffened before relaxing into her touch. She supposed they were both going to have to get used to this. She let go and poked her head around to seen what he was doing. He had rice simmering in a pot while he was grilling fish.

“Damn prodigies. Are you good at everything?”

“Not everything. I just read a lot.”

“I didn’t think you read anything other than Icha Icha.”

“No one reads cookbooks in public, Kotori.”

No one reads porn in public either, but she wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of going down that rabbit hole. She gave him a sharp poke in the side before setting the table. 

After breakfast, Kakashi disappeared back to his apartment with the plan to meet her at the cemetery. He didn't want to give the impression that he had spent the night at her apartment. They had agreed to keep things to themselves for now. 

She stopped at the Yamanaka flower shop to pick up two bundles of calla lilies as offerings. Inoichi’s daughter was watching the shop and gave her a sympathetic smile. While Aimi’s family were a branch family and not closely related to the main family, the Yamanakas were a tight knit community. Many of the Yamanaka were familiar with her and Sayuri as they spent a great amount of time at Aimi's house.

With a heavy heart, Kotori realized she had not spent nearly as much time in the Uchiha district as she had the Yamanaka or Nara. Sayuri always seemed to prefer getting away from her family. Her father had put a lot of pressure on her to live up to the Uchiha name and she found refuge with her teammates.

_“- hope you understand. I tried to stop it. If I wasn’t so weak and useless, Itachi - ”_

Kotori, Ensui and Inoichi had listened to Sayuri’s final words over and over the next morning. The simplest answer was that Sayuri had tried to stop Itachi and could not. It fit with the village narrative that Itachi had snapped from the intense pressure and killed his clan. Inoichi suggested that some of his peers may have seen it coming, especially since it followed Shisui’s suicide. Ensui had crossed his arms and frowned. Kotori had bitten her tongue until she could taste the metallic tang of blood. Inoichi had been unreadable as he wrote the report for the Hokage.

It felt _wrong_.

There was something rotten about this entire situation and Kotori couldn’t help but feel that they were all complicit in a coverup. They were all experienced and paranoid shinobi and yet they were all willing to take things at face value. When she and Ensui had returned to his house, she had squeezed Rika in an extra tight hug. She couldn’t begrudge Ensui for protecting his child first. She thought of little Ino and Shikamaru and realized that the Yamanaka and Nara clan heads were doing the same.

Kotori was clanless and childless. The only thing she had to lose was her own life. Yet even she hesitated. Kotori doubted she had the skill to take on Itachi herself and even if she did, Ensui's warning echoed in her mind. She didn't have the political influence or physical prowess or even a plan for taking on someone like Lord Danzo. She felt as powerless as she had in the days after the nine tails attack. The nine tails had been sealed away and there was no justice to be had. She had been just a weak kid, stuck in a hospital bed as everyone handled the cleanup. Even years later, when Kotori had learned about the nine tail's jinchuriki, she couldn't bring herself to hate or fear the kid.

A hand squeezed her shoulder as she stood in the cemetery, interrupting her from her thoughts. "Kotori, what a pleasant surprise."

She gave Kakashi a watery smile. "Indeed. I'll catch up with you later?"

She needed to be alone for this.

Kotori went through the process of cleaning her family’s gravestone. The children at the academy regularly came as part of their duties and the site was well maintained. It had been ages since she had last come here. She had been in the village on her mother’s birthday and came with flowers. She bowed her head, although she didn’t have much to say. There were only so many times she could apologize for her lengthy absences. It was harder and harder to imagine her family’s responses to the events in her life. Would they be proud? Worried? Disappointed? Her mother had been a civilian and worried over her and her brothers constantly. Kotori had learned early on not to mention too much of the shinobi life to her mom. Her mother had hated the idea of her only daughter on the frontlines of a war, so Kotori had lied and said she was helping rebuild villages that had been destroyed in the fighting. If her mother was watching over her, well, she could see everything now.

 _Don’t worry about me, Mom,_ she thought. _I’m one of the elite._

She tried to think of her brother’s year at the academy. Tried to remember if there had been a silver haired boy with a mask. Kakashi had graduated early, but she wasn’t sure how early. Hibari had always whined and pushed her away at the playground, claiming she was a _baby_ and his friends didn’t want to play with her. That was probably why Hayato had been her favourite brother.

 _Did you know Kakashi?_ She asked Hibari. _He’s your age. I can’t remember if you ever mentioned him. You would like him, Hayato._

The Uchiha family gravestone was pristine. She was sure there had been many mourners visiting in the last two weeks. She placed the second bundle of calla lilies in front of it. She found Sayuri’s name among the more recent subscriptions. Her fingers traced over it.

 _I’m sorry,_ she thought, _I should have done more._

She was silent for a long time, staring at the gravestone in regret. All of those people, an entire clan, just gone in the course of one night. Kotori suddenly remembered that the Uchiha had a survivor. Sasuke was just a little kid and hadn’t woken up yet, but maybe she could do something for him. Didn't she know what it was like to be the last of a clan? She could do something useful for Sayuri by looking out for her kin.

Kotori’s eye was drawn to one of the older names on the gravestone. _Obito Uchiha_.

“I’ll take care of him,” she promised. “If you could keep Sayuri company for me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought I would just say that getting together isn’t the hardest part. I still have about two-thirds of the story to go and hope to keep it interesting. Kakashi is a mess of commitment issues and unresolved trauma. Kotori is too tolerant and needs to be more assertive. They’re both ANBU in a rather brutal world…
> 
> Thank you everyone for your ongoing support :)


	15. All Cute and Blushing

Kotori found a note tucked between the leaves of her aloe vera when she returned from patrol.

 _Friday at noon?_ It said with a henohenomoheji. She was not a stranger to notes from Kakashi. They usually had a date and time for training or mission and were often slipped under her window or door. Since Friday was their only day off this week, she knew it wasn’t work related. Or at least, she hoped it wasn’t work related. She doodled a picture of a happy bird in acknowledgment, this time adding a scarecrow’s hat and some straw. She rolled it up into a tiny scroll and gave it to a chakra bird to deliver.

Kotori was excited to see him again. They had only seen each other briefly when they received their assignment for the week. ANBU were taking over the patrol that the Uchiha used to do as the police force. Team Ro was scheduled for the next two weeks and then would resume taking their regular missions. It seemed that the new normal would involve two week rotations in the village for patrols from now on.

Kakashi tended to default to the same partners unless a mission required a particular skillset. It meant everyone knew their partner as well as themselves. It worked on missions; they knew how their partner would react in any scenerio and could respond accordingly.

Unfortunately, it meant that her partner knew her moods a little too well. Genma had been giving her strange looks throughout the week. His brow pulled as if there was a mystery he was trying to solve. She knew her moods had been erratic with everything that had been going on. She was giddy at times and depressed at others. Her temper was closer to the surface these days and she was having a harder time filtering her sarcasm. She had sassed Llama in the locker room before covering it up with an awkward apology and excuse about not sleeping well the night before.

Genma and Kotori lounged on one of the rooftops as they watched the villagers down below. Kotori had her birds scattered throughout the district they were to patrol. Every so often they would do a lap to remind the general public of their presence. She could hear the clicking noise as Genma thoughtfully chewed the end of the senbon. They had forgone the ANBU uniform and masks to blend in.

Kotori stretched back on the tiles, trying to make conversation. Being on patrol during the day was boring. The village was quiet, there wasn’t a lot of crime with active duty shinobi lingering everywhere. The one time someone had tried to steal an old woman's bag, he was pinned to the wall by two eager chunin within seconds. “I’m glad we have tomorrow off.”

“Why? Have a hot date planned?”

She controlled her reaction, not wanting Genma to know how close he came to the truth. She let out a little laugh as she rolled her eyes. “What? No, I mean this whole patrol thing is boring.”

Genma gave a little chuckle. “You’re a very convincing liar. Too bad I know you so well.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Your fingers twitch, you always want to cross them when you’re lying,” Genma smugly replied. “You thought you broke that habit, didn’t you? So you _do_ have a date.”

She needed to get ahead of this, especially before he started listing off names.

“Fine,” she slowly agreed. “I am seeing someone, but it’s not who you would expect.”

“Who is it?” Genma curiously asked. He seemed entirely too pleased with himself. Better to give him a half-truth and get him off her back. Genma would be insufferable if he knew the full truth.

“It’s so new,” Kotori replied. She allowed as much honesty as she could while keeping it vague. “We want to keep this to ourselves until we figure things out. I don’t even know if it’ll work out with our schedules.”

“That sounds more serious than I thought,” Genma said. “Oh fine, keep your secrets.”

“Really?”

“You’re being all cute and blushing,” Genma pointed out. “You deserve to find someone who makes you that happy."

_Chika dee dee dee_

“There seems to be a disturbance in sector twelve,” Kotori said, grateful for the distraction.

The two of them flickered to the edge of the crowd. A boy with yellow-blond hair and big blue eyes had been caught - literally redhanded - painting an unflattering portrait of one of the merchants on the side of the building. The bucket of paint was at his feet and he was covered in paint splotches.

Kotori mentally groaned. She had managed so far to avoid having to chase down Naruto Uzumaki. It seemed that her luck had finally run out.

“Why you little brat!” The merchant in question took a step towards the kid.

Genma immediately intervened, gaining control of the crowd. Kotori flickered, reappearing between the merchant and Naruto. She blocked the blow that was aimed for him, catching the man’s wrist.

“Now then, why don’t we sort this out with our words instead of our hands?” Kotori asked.

Naruto stood behind her, clutching her pant leg. He wasn’t helping the situation by making a face and sticking out his tongue. Kotori sighed. He could have at least looked fearful or remorseful or _something_. She could have worked with that to calm down the irate merchant. She would have to deescalate the situation some other way.

“I’ll be reporting you to the Hokage! Touching a civilian - ”

Her temper flared. He was the one about to smack a child. “Oh please do, I’m sure the Hokage would love to hear how a grown man was about to hit a child.”

“That’s no ordinary - ”

“I would watch my words very carefully if I were you.” 

The man would get in a lot more trouble than she would if he decided to announce Naruto’s status as a jinchuriki. The merchant seemed to understand that as he deflated.

“Naruto is sorry for the prank and will be cleaning it,” Kotori said in a bored tone, mostly to annoy the merchant. She dropped a hand on the boy’s head and ruffled his hair. Naruto looked up at her with suspicious eyes. “Isn’t that right?”

Naruto crossed his arms and pouted. “No, I’m not. He’s _mean_!”

“Leave this to me,” Genma said. He guided Naruto so that he was just out of hearing range of the merchant and the remains of the crowd. Kotori frowned as she crossed her arms. The people were quick to gather and watch when Naruto was in trouble, but not one of them stepped in. She even spied a few lower ranked shinobi in the crowd. 

Ever since she had made ANBU, her birds had joined the protection outside of Naruto’s apartment. They silently kept watch. The few times she checked on them, she couldn’t help but notice that Naruto painstakingly cared for her birds. He had placed a bowl as a makeshift bird bath on his balcony and would bring home worms and leave them out. He would chat with them, talking about his day. He could be a sweet kid. At least, when he wasn’t being an absolute little menace.

Kotori knew the villagers’ dislike of the boy was less from his pranks and more from the demon that lived inside. While she struggled with her own conflicted feelings around Naruto and the nine tails fox, she could at least treat him like any other child.

“Move along,” she warned the villagers. “Don’t you all have someplace else to be?”

The crowd thinned out and Kotori listened to Genma and Naruto talking off to the side. Genma had crouched down so he was on Naruto’s level.

“Naruto, you need to apologize.”

“I’m not sorry and you can’t make me!”

“Fine, but you need to understand your actions have consequences. People aren’t going to like a boy who is rude and damages property.”

“Doesn’t matter, no one likes me anyway.”

Her heart constricted at the soft way he said those words. His big blue eyes were watery as Naruto scrunched up his face and rapidly blinked a few times. Genma was not immune either. He quickly glanced at her as if asking what he should do. It was one of the rare times that Genma looked alarmed and she had to fight back a snicker. All it took was a kid on the verge of tears for Genma to lose his cool. 

“I’m sure that’s not true,” Genma said. “How about if you clean it up, we’ll take you out for ramen?”

That seemed to get Naruto’s attention. Naruto was already bouncing towards the merchant, telling him how very _sorry_ he was for the graffiti and offering to have it cleaned right away. Naruto happily chatted to her and Genma as he washed the paint off, telling them about his plans to get the attention of a girl in his class named Sakura. He was planning on catching a frog and putting it down her shirt.

Genma smirked, crossing his arms and leaning his shoulder against the wall. “That will get you noticed, but not in the way you want. Kotori, help him out. You’re a girl, what do you think?”

“Naruto, how would you feel if someone slipped a frog down the back of your shirt?” Kotori gently asked him.

Naruto closed his eyes as he thought about it. “I’d think that was awesome, you know?”

“I don’t think Sakura is going to like it very much,” Kotori tried a more direct route. “Why don’t you try picking her flowers instead?”

Naruto seemed less enthused about picking flowers than capturing frogs. “No way, flowers are boring!”

Once all traces of vandalism were removed from the wall, the trio ventured over to Ichiraku’s for lunch. Naruto peppered them with questions about jutsu and missions. He seemed excited once he realized that a pair of shinobi were willing to pay attention to him. Genma obliged the boy with a story of their daring rescue of the Hokage’s son. He made it sound much more dramatic than the real thing. It wasn’t until Naruto was two bowls deep into lunch that Kotori had a sudden realization.

“Hey kid, shouldn’t you be in school?”

Naruto gave her a wide smile. “We have the day off.”

It was, as they quickly discovered, a complete lie. A young man with brown hair and a scar across the bridge of his nose approached them. His arms were crossed and Kotori could see the vein that was threatening to burst in his forehead.

“ _Naruto Uzumaki!_ Where on earth have you been? I have been looking for you all morning.”

“Oh good, a responsible adult!” Genma said. “Does this one belong to you?”

“I - ah, ” the man - teenager, really - glanced between them. A blush crept across his face as he realized there were witnesses to his outburst. He bowed his head. “I’m sorry. I’m Iruka Umino, Naruto’s academy teacher. I hope he wasn’t too much trouble.”

“Not at all,” Genma said.

Iruka affectionately ruffled Naruto’s hair. “You behaved yourself for these two shinobi?”

“Yes, Iruka-sensei,” Naruto said with an eye roll.

Iruka ended up joining them for lunch as he had missed it searching the village for Naruto. It turned out that Iruka knew both Kotori and Genma, at least, through reputation. He had started picking up shifts at the mission desk now that he was staying in the village more often. As a result, he had become close friends with Kotetsu and Izumo. They had also handed in some of the reports of their regular B-Ranks to him. 

“Kotori, your specialization is infiltration isn’t it?” Iruka asked. “I’m starting a unit on it in a few weeks. The kids always love a guest lecturer with stories. It’s not often I can convince a jonin to come visit. Especially a kunoichi, it’s hard to motivate some of the girls. I don't suppose - if you wouldn't mind - ?"

Naruto enthusiastically agreed. “Yeah, yeah! I bet you’ve fought loads of bad guys!”

Kotori fell victim to their flattery and agreed to it. She agreed to let Iruka know her availability in a few weeks time. Genma cackled that she fell for it. Apparently now that the teachers had a contact, they would all be asking her to come in. It was for the children, she justified. They were the future of Konoha. The Will of Fire and all that.

Plus she could always disappear on a month long ANBU mission.

Kotori quickly ran her errands the next morning before returning to her apartment for eleven. As the lock clicked and she opened the door, she could hear something - or someone - moving around in her apartment. Who was stupid enough to break into another shinobi’s apartment? 

She grabbed her kunai from her belt as she silently slipped inside.

Only to find Kakashi fiddling with something on her living room window. He gave her a jaunty little wave, his eye creasing into a smile.

“Ah, what are you doing here?” Kotori asked, lowering her weapon.

Her traps were the standard ANBU grade ones with a little personalization. Kakashi would have easily been able to slip through the usual traps. She supposed her chakra birds didn’t register Kakashi as a threat. That was interesting to know. She knew they had some amount of sentience, but it wasn’t like she had a clan elder around to ask specifics. Her clan techniques had never been written down either so she only had her early training and years of experimentation to rely on.

“I was testing your traps,” he vaguely replied. “I added a few of my own.”

That turned out to be an understatement. Kotori was certain her apartment was about as secure as the Hokage’s residence after Kakashi’s meddling. It was almost to the point of excessive, however he managed to do it in a way that was surprisingly subtle. No one would assume the person living here was anyone important or powerful. Just another paranoid shinobi.

Kotori rearranged the bird feeder and plants on her balcony afterwards to make it more aesthetically pleasing. She also added her chakra signature so the traps did not accidentally spring on her.

“Thank you.”

He looked pleased with himself.

“I just have to get ready and then I’m yours for the day,” Kotori told him. “You’re early. Is this a first for you?”

She didn’t think he would be purposely late or make her wait long, but punctual Kakashi was not. He could be anywhere from a few minutes to a few hours late, depending on how seriously he took the commitment. Apparently being on time for a date was rated higher than showing up to the Hokage’s summons.

He was dressed in the standard Konoha uniform so it was hard to gather his intentions. Not a formal date, although she had expected that based on the timing. She supposed she still shouldn’t rule out training because she now realized he hadn’t actually used the word _date_. He had simply given her a date and time and offered to meet her at her apartment. 

Before she could think too much into it, he said, “I’ve packed us a lunch, I thought we could go somewhere.” 

“Anywhere in particular?” She racked her brains for nice, but private, picnic spots in the village. Senju Park was a popular date spot, but they would surely be spotted by someone they knew. The Hokage Monument Lookout was another busy spot. They could rent one of the nicer training fields or there was plenty of secluded spots along the Naka River.

“It’s a place I like to go to, sometimes,” Kakashi responded. “It’s about a two hour hike out of the village. Sensei used to bring us to train.”

Kotori got the impression it was someplace important to him.

She finished getting ready, deciding to wear her uniform's pants along with a light blue kimono style shirt. It was one of her favourites and had her clan crest on the back, the three spirals that formed a cloud. She tied her forehead protector around her waist like a belt. There was always the chance they could ruin into bandits and this way it would look like they were on a mission together.

They set off from the village gates, waving at the chunin on duty. Kakashi was content to travel at a normal pace and didn’t seem to be in any particular rush to get there. Once there were about twenty minutes past the village walls, he summoned his ninken.Kotori had met all of them over the years, although she didn’t see them often enough to know them all by name. She had a soft spot for Shiba who had stayed with her for a week during her recovery. He happily bounded alongside her.

“Do you usually take your ninken with you?” she asked.

“Well, team bonding is an essential part of training.”

“Hmm, now you’re just copying my saying.”

Kakashi gave her a sly look. “That’s not the only thing I’ve copied from you.”

His hands quickly formed the seals for her technique and moulded his chakra into a grey bird. It tweeted at her before fluttering it’s wings and taking off into the trees.

“Cheeky.” She stared off into the distance, long after the bird was out of sight. In truth, it was bittersweet to see another chakra bird. The Sorano compound had been alive with various brightly coloured birds in her childhood. All had died with her relatives. "That's a stolen technique, you know."

“Oh, am I in trouble?”

Kotori crossed her arms and tilted her chin up. “I’ll have to find a suitable punishment for your crime.”

He shoved his hands into his pockets and gave a casual shrug. “I’m sure I can find a way to make amends.”

When they arrived, Kotori could see why Kakashi had wanted to come here. The scenery was gorgeous. A giant weeping cherry tree sat on the riverbank, its branches overhanging the water. The area around it was a clear grassy field with some trees scattered around.

“It’s nicer in the spring,” Kakashi admitted. She could only imagine how beautiful it was when it was in bloom. However the curtains of green leaves was still pretty, and she quite liked the idea of them sitting under the tree in their own little world for the afternoon.

“We could always come back,” she shyly suggested.

He reached out and brushed his thumb against her cheek. “We could.”

Just then, Shiba barrelled into the back of Kakashi’s legs, forcefully knocking him into her. Kakashi’s arms automatically reached out and caught her before she could fall down. They were a tangle of limbs and his forehead bumped against hers as they caught their balance. Kotori wasn’t sure if a dog could wink, but if they could, then Shiba definitely just winked at her as he ran by.

“My dogs are such brats,” Kakashi gave a plaintive whine.

He didn’t move back though. Her eyes flickered from his eyes down to the mask. He seemed to get the hint as he tugged the mask down around his neck and caught her lips in a kiss. She wrapped her arms around his neck as his arm wrapped around her waist, pulling her closer. When they finally broke apart, he still held her close, resting his forehead against hers. There was a peaceful expression on his face as he stared at her.

She couldn't help the wicked smile that stretched across her face. "And here I thought you just wanted a training partner."

Kakashi's eye widened in horror. "I'm sorry, I should have - "

"No, it's okay, I was just teasing you." She covered her face as she giggled.

He closed his eye and mockingly told her, "I mean, if you _really_ want - "

"I'm perfectly happy with a picnic date."

"I wouldn't want to disappoint you."

Kakashi produced a storage scroll from one of his pockets and unsealed it. He set out the blanket and picnic basket that he had packed. He laid it out under the tree overlooking the river. There was also a frisbee, although the ninken confiscated that after they finished their lunch. They happily barked as they chased after each other, tossing the frisbee over each others heads. Occasionally they would bring it to Kakashi or Kotori to throw it.

Pakkun snoozed on top of Bull’s head next to them, both dogs content to sit the game out. Kotori rested her head in Kakashi’s lap while he leaned back against the tree. A peaceful silence stretched over them. His fingers absentmindedly played with her hair as he read. To her surprise, it was not Icha Icha, but a different romantic thriller. She let her mind drift as she watched the clouds.

“What changed?” She eventually asked.

“Hm?” He lowered the book, his thumb keeping it in place.

“I thought, well I mean, you were avoiding me for months.”

“Oh, I - ” Personal confessions did not seem to come naturally to Kakashi; he always took a little longer to respond. As if he was mulling over how to explain himself.

A deep breath left him before he spoke again. “I pushed away anyone who ever mattered to me. I wasn’t a good friend to Obito. I couldn’t be what Rin wanted. Even Minato-sensei and Kushina - Now they’re gone. I regret it every day. It took me a long time to realize that I should cherish those I still have before it’s too late.”

Her heart squeezed painfully at his confession. He was afraid she would die. She couldn’t really make promises that she wouldn’t. He would know they were empty anyway. Every shinobi accepts that they would one day die. All she could do was give whatever she had of herself until that day came.

So she sat up so that they were facing each other. She pressed her forehead against his. His hand lightly caressed her face.

“I’m glad you changed your mind.”

“Me too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My partner knows I write fanfic, but doesn’t read it or even know what fandom (I’m shy about it in real life). Anyway, he informed me he likes wearing the COVID-19 mask in public because quote “No one can see if I’m smiling or frowning or thinking they’re a total fucking dumbass.” I just closed my eyes and sighed. Kay, thanks Kakashi. 
> 
> I get the impression that the adults don’t see anything wrong with Naruto or kids living on their own? Kakashi had been living on his own since like 5 and Iruka since he was 10 then obviously Naruto and Sasuke live alone. Kotori doesn’t really question it either. She’s nice to him, but he’s just one of many orphans to her. But it was soooo hard not to derail my own story and have Genma/Kotori kidnap Naruto. 
> 
> And some cutesy relationship fluff because they need it. As always I love all the feedback and am happy to hear your thoughts :)


	16. Meet the Friends

For the first time in a very long time, Kakashi felt content.

They had easily established a routine where Kakashi would slip into her window every evening. They would make dinner and spend the evening talking or reading or writing reports before tumbling into bed together. He enjoyed being able to share the mundane observations he had made during the day. He enjoyed being able to touch someone and bring them pleasure rather than pain. More than anything, he enjoyed having someone who valued him for something other than his skill as a shinobi. He had no idea what exactly Kotori saw in him, but it made him want to try to be worthy of her affections.

The only problem was keeping his feelings for Kotori hidden from everyone else. He felt as if it was written plain across his face in neon letters. He felt as if any rogue shinobi would try and steal her from him. Considering the disasters that had befallen those he cared about, he bitterly thought that he would have a front row seat when - no _if_ \- something were to happen to Kotori.

He would do anything to avoid that outcome, even if it meant losing her as his girlfriend.

So he remained as aloof and distant in public as he had prior to them getting together. As far as the rest of the team was concerned, nothing had changed between them. Tenzo huffed and threw pointed glances. Yugao gave him the stink eye. Genma told him to quit sulking. The team believed Kotori was dating someone and the general consensus was that he was jealous. He could live with that.

Kotori could not.

This had been the first time in months that they were separated for any significant length of time. Kakashi had been taking a few one or two day missions, secure in the knowledge that Kotori was waiting for him back in Konoha. Meanwhile, Kotori had been working on a security project that kept her in the village. 

The morning that she and Genma had received their new assignment and set out from headquarters, he had wanted to grab her and hold her and ask her to be safe. Of all the places to be sent, it had to be _Kiri_. The orders had come from the Hokage himself otherwise Kakashi would have gone in her place. Kiri was _dangerous_. The Seven Ninja Swordsman of the Mist were only the start. They were an unstable village and home to some of the most depraved and bloodthirsty shinobi. They had earned themselves the nickname of the Bloody Mist Village. Kakashi had tried to block out the memory of waking up in a pool of blood, Rin’s body just out of reach.

He remained stoic as he saw them off. Kakashi had fallen back on years of being the hardened ANBU captain and gave a clipped response when Kotori said goodbye. The hurt look she gave him before slipping on her mask only registered after she flickered out of reach. His chest felt empty, as if she had stolen his heart and taken it with her to Kiri. There had only been a day to torture himself over their parting before Kakashi found himself hunting down a rogue shinobi with Tenzo and Yugao. 

He had just returned from the mission and had briefed the Hokage while Tenzo and Yugao dropped off the prisoner to Ibiki. Seeing Genma in the ANBU locker room filled him with relief. It meant that they had both come back. Genma would not be his usual nonchalant self if his mission partner had been seriously injured or killed. Still, he needed to confirm it.

“Report,” he said to Genma.

Genma shrugged. “Mission was a success. As suspected, Kiri has a new Mizukage, a teenager by the name of Yagura Karatachi. The village has become unstable under his leadership. However, they seem too busy fighting each other to become much of a threat in the short term. I would gather they’re heading for a civil war if their rebels can organize themselves.”

Kakashi would lose no sleep if Kiri tore itself apart. So long as they didn’t drag Konoha into their mess. Kakashi also happened to be privy to the information that Yagara was also the jinchuriki of the three-tails. Kiri had managed to recapture it shortly after it resurfaced and sealed it within the boy.

He thanked Genma and informed him that they would meet in three days. For the first time in his life, Kakashi wanted the full two recovery days they were allowed after a mission. 

He took to the roofs, using what little remained of his chakra to send an earth clone to his apartment. He concealed himself as he went in the opposite direction. Kakashi landed on the windowsill to Kotori's bedroom. The window was locked for once. She had taken to leaving it unlocked for him. He wasn’t sure if it was deliberate to keep him out or as a security measure. Coming back from Kiri would have anyone on edge.

He could feel the eyes of her chakra birds on him. One of them dove at his head from a nearby tree. Kakashi plucked it out of the air and held it in the palm of his hand. “It’s just me.”

The bird puffed its chest and let out a chirping noise. The window slid open, however his way inside was blocked.

“You’re back.”

“Tori - ”

“Don’t call me Tori, _Captain_. We’re not that familiar.”

His shoulders slumped. He deserved it. From the edge in her tone to the words that she said. It didn’t help the fact that it still stung.

“Can I come in?” He asked. “I don’t want to have this conversation in your window.”

He was worried they would attract a crowd. He knew Tenzo lived in this building as well as Aoba Yamashiro. Tenzo would probably be happy for them, if a little peeved that Kakashi had kept this secret. However Aoba had a big mouth and would have this circulating around the jonin standby station by dawn. He would probably exaggerate it too. 

She backed away, letting him enter her bedroom. She crossed her arms, hesitating even as she tried to close herself off to him. He knew she had a hard time staying annoyed with him. It was something he hoped was still true tonight. 

“I’m sorry,” he said. He gently pushed a rogue lock of hair behind her ear and her expression softened. “I’ve made a lot of enemies over the years. I’m in every Bingo Book, if Kiri or Kumo or Iwa knew who you were to me - they would use you to get to me.”

“Kakashi, that’s a little obvious,” she said, rolling her eyes. The softness vanished and she was angry once again. Her green eyes were now as hard as emeralds. Her hands dropped to her sides as they curled into fists. “How naive do you think I am? Do you think I'm not aware of the risks? I just want you to be _nicer_ to me in public. I'm not asking you to carve our names into every tree. This hot and cold act needs to stop, it's confusing - "

He could concede that there was no reason to be so indifferent to her. It was unnecessarily cruel. 

“We should at least be able to tell our friends the truth. Tenzo, Genma, Yugao and Aimi,” she continued. “That’s only four people and it would make life a hell of a lot easier for both of us. You know they would be happy for us.”

Tenzo would never compromise a comrade. Yugao had proven herself trustworthy. Aimi Yamanaka was an unknown, however he would trust Kotori’s judgement. Genma was the only potential problem because he was the link between Team Ro and Kakashi’s peers from the academy. While Genma would never purposely jeopardize Kotori’s safety and reveal her to an enemy, he had an annoying tendency to gossip within the village.

“Fine,” he slowly agreed. “We can start with them.”

“Really?”

She was letting him hug her now. That was good. More than good, really. After a long mission and two weeks apart, he really just wanted to hold her in his arms. Coming back to someone - having a reason to come back - it was a nice feeling.

Kotori staggered a little under his weight. “You’re chakra exhausted again, aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”

“A bath will help,” she said as she gently tugged him towards her bathroom. “I was about to make dinner too. Rest and carbs are the best remedy for chakra exhaustion. How does stir fry sound?”

She was drawing him a bath _and_ making him dinner. Usually he just collapsed in bed after a mission. Kakashi didn’t know what he had done to deserve to come home to this wonderful woman. She sat on the edge of the bathtub as he sank into the hot water with a groan.

“Shouldn’t you be resting?” He asked. He felt a little guilty knowing that she had just gotten home from a mission as well. The last thing she probably wanted to do was to take care of him.

“I’m fine,” she said. She ran her fingers through his hair, absentmindedly massaging his scalp. “We didn’t run into any problems on the way home.”

“Any issues in Kiri?” He asked.

“Eh, Kiri was its usual charming self,” Kotori said. “Cold, damp and dreary.”

He slid further into the water, the heat and relief that came from her words relaxed the tension he had been carrying. “Good. I was worried about you.”

Kotori skimmed her fingers along the top of the water. A thoughtful expression crossed her face. “You shouldn’t worry so much. I’m good at what I do.”

He knew that. He was avoiding doing the annual skills assessment on his team because he would have to reevaluate Kotori's stats. Based on what he had seen in training and missions, she could be classified as a mid to long range combat fighter in addition to espionage and infiltration. He didn't want to add that to her file or she would be sent on more dangerous missions though.

“I’ll always worry about you.”

“I’d say you’ll worry yourself grey - ” Kotori slyly replied. “But you seemed to have already done that to yourself long before you met me.”

“It’s hereditary,” he mumbled.

“The stress or the hair?”

“Probably both.” Cracking open an eye, he tried to give her a lewd glance. It probably came out more as a grimace. “I know a way you could help me destress.”

“Mmm, you look like you’d pass out halfway through.” There was a tinkling laugh as she stood up. “I’ll come get you when I’m done.”

It was the easiest post-mission recovery he had ever had. He still had the typical aches and pains the next morning and wouldn’t be doing anything too strenuous for the next day or two, however he felt lighter.Kakashi was lounging on Kotori’s couch reading when the peace and quiet was interrupted by a knock on the door. He chose to ignore it, assuming the person would go away. To his dread, he heard the click as the main door was unlocked.

Kakashi grabbed a shuriken from his holster and threw it into the doorframe as a warning, only to find a surprised Aimi Yamanaka standing in the doorway.

She gave him a little smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes as she dangled a keychain from her fingers. “I have the spare.”

He couldn’t help but notice the dark circles under her eyes. The rest of her appearance seemed careless compared to its usual pristine state. Her hair was messily pinned back by a pair of senbon and he wondered - especially with someone like Ensui Nara as a sensei - why no one had ever told her just how utterly idiotic that was. Then again, Genma always had one of the damn things hanging out of his mouth. 

Kakashi nodded as if he hadn’t just threatened his girlfriend’s best friend. “Kotori is in the shower.”

The bubbly blonde stepped into the apartment, chattering on about how she usually checked Kotori’s mail and watered her plants while she was away. If Kakashi was one for social pleasantries he suspected she would have manoeuvredthe conversation until she was subtly interrogating him. Instead he remained silent, giving the odd hum to indicate he was listening.

Aimi seemed comfortable with his silence. She just smiled as she sat at the table like finding him in her friend’s apartment was perfectly normal. Aimi rested her chin in the palm of her hand. Her pale blue eyes silently watching him. Kakashi knew what she was doing. She was using the awkwardness of the silence and the situation to prompt him into speaking. Her little interrogation techniques were not going to work on him. Kakashi had no problem being socially awkward.

In fact, he was going to make this more awkward for her than for him. He sat across from her, pulling out Icha Icha once again.

“Do you always hide from social interactions by reading porn?”

Kakashi flipped a page. “Sorry, did you say something?”

“No matter, I’m not that interested in your oddities,” Aimi said. The facade of the bubbly blonde dropped as those analytical eyes narrowed. “If you are dating Kotori you could at least make an effort with her friends.”

He ignored her, flipping another page of his book. 

“Not even going to deny it?”

This was why no one liked the Yamanaka. They spent too much time uncovering other people’s secrets. Kakashi avoided them as much as humanly possible. Ayumu’s addition to their team made him uncomfortable enough. She had used her mind transfer jutsu on him exactly once. It had taken him about ten seconds to throw her out and that felt like ten seconds too long when she had access to all his darkest memories. He stuck to taijutsu sparring matches with her after that and instructed Haruki to otherwise train with her.

“I see you’ve met Aimi,” Kotori dryly said.

“ _You_!” Aimi’s voice went up an octave to an annoying screech. She sprung up from the chair and rushed over, latching herself onto Kotori. Kakashi had to resist the urge from interfering, despite all of his instincts screaming at him that someone had just _lunged_ at Kotori and was therefore a threat. Perhaps he was being bias, but Aimi seemed a bit mentally unhinged to him. 

He had very little to go off for her usual state. He typically did not bring prisoners to Torture and Interrogation and if he did, they were going straight to Ibiki or Inoichi. He had observed Kotori with her genin teammate on other occasions. The most recent being the Uchiha funeral. Kakashi could remember the sight of her crying uncontrollably. Kotori and Ensui had escorted her away from the cemetery soon after placing flowers on the grave. The loss of a genin teammate hit everyone differently, but Kakashi noticed that it often made the survivors more protective of each other. 

This was the first time Kotori had left the village on a mission since the Uchiha massacre. As an ANBU, Kotori’s mission details were classified. Aimi had no way of knowing when her friend would even return. It was difficult enough for Kakashi and at least he knew the details of Kotori’s mission.

“Excuse me, like when were you going to tell me about _this_?!” Aimi waved her hand at him. 

“Now seems like a good time?”

Aimi cling to Kotori’s arm, before giving him a vicious smile. “You don’t mind if I borrow your girlfriend for a few hours, do you? We need to do lunch and shopping and I’m going to ask her for _all_ the dirty details.”

“ _Aimi,_ " Kotori sounded a little exasperated. 

Kakashi watched as his plans for a lazy day in with Kotori went up in smoke. Taking the hint that the girls wanted to catch up, Kakashi said he had some errands and would be back later. There was an awkward moment when he wanted to kiss Kotori goodbye as he always did, but also did not want to do it under the watchful eye of her friend. He ended up patting her on the head before flickering outside his apartment building. Using chakra when he was still recovering gave him a head rush.

Not wanting to go inside, Kakashi found himself wandering around the village instead. He spotted Gai, Asuma and Kurenai at their usual table at the Dango Shop. Genma was also with them along with Raidou Namiashi, Aoba Yamashiro and Anko Mitarashi.

“Mind if I sit?” Kakashi asked. Several pairs of eyes stared blankly at him. Then, suddenly, they were all sliding over to make space for him. A chair was dragged over from an empty table.

Kakashi felt a little guilty. When was the last time he had joined them out of his own free will? He had been there for Kurenai’s birthday - no wait, that was because Asuma had threatened him. Then there was the celebration after Anko had been promoted - no, he had spent the entire night once again held at knife point. Then there was the time that - come to think of it, Gai had kidnapped him from his apartment and dragged him here.

“My eternal rival!” Gai tackled him into a hug. Gai lifted the ends of his head, as if doing a thorough inspection of him. “You’re brimming with the passion of youth!”

Kakashi swatted him out of his hair. “What are you doing?”

Gai just flashed him a large smile and a thumbs up. “Inspecting that my rival is in good health for it has been far too long since we have engaged in a hotblooded challenge!”

Kakashi knew he could not get away without a challenge, especially since it had been months since he had last seen Gai. Fortunately, it was his turn to pick something. Paper, scissors, rock seemed like the easy way out and he would probably get heckled for being lazy however he was not at his best for any of the more physically demanding challenges Gai typically chose.

“Throwing contest, whoever makes the best design out of dango sticks from 10 metres away,” Kakashi eventually decided. “The table can judge.”

Kakashi and Gai stood back to back as they threw the sticks into separate posts. Kakashi’s outline of a songbird ended up winning over Gai’s outline of a lotus flower. Genma's vote had been the deciding factor. He had taken one look at the bird, smirked, and then announced him the winner.

"Once again, my rival aspires me in new and unexpected ways! I shall endeavour to improve my creativity for the next time -!"

"Ahhh, there's no need," Kakashi sheepishly said. It was more likely that their next challenge would be some test of strength, speed or endurance. 

“You’re in a suspiciously good mood,” Anko said. She carelessly gestured with her stick of dango. “Did you finally get laid or something?”

Kakashi hated it when he blushed. It was a response he couldn’t control and only happened around those he knew well. Minato and Kushina had been the worst offenders for teasing him until he blushed, however he could remember a handful of embarrassing moments as a child and young teenager that had drawn a similar reaction. He could feel it burning across his face and to the backs of his ears. It felt like a bright red signal to everyone present. Kakashi felt the uncomfortable urge to pull his mask up further, but that would only draw more attention. Hopefully his mask hid the worst of it.

He would have to play this cool. “I don’t see how that’s any of your business.”

Genma’s chair shifted forward so that all four legs were back on the ground. Kakashi could see the gears turning in his head. In hindsight, the songbird had been an idiotic move on his part. Genma had all the puzzle pieces and was able to make them fit together for the complete picture.

“You bastard, all this time? You and -?”Genma made the ANBU hand signal that mean _hawk_. "No wonder she - I can't believe you both kept this a secret."

"Ah, well, you know how these things go. We were trying to keep it quiet," Kakashi said. He hoped he was making the right decision. This group had never outed Asuma and Kurenai's relationship. The girlfriend of the Hokage's son should have a larger target on her back, but it seemed the information had either never leaked or wasn't important enough to other villages. 

Genma bit down down on his senbon. "Say no more. We get it."

Gai burst into noisy tears. “Who is she? The beautiful flower who has reignited the passionate flames of youth within your heart! We must meet your eternal love!”

“Please don’t call her that,” Kakashi winced.

“Yes, I’m sure she has a name.” Kurenai sounded hopeful.

Anko smirked as she rested her chin on her fist. “Yeah, Kakashi. What’s her name?”

He wasn't going to make this easy for them. “A name? I suppose she has one of those.”

“Wait, is she the ANBU with the bird mask,” Asuma suddenly asked. He closed his eyes as if trying to recall the details. “What was her name again?”

“So we are talking about a real person who someone here other than Kakashi has met?” Aoba clarified. “Not a fictional character from his book?”

Kakashi threw a dango stick at Aoba’s face, which he caught between his fingers.

“You need to introduce her to everyone,” Kurenai insisted. She clasped her hands together, a bright look in her crimson eyes. “You must really love her if you waited all this time.”

“I’m hurt, Kurenai, you never want to meet my girlfriends,” Genma snarked.

Kurenai crossed her arms and fixed Genma with a stare. “No sense getting attached to someone who’s only going to be around for a day or two.”

“You assume the poor girl Kakashi tricked into dating will last,” Raidou chuckled.

Gai was looking around eagerly, as if Kakashi had stashed her somewhere in the Dango Shop. "Well, where is she?"

“ _Kotori_!” Genma called out in an annoyingly loud sing-song voice. “Just the girl I wanted to see.”

As his luck would have it, Kotori and Aimi were walking past the Dango Shop at that precise moment. Kotori paused in her tracks, tilting her head as her eyes glanced from Genma to him before recognizing she had the interest of everyone seated at the table.

She crossed her legs at her ankles and gave an awkward smile. For the second time that day, Kakashi felt warm. Although rather than a blush across his face, this time it started in his chest and radiated out. She was adorable and precious and _his_.

“Um, hello?”

All hell broke loose.

Gai had been sitting on his blind side so he hadn’t seen him move until it was too late. Before anyone could react, Gai was swinging Kotori around in an enthusiastic hug and crying something about flower blossoms and springtime. When he released her, Kotori stumbled three steps to the left and fell into Aimi. Both girls shared a confused look as tears streamed down Gai's face as he then grabbed both of them in a hug. Kakashi covered his face with his hand. Gai could be a little extra.

“You’re the beautiful flower who has captured my eternal rival’s giant heart!”

"I, uh - what?" She threw a look at him that could only be interpreted as _please_ _help_.

He reached out for her hand to pull her closer. Partially as an introduction and partially because he wanted to get her away in case Gai started hugging her again. He smiled beneath the mask as he felt her hand squeeze his in response. “I would like you to meet Kotori."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi continues to be a paranoid mess... I'm really excited for the conclusion of the ANBU arc, hehe. 
> 
> As always, I live for kudos/comments. They never fail to make my day. Thank you everyone!!!


	17. Powerless

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I pulled the original chapter and edited it after getting a lot of instant backlash. Just a couple of clarifications. Kotori does NOT have a bloodline / keikei genkai. It’s a secret clan technique so theoretically it could be taught to anyone (hence why Kakashi can copy it, but can’t copy Tenzo’s wood style). She’s essentially clanless at this point (unless she revives it) and it’s really up to her what she does with it. There’s no clan elders around to tell her what to do.
> 
> Also, please remember I write for fun. If you don’t like something or the direction I'm taking, just stop reading it. I don’t want to know why. When I get heaps of backlash, it's just discouraging.

Autumn soon arrived and with it came an invitation to guest lecture in Iruka Umino's class. Kotori had almost forgot her agreement, but evidently, Iruka had not.

Some sleuthing told her that Sasuke happened to be in Iruka's class. She hadn't forgotten her silent vow to check on Sayuri's only surviving kin. He had woken up after a month in a chakra induced coma and then had stayed in the hospital for a few weeks after that. Kotori imagined the news was quite devastating to the child. In one night, he had lost his entire family to the hands of a beloved older brother. He had only returned to the academy two weeks ago.

While she had been keeping tabs on him in the village, she hadn't felt comfortable approaching him. She was a complete stranger to him and knew it would seem weird. She knew she hated all the sympathetic strangers patting her on the head when she lost her family. She hated being told that they knew Karasu or Tsubame or Washi or her brothers and that they were great shinobi who would be missed. She didn't have any real idea of how she could help either, just felt the desperate need to do _something_.

Kotori pulled out the box containing her mother's recipes. She had precious few possessions that she had been able to salvage from the wreckage of her childhood home. The little box full of cards in her mother's neat handwriting had somehow survived in a cupboard. She flipped through it for inspiration. Kotori decided to make onigiri with a mango and avocado filling to take with her for the students as a peace offering. She showed up early so that she and Iruka could speak about his lesson plan for the morning.

"Permission to mess with your students, Iruka-sensei?" Kotori had cheekily asked.

Iruka laughed. There was a little glimmer of mischief in his eyes. "Don't be too hard on them."

Kotori used a simple henge to transform into a younger version of herself. She looked roughly the same age as an academy student.

She wandered around as students started filling into the classroom, introducing herself as a transfer student named 'Koko' and offering the onigiri.

She attempted to share with Sasuke, who had only stared at her with blank eyes before putting his head on the desk. Her heart broke for the kid. She wished there was something more that she could offer than food or platitudes from a stranger.

That gesture put her at odds with the rest of the girls in the class. An adorable little girl with pink hair gave her a surprisingly vicious look. Ah, childhood crushes. Sasuke was quite popular it seemed.

Offering to share her homemade onigiri immediately won her over into the heart of a sweet boy named Choji. She felt guilty deceiving the kid. It did gain her access into his little circle of friends who she admittedly felt less guilty deceiving. Naruto enthusiastically told her all about the frog in his backpack while Ino berated Shikamaru for not doing his homework again. Shikamaru gave her a suspicious look, but then put his head on his desk and fell asleep. Meanwhile a boy named Kiba feed his homework to his ninken. The puppy let out a whine before he dutifully grabbed the homework and shredded it with his teeth.

When all the students eventually shuffled in and took their seats, Kotori joined Iruka at the front of the room. With all eyes on her, Kotori dropped the henge and appeared as her usual self.

Naruto hopped up and pointed an accusatory finger at her. "Hey! You tricked us! You're _old_!"

"I'm not old," Kotori protested. She would only be twenty next spring. She couldn't even - well, legally, anyway - go to a bar. "And that was the point. Iruka-sensei told me he had some troublemakers in this class and wanted me to spy on them. This morning I learned that Shikamaru copies Ino's homework, Kiba fed his to his ninken and you, Naruto, have a frog in your backpack that may find its way down the back of Sakura's shirt."

The pink haired girl gasped and immediately turned around to glare at the boy in question. Naruto gave a sheepish laugh.

Iruka folded his arms as he glared at his class. "Class, this is Ms Kotori. She is a jonin and here to assist with a lecture on infiltration today. I want you all to be on your best behaviour. That means _put the frog outside_ , Naruto."

She gave a jaunty little wave to the class.

Shikamaru gave a dramatic sigh.

Her grin widened.

Iruka took the class outside into one of the training fields as it was too nice to stay in the classroom. The kids gathered around in the field as Kotori shared some of the milder undercover missions she had taken and some of the disguises she had used. The class was fun and just an introduction into the topic. They then broke off into pairs to do something impromptu acting exercises. Kotori had them pretending to be each other as a start.

Things were going well until some of the rowdier kid starting asking her to show them jutsu. Kiba and Naruto played off each other as they badgered her.

"Show us something cool!"

"Oooh, can you make something explode?"

"I don't know - " she hesitated. That seemed unwise.

"You're a jonin, aren't you?" It was the first time Sasuke had spoken all class. "You should know more than the academy basics."

Kotori and Iruka shared a look. She shrugged, not minding doing something that interested the kid. Potentially learning a new jutsu was the most reaction she had seen from him yet.

Kotori gave a quick run down of the different chakra natures. "Everyone is born with an elemental affinity. Does anyone know them?"

Sakura raised her hand and answered. "Fire, water, earth, wind and lightning."

"Excellent," Kotori said. "Does anyone know their own elemental affinity?"

A few hands were raised, mostly from the kids who were born into clans or who had shinobi parents. She called on a few kids, getting answers like fire, water or earth. Fire was by far the most common as they lived in the Land of Fire. She wished she had thought of bringing chakra paper, however it was expensive and hadn't been relevant to her lesson.

"Your elemental affinity is the element that comes more naturally to you. It's usually inherited from your parents. You can also develop an additional elemental affinity through training with it. I was born with a wind affinity like most of my clan, but I developed a second affinity for lightning style. The jutsu I'm about to show you is a result of using lightning style."

She decided to go with lightning as it was a little more flashy. The class eagerly applauded as she aimed a trio of lightning arrows at three targets. She hit each in the centre. She was pestered with questions to do it again and what else could she do.

In the end, she relented and showed a simple wind jutsu that had been taught to children in her clan. At best, she figured some of the students would use it to push each other around. It was also practical and she often used it to dry her hair. Shino and Ino were among the few students who were able to to it. To everyone's surprise, Naruto also picked it up quite easily. Kotori was willing to bet he had a wind affinity like herself.

Sasuke quietly approached her afterwards and asked if she could teach him her lightning arrow.

"This is too advanced for an academy student," she told him. It was something she didn't feel comfortable teaching to just anyone. Shinobi tended to be secretive of their jutsu. Aside from the basics, most techniques were only shared between family, close comrades or a student. Even Kakashi had refused to teach her chidori and she was a lightning user _and_ his girlfriend. Her uncle had developed the shooting arrow jutsu during the third war and then taught it to her and her brothers as a long-range offensive attack. Kotori had taken it a step further by changing the chakra nature to lightning.

"I can already do the fireball technique."

It was a technique taught to every Uchiha as soon as they started at the academy. She could remember the dozens of times Sayuri had used it in combat.

"I'll teach it to you after you've earned the forehead protector," she compromised.

"Hn," Sasuke said. "By then I'll have a proper jonin instructor."

There was something that unnerved her about the determined look in Sasuke's eyes. Kotori realized she was out of her depth. This was a child she didn't know and who needed a trusted adult.

"How is Sasuke doing?" she later asked Iruka. The class were outside for their lunch and Iruka had picked up a pair of to-go containers from Ichiraku's as a thank you. The two were eating in the classroom as Iruka kept an eye on his students outside the window.

Iruka avoided her question, staring at the container of food in his lap. He twirled the noodles around his chopsticks while he gathered his thoughts. "I admit, I may have had ulterior motives for inviting you today. I understand there's not many Sorano left in the village?"

"Not these days."

Iruka nodded, he seemed to be trying to ask the question. "You're the last one, aren't you?"

"I was a chunin by the time it happened," she responded. "I had my team and my sensei. They kept me together for the worst of it."

It wasn't something she talked about often. She hadn't even shared this part of her history with Kakashi, although she knew he could draw his own conclusions. However under Iruka's empathetic eyes, she found herself being surprisingly open about the entire ordeal.

How she had lost herself to her depression in the aftermath. How she lost not just her family that night, but their culture, their traditions, their shared history. How absolutely powerless she had felt. How she pushed herself to get stronger and never feel that way again. How her friends helped her get back on her feet. How Ensui would literally drag her from the bed to training practices and force her to eat meals. How Aimi would sit and talk with her and let her cry.

"Sayuri - " Her voice caught on the name. She found she couldn't speak about her friend. Sayuri had offered to help her get revenge.

 _Hell hath no fury like an Uchiha._ It was mostly said in jest, or when Sayuri was upset, but it had a ring of truth. They all had hot tempers and could hold grudges. It was a sobering thought, especially with Sasuke's earlier request to learn her jutsu.

"Sayuri Uchiha?"

"You did your homework before inviting me, didn't you?"

Iruka scratched the scar across his nose. "Ah, it wasn't hard. Izumo and Kotetsu don't shut up about you when you get them talking."

She didn't know if anything she said would help Iruka. Or if he had invited her in the same desperate need to do _something_. He certainly had his own experiences with grief to fall back on. However as they parted ways he thanked her for her candour and she offered to make herself available in whatever capacity needed.

Kotori walked outside the academy to find the Hokage waiting outside. He was smoking his pipe as he watched the clouds overhead.

"Ms Sorano, would you care to join me? I was going to stretch my legs."

"Of course."

She could recognize that the request wasn't a polite invitation. The Hokage was too busy for that. Kotori had never been alone with the Hokage before. He had visited the academy plenty of times when she had been a student and she had received missions from him a handful of times. More often than not, Ensui had been the one to receive the mission and then report back to the Hokage. As a member of Team Ro she was regularly in the Hokage's office although she was often with someone else.

Kotori felt nervous, as if she was a child about to be scolded. She couldn't help but shake the feeling she had done something _wrong_.

Lord Third didn't seem particularly angry though. If she was about to be reprimanded surely she would have been summoned to his office and not out on a peaceful stroll. Kotori followed him along the path away from the academy grounds.

"How did you like teaching?" Lord Third asked her.

"I - " she thought honestly about it. "I enjoyed it? I mean, it was only for a morning. I'm not sure how I would have handled thirty students throwing shurikan."

Lord Third chuckled. "It takes a certain talent. Although, the role I had in mind for you was on a smaller scale. My advisor and good friend, Danzo, has identified a handful of promising students in his program who would be suited to learning your clan techniques. He had hoped you would consent to teaching it to them."

"I'm not comfortable with that," she replied. Her emotions were still raw from her talk with Iruka. The evidence of Danzo's cruelty and dark methods. She remembered the empty look in Sasuke's eyes, the way Sayuri slumped over the blade, the row of bodies in the Uchiha compound.

She felt sick at the very idea of helping Danzo in any capacity. She wanted nothing to do with him or his fraction of ANBU. Never mind _teaching_ something so personal as her clan jutsu to them.

"If something were to happen to you, your clan's technique would die with you," Lord Third quietly spoke. "It would be a great disservice to lose such a resource to the village."

"Lord Third, I'm sorry, but I won't do it."

Kotori was not obligated to teach anyone her clan techniques. It was one of the founding principles and the reason that Hashirama Senju and Madara Uchiha had been able to convince so many clans to come together to form Konoha. However she knew it wouldn't stop her from being pressured into it. Especially without a clan to defend her. In the past, the threat of losing an entire clan and their secret techniques to another village gave them a certain amount of leverage. A clan like the Hyuga or Uchiha with their powerful bloodlines and larger numbers had more sway in village matters than a clan like the Sorano or Taketori. Still, it would look weak to their enemies that Konoha had lost the confidence of a clan.

Unfortunately, Kotori was just one person and effectively clanless these days.

“I’m disappointed to hear your decision.” The kind, grandfatherly Hokage was gone and in his place was the hardened leader who had seen them through multiple wars. “Well, in that case, Lord Danzo still needs your specific skillset. If you won’t train a replacement, then you’ll have to be reassigned to him.”

Danzo seemed to get whatever he wanted. Once again, Kotori found herself powerless.

xXx

Kakashi slipped into the bedroom window of Kotori's apartment. She had spent the morning at the academy and he was curious how it went. The class in question also happened to have Naruto Uzumaki in it. While he avoided the boy, he did feel a sense of duty towards Naruto. Kakashi knew he could never fill the big brother role that Minato had intended for him. Lord Third had requested that he stay away from the boy as he wanted to keep Naruto's parentage a secret. It would have been a giveaway almost as bright as his yellow hair if Minato's former student took an interest in him. The best way he knew how to fulfill his duty was to ensure Naruto grew up in a safe village with peace and stability.

Kotori was lying on her bed, a blank expression on her face as she stared up at the ceiling.

"Kotori?"

"Did you talk to Lord Third?" She distantly asked. Her eyes didn't look up to him, the green seemed dull as they started off into space. His heart felt like it dropped to the bottom of his stomach. _Something was wrong._

"Not recently." He had reported in three nights ago for a mission and Lord Third had dismissed him. He was on standby and so far had not been given another mission. "You're not in trouble, are you?"

He honestly could not see her being in any sort of trouble. He had yet to disclose the status of their relationship to Lord Third, however he assumed he would be in trouble more than her for it. Captains tended to be scrutinized more for their personal relationships as the Hokage would not want a conflict of interest. There was also the disgusting practice of captains using their position to coerce a relationship with a subordinate and the Hokage would want to investigate to ensure that was not the case. The most Lord Third would do was interview her.

"I've been reassigned," Kotori answered, not looking him in the eye. She sat up and pulled her robe around her shoulders. She looked small and vulnerable, her voice tiny. "Lord Third wants me to report to Lord Danzo."

Kakashi stared at her in silence for what felt like a really long time. In actuality, it was probably about thirty seconds. Slowly, he growled out, " _Are you fucking kidding me?_ "

His words triggered the most reaction of out her since he arrived. She startled, looking tense despite being in the safety of her own home. Kakashi relaxed his own stance, although he was still internally fuming at the circumstances.

Kakashi took on every dark and horrific task asked of him without question or complaint in the name of Konoha. His hands were stained in metaphorical blood. His conscience haunted him with nightmares. His soul was probably shredded and in tatters.

He had long ago accepted that he would live in darkness. Then Kotori had come into his life. Her light had been too bright and he avoided it at first, but as his eyes adjusted he questioned how he had lived so long without it.

Danzo would try to snuff it out.

"I'll handle it," Kakashi quietly said. He didn't use it often, but he knew he held a certain amount of political clout in the village. The Hokage was invested in keeping one of his best shinobi content. Kakashi's name and reputation was enough to keep some of Konoha's enemies at bay and he had sacrificed enough of himself over the years. It was perhaps why Kakashi was allowed so much leniency. He had used it once before to free Tenzo from Root. Now he would use it to keep Kotori out of it.

He was out of her apartment and running across the rooftops towards the Hokage Tower before she could even respond. It was early evening and the Hokage had yet to go home for the night. Rabbit and Squirrel were on duty and admitted him into the office.

Kakashi knelt before the Hokage as he had done countless times before. However this time he did not bow his head to wait and receive orders. He stared defiantly straight ahead.

"I suppose you've learned that I have reassigned Hawk." Lord Third didn't bother looking up from the reports on his desk. "I understand you and Danzo have had your disagreements, however - "

He didn't care for whatever argument Lord Third or more accurately, _Danzo_ , had concocted. He didn't care that Lord Third tended to bury his head in the sand and pretend that Root wasn't an issue. These weren't _disagreements_. The man kidnapped children and brainwashed them into emotionless husks. He condoned Orochimaru's human experimentations and may still be conducting his own. He manipulated the vulnerable, preying on their grief. He tortured his own shinobi if they did not adhere to his strict standards. He may or may not have had a part in the massacre of an entire clan. And those were just the things Kakashi knew about.

He also tried multiple times to kill the Hokage and take his place, which was an act of treason. However if Lord Third was fine ignoring that particular issue then Kakashi wouldn't bring it up.

"Lord Third, I ask you to seriously reconsider assigning her to Root."

"Give me one good reason."

"I love her."

That made the Hokage look up at him. Any other circumstance, it might have been comical to have finally managed to surprise him. The pipe dangled out of his mouth and for one moment, Kakashi could see the resemblance to his youngest son.

"Well, I can't say I expected _that_."

Kakashi remained kneeling before the Hokage. The old man looked thoughtful as he took a puff from his pipe. Kakashi struggled to keep from crinkling his nose beneath the mask. He had always been sensitive to smell.

"I believe it would be a conflict for Kotori to be part of Root given my history with it. Furthermore, her personal happiness matters a great deal to me. She's not suited for Root, she's barely suited for ANBU. She lacks the darkness necessary for it. I don't want her anywhere it.”

"Do you see a future with her?"

"I don't see any future without her."

Lord Third stared at him long and hard. "I see the benefit of leaving Hawk on Team Ro. There's no need for either of you to rush into things. You know, I don't often entertain the idea of keeping couples on the same team. Consider this a probation. You and Kotori will be expected to uphold the Shinobi Code. Do not make me regret this decision. I would still ask her to consider training these students in her technique as a compromise."

“No."

The Hokage lifted his eyebrow in response.

xXx

Kotori was pacing a hole in her bedroom when he returned. He crouched on the windowsill, his hand gripping the ledge. His mind still turning over the conversation he had had with Lord Third as he stepped into the room.

_“Her technique belongs to her and her future children alone,” Kakashi had insisted._

There was uncertainty in her eyes. "What did you do?"

"Handled it," Kakashi informed her. He closed his eye and relaxed his face, trying to force a smile for her reassurance. “You’re stuck with me for the foreseeable future.”

_“Future children?” The Hokage had questioned. “I see. I’m glad to hear that is still a possibility. Fatherhood does have its wonders. Not to mention there had been some concern that the Hatake line would end with you.”_

Kotori threw herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck. “Thank you!”

_Kakashi had remained silent. That had been his intention for years. He had no idea Kotori’s stance on children. These days he barely knew his own stance on children. Still, it seemed to be his trump card in this situation. _

_“I’ll tell Danzo she’s to be left alone.”_

"What did you say to him?" She asked. Her grip loosened as she leaned back in his arms to look at him.

"Ah, well," Kakashi attempted to remain casual. "I told him your children would inherit your techniques. He accepted it."

"That won't be for - I mean, I'm only nineteen." Kotori seemed to realize the unasked question. "We haven't really spoken about that, have we? I always thought that I would, you know, one day. I suppose I'd have to leave ANBU though - "

She trailed off, as if uncertain about that.

There was a reason there were so few kunoichi above a certain age, especially in ANBU. Pregnancy tended to take them out of active duty for at least a year as no one wanted a pregnant woman or recent mother risking her life. Then the lifestyle tended to not work well with having a small child at home. The ideal situation was to have at least one parent working in a village-bound role, although some active duty parents managed to make it work by rotating when they were taking missions. Satoshi's wife worked at the hospital while Ensui's wife was a civilian researcher at their clan's medical facility. Yoshino was able to take missions as Shikaku was often stuck in Konoha with administration and clan duties. Kakashi knew he would never be allowed to give up his role as a shinobi, so that would mean Kotori would have to sacrifice hers.

"That's not an issue," he said. He could easily support a wife and family. "The only future I want is one with you in it. I have no idea how to be a husband or a father, but for you I would try."

"We'd figure it out together." Her fingers interlocked with his. Her smiled turned teasing a moment later. "So what if I said I wanted cats instead?"

"That might be a dealbreaker," he solemnly said, although his eye curved into a smile. "Pakkun would never forgive me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Commentary: I’m operating under the impression that the Hokage is more or less a military dictator in a city state. People like Danzo, Homura and Koharu only have his ear because they’re his friends / former teammates. In my opinion, clan heads have some influence because they represent a large portion of the population... but even then... look what happened to the Uchiha. Kotori can technically say no, which she does. However the Hokage can apply pressure on her, which he does by reassigning her to Root.
> 
> WARNING: Changes are coming! As my original premise for this story shifted, I found the summary/title no longer quite fit. I've updated the summary but wanted to post a chapter announcing the changes before updating the title as well. The new title will be "Out of the Dark".
> 
> Thank you for everyone who took the time to kudo or comment! They mean so much to me :)


	18. Eyes and Ears Everywhere

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warnings: There's some sexual harassment in this chapter. There's no dub-con/non-con/sexual assault.

She woke the moment her window slide open. Her body bolting upright, kunai in hand. Kakashi was fully dressed in ANBU gear although the hound mask was clipped to his belt. Moonlight reflected off his hair, giving the appearance that it glowed. She relaxed, putting the kunai back on her night stand. He only ever showed up in the middle of the night for one, well, two reasons. Either he was coming back from a mission or leaving on one.

“Do you have to leave?” She sleepily asked, settling back into the pillows.

“Yes,” he said. Regret was evident in his voice. “I leave at dawn. Can I spend the night?”

It was a bittersweet way to say goodbye. Most of the time, goodbyes were hurried or left in the form of notes. Sometimes they had more warning and were able to spend the evening together.

He stripped out of his uniform, neatly folding it on the dresser. He slid into her bed, pulling her close to his chest and spooning her from behind. He planted a light kiss on the back of her neck. She knew he rarely got a proper night’s sleep before a mission. His mind and body both hyper focused on the impending task. She always tried to help him settle down and relax before hand.

“Don’t you need to sleep?”

“Not really,” he whispered. His finger slipped under the band of her panties. He lazily traced a path inwards from the curve of her hip, pausing over her birth control seal. “I’d rather spend my time with you.”

“Take me with you?”

“Not this time.” There was a hard edge to his voice. She was not privy to the details of all his missions and she suspected that he left her out of the more dangerous ones. It always filled her with worry, especially when he seemed this tense before a mission. 

He stopped speaking as he focused his attentions on her. He trailed kisses down the back of her neck before whispering in her ear. “I have other places I’d rather take you.”

Sex tended to provide him an easy distraction. One that she was usually happy to accommodate. She purposely shifted, knowing that her ass was grinding against him, teasing him. His fingers toyed with the edge of her panties, before pulling them down. She let out a sigh of pleasure as his thumb started rubbing rough circular motions against her clit. Then he thrust one finger in and out in at an agonizingly slow pace. She whimpered as her hips bucked, wanting more, wanting _him_.

“Always so eager.” She could feel the low rumble of his voice, his breath hot against the back of her neck. This time he grinded his erection against her.

He rolled her over so that he could take her from behind. There was definitely going to be bruises from the firm grip he had on her hips. There was a storm building inside of her, his hips rocking against her like waves crashing onto the store. Growing more intense with each thrust. He brought her to the peak just before backing off. He liked to tease her. Liked to deny her. His movements were slow and languid as he pushed in and out before pausing completely while inside of her. She groaned in frustration.

“I will do bad things to you,” she promised.

There was a chuckle before he responded, his voice husky with lust. “Ah well, you know I enjoy when you’re naughty.”

He resumed his pace, soon reaching the point of no return as he allowed himself to finally give in to a primal urge. The bed frame rocked against the wall with such force that Kotori almost felt bad for her neighbour.

Almost because her thoughts were rapidly becoming an incoherent mess as she moaned, the filter between her brain and mouth entirely gone. _Oh gods, don’t stop, feels so good, just like that -_

She fisted her sheets as she cried out, pulsing around him as she finally fell into the deep abyss.

“Oh gods, _Kakashi!_ ”

She could feel him stiffen behind her before he too was pushed over the edge.

He let out a content sigh as he pulled out and laid down next to her, once again pulling her into his strong arms.

“Thank you,” he sleepily murmured. 

The tension in his body was gone. She knew she could not entirely relieve him from his burdens. This was only a temporary distraction.

She rested her head against his chest, the steady beat of his heart calming as she drifted off to sleep. She was woken not long after for a second round. This time being rolled onto her back as Kakashi peppered her with kisses. Their lovemaking was softer, slower, as he held her hands and looked into her eyes and whispered into her ear. 

Mostly it was incoherent mumbling but one line stood out as he came.

_”Fuck, Tori, I love you.”_

Crude and possibly just being caught up in the passion of the moment. Kakashi didn’t seem to notice afterwards, drifting back into an uneasy sleep. However, her heart fluttered and she longed to hear him say them again to her.

He woke her once more at the crack of dawn to say goodbye. Once again he was dressed in his ANBU uniform. His body leaned over hers as he kissed her goodbye.

“Please be safe,” she said.

His expression softened. “I will.”

“I’ll be waiting,” she reminded him.

He gave her one last kiss before pulling the mask back in place. “I’ll be home as soon as I can.”

She didn’t go back to sleep after he left. Her mind giving into the worry that she tried not to show. Kakashi was one of their best shinobi, but he wasn’t infallible. She quickly got up and went about her morning routine. She even had time to take in a run around the village before getting to the ANBU headquarters to report in for missions.

It was part of being in a relationship as a shinobi. The long stretches of separation. The constant worry that one day your loved one would not come back. There were couples in the village who didn’t see each other for months at a time. She was fortunate that she and Kakashi had similar mission schedules. As they were on the same team, their ANBU patrols and downtime often lined up.

Still, she missed him when they were apart.

Their team was currently on standby and could be called away on a mission at any time. The Commander had no missions for her when she stopped by his office, so she went to the locker rooms to change into her uniform for some training. Kotori let the quiet chatter drift in and out, not really paying much attention to it. She was still tired from the night before. The women’s locker room in ANBU was always rife with village gossip. Sometimes it was helpful to listen to it, however more often than not it was just relationship drama.

_“Apparently she’s been fucking her captain for months.”_

Kotori wasn’t entirely innocent and tended to overhear more than she should. However she kept her ANBU gossiping solely within her own team. Every so often, Yugao and she would lock eyes and nod. It always meant a visit after training to the Teahouse to, as Yugao put it, _spill the tea_.

Tea would be good right now. No, _coffee_. She was so very tired.

_“That’s why he gives her the easy missions, no wonder her record is so clean.”_

There was definitely a lively buzz in the locker room. Llama and Rabbit were off in the corner with their heads together. They hadn’t had a good scandal since the fallout from Otter, Sable and Rabbit finding out they were all dating Weasel at the same time. Commander Monkey had been furious and had to switch around four ANBU teams to separate them all. His wife, Captain Panda, had had to have a sit down with the three girls because the women’s locker room had become a war zone every time they locked eyes. Since then, ANBU had gotten stricter on their fraternization policies. All previously existing couples had been approved. Recent couples like she and Kakashi had been privately investigated by senior officers before approval. Panda had been the one to interview her shortly after Kakashi announced their relationship to the Hokage.

_“I don’t get it, she’s not even that pretty. He could have gone for someone like Racoon or Cat.”_

The words clicked in her sluggish mind and she suddenly realized that _she_ was the latest scandal.

_“Cat’s a bitch. Hawk’s easy at least.”_

There was laughter at that. She felt heartsick.

_“Hound’s so lazy, he probably didn’t have to try very hard. She was just there and throwing herself at him.”_

Kotori liked being liked. She tried her best to get along with everyone. To hear her name talked about in such a fashion, to hear that this is what her comrades thought about her -

She slammed her locker shut before fleeing the room. Her cheeks burned behind her hawk mask.

She choked out a cheerful good morning as she joined Yugao, Satoshi and Genma on the training grounds. The three of them were taking turns sparring with each other. Haruki and Ayumu had returned from a mission the night before and were granted the day off to recover. Tenzo was absent, so Kotori suspected he was off with Kakashi.

She paired off with Yugao, ignoring the knowing look the younger girl was giving her. After the third time she ended up flat on her back with Yugao’s sword pointing at her throat, Kotori suggested taking a break. Neither her mind nor heart were into it today. Normally she put up more of a fight.

Yugao dropped next to her underneath a maple tree, the pair of them observing Genma and Satoshi’s match. Satoshi was bigger and stronger, however Genma was faster and danced out of reach each time Satoshi came close.

“Not your best today,” Yugao idly commented. “You alright, girl?”

“Yeah, just feeling off,” she lied. "I didn't sleep well last night."

Yugao choked from the water she was drinking. 

"Okay, spill. You heard Llama and Rabbit didn't you?"

It wasn't exactly news to the rest of the team that Kakashi and Kotori were together. Genma had gleefully spilled the beans before either of them could get around to telling them. So Kotori worried what exactly Yugao had overheard this morning.

Yugao looked straight ahead. Her face was oddly pink. “Um, so it turns out Mouse lives next door to you? She knows you’ve been hooking up with Kakashi for months and was pissed you two kept her up last night. I overheard her telling Llama, she was being pretty explicit. I think she was just being spiteful because she’s off on a mission today.”

“What did she say?”

“Do you _want_ to know?”

Kotori cringed. The thought of her sex life being public knowledge made her deeply uncomfortable. It was one thing to assume, it was another to have it talked about in graphic detail among strangers. She was a lot louder than Kakashi in bed so she could only imagine what was heard. “Probably not.”

"The Hokage approved the relationship, neither of you are doing anything wrong. It'll all blow over soon enough," Yugao promised.

Despite Yugao’s reassurance, Kotori had a hard time believing it. The rumours got progressively worse over the next three days. Some seemed to be of the opinion that Kotori was using sex as a way to climb the ranks. Others seemed to be of the opinion that Kakashi had coerced her into it. Kotori refused to give any of them the satisfaction of seeing her upset, so she tried not to react. Never had she been more glad for the hawk mask that hid her face.

It seemed everyone forgot that she was a capable kunoichi and suddenly her worth was only what she could do in the bedroom. There was a lot of speculation on that too. Apparently people thought she must be into something straight out of Icha Icha to catch Kakashi’s attention. Whatever Mouse had told Llama and Rabbit had been greatly exaggerated over time.

She carefully inspected herself in her bathroom's mirror. Kotori was not normally insecure about her appearance. Her body did what it needed to do. Idiots who expected her to be a top performing kunoichi while also looking like something off a magazine were not worth her time. Kakashi seemed to like her body type just fine. Even if it was nothing like the images of the girls on his books. Even if she heard her flaws picked apart by everyone over the last few days.

She bit her lip as she glanced down. The girls in those books always had a perfect hourglass figure. Yeah, she was not going to spiral down that trail of thought. She was cute. Even if she was on the smaller side in every possible way.

She flopped onto her bed, staring at the ceiling. Outside, one of her birds called for her. She closed her eyes to find whoever was trying to pass along a message. Kakashi was crouched in a tree, he had one of her birds perched on his index finger. “I just wanted to say goodnight.”

Her heart warmed. He had found one of her birds just to say goodnight? He had no idea how much she needed to hear his voice after a terrible day. She carefully inspected him. He seemed well, unharmed. The distance meant she couldn’t hold the connection for long, however she was able to sing a little at him. Her bird hopped on his shoulder and affectionately nuzzled his chin.

Kotori went in the next morning feeling better. She was a strong kunoichi. She had a loving boyfriend. She had good friends. The rest didn’t matter.

It was almost enough to get her through the day.

“Yo, Hawk! Do you have a moment?”

She paused as she waited for Captain Bull to catch up with her. She had sometimes been loaned out to other teams for her clan technique. Usually the request came through the Hokage or ANBU Commander. It was unusual for a captain to approach her directly.

“I’m tracking some rogue shinobi from Kumo last seen around the northern outposts. I could use a sensory type. What do you say? It would be just the two of us.”

There was a suggestion in Bull's tone that she didn’t like.

Kotori grimaced behind the hawk mask. Her tone was falsely cheery as she responded, “Oh, sorry, if you checked my file you’d see that I’m not actually a sensory type.”

“Hm,” Bull blocked her from continuing on her way. She felt uncomfortable and became suddenly conscious of that fact that they were alone. Her fight or flight instinct kicked in and she wanted to flee. “That’s not what I’ve heard.”

“I think you’ve been misinformed,” she said. “You could try Bear.”

Satoshi and Yugao were the sensory types on her team. Although she didn’t want this man trying anything with her younger friend. Satoshi would play along and make things uncomfortable for Bull. She knew Satoshi wouldn't take kindly to someone making unwanted advances on one of his female teammates. 

“I don’t think Bear would be the right candidate here. I might need a pretty girl to _seduce_ the target.”

Seduction work was the reality of being a kunoichi. They were trained to use their bodies in any way necessary. However Kotori knew the only target he wanted seducing was himself. It was an unfortunate pickup line around the forces. Ensui had warned his team early on to turn down any requests of that nature that did not come directly from the Hokage’s office. So far she had never been asked. 

“No," she firmly said. 

“You know, if you're interested in a captaincy. I could help you out, I've been doing it a lot longer than Captain Hound. Consider it mutually beneficial."

He wouldn’t get out of her personal space. His hand rested against the wall that he had her backed up against. He was close enough that she could see into his eye holes and the way his eyes trailed down her body.

"Again, I think you've been misinformed. I have no interest in a captaincy. I'm quite happy in a supportive role on my team."

"Supportive role," Bull snorted. "I see. So you're happily _supporting_ Hound then?"

Would he just leave already? She had had enough of him. With flight not an option, her instinct to fight was starting to kick in. So was her desire to fight. Kotori had rarely felt the need to take out her anger in such a fashion. However she had also never been slut shamed and sexually harassed in such a blatant matter before either. Her anger shimmered just beneath the surface, her control over it just as tight as her chakra. She tried to assess what she knew of Bull and his fighting style. As an ANBU captain he was surely stronger than her and would have the advantage in close quarters. He was definitely bigger than her. However she may have the element of surprise. Especially if she could make him just as angry. 

Time to use her jutsu for its intended purpose. She mentally tried to find anything her birds had ever seen. A smirk formed across her face.

“Does your wife know?”

Bull faltered. “Excuse me?”

“Does your wife know about Suki? Or Namine? Or any of them? Does she know you pretend to be off on missions when you’re cheating on her in the village?”Kotori asked. She crossed her arms and tried to project a casual stance as she leaned against the wall. Her chin tilted up to look at him. “If you had actually read my file, you’d know all about my technique. I have eyes and ears everywhere.”

She wished she could see the look on his face. She settled for feeling satisfied at the way his shoulders tensed and his neck disappeared like a turtle retreating into its shell. He recoiled from her.

“ _Bitch_ ,” he hissed. “You and Hound deserve each other.”

“Isn’t a bitch just a female hound anyway?”

He threw the first punch. She immediately caught it in her hand as she blocked it, prepared to absorb the impact so it didn't break anything. It was generally acceptable for shinobi to resolve their issues physically. As long as there was no lasting personal or property damage. They also had to do it away from civilians. The ANBU Headquarters was a good a place as any. The only downside was that they would quickly attract a crowd. She needed to end this swiftly and painfully to make her point. 

Kotori rapidly brought her knee up, enhancing it with chakra as she connected it with his groin. Bull crumbled into a ball on the ground. For the second time, she wished she could see the look on his face.

It was one of the nastier tactics she had learned from Ensui. He had taught all three of his students how to channel chakra to the knee for precisely this reason. She had never tried it before, however the result was more intense than she realized. Bull was cursing her name as he held his stomach. He looked like he might throw up.

The white cloak of an ANBU captain filled her vision as someone quickly stalked towards them.

“Bull, my office _now_.”

He was slowly pushing himself up, still hunched in on himself. "And what about Hawk? Did you see -”

Captain Panda crouched in front of Bull. Her voice was quiet, but vibrated with anger. “Yeah, I saw the whole thing. You provoked her. You blocked her in. You threw first punch. She ended it. I would be _ashamed_ if I were you. That was _pathetic_. You are given a position of authority and trust in this organization and you want to abuse it? Not on my watch.”

A small crowd of curious onlookers gathered at the ends of the hallway. Naturally they'd all appear in time for a fight. 

Panda gave her a curt nod. “Alright Hawk? You’re free to go. I’ll get your statement tomorrow. You could probably use a drink after suffering this fool.”

Kotori took Panda’s suggestion and fled the ANBU headquarters. People made a wide berth as she raced up the steep path that led to the top of the Hokage Monument Lookout. She pulled the mask off and tossed it aside once she got to the top. Her hands gripped the railing so tightly that her knuckles went pale. Her stomach churned now that she was out of danger. Had she ever even been in danger? It's not like Bull would have been stupid enough to assault her right there in the middle of ANBU. Right? She hadn’t overreacted?

No, Panda would have pulled her aside if she had been out of line.

Bull had made her uncomfortable though and he knew it. Enjoyed it even. Trying to convince her to go off with him had almost been like a sick little game. 

Yugao hip checked her from the right side while Genma loosely wrapped an arm around her shoulders from the left.

“Hey,” she duly greeted them. She supposed they were here to try and cheer her up.

”I’m sorry you had to deal with Bull’s shit,” Genma solemnly told her.

“He’s been demoted for his little stunt,” Yugao added.

“Good.”

“Someone named Stag broke his mask in the locker room?” Genma told her. “Just walked straight up to him and punched him clean through the mask. Looks like he'll have two black eyes and a broken nose. Satoshi refused to fix him. Stag didn't say a word the entire time. Terrifying guy, where did you befriend that one?”

Oh, _Ensui_. She smiled despite herself. She hadn’t realized he was in the village.

“We haven’t decided what we’re doing to him yet, but retaliation for going after you will be cruel and unusual,” Yugao promised.

“Speak for yourself, I already trapped his locker. He’ll be getting picked by senbon for weeks.”

Yugao and Genma debated what Kakashi would do to Bull when he got back.

”I’d rather he not do anything,” Kotori admitted. She didn’t want him to have to constantly swoop in whenever she had a problem. She had been grateful for his help when it came to Danzo. She knew he had saved her from a terrible fate, even if she would never truly know the extent of it. Neither really talked about it, an unspoken agreement not to talk about Root ever again. However this was different. Kotori wanted to be able to handle her own problems and not just dump them onto Kakashi.

”He’ll find out sooner or later,” Yugao reminded her.

While Kotori knew she was well liked on her team, she also knew not one of them would leave Kakashi in the dark for long about what had gone down in his absence.

“It should be from me.” She sighed. “Besides I already kneed Bull in the groin, you can’t get much worse than that wouldn’t lasting harm.”

”I don’t know,” Genma smirked. He leaned forward on the railing, overlooking the village below. “You might have left _lasting harm_ and taken him out of the gene pool.”

”I should get a medal for that.”

Genma dragged her towards the slope back down towards the village. “Come on then, I’m taking my best girls out for dinner to celebrate.”

Ayumu, Haruki and Satoshi were waiting for them at the base. It seemed her entire team had shown up in a show of support. Even if the others didn’t mention what had happened. She was grateful they had come and took it upon themselves to distract her from her thoughts. It was a pleasant evening as the six of them hung out at a small izakaya owned by an ex-ANBU. The place was not as busy as it was located off the main hub and a favourite for members of ANBU for its privacy.

Satoshi waved them off as he stood up some time later. “Us old folks need to get going.”

“What? It’s not even seven! Don’t tell me you’re all going to bed,” Genma shock his head. “It’s all downhill after you turn twenty-five.”

Satoshi closed his eyes as he smiled. “I do have a bedtime to keep, you know.”

Satoshi and Haruki both had younger children. Kotori knew they liked spending time with them in the evenings. Especially since they were often away on missions for weeks at a time. It was rare they came out for team dinners, although she was appreciative that they came this time.

Ayumu laughed, “Goodbye, Genma. We’ll have to live vicariously through your youth.”

Genma gave Kotori and Yugao a challenging look. “And what about you two?”

“We're young and our boyfriends are off on missions,” Yugao said. “I think we’re good to stay out for a while.”

“Speaking of the boyfriend, is it funny to make fun of - ”

“No,” Kotori quickly shot him down.

“Because Mouse - ”

“More like _Rat_ \- ” Kotori grumbled. 

However she handled a little good natured teasing from the pair of them. And after a while, even Kotori had to admit it was a little funny to think Mouse had caught them.

“Does Kakashi purposely give me easier assignments?” Kotori asked when the conversation lulled. It had been something weighing on her mind for some time and all but confirmed this week. 

Yugao arched her eyebrow in response, however she didn’t say anything. Genma avoided her eye, quickly taking a drink of his beer to avoid having to answer.

“Thought so.”

“Look, I’ve known Kakashi for a long time,” Yugao said. “There’s been plenty of times he’s pulled me off missions and gone in my place because he thinks it’s too dangerous.”

“Hell, he’s pulled _me_ off missions before,” Genma quietly added. “Target was this kid. I couldn’t do it. I just kept staring at the fucking scroll. Kakashi took it and said don’t worry about it. Everyone thinks he’s this cold hearted bastard, and yeah, he can be. But I think he does it so we don’t have to be. I worried about him for a long time.”

“Same.” Yugao softly agreed. Her gaze was pensive as she stared into her glass. "I think everyone did."

“It’s not fair to him. I should be - ”

Genma cut her off. “The shinobi world isn’t fair. Kakashi knows that all too well. Do you honestly believe he would send you in his place?”

“He should,” she stubbornly insisted. “How am I supposed to be okay with knowing he takes on everything by himself? Why does he have to be so stubborn, I just want to help him.”

“You don’t see it, do you?” Yugao ruefully shook her head. “You _do_ help him. He lights up when you’re in the room. I’ve never seen him so happy. That guy deserves a little happiness in his life. It would destroy him to make a call that lead you to your death.”

Her arguments sounded stupid in her mind after that. Kakashi was stronger than her and a better tactician. It made logical sense for him to take missions that she might fail. It made emotional sense that he wouldn’t want to risk her life. Her heart still felt he should be able to depend on her more. Perhaps if she were stronger.

The three of them didn’t stay out long. The downside to being on standby was that they always had to be prepared to be sent on a mission on short notice. Which was a good thing because as they stepped outside into the early evening, one of Kotori’s birds sang out.

_Chika dee dee dee_

She closed her eyes and scanned through her birds, eventually reaching one. Her blood ran cold at the sight. Kakashi was standing over Tenzo’s limp body, trying to defend them both from several enemy shinobi. Chidori crackled in his hand.

_No. Please no!_

Kotori blinked open her eyes, Yugao had caught her when she fell and helped her back to her feet. Her heart was hammering in her chest as she spoke.

“Kakashi and Tenzo’s mission was compromised. They need our help.”


	19. Burn Out

The wind whipped through her hair as Raiden rushed through the forest. Kotori had never flown so fast in her life. She felt reckless, the trees blurring past them. Her heart pounded in her chest, adrenalin pumping through her veins. Yugao and Satoshi hung on for dear life behind her. She could feel Yugao’s arms squeezing painfully around her middle. Raiden was barely big enough for the three of them. Her summoning contact allowed her to share her chakra and it was the only reason he was able to fly so fast carrying their combined weight. Her hands remained steady on his back as she let her chakra flow from her body into his.

Lord Third had authorized the mission and they had immediately set off. Genma, Ayumu and Haruki were coming as backup, but they were travelling on foot and would be at least a day behind.

From the quick debriefing Lord Third had given them, it seemed a group had deflected from Iwa. The rogue shinobi had created their own mercenary group on the outskirts of the Land of Fire. They were contributing to unrest along the borders that the Land of Fire shared with the Land of Fields, the Land of Rain and the Land of Rivers. They were also stealing business from Konoha and Kusa, something that could cause rife between the two allied villages. Kakashi and Tenzo were sent to gather information. Although it seemed they had been discovered.

Kotori hoped they weren’t too late. The thought of anything happening to Kakashi -

She pushed more chakra into Raiden, urging him faster.

“Status update?” Satoshi shouted over the wind.

She didn’t want to deplete her chakra too much, certain it would be a strenuous battle and she would need to conserve her smaller reserves for it. She checked in periodically to make sure they were still on the right course and to gather what intel she could about the enemy. Kakashi and Tenzo had managed to escape, however they were weakened and the enemy was in hot pursuit. Kakashi was carrying an unconscious Tenzo on his back.

It was clear Kakashi was pushing through injuries and chakra exhaustion himself as his movements were slower and more laboured than usual. Fortunately he was travelling back through the Land of Fire so it meant they should cross paths on their current course. There were no nearby allies so they were on their own.

“They’re close,” Kotori confirmed, returning to her own body. “Maybe about an hour or so by foot.”

“We’ll set up here then,” Satoshi advised.

She dropped Yugao and Satoshi off. Both wobbled a little once back on the ground. Satoshi breathed a sigh of relief as he leaned against a tree.

Yugao took off her mask, then bent her knees until she was nearly squatting on the ground. “If I never fly with you again, it’ll be too soon.”

Kotori gave them a small smile behind her mask. “Sorry guys.”

The intention was for them to set up a trap and for Kotori to lead the enemy shinobi straight into it. Both Satoshi and Yugao seemed to be regaining their balance so she and Raiden took to the sky once more. This time they flew above the tree line, hidden by the thick canopy below them. Kotori hoped to pick off a few enemy with her jutsu before she was noticed. She wished Genma could have fit on Raiden’s back too. His senbon were silent and could be aimed with deadly precision.

She breathed in and out, matching her breath with the steady beat of Raiden’s wings. It helped calm her so she could focus on the task ahead. She would be of no help to anyone if she acted on emotion rather than logic.

She scanned the trees, locating all eight shinobi she knew to be there. Kakashi and Tenzo had managed to kill off several others during their fight. They seemed to use a mixture of ninjutsu and kenjutsu. Most of the attacks were earth based, which she could easily evade in the air. She would have to be careful of their fire and lightning style attacks.

“Kotori,” Raiden gently interrupted, his voice bringing her back to her body. She could see them up ahead with her own eyes.

Kakashi was racing through the trees. A shinobi pulled up alongside him, moving his hands through horse, serpent, ram -

She rushed through her seals, gathering chakra to form her lightning arrow. Her right arm pulled back in imitation of notching an imaginary bow. She could feel the crackle in the air as she released it. The lightning arrow shot through the back of the shinobi, causing him to crumble and fall to the ground.

Kakashi’s head shot up. While the hound mask hid his reaction, she could feel his eyes on her. She covered him from above, giving a little wave. Kakashi nodded as he continued forward.

Kotori formed the seals to release another lighting arrow. Unfortunately, the enemy were expecting it and dodged it. A kunoichi sent her own lighting style jutsu back in retaliation. Raiden did a barrel roll to pull out of the way. They circled around; this time she changed tactics and released a typhoon wind that slammed into two shinobi who were gaining on Kakashi. The pair of enemy shinobi landed with a heavy _thunk_ against the trunk of a tree. She had hoped to break their necks, but they seemed to be stirring on the ground.

_Chika dee dee dee_

Her chakra bird flew around Kakashi’s head to capture his attention. It would lead him back to Yugao and Satoshi. He gave a sideways glance up at her.

“Follow it! I’ll hold them off!”

“Kotori - ” He was shaking his head.

“I’ve got this,” she stressed. Raiden beat his wings, sending a gust of wind that once again sent the enemy hurdling back. She made the ANBU hand signs for ‘Cat’, ‘Bear’, ‘One Hour’ and ’Southeast’.

She could see the way he hesitated, not wanting to abandon her to take on seven shinobi alone. But they both knew Tenzo was in no condition to fight. She gently nudged him forward with one of their wind jutsu.

“ _Go_.”

She channelled as much chakra as she dared into releasing another typhoon wind. This time the enemy clung to trees, using their own chakra to avoid getting tossed around. A few smaller trees ripped out from the ground. Kotori quickly followed it up with a second typhoon wind. Not anticipating another so soon, the second one knocked a few of the enemy from their positions, throwing them several metres away.

Kotori ignored the way her vision blurred for a second or the lightheaded feeling from using too many chakra intensive jutsu. Her chakra reserves were smaller than the average jonin. She could not afford to be so wasteful with her attacks. However, she was able to reabsorb the chakra from nearby chakra birds. The result was similar to drinking coffee when needing a night’s sleep. It would give her a boost for now, but she would crash afterwards.

From the corner of her eye, she watched as Kakashi disappeared through the forest. She would stall them as long as she could. Kotori knew she couldn’t win, but she could wear them down. It would hopefully give Kakashi and Yugao the edge they needed.

“You’re not going to be able to use that again,” Raiden warned her.

“I know.”

She rapidly formed the seals for her lightning arrow, this time releasing one after another. The enemy were able to scatter and her arrows exploded upon impact with the ground.

The kunoichi gathered chakra in her fist. Kotori and Raiden braced, ready to pull out of the way of an attack. However they were not prepared for the one that followed. She punched the ground beneath her. The ground rumbled, a splitting open in a large fault line that was heading straight for Kakashi. The ground exploded upwards in bursts of molten rock and gases.

_Explosion release._

It had been years since Kotori had last seen its destructive power. It was a bloodline for one of the larger clans in Iwa. It didn’t help that with their explosive power came explosive tempers. Many deflected and became rogue over the years.

Raiden took a sharp turn to the left, flying almost perpendicular to the ground as he tried to get out of the way of the blast. They raced towards Kakashi, pulling up alongside him and levelling out so he could jump on. He quickly swung Tenzo off of his back and onto Raiden’s before leaping on behind him.

Despite the masks and the wind she could still hear Kakashi. “You shouldn’t have come.”

“What? And miss out on this?” She airily asked as she leaned to the right to avoid a lightning bolt that had been aimed for their backs.

“There’s two with explosion release,” Kakashi warned her. “They work together. The woman punches the ground and distracts you. Then the man creates a second explosion as you’re avoiding the first.”

Sure enough, the man had run up parallel to them. His fist connected with the ground, sending another explosion towards them.

“Hold on!” Raiden spiralled upwards in a steep climb, narrowly avoiding the debris.

“Well, two can play at that game,” Kotori growled. She aimed another lightning arrow at one of their enemies. He jumped out of the way, only for Kakashi’s shuriken to slice open his neck.

Two down. Six more to go. Kakashi quickly filled her in on the observations he had made from the remaining shinobi.

“They’re running out of chakra,” Kakashi added. “Their explosions were bigger when we ran into them. They also take longer to recover each time.”

The only problem was that they were running out of chakra as well. Raiden was slowing with the combined weight on his back. Kakashi’s breathing was heavier than usual. Kotori once again pushed past the signs of chakra exhaustion, absorbing more of her birds. Soon there would be none left in the surrounding area.

Raiden zigzagged through the trees, making it harder for enemy shinobi to throw projectiles at them. She could feel Kakashi following her lead as she maneuvered, her body twisting and turning in time with Raiden. Occasionally, Kakashi would throw his own kunai or shuriken, knocking a projectile away from them or forcing an enemy to leap out of the way.

It took twenty minutes before the kunoichi seemed to have recharged enough to try another explosion release. Her fist connected with the ground, sending a fault line at them once more. This time, they couldn’t pull away in time.Debris hit Raiden off course, sending all of them to the ground. Kotori rolled through the dirt, feeling the rug burns from where she had landed on her side. One of the other shinobi came rushing forward, throwing a kunai towards Raiden.

She quickly dismissed her ninja hawk, sending him back to Mount Takagake. The kunai that had been aimed for her faithful partner embedded itself into the tree. She let out a sigh of relief. Raiden would be fine. She looked around and saw Kakashi moving to protect Tenzo’s limp form. Kotori used her last chakra bird to locate the second shinobi with explosion release. She aimed a lightning arrow straight at his fist where he was gathering chakra for his explosion. It caused an implosion as her lightning arrow connected.

The kunoichi let out an agonized scream at the loss of her partner. The piercing sound felt like an arrow straight to the heart.

Two of the shinobi rushed towards Kotori to avenge their fallen comrade. She stood to her feet ready to defend herself. Kakashi split into a clone to come to her defence.

However there was no need. A particularly violent fireball came hurdling through the forest, burning the two shinobi to ash. Satoshi dropped out of the tree in a defensive position between them and the enemy. A flash of purple came from the opposite direction, darting forward to engage one of the remaining shinobi in a sword fight.

“What kind of hornet’s nest did you boys step in this time?” Yugao shouted over the fray.

“Murder hornets,” Kakashi deadpanned.

Satoshi slammed his fist into the ground and the seal light up underneath him and radiated out. Light shimmered over top of them as his barrier seal formed. Yugao was still on the outside, the clang of metal rang out as she danced in and out of battle.

“The barrier won’t hold for long if they attack it,” Satoshi advised them. She knew it was a temporary measure for them to regroup. Tenzo’s injuries still needed to be addressed as well.

Kakashi and Kotori looked at each other. She gave a little shrug. She was fine to continue. Kotori was not about to hide from a fight and she knew Kakashi would never sit it out. Both stepped outside the barrier to engage the remaining shinobi. It was three on three. The odds were somewhat even. Besides, Yugao was still fresh and Satoshi would be able to jump in if needed.

The kunoichi with explosion release charged after her while the third member of the party engaged Kakashi. Nearby she could hear Yugao taunting the swordsmen.

“Why do men always think the bigger the better? Hey, over here! You missed! Is that all you’ve got? I’ve had tougher fights with my brother and he’s _ten_!”

Kotori was caught up in a whirlwind of her own hand to hand combat, blocking and parring with her kunai. She spun around, using her momentum to land a kick in the other woman’s chest. The woman landed and punched the ground, sending up a smaller explosion of rock and debris. Kotori was forced to backflip out of the way.

While Kotori had succeeded in weakening the enemy, it had come at the cost of her own chakra. Her movements were also slowing. She aimed a trio of shuriken, but they hit a rock when the woman used a substitution jutsu. In turn, the woman threw a kunai with an explosive tag on it. Kotori body flickered out of the way, reappearing behind the kunoichi and grabbing her in a chokehold.

The kunoichi was much stronger and easily tossed Kotori off of her. She controlled the fall, rolling into a somersault. Kotori grabbed her kunai from her belt as she leapt up to her feet to face the woman. Both were circling each other. Kotori twirled the kunai in her hand as she looked for an opening.

“You killed him, you _bitch_!” The woman shrieked at her. “I’m going to _destroy_ you.”

Kotori was close enough to see the angry tears and the rage and grief on her face. The other kunoichi couldn’t have been much older than Kotori. Whoever Kotori had killed - lover, friend, father, brother - had meant _something_ to her.

She knew she wasn’t supposed to humanize the enemy. In the shinobi world it was kill or be killed. Still it was hard not to empathize with the outpouring of grief. _It could have been Kakashi._ The very thought of it, if she had been too late, if the enemy had been a little stronger or a little faster -

Kotori faltered.

It was enough for the woman to send her flying into a tree with a roundhouse kick.

It knocked the wind out of her. Kotori tried to push herself up off the ground, her arms shaking from the effort. The edges of her vision swarm. Now was not the time to give into chakra exhaustion.She forced herself to stand up. Her legs wobbled beneath her and her head spun from the sudden movement. Kotori collapsed first on one knee and then once again to all fours. Her hands fisted the grass and dirt.

 _Get up_ , her mind screamed at her. Her body wanted nothing more than to give up.

The woman was rapidly approaching her, her fist glowing as she channelled chakra for her explosion release. Kotori tried to body flicker away however found she couldn’t do it.

In that moment she knew; she was going to die.

She regretted that she had such little time with Kakashi. Regretted that he would be present to once again witness another loved one’s death. Regretted that Ensui and Aimi would have to suffer her loss so soon after Sayuri’s.

_I’m so sorry._

It never happened.

Kakashi appeared between her and the other woman. He immediately slammed both hands on the ground, his mud wall rising in place.

“ _No_ \- !” Kotori screamed. She found the will to force herself off the ground to try and get to him. She covered her face with her arm as the explosion collided with the mud wall. Earth shattered and sprayed everywhere. Kakashi had disappeared somewhere in the explosion. Kotori’s heart hammered in her chest when the smoke cleared.

He couldn’t be -

A rage unlike any she had ever felt coursed through her veins. She was going to take this bitch out if it was the last thing she did.

The kunoichi gave a bitter smile as their eyes locked. “Now you know the pain.”

As if Kotori wasn't familiar with pain. As if she hadn't lost family and friends and comrades over the years. 

Suddenly, the earth opened next to the woman. Kakashi leapt out from the ground, chidori crackling in hand. He plunged it straight through the woman’s chest, killing her instantly.

Kotori rushed forward, catching Kakashi as he collapsed to the ground. She laid him in a resting position, cursing herself for never bothering to learn more than basic field aid. He was still breathing and his pulse was strong. Chakra exhaustion was the likely culprit.

He was alive. Oh gods, he was alive. Kakashi blinked open his eye, looking a little dazed.

“You idiot!” She cried. She didn’t know if she was worried, angry or relieved in that moment. A flood of emotions coursed through her chest. “You absolute fucking idiot. What the hell were you thinking?”

His eye closed into a happy little crescent. “You’re alive.”

“I’m - ” she let out a strangled sob. She could feel hot tears running down her face. “Yes, I’m alive. But you could have been _killed_.”

Kakashi had no response to that. He simply squeezed her hand.

“Okay, let me take a look.” Satoshi was kneeling down next to them. His hands glowed with the eerie green light of medical ninjutsu.

If it weren’t for the situation, Kotori might have laughed. Satoshi had no problem stripping Kakashi from the uniform right down to his boxers, but apparently removing the mask was too much.

“Broken ribs, some internal bleeding, chakra exhaustion,” Satoshi started listing off. He gave a gruff sigh of relief. “You’ll live to torment us another day.”

“Tenzo?” Kakashi weakly asked.

“He’s awake, just resting for now.”

“Yugao?”

“She’s sealing the bodies as we speak.”

With the confirmation that his team was safe, Kakashi relaxed. Kotori rested Kakashi’s head in her lap as Satoshi began healing the worst of his injuries. She combed through the silver locks. They were matted and dirty from soot and debris. His right eye cracked open to look at her.

“You know, if my medics were as pretty as you, I might have stayed in the hospital more.”

Satoshi let out a chuckle. “Thanks Captain, didn’t know you felt that way about me.”

“Ahh, Satoshi. You’re pretty too.”

The adrenaline left her system and Kotori finally allowed herself to finally succumb to her chakra exhaustion. She slumped next to Kakashi, her hand still intertwined with his.

When Kotori woke up, her groggy mind registered that she was not on the cold, hard ground anymore. But rather in a bed surrounded by soft pillows. And someone was playing with her hair?

She cracked open an eye.

They were in her bedroom, back in Konoha. Sunlight was streaming in from her window. Kakashi was sitting up in her bed, his back resting against the headboard. He was idly reading a book with one hand while the other played with her hair. They were safe. They were home. That was all that mattered. Her brain was still too exhausted to properly function, so she drifted back to sleep.

She woke up again, still feeling exhausted. This time the sun had changed positions and was no longer shining directly into the room. She must have been asleep for hours. She realized someone must have washed her and dressed her. She was not in the ANBU uniform, but one of her sleeping shirts and a pair of shorts.

Kotori could still feel the bone aching utter exhaustion that came from using too much chakra. All of her limbs felt heavy. Her muscles ached. Her skin felt as if it was stretched too tight over her body. She rolled into Kakashi and buried her face into his side.

“My beloved thinks she can pretend to be comatose.” He was entirely too cheerful for someone who should also be suffering chakra exhaustion.

“How long was I out?” She groaned.

“Four days, most of it was spent travelling back to Konoha. We’ve been back for about a day and a half. You gave Satoshi quite the scare,” Kakashi told her. “So now we’re both on bedrest.”

“Shouldn’t you be in the hospital?”

“I’m fine, nothing a few days of rest won’t fix. I’ve been through this enough times. How are you feeling?”

“Like - ” _like death warmed over._ However it seemed wrong to joke about such things when she had come so close to dying. Chakra exhaustion was also nothing to laugh about. It was the body’s way of shutting down before dying. Pushing past all the warning signs could be fatal. “Like I could sleep for a week.”

“That could be accommodated,” he said. He closed his book and reached over to put it on the nightstand next to her. Then he settled back in, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her head into his chest. She couldn’t fall back asleep, even as tired as she felt. Her mind was wide awake and thinking too much. However she felt content listening the steady beat of his heart, the rise and fall of his chest. She had done it. She had brought him back.

He held her in his arms for a very long time. He had a surprisingly firm grip for someone who had collapsed from chakra exhaustion four days ago. Kotori couldn’t have moved even if she felt like it. A lazy week at home recuperating with her boyfriend was exactly what the doctor ordered.

Kakashi rested his chin on top of her head. His voice was so quiet she almost didn’t hear him. She could feel the movement of his jaw and knew for a fact it wasn’t a figment of her imagination.

“I’d never forgive myself if something happened to you."

She pulled back to look at him. His sharingan was covered by a cloth wrapped around his head, but his visible grey eye looked suspiciously red. “Kakashi - ?”

He tugged the mask down, meeting her lips in a gentle kiss. His forehead pressed against hers when they broke apart.

“When I saw you weren't getting up, I thought I was going to lose you. That you saved me at the expense of your own life. Don't ever do that, I'm not worth it."

“Of course you're worth it, Kakashi, I - "

He cut her off, shaking his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’m grateful you came. I’m grateful I get to live to see you again. But you shouldn’t have been there. That mission was too dangerous for you.”

“I think I proved otherwise,” she waspishly replied. “I know you’ve been holding me back. An infiltration mission? I should have been involved from the start and you know it.”

“No."

“Excuse me?” She managed to free herself from his grip. She didn’t want to be _cuddling_ for this conversation. She sat up, turning to face him. The blanket fell to her waist.

Kakashi sighed as he sat up too. He fiddled with the cloth that covered his sharingan.

“Don’t overestimate your ability. That will get you killed. You were lucky on this one.” His tone was cool now. This was not her boyfriend speaking, but the seasoned ANBU captain. “That was an S-Rank mission, I would have never involved you in it. You’re rated B-Rank for a reason.”

“And who decides that?”

“Mostly me,” Kakashi admitted. His eyes averted and he was looking at his lap. “But nothing is stopping you from asking for a second opinion.”

“Would it matter?” She challenged. What good was a rating or rank when Kakashi was still the one deciding what missions to send her on?

“It would mean the Hokage or Commander could put you on more dangerous missions. It wouldn’t change how I felt. So long as you’re on my team, I’ll assign you missions I know you’ll come back from or I’ll be there by your side.”

“I’m not some helpless little girl who needs your protection.”

“I don’t think that.” He seemed confused, his eyebrows furrowed together.

Perhaps it was because she was female. Or perhaps it was because she was young or soft spoken or small. Or maybe it was a combination of all these reasons, but Kotori found she was often not taken seriously as a kunoichi. People underestimated her. Which was fatal if you were a foe, but frustrating when it was her own comrades. It was a sore spot, one that Kakashi unknowingly poked with his constant need to protect her. She had hoped her own boyfriend, who knew her abilities, would be able to respect her. Instead, he was the worst offender.

“Well, you act like it and it’s insulting.”

"I'm sorry. It's not that I think that way. You're not just my girlfriend - I'm responsible for your _life_ Tori. Every time I send any of you out - you, Genma, Yugao, Tenzo - I need to make sure you'll be coming back. If I overestimate your abilities, or underestimate the enemy, if I fail - " he trailed off, shaking his head. “I’m a failure. I couldn’t protect the people I care about, not when it mattered. Obito, Rin, Sensei, I can’t - _I won’t_ \- fail this time."

“Kakashi - " there was so much wrong. The simple way he declared himself a failure. The stress that he carried on his shoulders. The absolute broken tone in his voice. "You're not a failure. I'm sorry, I didn't know how much stress this caused you."

She felt useless as she pulled him into her, holding him tightly.There wasn't a solution. There were no words that would ease the weight of responsibilities or sooth his past failures. 

"Would it be easier if I wasn't on your team?" She eventually asked.

He simply shook his head. "I'd rather know where you are and that I can be there for you."

"Fine, but you should know that I'll _always_ be there for you too."

Burdens were made lighter with two people sharing them. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing a fight sequence was wild and more fun than I thought it would be. I hoped it flowed well and came across how I envisioned it. 
> 
> Thank you all for your continued support. <3


	20. Rest and Recovery

_Knock. Knock._

Kakashi sighed, wondering which friend was checking on Kotori this time. While he was glad she had a supportive network, she needed her rest and was being interrupted every other hour by well wishers. And, quite frankly, he was getting annoyed. Kakashi was starting to enjoy their little forced stay-cation together now that Kotori was awake and regaining her strength. He just wanted to curl up with his girlfriend and a book and block the rest of the world out for the rest of the week.

Kakashi slowly made his way to the living room, hoping the person would just leave. There was a quick double tap on the door followed by the sounds of a key sliding into the lock. Kakashi knew it was not Aimi. She had been by earlier in the week to drop off bentos so that neither of them had to cook. She also didn’t bother to knock, making it a game to try to sneak inside and catch him without his mask. Just how many spare keys had Kotori given out? This was getting to be a security risk as well as a nuisance.

He had enough time to either put on pants or his mask. Kakashi knew which was guaranteed to make the unwanted visitor leave faster. He pulled the mask in place as he rushed to open the door.

Ensui Nara looked disappointed. His dark, hooded eyes boring into Kakashi. “So the rumours are true. How troublesome.”

“What rumours?”

The other man’s eyebrow quirked up, but he didn’t answer the question. Critical eyes assessed him despite the uninterested expression. Kakashi knew that look. It was uncomfortable having it used against him for once.

Kakashi crossed his arms as he leaned his shoulder against the doorframe. He was not really interested in small talk with Kotori’s former teacher. Ensui was a dark, cagey bastard. Kakashi had worked with him on a handful of ANBU missions before being assigned to Team Ro. He pushed away the uncomfortable memory of the psych evaluation that followed the last mission he had taken with the other man. Ensui had not liked him then and refused to work with him any more. Ensui certainly did not like him now that he was dating his prized student.

Ensui shoved his hands in his pockets as he rocked backwards on his heels. “Where’s your girlfriend?”

“Resting,” Kakashi flatly responded.

“Chakra exhaustion, right?” Ensui pulled out a storage scroll from one of the pockets on his flak jacket. “Give her this. It makes for an easier recovery. You might find it useful too.”

Curiously, Kakashi opened the storage scroll. There was a container of loose leaf tea along with a neatly folded letter. According to the label, it was a green tea blend mixed with wildflowers found to help with chakra restoration.

“Thank you.”

Ensui scratched the bridge of his nose as if he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. He cleared his throat. “I’ll see her later.”

He walked away at a pace that may as well have been a sprint for the typically lazy Nara.

Kakashi went about boiling the kettle and then seeping the tea for two minutes. He tugged the mask down and took a long drink from one of the teacups. It eased some of the fatigue that had plagued him for the last seven days. His limbs already losing some of the heaviness. This blend was definitely not sold to the general public and was most likely a heavily guarded family secret.

It was almost enough to consider befriending Ensui over. _Almost_.

Arms wrapped around him from behind, stirring him from his thoughts. Kotori buried her face between his shoulder blades. Either she was getting sneakier or he was letting his guard down more. Kakashi pondered the implications of the latter. 

“I heard voices, who was it this - ” Kotori trailed off, peaking around his shoulder to the teapot and cups on the counter. “Ensui couldn’t stay?”

Kakashi shrugged as he twisted around in her hug to hand her one. “He didn’t say, just dropped that off. He doesn’t seem the type for social niceties.”

“Says the kettle.” Kotori took a sip of her tea, her face relaxed in a peaceful expression. “Did you, ah, answer the door like that?”

Kakashi looked down at his blue, paw print patterned boxers. He scratched the back of his neck as he closed his eyes into a smile. “Maybe.”

She covered her face and laughed. “ _Kakashi!_ No wonder he ran off. You answering the door in your boxers probably caught him by surprise.”

“He didn’t seem all that surprised. I guess news has started to leak.”

No doubt they had Aimi to thank for that one. He knew Kotori had meant to tell her former teacher eventually, however she hadn’t seen him in a while. Their mission schedules tended to conflict with Team Fu.

Kotori started choking on her tea. Her eyes went wide. “Right. I forgot about that.”

Kakashi tilted his head, waiting for her to continue. Kotori’s face blushed and her eyes adverted. She was so cute when she was flustered.

“So, ah, Mouse lives on the other side of my bedroom and heard us, you know, the night before you left. She let it slip in the locker room that we were seeing each other.”

“Oh, is that it?”

Kakashi normally couldn’t be bothered by rumours. He had heard enough of them over the years to let them get under his skin. The most prevalent one was that he was a cold-hearted psychopath who murdered his teammate to steal his sharingan and then later murdered the only witness. This one seemed a lot more innocent in comparison. ANBU loved to gossip about who was hooking up with who behind the scenes. By next week they would be old news.

He pushed down the ever present anxiety. They would be fine. Kotori would be fine. If he didn’t make a big deal about it, the rumours would subside. That Kakashi of the Sharingan had something as mundane as a lover wouldn’t register as interest to anyone outside of Konoha. Some people might not even believe he was capable of love and disregard it completely.

Or think it was something uglier than the truth. His eye narrowed as he watched Kotori’s reaction. She seemed nervous, stalling for time as she drank her tea.

“I thought you should know before you hear them -the rumours aren’t exactly _nice_. There’s one that you’re forcing me into it.”

He couldn’t say he was surprised to hear that. Disappointed, perhaps, that after all this time people still thought he was some sort of monster capable of hurting those he cared about.

He gave a casual shrug. “I’ve never cared what the rest of ANBU thought of me.”

He couldn’t shake the feeling that there was something else, something she was reluctant to say. His mind conjured all of the unpleasant things that had been said about him over the years. He was an asshole. He knew that. He had played it up for years, trying to push everyone away. _Cold-hearted Kakashi_.

He didn’t care what the rest of ANBU thought of him, true. But he certainly cared what Kotori thought of him.

“Was there something else?” He tried to sound casual as he asked.

“Never mind, it’s stupid anyway.” Her face was often like an open book to him, however it quickly snapped shut. “I think I’m going to go for a walk.”

“You should be resting. I can go - ”

“No, you don’t have to leave,” she insisted. She put the teacup in the sink before quickly pulling on her sandals at the door. “Besides, nature is good for spiritual energy.”

Kakashi watched the door close behind her, her name sticking to the back of his throat. 

xXx

Kotori found herself in Senju Park. Her feet naturally guided her there. It was one of her favourite places. Senju Park was the largest park in their village, home to walking trails, beautiful gardens, a playground and numerous sports fields. Over in one of the larger fields, two nets had been set up and a group of children were kicking a ball around. The beautiful canopy of brightly coloured leaves that had given their village its name still clung to the branches. Konoha’s climate was too mild for snow, but they still experienced a few months of chilly weather every year. It was the type of season that had Kotori longing to curl up under a blanket with a cup of tea and a book. Preferably with Kakashi at her side. 

As much as her heart longed to return to their peaceful little nest, her mind and body were full of nervous energy. She had wanted to sort out her thoughts before sharing them. Kotori stopped in a grassy area off the side of the playground, finding space to be by herself. She allowed her body to flow through the exercises that her uncle had taught her as a child. It was meant to unite the spiritual and physical energy, the yin and the yang, as needed for their secret clan technique. While rest and carbs were good for restoring physical energy, she was right that nature was good for spiritual energy. It also had the added benefit of clearing her mind and lifting her spirits. 

She focused on her breathing as she slowly rolled down from her mountain pose into a forward fold and then back up again.

She was going to have to tell Kakashi about Bull’s unwanted advances. As much as it embarrassed her to talk about. She just felt so childish and silly now. Oh, some girls were mean to her a week ago and called her names. It was like being an academy student all over again. The way she had fled, Kakashi surly suspected something much worse.

Kotori inhaled as she brought herself into the eagle position. Her arms interlocked together and then her right leg slowly lifted up and twisted around her left as she found balance.

She couldn’t exactly let Kakashi go back to ANBU and hear it for himself though. Worse, with Kakashi’s protective instincts she knew he would not take it well. The last thing she needed was him doing something stupid like picking a fight to defend her honour. She wished she could just let the whole matter _go_.

Kotori exhaled deeply before releasing her pose once again. She folded down as she touched her feet and held her position. Once again she slowly breathed in and then out. Her mind trying to let go of all the background noise.

She couldn’t fully do that when she was feeling watched.

Kotori blinked opened her eyes, to see two pairs of feet heading towards her. One clearly belonged to a child and the other were a woman’s based on the smaller size and red nail polish. Kotori released herself from the position, standing upright to face them.

“Sorano, yo! Mind if I join you?”

Kotori could not say she recognized the other woman although the voice struck a familiar chord. She looked to be several years older than herself. The woman had long, brown hair that was tied in a low hanging ponytail over her shoulder. Her clothes were devoid of any clan insignia. She had a crooked smile and amused blue eyes as she waited for Kotori to work out her identity. It wasn’t difficult. Every ANBU worth their mask knew the little boy holding her hand. Konohamaru Sarutobi. The honourable grandson.

So this was Captain Panda.

“Mrs Sarutobi,” Kotori politely bowed her head.

“It’s Hinoki,” she responded, easily waving off the formal introduction. “Please. I was hoping to talk to you.”

“Of course.”

Hinoki motioned for her son to go play. Konohamaru did not look back as he rushed towards the playground and other children. His blue scarf flapping behind him like a cape as he ran. It seemed to be a miracle he did not trip over it. Hinoki sat in one of the swings off to the side and beaconed for Kotori to join her. They sat in silence for a few minutes as Hinoki watched her son approach a young girl with orange pigtails.

“I heard you’re off on medical, it’s good to see you back on your feet,” Hinoki commented. “You took off before we could talk.”

“Oh, I’m sorry - ”

“Don’t apologize. You saved two of our best shinobi.” Hinoki quickly waved her off. She gave Kotori a calculating look. “I read the mission report Uzuki submitted on your behalf. Then I started pulling the rest of your mission reports.”

Kotori tilted her head. As far as she knew, most of those reports were buried under the mountain of paperwork generated in Hokage Tower. A good number of her reports had also been verbal, the Hokage and his advisors wanting confirmation that the mission was completed but not wanting any physical record of it.

“They’re impressive, from what I’ve seen and heard. I don’t think a captaincy is out of reach.”

Kotori’s mouth fell open. “I don’t think - I’m not interested in being a captain.”

She thought of the heavy armour of responsibility that Kakashi seemed to wear. The way it both threatened to drag him under its weight and yet it gave him strength. Kakashi was special. He was someone others naturally looked to for guidance. He inspired confidence and courage without even realizing it. He always seemed to know what to do and always seemed to be exactly what was needed.

Kotori did not think she could do that. She was still learning to find her own strength, never mind be that strength for others. Besides, she was _happy_ with her team. That should count for something. She knew she was fortunate to have that, many did not.

“Pity,” Hinoki said. There was a spark of mischief in her eye now. “I still need to replace Bull.”

Kotori grimaced. While it might have been poetic justice to demote a captain and promote the girl he had been harassing in his place, she definitely didn’t want it. Not that way. She couldn’t imagine being welcomed on the team after that incident.

“I don’t think his team would respect me,” Kotori said. She sighed, watching the kids play a round of kick the can. “I don’t think many do these days.”

“Self doubt is an unattractive quality in a leader,” Hinoki rebutted. “It’s how you second guess yourself and get people killed. Your team respects you. Or did you think they’d follow just anyone after a S-Rank gang who bested their captain?”

That wasn’t it. Team Ro would never leave a comrade behind. Kakashi’s personal nindo had been adopted by many on the team. 

“I’m not Kakashi, I - ” 

Hinoki kicked at the ground, pushing herself back and forth on the swing, not quite leaving the ground as the tip of her toe kept her in place. There was a fire in her eyes that matched the conviction in her voice.

“ _Good_. One of him is more than enough. I wouldn’t mind a few more captains who’ve been trained by him or share his philosophy though. You’re a jonin, are you not? You’re already a leader in this village. You wouldn’t have gotten the promotion if you hadn’t earned it.”

The ranks within ANBU worked differently than the ranks in the regular forces. Most were added to ANBU for their skillsets shortly after being promoted to chunin and rarely chose to apply for jonin, seeing it as meaningless in their line of work. After all, it was entirely possible to be a chunin and promoted to ANBU captain. Aside from Kakashi, Kotori was the only other person on their team ranked jonin. She knew Kakashi had submitted recommendation for Tenzo to officially get the rank as he had to ask two other jonin to recommend him. She and Asuma had agreed to do it. The explanation for why Tenzo did not have an actual rank yet was hand waved in Kakashi style which she knew to mean _don’t ask_. Genma and Ayumu were tokubetsu jonin while Satoshi, Yugao and Haruki were all chunin.

As much as she tried to keep a public appearance and take regular missions, Kotori rarely had time for anything beyond a quick, solo B rank or teaming up with Genma on an A rank. She hadn’t fully tested her leadership abilities since her promotion. Sure, she had taken the lead on missions in her days as a chunin, but it had been easy to get Sayuri or Aimi or Izumo or Kotetsu to follow her lead as they were her friends and peers.

“You know, I was the captain’s girlfriend once.” Hinoki gave her a wry smile. “If I could give you a word of advice? Learn to ignore those silly mean girls in the locker room. Or the grumpy old men on the advisory council. They’re not going away any time soon. All you can do is focus on doing your best. People will learn to respect you for it, eventually, and the ones who don’t you’ll find aren’t worth your time. Did you know, they still think my role is an honorary one for marrying the Hokage’s son?”

Kotori did not know much about the other woman. Captain Panda - _Hinoki_ \- had come back from maternity leave shortly after Kotori joined ANBU. These days the Hokage kept her closer to the village, working with Intelligence on village security. She also handled her husband’s role when he was away from the village for long periods of time. Kotori had heard the grumbling that the Hokage favoured Hinoki for giving him a grandchild. She had heard people who thought she should have retired now that she was a mother.

However, Kotori doubted the Hokage would be soft on his family and give them meaningless positions. She thought of Kakashi's refusal to jeopardize her own life, the feeling of responsibility every time he sent her on a mission. If anything, she imagined the Hokage would be tougher on his loved ones.

“Does it get easier then?” She already suspected the answer. 

“No,” Hinoki gave her a crooked smile, “but you do get stronger. It is your opinion of yourself that matters most. It was freeing to stop trying to be the kunoichi or wife or mother that others thought I should be. As long as I do right by my family and my duty, the rest can eat dirt.”

At that, the other woman kicked off the ground, swinging back and forth for a few moments. Hinoki leapt off the swing and called Konohamaru over to her. She grinned as she picked him up and tossed him into the air and caught him, spinning around in a tight hug.

“Alright my little monkey, I promised you lunch, didn’t I?”

“Yeah, yeah! I want ramen,” Konohamaru eagerly shouted.

Kotori softly grinned at the sight. Konohamaru might look like a Sarutobi, but Kotori noticed he inherited his mother’s impish grin.

“Sorano?” Hinoki paused. “If you ever change your mind about a captaincy, my office is open. I’ll make you work for it, but I promise the only unsavoury thing I’ve asked lately is to assassinate a few political figures.”

With that, the pair of them were gone, leaving Kotori alone on the swings. Her foot tracing patterns in the dirt underneath her as she mulled Hinoki’s offer over. She kicked off the ground, enjoying the feeling of wind against her face. It was not quite the same thrill as flying. However it would do until she regained enough chakra to summon Raiden.

Perhaps one day she would take Hinoki up on her offer. However, Kotori was content for the moment.

xXx

Kakashi was putting the finishing strokes on the privacy seal he had drawn on the wall of Kotori’s bedroom. He really should have done this sooner. His own apartment had had one since he first moved in and he had forgotten how thin the walls could be. The task gave him something to focus his attention on, although his mind still wandered as the seal wasn't overly complicated.

His mood perked up when he heard the apartment door creak open. Kotori's voice soon followed. “I’m home!”

“Welcome back,” he called out. He poked his head out of the bedroom. “I have something I’d like to show you.”

She followed him into her bedroom, stopping as she took in the seal that he had drawn on the wall where her headboard would rest. It was roughly the size of a fist. Kotori frowned, her fingers tracing the letters and symbols that swirled around in circular pattern.

“Aren’t you supposed to be resting?”

“Says the kettle,” he grinned at her. “I’m mostly recovered anyway.”

Her expression softened. “Well, thank you. This could have waited until you were fully recovered though.”

The outdoors seemed to have done her some good. Her hair was windswept and there was a bit of colour in her cheeks, most likely from the cold. She seemed more energized than earlier in the day, even as she flopped down on her back on the bed. 

“I thought we should clear the air,” Kakashi awkwardly began. "If there's anything you heard about me you'd like to ask - "

He sat down next to her on the edge of the bed. Kotori's eyes flicked open before she rolled up into a sitting position. She folded her legs, giving him her full attention. Her head tilted as she regarded him.

“About you? I mean, those rumours were so ridiculous I didn’t give them thought. I know if I wasn’t interested you would have backed off, you’re not like B- ” She trailed off, clearing her throat. “You’re not like that.” 

She had nearly slipped up and said something, just a little more probing and he should have the full truth about what was bothering her. He felt selfishly relieved that it wasn't about _him_. Most likely she had heard something unpleasant about herself. He could fix that. He could remind her of all the wonderful qualities she possessed. 

“What could they possibly say about you? That you’re too good for me?” He caught her chin on his index finger and gently lifted it so she was facing him. 

Her lips twisted into a bitter smile as her eyes flickered up to meet his. “What do you think they say about girls who sleep with their captain?”

Kakashi shut his mouth. He had a good idea what was said now. He felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. A vicious rumour like that could do more damage to a career than any injury. He had seen plenty of shinobi over the years shuffled to some other team or department after a scandal. A damaged reputation could mean others did not trust you. He should know. It wasn’t until Tenzo or Team Ro that he had anyone who wanted to work with him after Rin’s death. It wasn’t something that had an easy fix either. Only time and Kotori's own actions could change people's opinions about herself. 

In hindsight, it made sense why she was upset with him for sending her on missions she perceived as easy. In truth, Kakashi did make an effort to send her on missions appropriate to her rank and talents. Her ability to gather information while safely tucked away elsewhere made them easy for her, but difficult for others. Selfishly, he also did not want her seeing more combat than neccesary. However he knew he couldn't hold her back or she would wind up on another mission where she was outmatched by someone stronger. He had already made the decision to add her to more missions with him or Tenzo for the fighting experience.

“It’s fine, I’ve decided I won’t let it get to me. Anyone who matters knows the truth," she announced.

He knew it couldn’t be easy for her to decide that. Kotori definitely took whatever cruel words she had heard to heart. He cupped her cheeks in his hands before giving her a kiss.

“ _You_ are amazing. You know that?”

She ducked her head, bashful once more at his words.

“There’s, um, one more thing. Bull cornered me for a _seduction_ mission,” she reluctantly added. Her tone dripped with disdain as she recounted the tale.

Kakashi darkened at her words. If he pursued another shinobi’s girlfriend or wife while they were on a mission, he would expect to be beaten within an inch of his life by said shinobi. Never mind _this_. He would not let anyone think they could harass Kotori in such a disgusting manner. Bull would stay a good five metres away from her for the rest of his miserable existence if he knew what was good for him. Kakashi was going to make an example out of him.

“Did he hurt you?” He seethed at the end of it.

“No, I handled it,” Kotori quietly said. Her eyes carefully searching his reaction. “So you can stop whatever you’re planning.”

Kakashi gave his most convincing smile. “I wasn’t planning anything.”

Kotori was not fooled. She looked unimpressed when she said, "He's been demoted by Captain Panda and I kneed him in the groin. That’s enough punishment, I think. I just want to move on."

Bull was still going to suffer a very painful training ‘accident’. He was brooding over it when Kotori decided to change the subject.

"You know, now that people know about us, maybe we could go on a proper date in the village?"

Her voice was hopeful. Finding the light in all of this as she always somehow managed to do. So far all of their dates had involved preparing meals together at home or finding secluded spots for a picnic. Kotori had been adopted into his friend group so that allowed them to at least hang out in group settings. Kakashi had noticed how sometimes her glance would linger on happy couples and she would look wistful. 

She had never voiced it before or complained. Silently accepting that any relationship with him needed to be kept private. However, if people were going to gossip about them anyway, maybe they should just normalize the relationship. She deserved that much.

"Sure then," he promised. "Anything you want."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Admittedly I didn’t want to spend a whole lot of time to Kakashi’s reaction to the rumours. No one is questioning his ability, they’re questioning Kotori’s. So her response is the one that I focused on - holding her head up high, standing up for herself, confiding in friends, focusing on herself. Bull suffers an off screen training accident. Kotori gives Kakashi a pointed look when she finds out. Kakashi eye smiles at her. 
> 
> Thank you everyone for your patience and support! xo


	21. Inner Demons

Kakashi was being awkward. The card Kosuke had included with her homemade blend of tea included an invitation for both of them to come over for dinner once they were up to it. She knew Kakashi wasn’t the most social, but he seemed to be dragging his feet more than usual as they got ready at Kotori’s apartment. It had Kotori a little on edge because she didn’t want him to make a bad first impression by being late. Well, _second_ impression. Ensui had already seen Kakashi in his boxers.

“It might be better if I didn’t go,” Kakashi eventually said. “Ensui doesn’t want me there.”

Kotori rolled her eyes. Ensui could be a bit prickly, however she was sure he would eventually warm up to Kakashi. Their relationship was different than the silly boys who had once chased her as a girl and distracted her from training.

“If he didn’t want you there, he wouldn’t have invited both of us,” she pointed out. “I know he can be difficult - ”

“Ensui doesn’t want me around because he knows what I am,” Kakashi explained. There was a faraway look to his eyes. While he was looking at her, he wasn’t seeing her. “I can hardly fault him there. I wouldn’t want a killer around my civilian wife or child either.”

“You’re not a - ” she vehemently denied. “You’re not a _killer_. Not any more than the rest of us.”

Her heart dropped at the bitter way Kakashi’s lips twisted into a grimace. His eye didn’t quite meet hers as he pulled the mask back in place.

She had said the wrong thing, but she didn’t know the _right_ thing to say.

Yes, Kakashi had killed plenty. There was no denying that. They were ANBU, it came with the job. It was easier to justify killing in the midst of a life or death battle or taking out a crime lord or a human trafficker or a rogue shinobi. However they had all committed assassins in the name of Konoha that kept them up at night. Witnesses who had been in the wrong place at the wrong time. A target that needed to be killed for political reasons. Someone who had ended up collateral in a fight that had gotten out of control. It wasn’t like he kept his kill count or took pleasure in it.

“Ensui knew a version of me that I’m not proud of.”

“Then he can get to know the _real_ you,” Kotori insisted. She took both his hands in hers and held them. “Ensui is smart enough to trust my judgment, you should too.”

His eye softened as he squeezed her hands. “I still don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

She hated to think how Kakashi had spent all those years alone or how absolutely terrible his life had been. The dark comments he made hinted at a life lonelier than she could begin to comprehend. He deserved so much more than her.

“You didn’t have to do anything.”

Kakashi kissed her forehead through the mask. “We should leave now or we’ll be late. I’d hate to make up some excuse to Ensui about his prized student taking too long in the shower.”

“I don’t know, you could always tell him it takes you three hours to achieve your messy _I-just-woke-up-this-way_ style.”

Kakashi’s hand automatically reached up to scratch the back of his head, someone making his hair stick up even more. “I’ll be sure to remember that one.”

xXx

“I don’t like him. I don’t see how a dinner is going to change that,” Ensui grumbled as he washed the dishes. “She’s a nice girl. She could do better for herself.”

He ignored the knowing look his wife was giving him. Kosuke had been the one to go and invite Kotori over to dinner and then extend the invitation to Hatake as well. Troublesome woman. No. _Meddlesome_.

Kosuke gave him an amused grin from where she was preparing her grocery list for the week. She looked over top her reading glasses at him. “Are you really doing the protective father thing?”

“I’m not her father,” he gruffly responded. He made that distinction very clear early on with his students. He wasn’t their father. He wasn’t their friend.

Aimi had her own father to worry over her - a task that would surely drive the man into an early grave. She had a clan to protect her interests. Inoichi nor the Yamanaka clan elders would accept Aimi marrying some scoundrel. He liked to think Aimi had a good head on her shoulders, however the string of idiots she dated suggested otherwise. He had most recently seen her hanging around Shiranui and tried not to laugh. Oh he hoped he wouldn’t have to suffer through a dinner with _him_.

It was bad enough he had to suffer one with Hatake.

Kotori was not so fortunate in the clan or family department. She had no one looking out for her or her best interests. The near extinction of the Sorano had complicated his relationship with his student. The careful boundaries had been blurred over the years.

Ensui could all too easily remember standing in the wreckage of the Sorano district. He could remember the heavy dread every time he uncovered another body, knowing his student could very well be among them. Ensui Nara was a pessimist. The shinobi world left little room for optimism. He had always known it was a possibility he would lose one of his students. He had been a freshly promoted jonin taking three little girls into the middle of a war zone. So he had prepared for it and tried not to get attached.

He was unsuccessful. No one could prepare for the loss of a kid. He struggled with the sudden intrusive thoughts of finding Sayuri’s body. Kotori’s broken cries as she stood in the middle of the Uchiha compound. Holding Aimi upright to keep her from collapsing at the funeral.

Ensui closed his eye as he gripped both sides of the sink, pushing those thoughts away. One day they would expose Danzo as the conniving son of a bitch that he was.

He unplugged the sink, watching the water swirl down the drain. He remembered the sickening moment when Danzo showed up at the hospital to express his sympathies over the loss of Kotori’s family. He remembered realizing she was the exact type of kid who’d get recruited into Root. Hurt, vulnerable and alone. And with a clan technique that allowed her to spy undetected.

So he took the kid home with him. Things had been _troublesome_ since. The kid had infiltrated his home, his family and his life. The other two refused to be left out and wormed their way in soon after. He found he minded less than he originally thought he would.

The least he could do was look out for her. Check that Hatake treated her well. That did not make him her _father_ , just a concerned sensei.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Kosuke said. She picked up the dish towel and started drying the dishes, handing them over so that Ensui could put them away.

He rolled his eyes as he put the plates in the top cupboard. “I’m not. The girl had a father.”

He would not dishonour her father’s memory by claiming the title. The man had died in the line of duty. It was a risk every one of them took as shinobi. That their children not might even remember them. Ensui knew he would be lucky to be alive long enough to watch his own grow up.

He glanced at the small swell that was starting to show despite Kosuke’s attempts to hide it.

Best not go down that road. Ensui worried over his wife’s health enough these days to even contemplate if he would live long enough to meet his unborn child. Being in ANBU meant he was always on call, even though he’d rather stay in the village until the birth. At least he had Shikaku and Yoshino and his cousins to watch over his family in his absence.

Ensui splayed his hands out as he gave his wife an easy smile. “Besides, I’m not _that_ old. I’m more the fun uncle.”

Kosuke affectionately kissed his cheek. “Grumpy uncle more like. You’re not going to upset Kotori by being rude to her new boyfriend, are you?”

“I’ll behave if he does.” With a bit of flare, he twirled the chef’s knife before putting it back into the block. Kosuke gave him a disappointed look. He didn’t know what she expected. It was as much as he could promise.

Hatake was arrogant. Insolent. A pervert. These were all points against him in his mind.

“Is there reason to be worried about Kakashi?” Kosuke gently asked him. Her hand resting on the crook of his elbow, pausing him. “The things I hear - Kotori has a good heart, I don’t think she’d be interested in someone cruel.”

Ensui debated how to answer that question. All of his complaints had been superficial things at best. When tallying up the pros and cons this one tipped the scale the most. Hatake had a darkness in him. A darkness that Ensui knew all too well and if Hatake wasn’t careful it would consume him. He didn’t want to see Kotori dragged into that hell with him.

There was a lot about the nature of his work he could never share with Kosuke. Hell, even if he could he wasn’t sure he would want her to know. He felt uncomfortable with the idea of his wife knowing the type of missions he was sent on. The very thought that she might view him with fear or disgust cut deeper than any flesh wound.

He found himself unwilling to voice his true objections.

Ensui sighed as Kosuke’s keen eyes bored into him. “Hatake’s an idiot. I don’t like him.”

“I thought he was a prodigy?”

Ensui smirked. “That’s what makes his idiocy almost impressive.”

Kosuke looked around the kitchen, satisfied that it was back in an organized state. She grabbed the list she had been making earlier. “There’s just a few things I wanted to pick up beforehand. I should have time.”

“I’ll go,” he grunted. “You shouldn’t be lifting in you condition.”

His nerves were a little closer to the surface these days. He was used to shinobi who could pick up twice their body weight with chakra. Not civilians. And definitely not pregnant civilians with a list of restrictions. If he had his way, Kosuke would rest for the next five months and let him handle things. Unfortunately she was stubborn.

“Condition?” Kosuke laughed as she shock her head. Her loose plaited braid swished behind her. “I’m pregnant, not injured. Besides, everything fits inside one of those storage scrolls you gave me. If you want to be useful, clean up before I get back. And convince your daughter to take a nap! I don’t want her cranky tonight.”

“ _My_ daughter? When she’s wound up she’s all yours, my deer.”

At three, Rika was a little whirlwind who went from one room to the other, leaving chaos in her wake. She had more energy than any Nara child had a right to have. Ensui was certain she had gotten that from her mother’s side because there was no way she had gotten it from his.

Ensui searched for his little troublemaker, finding that she had managed to make a tent with blankets and chakra wire in the brief time they left her unattended. She laid underneath, happily drawing a picture on - _oh_ she was using the parchment for seals. Never mind a rogue shinobi, his wife was going to kill him when she found out their darling daughter managed to get into his ninja tools again. Well, at least his weapons were sealed away.

“Come here little fawn,” he scooped Rika into a hug, before hoisting her up in his arms. She had gotten heavier, when did that happen? “What did I tell you before? Ninja tools are not toys. You could get hurt playing with those.”

He purposely let the chakra wire slice the pad of his fingertip to prove a point. He inspected her hands for injuries, but there seemed to be none.Rika fixed him with an adorable pout as she played with the collar of his flak jacket.

Rika clumsily helped him pick up her toys and put them away as he took down the tent. He missed the days when he was able to pawn off his errands and chores as training on his team of genin. He would have to make do with the next best thing. He created a pair of clones to do a deeper cleaning. Ensui was a supporter of working smarter rather than harder. Especially if he was able to reap the rewards with hardly any effort. The real him convinced Rika that napping with dad wasn’t half bad.

She had finally settled down when he heard the door open and Kosuke softly announce her return. He closed his eyes and rested as he listened to the gentle padding of her feet as she put things away in the kitchen.

Ensui opened his eye after he heard the flash of the camera. Kosuke was leaning in the doorframe with a camera, looking pleased with herself for capturing a photo of them sleeping. Ensui closed his eyes and lightly tapped the bed, silently indicating for her to join them. The bed dipped in next to him as Kosuke curled up next to him, her arm reached across to play with Rika’s hair.

“The house is spotless,” she happily said. “You work fast.”

“Ninja reflexes,” he smugly replied.

She tucked into his side, resting her head on his chest. “Clones, you mean.”

“ - ah, you caught me there.”

The lazy afternoon eventually came to an end as they waited for their guests. Ensui silently observed the pair from the window, using the shadows to obscure him from view. Hatake’s posture appeared relax to the outside world, his shoulders slouched and his hands in pockets. However Ensui knew that no seasoned ANBU ever truly relaxed, even in their own village. The best of them gave off that casual indifference to the world. Underneath, Hatake was coiled tightly, ready to spring.

His body was angled towards Kotori. Not close enough for anyone to guess the nature of their relationship. They could simply be friends or comrades. If it wasn’t for the mishap in ANBU they would have been able to keep their secret. Hatake had positioned himself in such a way to defend them both from an attack. His girls would murder him if he ever voiced these thoughts out loud, but Ensui was of the opinion that it was the man’s duty to protect his partner. So point in Hatake’s favour.

He slipped into the entranceway in time for their guests to knock on the door. There was hugging and squealing, especially since Kotori had zeroed in on Kosuke’s pregnancy. In turn, Kosuke gave Kotori a pointed look about not sharing good news.

Ensui almost found himself catching Hatake’s eye to commiserate. He thought better of it.

Rika rushed forward to great her aunt. However she quickly stopped in her tracks, clutching at his pant leg.

“Um, hello there,” Hatake awkwardly greeted her, aware that he was the source of the sudden bout of shyness.

“Rika, why don’t you say hello? This is Auntie Tori’s friend, Kakashi,” Kosuke prompted.

She lost any shyness after that. She eyed him first with curiosity and then a little determination. Once they were seated in the living room, Rika decided to climb onto Hatake’s lap, clumsily grabbing hold of his flak jacket to steady herself.

Ensui almost groaned when she boldly tried to yank the mask down. Because of course his kid would do that. Hatake seemed surprised more than anything. With a gentleness that Ensui hadn’t thought him capable of, he held the mask in place.

“Rika,” Ensui let out a soft warning. “Don’t be rude.”

“Ah, I don’t mind, Ensui. So you want to know what’s under the mask?” Hatake looked thoughtful as Rika nodded. His eye curved into something that resembled a smile.

This was juvenile. Ensui wouldn’t be caught staring. If the man wanted to go to ridiculous lengths to hide his face, so be it. It was probably ugly or scarred anyway.

He glanced out of the corner of his eye to see if he was right.

“Why, another mask of course.”

Ensui’s lips twitched. Most likely a genjutsu; he didn’t think Hatake was crazy enough to go around wearing two. “You have your answer Rika.”

He awarded him another point for humouring her.

The evening went as well as expected. Kosuke and Kotori managed to carry the conversation between them. Rika demanded attention and her favourite aunt was happy to bestow it. Hatake continued his ridiculous game of keeping the mask on while eating and Ensui resisted the temptation to cancel out the genjutsu. Throughout the evening, both he and Hatake silently sized the other up.

He lost to Hatake at shogi. Feeling a little vindictive, he took a point away. But then added it back because it was rare he was challenged outside of playing against his brother. Kotori should have a smart partner. Not some bonehead.

Long after they left, Ensui stood on the veranda. He lit up a cigarette as he stared off into the forest and contemplated.

Ensui was an assassin in the truest sense of the word. His home was in the shadows, manipulating them as he slipped in and ended lives on the orders of his superiors. However as any Nara learns, peer too long into the shadows and they begin to peer back.

So Shikaku had hauled his arse out of ANBU and forced a trio of genin on him. He thought it would be ‘good’ for him. The three naive and bubbly girls had nearly given him a heart attack at the ripe old age of nineteen. Ensui remembered the terrifying moment the kids looked at him with bright, hopeful eyes and the heavy realization that he was responsible for them. The fear that he would’t be enough and they would suffer the same fate that befell too many during the war. They had somehow survived and blossomed into capable young kunoichi. He had grown very fond and, dare he say, _proud_ of them.

Shikaku had an annoying habit of being right. Being out of ANBU _had_ been good for him.

It gave him perspective when he rejoined the organization.

Ensui could remember the chill that went down his spine after watching Hatake take down eight shinobi with the chidori. The absolutely dead look in his eyes. He was only sixteen or seventeen at the time. Just a teenager really, although most forgot about that. The village treated him like a weapon more than a person. Promoted him up the ranks and sent him on the frontlines as soon as they were able. Even Hatake forgot he was more than a weapon, or perhaps he wanted to forget after what happened to Nohara.

It didn’t sit well with Ensui. Hatake definitely had the skill to become a threat if he ever got in too deep. Besides, he was a grieving teenager who had lost everyone in such a short time. Anyone could see it from the amount of time Hatake lost in front of the memorial stone.

So he had refused to work with him until the Hokage got the kid a psych evaluation. He had thought that if enough came forward that there was an issue then perhaps the Hokage would intervene before it was too late.

It had taken time, but eventually the Hokage had conceded.

Ensui had been satisfied with the plan to give Hatake his own team. He should have been pulled out of ANBU altogether, but he knew that was unlikely to happen. Hatake was too valuable to the organization to remove. Tenzo and Yugao Uzuki were younger recruits who respected Hatake. Genma Shiranui an old classmate. Satoshi Utatane and Haruki Hyuga had privately expressed similar concerns, but were not against working with him. Time and proximity would hopefully force Hatake to develop new bonds. There was just something missing. Someone who could unite them together. Someone who shared Hatake’s philosophy on teamwork being essential.

As much as he hated the very idea, Ensui did know the perfect person for the role.

Kotori had a soft heart and wasn’t suited for ANBU, but as the last of the Sorano he knew she was destined to join the organization eventually. The council had made that clear over the years. Putting her on Hatake’s team meant she was in ANBU, but away from Danzo’s fraction of it at the very least. It didn’t hurt that Hatake seemed fond of her since the nine tails attack. Like an injured puppy he had rescued and taken to the vet.

Two birds with one stone.

The plan had worked. Perhaps better than Ensui had anticipated. Tonight he had witnessed a side to Hatake that was softer and more playful than he would have thought possible.

Ensui was not a fool who thought romantic love solved things. However, building a support system seemed to work wonders for Hatake. He had a life, something beyond the next mission. He seemed more human and less of a weapon.

There was no denying Kotori was good for Hatake. However was he good for her? Was he attentive to her needs? Would he make for an appropriate husband? Would he treat her with kindness and respect? Would he be a good father to her children?

He exhaled, watching the smoke drift away. What would Hayabusa want for his only daughter? Ensui couldn’t say for certain. He had never met the man. Probably the same things he wanted for Rika.

“You wanted to talk?”

“Ah, fuck!” Ensui swore, dropping the cigarette on the ground. Kotori had managed to startle him. That was unusual. Either he had been too deeply lost in thought or she had gotten sneakier since joining ANBU.

Kotori sniffed, as if noticing the scent of tobacco in the air. It was a habit Ensui, along with many others, had picked up during the third war. He had promised to quit when Rika was born. However every time he quit he found himself picking up the damn thing a few weeks later. Everyone needed a vice in their line of work. He smoked and Kosuke pretended not to notice. It was preferable to closing down bars every other night like his brother liked to do.

“Don’t tell Kosuke,” he said anyway.

“Those things will kill you, you know.”

“So will a kunai,” Ensui bluntly replied. He pulled out a new cigarette and lit the end with a fire jutsu. “I’d like to live long enough for this to kill me instead.”

He gestured for her to follow him, walking away from the house. Ensui leaned on the gate to one of the enclosures where a herd of deer where seeking shelter for the night.

“Something tells me you didn’t send a clone to scold me about my bad habits.”

“No,” she admitted. “What’s your issue with Kakashi?”

Ensui sighed. He stared out at the deer for a long time. Life was a lot simpler for the deer. When the stags noticed a threat to their herd they just ran them off with their antlers. They didn’t have to explain to the doe why laying with wolves was dangerous.

“Hatake has a lot of inner demons. I worry for you.”

“You don’t know him.”

“I suppose not,” he admitted. Gone was the cold, ruthless killer. Or the flippant, erotica-reading arrogant asshole. Ensui didn’t know what to expect. He didn’t like that. Most of the men in this village were predictable to some degree. Hatake was an unknown variable and those were dangerous.

“Is he good to you at least?” He avoided her eye as he scratched the bridge of his nose. Oh he loathed opening himself up to these talks. The older the girls got, the more they wanted life guidance and not target practice. He had told them repeatedly in their teenage years that he did not give boyfriend advice. Now he was eating those words and asking. 

He didn’t have to be looking to see the way she lit up in his peripheral. He smiled despite himself as he listened, she sounded like a young woman in love.

She seemed happy. He grudgingly gave Hatake his final point. He supposed it would be enough to tip the scale a little in his favour.

If he ever hurt her though, he’d find himself buried deep in the Nara Clan Forest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Of all the secondary characters, I really wanted to write Ensui’s POV the most because there’s so much he doesn’t say or even lets on he knows. His motivations are extremely hard for me to get across in limited third person POV and he walks this line of being an asshole. He’s meant to be a very flawed character.
> 
> Anyone ever get the feeling something terrible happens to Kotori? Not that I would ever do anything... that would be cruel when they’re so happy… :)


	22. Seasons of Change

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long delay, I’ve been struggling with depression and isolation more lately. I’ve rallied this past week and have been writing more and feeling good about it. Thank you everyone for your continued support <3 Here is all the fluff.

Kakashi wandered past the Yamanaka Flower shop with his head buried in the familiar pages of Icha Icha. This was the third time this morning he had looped around the village on this particular route. Yamanaka Flowers marked the intersection where the Yamanaka district joined the main street. From his peripheral he could see Aimi slide over to walk behind him. Good. He needed to talk to her, but didn’t want to purposely seek her out. Aimi would take too much pleasure in knowing he came to her for help.

Unfortunately he had limited options. This matter required a woman’s opinion. He couldn’t ask Kotori as it concerned her. Kurenai, Yugao and Ayumu had been considered, but ruled out in favour of Aimi. After all, she knew Kotori the best.

The things he was willing to do for his girlfriend.

Aimi peered over his shoulder. “ _His throbbing member penetrated her cervix_. Well that sounds painful.”

He ignored her, turning the page. Icha Icha’s sex scenes had greatly improved from the first book to the many sequels. However the first was fun to read for nostalgia and if he didn’t think too hard about the practicalities of it.

“No foreplay either. I really hope you don’t use it as a guide.”

He and Aimi purposely antagonized each other when Kotori wasn’t around. Kakashi could never tell where he stood with her so in turn kept her on unequal footing. He couldn’t help but feel uncomfortable around Aimi. Her questions could probe a little too deep and she seemed to find information even with his non-answers. He feared one day she would uncover that he was not worthy of her friend’s love. Or perhaps she already knew and was waiting for him to slip up.

“Did you say something?”

“You know I did. So, what’s the plan for next Thursday?” Aimi brightly asked as she fell in step beside him.

He could not help himself. “What’s next Thursday?”

Aimi looked scandalized. He smiled beneath the mask. Of course he knew what day was next Thursday.

“You have access to Kotori’s file right?”

“Mhmm.” He went back to reading his book to annoy her.

“Have you ever checked the first page? Right under date of birth?”

“Mhmm.” He flipped another page.

Aimi seemed to relax, content that he was aware it was Kotori’s birthday next week and that he was just messing with her. Kakashi had meticulously planned the day and had several contingency plans. He had manipulated both of their mission cycles so they’d been off the week and unlikely to be called away for a mission. There was one tiny flaw in his plan. He had no idea what to get her for her birthday.

“What did you get her?” Aimi pestered. There was a knowing glint in her eye. “Kotori is _insanely_ difficult to shop for. I’ve known her since we were like five.”

“Ah, well, nothing yet,” he sheepishly admitted. He scratched the back of his head as Aimi raised her eyebrows. “I’ve seem to run into that problem.”

He had tried snooping through her apartment for ideas. However while Kotori’s apartment managed to feel warmer and cozier than his, she was just as minimalist. She had few worldly possessions beyond the basics.

He had attempted to take her shopping under the pretence of needing to replace some of his ninja tools. He watched her the entire time to see what drew her eye. No luck there. Kotori had cheerfully picked out a gift for Ensui and Kosuke’s newborn daughter and replaced her shuriken and ninja wire.

So now here he was looking to her best friend for help.

Aimi dramatically sighed as she linked her arm through his. “The things I do for my bestie. Hmm well, I always get her plants, but that’s kind of our thing. Sensei gets her practical gifts. Weapons, books, medical supplies - ” 

Kakashi perked up. That he could do. He could find a nicely crafted set of kunai. She had mentioned after her last mission needing to replace hers.

Almost as if she were reading his mind, Aimi said, “Oh no you don’t. Boyfriends don’t gift _weapons_. She’s a kunoichi, she has enough of those. You want to get her something fun or romantic! Something she wouldn’t buy for herself.”

Kotori wouldn’t buy nice kunai for herself, he thought to himself, she would stick with the practical and economic ones everyone bought. However Kakashi had come to Aimi for advice and he would listen. _No weapons_. He was back where he started.

Fortunately, Aimi seemed to have ideas in mind as she dragged him from shop to shop. Perhaps it was because they had a common goal, but he found Aimi to be helpful for once. She had over a decade’s worth of observations on Kotori’s preferences. Eventually he came to a decision that was enthusiastically backed by Aimi. The pair of them waited as the shopkeeper disappeared in the back to wrap the gift.

“You don’t have to pretend to be an asshole around me,” Aimi quietly said as they waited.

He employed her own tactics against her. She crossed her arms and awkwardly shifted, being uncharacteristically quiet. It didn’t take long for her to break it. Aimi had always seemed loud and impulsive to him. Now her words were subdued and carefully chosen.

“I was the dead weight on my team and I knew it. They always had to cover for me. Sayuri’s d - ” she stopped herself, still unable to say the word, “g _one_ and I have no idea what kind of missions Kotori does, but I know they’re dangerous and I can’t do anything. I just have to sit home and wait every time she’s gone.”

Her voice was bitter. Most of the shinobi in Intelligence rarely took missions outside the village. Their work was essential to the village, however most of it could be done in Hokage Tower. Some of the regular forces made fun of it as being a ‘soft’ option for those who couldn’t fight.

“I’m good at reading people though. So I watch her back in the village. Make sure some asshole isn’t taking advantage of her. It’s just how our friendship goes, we guard each other’s weak spots.”

Her lips quirked in a humourless smile as she glanced at him from the corner of her eye. He nodded, accepting the offer and returning one of his own.

“You don’t have to worry about having her back on missions,” Kakashi quietly said. “I have it.”

“I know.”

The shopkeeper reappeared, breaking the sober atmosphere. Kakashi slipped the gift into one of the internal pockets inside the standard flak jacket. With the gift decided and plans tentatively set for the day, he was feeling optimistic. He ran through the rest of his plans with Aimi to be met with approval.

“We always went to Yakiniku Q on her birthday,” Aimi delicately said once they were outside. “S-Sayuri and I would take her when she was in the village or whenever she got back. I don’t know how you want to handle that.”

Kakashi had no idea if they should stick with established tradition or if that would upset Kotori. She kept her grief private. There was a silent understanding between them that she didn’t like talking about her clan or Sayuri and he didn’t like talking about his father or genin team.

“Well, we could do a dinner with a few friends,” Kakashi slowly agreed. That part of the tradition would surely be important to her. “Maybe let her decide where to go.”

Aimi perked up. “Ooh, isn’t your entire team off this week? I’m sure Yugao and Genma will come out. Who else is there?”

Kakashi internally groaned. Aimi wasn’t supposed to be so involved with their team. She wasn’t even supposed to _know_ there was a team to begin with. “I can’t tell you any of that.”

“Yeah, yeah. Genma already told me he’s off next week. So is Kotori. So are you. I can connect the dots.”

Now this was an opportunity he couldn’t pass up. “And why are you so familiar with his schedule?”

“We’re just friends,” Aimi coyly replied before she shifted the conversation back on topic. “So here’s what we’re going to do! You focus on spoiling your girlfriend all day and I’ll take care of the evening festivities!”

The sparkle in Aimi’s eye had him hesitating to agree to this revised plan.

“Don’t do anything too crazy,” he warned her. “Dinner and drinks with a few friends. I trust you know who she’s close with.”

“Nothing _too_ crazy,” she promised, “I’m thinking only half-crazy.”

Kakashi was left standing in the middle of the street wondering what exactly he had gotten himself into.

xXx

Kotori woke up one morning to the soft touch of kisses being trailed down her body. She sighed in contentment as Kakashi dragged her panties down with his teeth. Morning sex was one of the nicest ways to be woken. She basked in the happy afterglow as he kissed her temple and wished her a good morning. She dozed a little, only to be woken by the smell of someone cooking breakfast and an empty bed.

Kotori yawned a little as Kakashi pushed a cup of green tea in her hand before handing her a plate with an omelette. It was their day off and she had expected a lazy start to the day. Not that she was complaining. It seemed that luck had won out and neither of them were off on a mission on her birthday this year. Her last one had been spent trekking through the Land of Rivers during their rainy season. She hasn’t even known the date, only realizing it had passed when she returned to Konoha and Aimi and Sayuri wanted to celebrate.

She was now twenty years old. So much had changed from last year to now, she reflected. The year had brought her some of the worst lows and best highs.

“Anything special you want to do today?”

Kotori tilted her head, carefully considering his words. His tone was inconspicuous enough. The same thing he asked whenever the two of them had a day off. She wasn’t entirely sure if Kakashi even knew the occasion. He had never asked and she had never informed him. She knew he didn’t like making a big deal of his own. A small part of her hoped that he was asking because he already knew. Kotori didn’t like to make a big deal out of her birthday, but still wanted the day to be acknowledged by those closest to her.

“Not really,” she admitted. “Did you have something in mind?"

His eyes closed into a happy arch that matched the smile on his face. She loved seeing him smile.

“I was thinking we could take a little hike,” he said. He tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear. “The cherry blossoms are finally in bloom.”

So it was decided that they would hike back to the place where they had their first date. For once, Kakashi didn’t summon his hounds. It was just the two of them as they walked at a leisurely pace. The field was breathtakingly gorgeous now that it was all in bloom. The curtains of pink cherry blossoms hide them away from the world, transporting them into their own magical place.

Kakashi was awkwardly shifting, he reached out and took her hands in his, holding them in a firm grip as he looked her in the eye. Kotori felt oddly bashful in that moment.

“Three years ago, Lord Third pulled me into his office and told me I was promoted and would be given my own team. I didn’t want the responsibility. I didn’t want to lead a team of people who I knew I would like. And I definitely didn’t want the little genin I had pulled out of the wreckage years ago.”

“Chunin,” she corrected with a cheeky grin. “I was promoted a few months before.”

Kakashi gave her a mock glare. “The little _chunin_ who I had pulled out of the wreckage then. That team was one of the best things that’s ever happened to me. _You’re_ the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I, ah, I love you Kotori.”

Kakashi was a man of actions rather than words. Kotori could usually interpret his actions, especially when it was regarding her. She had always known on some level that he loved her. That there was nothing in the world he would not do for her. Put himself between her and certain death, stand up to the Hokage, allow himself to be vulnerable enough to _try_. Perhaps they had only been together for eight short months, but she had always felt the depth of his feelings since the beginning. Every action, every touch, every look. She returned it just as passionately, hoping he felt it too.

“I feel the same,” she whispered. “I mean, I love you too.”

There was a blush over the tops of his cheeks and he adverted his eyes. He pulled out a thin, rectangular box from one of his pockets and handed it to her.

“So did you get everyone on the team an anniversary present?” She teased, trying to lighten the intensity of the moment.

“No, I just got you one,” Kakashi said. “I’d be a poor excuse for a shinobi if I couldn’t figure out it was also my girlfriend’s birthday.”

She laughed as he kissed her forehead through the mask. _So he did know._ She gently unravelled the bow and sliced through the wrapping paper along the side. The box inside contained a beautiful necklace. Her fingers touched the pendant. It was a white flower with a pearl in the middle. It was pretty and dainty and not something she would feel comfortable wearing during training or missions. It was something she could wear in the village on dates or special occasions.

“Gardenias again?” Kotori asked. “You’re not going to run away on me?”

“Never,” he promised. “Let me put it on you.”

Kotori lifted her hair out of the way while Kakashi fumbled with the clasp. The necklace sat along her collarbone. He kissed the base of her neck before spinning her around to face him. He cupped her cheeks as he kissed her. Gently, at first. And then passionately as she wrapped her arms around his neck, her fingers tangled in his hair. She jumped up and he caught her legs, holding them in place as she wrapped them securely around his waist.

Hours later the two of them were still laying underneath the branches of the tree. Kotori had stolen Kakashi’s jonin shirt and rested her head on his bare chest, content to listen to the steady beat of his heart. Despite being outside the walls of the village, she felt peaceful and safe here. Like the two of them were lost in their own little world.

“We should just stay here tonight,” she whispered to him. As far as May went, it was a warm evening. They could sleep under the stars. Kakashi probably had enough supplies on him to set up camp for the night. No shinobi left home without the basics.

“And be _late_ to your own birthday dinner?” Kakashi teased. “Aimi’s going to think I ruined you. We’re suppose to meet her for seven.”

It was almost six o’clock. They had at least a two hour hike back to the village if they went at a normal pace. They were going to have to run at shinobi speeds to make it back, especially since she would want to shower and get ready. Kotori poked him in the side, trying to tickle him to vent her annoyance. Kakashi caught her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

They were only twenty minutes late. It would have been ten if Kakashi hadn’t distracted her.

Aimi had managed to contain herself with the dinner invites. Genma, Yugao and Hayate had all been invited. Kotori appreciated that it had been kept small to just her closest friends and their significant others. Although Aimi had _not_ been able to contain herself with inviting any and everyone out to the bar later that night. The place was _packed_. Kurenai and Asuma had saved them a booth and they gratefully slid into it.

People Kotori had not seen since she graduated from the academy were there. Someone - possibly Kakashi - had managed to tip off Tenzo. He had quietly joined their table as if he had been there all along. Ayumu was in a corner booth with two other women. While Kotori had never seen either of them without masks, she easily recognized the familiar voices of Llama and Rabbit. Izumo and Kotetsu were sitting with Anko and a large group of chunin.

“Aimi - !” Kotori hissed at her friend. “What did you _do_?”

“I told everyone this place was going to be on fire tonight! What a good turn out!"

Kotori sincerely hoped Aimi hadn’t told them all it was her birthday. Within five minutes it didn’t matter what Aimi did or did not tell people.

“The eternal love of my eternal rival, the beautiful little bird of Konoha!” Gai brightly greeted her. His booming voice easily cut across the music and chatter. Kotori could feel her cheeks burn at suddenly being the centre of attention. “I’m honoured to celebrate the springhood of your youth and wish you many more happy years!”

“Um, thank you.” Kotori still had no idea how to react to Gai. He was not what she would expect out of Kakashi’s closest or oldest friend. He cheerfully gave her a thumps up with a large smile in response.

“Sensei sends his regards,” Aimi told her. “He says he’ll have us over for dinner one night next week and that he’s ‘too old to be closing down bars with twenty year olds.’”

Kotori and Aimi shared an amused grin. She happened to have it on good authority that between his newborn and energetic toddler, Ensui didn’t sleep much these days. She had asked if he banked enough nap time during their genin training to make up for it. Ensui had irritably told her to fuck off.

Yugao returned to their table with a round of shots, sliding in next to Hayate, across from Kotori and Aimi. Between the music, the company and the booze, Kotori felt warm and fuzzy inside. It was quite possibly one of the best nights out she had ever had.

By the end of the night, Yugao and Kotori had somehow managed to convince Tenzo to try karaoke. The two girls taught him classic songs and the three of them drunkenly stumbled over the words together. Kakashi and Gai had spent the entire evening engaged in a rather intense drinking competition. Anko’s table was particularly loud and boisterous as they egged on their competition. She noticed Genma and Aimi had disappeared together while Kurenai and Asuma had cozied up in a booth.

“Hayate, moon of my life!” Yugao dramatically greeted her boyfriend. She then broke into a set of giggles as she collapsed into Kotori’s side. Kotori passed her the glass of water that Kakashi kept bringing her and insisting she drink. She didn’t understand why. Kotori could still walk in a straight line and touch her nose. Yugao seemed to need it more than she did.

Hayate patiently smiled as he hoisted Yugao over his shoulder to take her home.

“Come along you,” Kakashi said as he helped her stand up. Kotori felt a rush go to her head and swayed a little on the spot.

“I can walk,” she stubbornly insisted as he wrapped an arm around her and guided her out the bar. All around she could see groups dispersing into the night. She cheerfully waved at Izumo and Kotetsu as they left the bar together.

“I’m sure you can.” She could feel more than hear the rumble of Kakashi's laugh. “But I might need help.”

That seemed reasonable. Kakashi’s usually pale skin looked flushed over the top of his mask. His pride meant that he had accepted Gai’s challenge and matched him drink for drink. It didn’t help that Yugao and Genma took full advantage of the rare opportunity to see their team captain smashed and kept ordering rounds of shots for their table. Letting him guide her home was doing him a huge favour. It had nothing to do with the fact that she kept veering off to the left.

“Kakashi?” She wrapped her arms around his middle. “You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me too.”


	23. Kakashi's Worst Fear

Kakashi propped himself up in bed as he lazily traced patterns on Kotori’s bare shoulder. The moonlight illuminated her body. He knew she was awake but pretending to still be asleep. His patterns edged ever closer to the ticklish spot along her spine. Her body stiffened in anticipation and he could hear her suck in a quick breath. He traced a spiral growing larger and larger in size before winding it back down as it got too close. Then as the spiral got too small he would reverse and start winding it back out. After several minutes, he kissed the base of her neck instead. He enjoyed the shiver he elicited.

"So sensitive," he teased.

She released whatever breath she had been holding. “Why do you insist on torturing me like that?”

“Like what?” He innocently asked.

He couldn’t help himself, he deliberately traced his finger down her spine this time. She gave a startled gasp.

“ _Kakashi_!” Her attempt to sound firm fell apart as she giggled. “That’s it, I’m going to find out where you’re ticklish.”

“I’m not, but you’re welcome to try,” he smugly informed her as he rolled onto his back, his head resting over his hands. His voice dripping with suggestion he said, “I’ll even get undressed for you.”

Even after two and a half years together he was still in awe that this was his life. Kotori had nurtured the relationship while he tried his best to protect it. The fear that something would happen to her was always present in the back of his mind. However as the years went on he begun to relax just a little. Kotori had proven herself time and time again that she was a capable kunoichi and always returned to him. They were a team, both as people and as shinobi. He had been captain of Team Ro for nearly five years now. In that time he had never lost a comrade. It gave Kakashi hope that he was not destined to repeat the failures of his past. That he could move forward and protect the new bonds he had forged.

He grinned as he lightly restrained Kotori's two hands above her head. His eyes roamed her body and were met with her heated gaze.

Her eyebrow arched upwards. “What are you doing?”

“Just thinking.”

“About -?”

“About how I’m the luckiest man in Konoha right now.”

He enjoyed the pretty blush that stained her cheeks. He enjoyed being the one able to put it there. He didn’t know if this still counted as the honeymoon period, but he never wanted it to end. He captured her lips as he released her hands, enjoying the feeling of her fingers tangled in his hair.

They were interrupted by tapping at their window. Kakashi sighed as he recognized the messenger bird from the Hokage.

“Duty calls,” he complained, forcing himself to get up. He felt about as disappointed as she looked. He opened the scroll to receive the predictable summons. The details were vague, but the entirety of Team Ro was needed on a tracking mission.

Kotori recognized the look in his eyes. “I’ll get ready then.”

Team Ro was dispatched to the northeastern outpost, halfway between Konoha and Hacho. The complete disappearance of a genin team had the village elders nervous and they were being sent to find them. This outpost had been their last known location. Team Ro arrived by late morning and interviewed the shinobi posted there.

Kakashi passed out a copy of the genin team photo so that his teammates could take a look. The jonin sensei rested his hands on the shoulders of two young boys. A girl in the middle had her arms thrown casually around their necks. Touma Inoue had been a few years ahead of him at the academy. Kakashi knew of him in the way that most jonin vaguely knew each other from around the village. The trio of genin were bright eyed and innocent as they smiled up at the camera. Ryoku Nara, Kouta Yamanaka and Mimi Inuzuka were only a few months out of the academy.

This was their first C-Rank out of the village. It was a simple delivery mission, bringing medical supplies to Hacho, a village on the border of the Land of Fire. They had reached the halfway mark after completing the delivery, however they were now seven days late returning to Konoha. Scouts from the outpost had not seen them on the main trails. Those were the routes that jonin sensei usually stuck to while their students were inexperienced. It was a slower, less direct route however they had higher traffic between merchants, travellers and other shinobi escorts so were less likely to run into rogues or bandits. More seasoned shinobi would travel by treetop through the thick coverage of the forest.

“Usual partners,” Kakashi informed his team. “Each of you will be taking two of my ninken with you.”

Shiba shifted towards Kotori, already making his preference in partner known. Kakashi smiled beneath the mask.

“The team left Hacho fourteen days ago and checked in here ten days ago. Ryuji has confirmed they were in good health and set out on the main trail when they departed the next morning. Touma had mentioned wanting to set up camp for a survival training session by mid-afternoon. Your mission is to find them and bring them home. If anyone runs into trouble, send the signal.”

Ayumu’s eyes were melancholy as she looked over the genin team photo. Kakashi wondered if there was a close relation between her and the boy.

As if knowing the unasked question, she answered, “Kouta is my nephew. I’ll do anything to bring him home safely.”

There was determination in Ayumu’s pale blue eyes as she pulled the raccoon mask over her face. She and Haruki set off into the forest with Bisuke and Guruko at their heels. Yugao and Satoshi were the next to leave with Akino and Uhei.

Tenzo and Genma engaged in a conversation off to the side, deliberately giving the couple as much privacy as they could while in the middle of a mission.

Kakashi squeezed Kotori’s shoulder. “Be careful.”

“I always am,” she promised. Her green eyes were fond as she pulled the hawk mask over her face. “Same goes for you.”

With that, the Kotori and Genma disappeared into the forest with Shiba and Urushi. Kakashi left with Tenzo, Pakkun and Bull. Kakashi had broken into Touma’s apartment earlier that morning and summoned the pack for them to get familiar with his scent. Meanwhile Kotori had rounded up some hair ties that belonged to the three kids. There hadn’t been any rain in the last week so there was a good chance his ninken could pick up the scent.

Bull let out a low growl as he sniffed the earth. They were a few kilometres off of the main path. The genin could have easily reached this area in half a day's journey and there was a nearby stream and enough coverage in the area to make it an attractive survival training campsite.

“Do you have something?” Kakashi asked.

“Hold on,” Pakkun wandered over to give it a sniff. He walked around in circles. “Their scents go in different directions and there’s others - ”

Sounds like the team was ambushed then. Kakashi had feared as much. There wasn’t much that would prevent a jonin sensei from getting their team back in a timely matter and failing that, to at least send word to Konoha.

“This way!” Pakkun barked as he took off in one direction. Kakashi and Tenzo followed hot on his heels. Despite having little legs, Pakkun could be fast.

Kakashi darkened as they found a decomposing body with a Konoha forehead protector wrapped around the head. He had seen a lot of grisly sights over the years, but there was something particularly disturbing about seeing a comrade in such a state. Most shinobi at least burned or buried the bodies after they were done. 

“Pakkun is that - ?”

By the looks of it, Touma had been dead for several days. It was impossible to tell if it were him or not from the state of the body.

“Afraid that’s our guy.” Pakkun lowered his head. Bull let out a soft whine.

“What about the genin?” Tenzo quietly asked.

Kakashi privately thought they would be finding three more bodies. It was unlikely inexperienced genin had survived whoever had killed their leader. At the very least they should have made a break for the main path and gone for help. The outpost wasn’t far from here. He was tempted to call the rest of his team off and just search for the bodies himself. He would spare the rest of the team, especially Ayumu, the heartbreak of finding the genin. Only the possibility that the kids might still be alive and lost or injured somewhere in the wilderness stopped him.

The pug sniffed the air. “I’m working on it.”

Tenzo grimly sealed the body of Touma Inoue in a body seal. They would take it back to Konoha for the morgue to properly identify the body and then notify the next of kin.

“What kind of shinobi doesn’t give their foe the curtesy of burying their body?” 

There were plenty of people in the shinobi world with no honour. At the very least, disposing of the body was done to cover up signs of the fight. Kakashi crossed his arms, not liking the reasons his mind had come up with. Whoever had killed Touma wanted him to be found. “Someone who wants to send a message.”

One of his ninken let out a howl in the distance, signalling an issue. Kakashi and Tenzo immediately raced towards the source. They arrived in a clearing to find Haruki fighting off a trio of shinobi with his gentle fist technique. Kakashi clenched his jaw at the sight of one of them, hatred burning through his veins.

Gyoku Igarashi had been the head of Kiri’s Torture and Interrogation unit during the Third Shinobi War. Although he was now listed as an S-Rank rogue in the Bingo Books. Gyoku was a sadistic man, apparently too sadistic, even for the Bloody Mist. He also happened to be one of the shinobi responsible for sealing the three tails inside of Rin. As clever as he was dangerous, Gyoku liked to play with his opponents. He used a variety of lightning style jutsu to torture his victims, electrocuting them and overwhelming their chakra network.

They had fought once before, however Kakashi had prioritized getting Rin out of the camp over killing this pathetic excuse of a shinobi. Now he vowed to make sure Gyoku paid for every Konoha shinobi he had ever hurt.

Haruki stood protectively over Ayumu’s limp body. Kakashi feared the worst for a moment before noticing that two more enemy shinobi were engaged in combat with each other off to the side. She must have used her mind transfer jutsu to take control over one of them. It was a bold, yet risky, maneuver on her part. Bisuke and Guruko had both snuck their teeth into the leg of a sixth shinobi. He violently shook them off, throwing a pair of shuriken at the ninken for good measure. Kakashi dismissed all four of his summons, knowing they would be outmatched against these shinobi. The shuriken hit the base of a tree instead. Tree roots shot up, circling around the shinobi and holding him captive.

Kakashi rushed forward to help Haruki, trusting that Tenzo and Ayumu would deal with the other three shinobi.He formed the chidori in hand, however Kakashi was thrown backwards as his hand plunged into the chest of a lightning clone.

“Kakashi of the Sharingan,” Gyoku taunted him, leaning against a tree as he observed from a distance. There was an ugly smile on the man's face. “I was hoping they would send you. It’s been a while, hasn’t it?Last time I saw you, you were about a head shorter sneaking into my camp.”

Kakashi shock off the feeling of electricity coursing through his chakra network. With his lightning style affinity, it didn’t have as much affect on him. Anyone else - that could have been lethal.

“You and I both know in a one on one match, you'll win,” Gyoku casually said as the two circled each other. “However we're six against four so I have the advantage. I don't know how your friends will fair against mine. So let’s make a deal. If you and the Hyuga come quietly, I’ll leave the other two alive.”

Gyoku was after the sharingan and byakugan then. Kakashi made eye contact with Haruki. The byakugan blazed with determination behind the owl mask. Neither of them would go willingly. Haruki would never betray his clan in such a manner. Kakashi owed it to Obito to not let his sharingan fall into the hands of the person responsibility for Rin’s capture and torture. They had the upper hand between the two of them. It might be sixth against four, but their team was strong. Gyoku seemed unaware of Tenzo’s abilities for the time being. Not to mention the others would be arriving as backup soon. Kakashi would not fall to this man's head games.

“You want the sharingan?” Kakashi coldly responded. "You’ll have to pry it from my dead body.”

“Very well then,” Gyoku dramatically sighed. “We’ll do this the hard way.”

Within seconds, Gyoku used a substitution jutsu to switch with one of his team. He began a fast and brutal assault as he fought hand-to-hand against Haruki. When Gyoku’s fist finally connected with Haruki's palm, the Hyuga was knocked backwards with a horrible, guttural cry. He trembled as he struggled to push himself up, his muscles spasming. Kakashi’s sharingan could see the lightning chakra buzzing through Haruki's system, disrupting his own.

Everything felt like it was moving in slow motion as the sharingan picked up another shinobi about to deliver a fatal blow to Ayumu’s vulnerable body. Kakashi rushed forward to try and block it, however a third shinobi used a wind cutting jutsu that sliced the back of his hamstrings, bringing him crashing to his knees.

Ayumu returned to her body to try and block the attack but it was too late. The blade pierced her in the stomach. The shinobi cruelly twisted the blade, slicing her open.

“ _No_ \- !” Haruki shouted. 

Kakashi felt like the katana had plunged through his own gut in that moment. _Ayumu._ He watched as seconds later the ANBU seal activated and destroyed her body. He could feel the sharingan spin as it cried the tears that Kakashi never could. He swallowed thickly as his hands curled into fists. Ayumu was a good person. A comrade. A friend. 

"I know your weakness, Kakashi," Gyoku sneered. "You Konoha shinobi have such soft, bleeding hearts. I wonder how many of your little friends I'll have to capture and kill before you give in. And I won't be as easy on the next one. They'll die screaming. I promise you that."

Kakashi used a substitution jutsu to get out of the way, taking cover in a bush as he tried to stop the bleeding from his leg. He felt like a coward, leaving Haruki and Tenzo alone. However he knew he would just be a burden if he left the wound unattended. He stitched it up as best he could and wrapped cloth around it. He could use chakra to power through the pain. Satoshi would be annoyed, but he trusted the medic would be able to deal with it later. 

The threat to his team tore at Kakashi. He couldn't let that happen. He had already failed Ayumu. He couldn't fail the rest.

He heard a grunt as the other three shinobi overpowered Tenzo, bringing him to his knees with a terrible blow to the head. Tenzo’s innate healing ability was the only thing that kept him from being knocked unconscious from it. Kakashi stubbornly stood up and he prepared to come to Tenzo's defence. He rushed over, fearing he would be too late to save his friend. However, seconds before the shinobi was about to land the killing blow, a lightning arrow pierced the enemy's chest, instantly killing him.

_Kotori._

Yugao and Genma joined Tenzo, the pair of them keeping him in the middle as they duelled the enemy. The clash of blade on blade rang out. Haruki was once again on his feet, his movements sloppy as he fought, visibly distressed over the loss of his own mission partner and friend. Kotori rushed over to his side, standing protectively between him and Gyoku with her tanto drawn. Kakashi felt fear like he had never before. His insides turned to ice. _She shouldn’t be here._

“Come on, Captain.” Satoshi was kneeling next to him, his hands aglow with green medical ninjutsu. “You’ve lost a lot of blood and shouldn't put weight on that leg if you want it to heal properly. I can patch you up, but you need to get to the hospital. Raiden will take you back."

He couldn't abandon the rest of his team. Kakashi shook his head. "I don't care what happens to me, fix it so I can fight _now_."

Satoshi growled, but did his best to comply with the order. Kakashi nervously watched as Kotori held off Gyoku, buying Satoshi time to heal the damage. Like any ANBU, she had been trained with a tanto, but Kakashi knew she was at her best with long-range attacks. She just couldn't put enough distance between her and Gyoku. 

The predictive ability of the sharingan caught Gyoku piercing Kotori through the heart. He slammed his hands on the ground, using mud wall to block the attack just in time. Walls raised around Kakashi, Kotori and Satoshi, creating a dome. His heart hammered in his chest. The vision of Kotori being stabbed in the chest, falling to the ground -

It had been too close.

“You need to leave me,” Kakashi quietly informed them. Kakashi had no intention of giving up the sharingan so he knew his only option was to go down fighting. The sharingan would be destroyed along with his body when the ANBU seal activated. He would protect both Konoha and his comrades that way. “Take the others and go.”

“Absolutely not,” Kotori rebuffed him. “Are you insane? You’re in no condition to take him on by yourself.”

“Hawk, that’s a direct order. Leave. Now.” He needed her to listen and save herself. Gyoku was too strong for her to stand a chance.

Her body stiffened for a second. He knew she hated it when he pulled rank. He avoided it most times, however this was a matter of life or death. He could see her green eyes water behind the mask as she started shaking her head. She knew what he was intending to do. 

“You can reprimand me when we get out of here. I’m not leaving you," she announced.

“Tori, _please_.” There was so much he wanted to tell her in that moment. How much he loved her and he would gladly sacrifice himself if it meant she could escape. How happy she had made him over the years. How he wished they could have had more time. However he knew he didn't have time. He needed to buy every last second because he wouldn't last long against Gyoku in his current state. "I love you. I can't lose you."

An explosion brought down his mud wall and before any of them could react, Gyoku had grabbed Kotori, holding a blade to her throat. Her feet kicked in vain as she was lifted off of them. “Well, isn't this touching. Who's the girl?"

“She’s no one of any importance.” Kakashi said with a casual shrug. The lie felt heavy on his tongue however he would say anything - do _anything_ \- if it meant Gyoku let her go. The thought of this man hurting her made his insides run cold. “Your business is with me.”

The sharingan picked up the sudden charge of lightning style chakra in the man’s hand and almost instantly Kotori let out a bloodcurdling scream. Kakashi felt his heart freeze as she convulsed in unimaginable pain. He took a step towards her but his injured leg gave out. Satoshi caught him, wrapping an arm around his shoulder in support.

“ _Stop,_ ” Kakashi growled. He knew what he needed to do to end this.

Gyoku let her drop to her knees, keeping his katana pressed to the back of her neck as she gasped for breath. Kakashi could see the same lightning chakra buzzing through her chakra system that had injured Haruki. 

“You see, I think she’s of great personal importance to you. What is the life of your little girlfriend worth, I wonder?”

Kakashi’s heart hammered in his chest. “Let her go, and I’ll come quietly.”

He could feel Satoshi stiffen next to him. "Captain - "

“Kakashi, I’m so sorry. You know I can't let you do that,” Kotori was crying now. Her eyes lifted up to meet his. There were so many emotions in her eyes, but above all, a grim determination. Something painful coiled around his heart. “I love you too.”

And with that, she slapped an explosive seal on the ground underneath her and Gyoku.

When Kakashi opened his eyes he groggily found himself in the hospital. The sunlight and white walls were blinding. He abruptly sat up, the images from his sharingan burning bright in his mind’s eye. Ayumu’s death. Tenzo’s injury. _Kotori_.

“Easy there,” Satoshi said, forcing him back into the bed.

"What happened - " he demanded. "Kotori? Where is she?"

“Oh Kakashi,” Yugao’s eyes had welled up with tears.

Kakashi’s heart shattered in that moment. His insides felt as cold as ice, like there was no warmth left in the world. He felt like he couldn’t breath. Like he had been dragged under the deepest, darkest ocean. _Not Kotori._ This couldn’t be happening. 

“We're so sorry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well... it wasn't going to be fluffy forever. I have been plotting this arc since the beginning and am both excited and nervous it's finally here! I think I wrote and re-wrote this chapter several different ways. Thank you everyone for your support ^_^


	24. Those Who Break the Rules

He could only hear his heart pounding in his ears, drowning out the rest of Yugao’s words. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t survive losing someone else. He couldn’t survive losing _her_.

"Captain, I need you to breathe," Satoshi firmly said.

Kakashi didn’t want to breathe. He was tired of breathing and living and _surviving_ in a world where everyone he loved was taken away. Over and over and over again. Every time he dared to hope that things might turn out differently.

His fists bunched in the sheets as something - tears or blood, he didn’t care which - slipped out from the sharingan. It played through every moment like a twisted montage of their time together. He had looked at her through both eyes so many times, wanting to memorize every detail. As if knowing it could never last. He could the warmth of her smile, the light in her eyes. He could see her sprawled out underneath him coming undone. He could also see her final moments. The pain as she was tortured. Her final words to him. _I love you too._

All he had ever wanted was to protect her. To keep her safe. And he had failed.

He had failed his team. He had failed his friends. He had failed the love of his life. Tenzo has been injured and judging by Yugao’s hospital gown, so had she. He had no idea the fates of Haruki or Genma. Ayumu had been killed. _Kotori_ \- he felt the lump in his throat. They had all been used to get to him. All for an eye that should have never been his in the first place. He would have gladly given it up if it meant he could save the people who mattered to him. The sharingan was nothing but a reminder of his failures.

Right on cue, the sharingan decided to play out his worst moments. Obito. Rin. Kotori.

“Captain - ” Satoshi’s hands were on his shoulders, lightly shaking them and he was firmly saying his name. “ _Kakashi_ , listen to me.”

He was cursed. He leeched the life and warmth out of anyone who tried to care for him until there was nothing left. Who would suffer next? Satoshi? Yugao? Tenzo? Gai?

This was what his love caused. He was a harbinger of death and destruction.

“Kotori is _missing_ , okay?" Satoshi's dark brown eyes came into sharp focus. 

Kakashi felt crazed as he urgently gripped Satoshi's shoulders. "She's alive?"

There was sympathy in the other man's eyes. "I don’t want to give you false hope. It’s not looking good right now. We don’t know if she’s dead or alive. None of us witnessed her death. I thought she escaped the explosion, but there’s been no sign of her for over a week. Genma searched the area and couldn’t find her. He’s still out with Team Fu now. It’s possible she may have succumb to her wounds. The ANBU seal would have activated.”

“But you didn’t _see_ her die,” he desperately pressed.

“No.” Satoshi exchanged a look with Yugao. “Gyoku’s men are still out there. The genin are still missing. If she’s alive, then she’s probably with them.”

The cold, logical part of his brain started taking over. He had learned to compartmentalize over the years, a necessity when being a shinobi. He shut down his emotions, pushing down the grief and despair that threatened to drag him down and consume him. He had a mission now. If Kotori was still alive and needed him, then he needed to pull himself together. If she wasn’t alive - his fist clenched the sheets again. 

If she wasn't alive, he would hunt down and destroy every last person responsible.

“Her birds - ” She should have made contact by now. Even if she could only hold the connection briefly.

“There’s been nothing,” Yugao answered. “Captain Panda and Inoichi both kept one just in case. The rest - "

“You know the protocol.” Satoshi adverted his eyes, no longer able to look at him. “They’ve been destroyed. If she was captured, then it becomes a security risk.”

Kakashi glanced out the window and noticed the rain. That would complicate things, even for Pakkun. While his ninken could track in the rain, a week old trail would be washed away. “How long has it been raining?”

“Off and on the last three days,” Satoshi said. “Even the Inuzuka ninken have been unable to pick up the scent.”

It was rare that the Inuzuka were involved in ANBU operations. Their temperaments made them a poor fit for the role. They were too loud and boisterous. Too spirited. Too obvious. Since Kakashi had a ninken contract, the Commander had not bothered to recruit any Inuzuka to the organization. Although in the past the Hound mask had traditionally went to them.

“Tsume has joined the mission?”

“The Inuzuka girl was her niece,” Yugao explained. “The silver lining in all this is that with so many clans affected, the Hokage won’t just declare Kotori or the genin killed in action without a thorough investigation first. Inoichi is especially pissed one of his clansmen was killed and another captured before he was made aware. He’s offered the Commander whatever support he needs. Tsume and Shikaku as well.”

That made sense. The clan heads generally advocated for their members. It would be foolish to anger that many at once. Inoichi was normally very amiable, but Kakashi knew he made a terrifying opponent. Especially when he teamed up with Shikaku. The Hokage would do anything to keep the two of them appeased. 

"Where are the others?" Kakashi asked. 

“Genma received permission to join Team Fu, they've taken over the investigation. Tenzo was released from the hospital two days ago. Haruki - " Satoshi paused before pressing on. "Haruki was killed in the fight. Lord Hiashi is demanding blood. He pulled the Hyuga back to the village until this is resolved. They’re furious over the attempted bloodline theft.”

Kakashi felt like someone had punched him in the gut. Haruki too? “How?”

“He took a hit that was meant for Genma,” Yugao said. She glanced at Satoshi for support.

“We think he did it on purpose. You know the Hyuga, they’d rather die before risking the byakugan.”

“You’re also village bound,” Yugao delicately told him. “Hokage’s orders. The council doesn’t want to risk losing one of the few sharingan we have left.”

Kakashi pulled the IV out of his hand. He had heard enough to formulate a basic plan. “I’d like to see the council try to keep me in the village right now.”

“I did warn my mother it would be an exercise in futility,” Satoshi lightly said. “I’ll be ready to leave as soon as you give word.”

Satoshi was so unlike his mother, Koharu, that Kakashi often forgot he was related to the awful woman. The council rarely saw shinobi as more than numbers or assets. Everything was a cold, hard calculation to them. Koharu was too comfortable with lives being lost as collateral damage. It was an odd contrast to her youngest son who saw value in saving every life.

“I’m coming too,” Yugao announced. Her chin stuck out defiantly as she looked from him to Satoshi. The large hospital gown and dark circles under her eyes made her seem unusually fragile. Yugao was one of the strongest combat fighters on his team, but he didn’t want her coming along and risking herself if she was not at her best. They had already lost enough people.

“Ah, Yugao, you should really ask your doctor first.”

“ _You filthy hypocrite_!”

And with that, he disappeared out the window with a poof of smoke.

He found the Hokage in his office, his fingers templed together as Koharu and Homura argued in front of him. Both had immediately stopped the second the door swung open and Kakashi strode inside. The ANBU agents who guarded the Hokage’s Office nervously filtered in behind him.

“It’s alright,” Lord Third waved off the guards. “I’ve been expecting him. Kakashi, please join us. We were just discussing the situation in the northeast.”

Koharu crossed her arms, disapproval evident in her frown. “I don’t understand why you allow such disrespect from your subordinates, barging in here unannounced - ”

Lord Third ignored her. “Why don’t you give your report and then I’ll fill in the gaps."

Kakashi hung his head as he reported the failed mission. He kept the brief quick and factual. Lord Third no doubt had already heard reports from the other members of his team. The words seemed to stick to the back of his throat as he reported Ayumu and Haruki's deaths and then disappeared entirely when it came to Kotori.

"That's enough," Lord Third stopped him. He looked exhausted as he regarded Kakashi. “Team Fu is still searching the area with the help of Tsume. We believe they may be hiding in the Land of Rice Paddies. There's been an increase in activity over the years and we've been unsuccessful with sending scouts over the border. We have received a ransom letter from the remains of Gyoku’s team, although we're trying to verify that they are still alive."

Homura spoke instead. “Hiruzen, I think you’ve told him more than enough. Families of ANBU agents would normally not even _know_ of their capture until a resolution had been reached. It was inappropriate to have both of them on a team. It was _cruel_ for Mr Hatake to witness Ms Sorano's disappearance."

Lord Third sounded irritated. "You've made your point multiple times. Now unless you know a jutsu that can undo time this is the situation we have. Kakashi deserves to know what we are doing."

“They want the sharingan,” Kakashi concluded, ignoring them. “Hostage exchange? I could lure them into a trap - ”

“Absolutely not,” Koharu immediately said. “It would be foolish to send one of our village’s strongest assets into a trap for a B-Rank spy with no bloodline - ”

Kakashi’s jaw clenched beneath his mask. Kotori’s value was more than her rank or genetics. He would willingly walk into a trap if it meant she would be freed. 

“Koharu, that’s enough,” the Hokage sharply warned. “Kakashi, I am deeply sorry for what happened to Kotori. I want to assure you that I have my best out there searching for the organization responsible. It is everyone’s hope that she and the genin team will be returned swiftly and safely.”

Kakashi did not want sympathy. He did not want meaningless condolences and promises. He wanted action. “With all due respect, I _am_ one of your best. I’m asking to be included in the search. You can’t expect me to sit and wait while my girlfriend is held hostage.”

“That is exactly what is expected of you,” Homura said. “You girlfriend is being used as bait against you. It is obvious to everyone in this room that you would give yourself up for Ms Sorano. Our enemies know it as well."

"Honestly, I think we've already invested too much time and resources into this mission that would be better served - " 

Kakashi rushed forward, his forearm pinning Koharu's throat against the wall before she could finish that sentence. Kakashi's anger had always run cold, where others might be hot-tempered and lash out, his was tightly coiled and controlled. Losing control in that moment surprised him. He harshly released her, stepping away as she staggered to her feet.

"Koharu, Homura, _leave now_ ," the Hokage said. His voice vibrated with anger.

Kakashi knew he deserved whatever reprimand was coming. As long as it didn't hurt his chances of helping Kotori, he would accept whatever punishment came from attacking a council member.

"I'm sorry," Lord Third said once they were alone. "I understand you are under a tremendous amount of stress right now. When I lost my wife and daughter to the nine-tails I was just as angry, just as lost. It's only human to want to protect your loved ones. However, you are a liability in this mission so you will remain in the village until the matter is resolved."

“I'm not going to abandon my girlfriend.”

"You are not abandoning her. I daresay when Kotori returns to the village that you will have the difficult task of helping her through her recovery. She's going to need you."

The Hokage was right. _She needed him._ If she was captured by Gyoku's men, then they could be torturing her this very moment. Every minute he wasted arguing was a minute he should be out there searching for her. It was clear that Kakashi was not going to receive permission to join the rescue team. So he would have to go alone. 

"There's got to be something I could do," he said. He deliberately let his voice waver, wanting the Hokage believe that he was starting to get through to him. "I can't do _nothing_."

"There is, perhaps, something you could help with. Inoichi has Intelligence trying to remotely track Kotori through her chakra birds. She might respond if there’s a more emotional connection.”

"Maybe, she usually responds whenever I talk to one."

Lord Third looked relieved. “Excellent. Use the birds. If she could guide us to her location, we’ll have a team ready for extraction.”

Kakashi sent a clone towards Intelligence as the real him disappeared to Kotori's apartment. If anyone was keeping an eye on him it should be enough to fool them and buy time to leave the village. Kakashi had no intention of going to Intelligence. He had seen Kotori use her chakra bird network enough over the years to have a basic idea how it worked. He knew the Hokage had just given him busywork to keep him in the village. If she hadn’t made contact in over a week, then she was unable to do so. He knew Kotori wasn't likely to sit around in captivity and not attempt to make contact. 

Kakashi slipped into the bedroom window of Kotori's apartment. While they did not officially live together, Kakashi’s apartment was his in name only. It had been several weeks since he had last been there. The majority of his belongings had accumulated in Kotori's apartment over the years.The apartment looked exactly the way they left it. There was still a pair of tea cups in the sink. A jonin sweater lay abandoned on the couch. He quickly changed into his uniform and grabbed his spare mission pack. He had multiples that were always ready to go. He knew his ninken were familiar with Kotori’s scent, but for good measure he grabbed the hair elastic from her night table and the sleeping shirt she had left on the bed.

He tied the Konoha forehead protector around his head, tilting it so that it covered his sharingan. The forehead protector marked his identity as a Konoha shinobi. Turning his back on the village, disobeying a direct command from the Hokage - it went against his very core. Kakashi would always be loyal to Konoha. He would always serve and protect its people. He respected the position of the Hokage, however he was having a hard time respecting the man himself right now. What kind of shinobi abandons their loved ones to torture or death? What kind of shinobi would just sit and wait when given that news? 

_Those who break the rules are scum, but those who abandon their comrades are worst than scum._

He would be a filthy hypocrite if he ignored the words he had repeated so often. It was too late to save Obito. He hoped he wasn’t too late to save Kotori.

He heard the main door creak open. He glanced out of habit, half expecting Kotori to walk in with a bright smile, filling the silence with a story or two about someone she ran into or something amusing she witnessed. He would hold her and this nightmare would be over. There was an ache in his chest when it was only Aimi.

“Kakashi?” Aimi asked, surprise colouring her tone. “What’s going on? My aunts are saying Ayumu is dead, one of the kids is missing. Sensei doesn't know anything either. I haven’t seen Genma or Kotori in weeks - ”

He did not have time for this. Kotori needed him.

Kakashi's voice was flat as he spoke. “It’s an on-going mission. I can’t provide the details.”

She must have seen something in his face that she didn’t like. Aimi trembled as she took a step back, her eyes watering. Then she steeled herself, blinking back the tears.

“I want to come.”

“No.”

“I can’t just stay here in the dark. Something is going on and it affects everyone I care about.Genma, Kotori, my family - "

“I need to go,” he coldly told her. "Go talk to Inoichi if you want to help."

“Kakashi, wait,” Aimi moved to block him, putting a hand on his arm. 

Frustrated, he snapped at her. “You would just be a liability on this mission. I don’t know your skills, but I know you haven’t been on an active mission in nearly five years. You want to help your friends? Then move aside.”

Aimi's hand recoiled as if he had hurt her. He disappeared out the window, leaving her alone in the apartment.

Kakashi raced through the rooftops, before disappearing down an alleyway and into one of the hidden tunnels that the ANBU used to slip out of the village. It was watched over by the ANBU patrols. Kakashi hoped word hadn’t reached them yet that he was barred from leaving the village. It would make things a little more difficult. He waved at them and they nodded, not seeming to realize he was supposed to stay in village. Hinoki would have a fit later at their incompetence. For now, it worked to his advantage.

As Kakashi stepped into the forest outside the village, he could hear the deliberate snap of a branch. Someone was alerting him to their presence. Kakashi sighed as he saw Tenzo, Yugao and Satoshi. The Hokage must have sent them to keep an eye on him. It was more effective than any random ANBU. Lord Third knew he would never hurt his friends.

“I’m not looking to fight any of you,” Kakashi warned them. If they tried to stop him, he was prepared to disarm them. He hoped it didn't come to that.

“Good thing you don’t have to,” Tenzo responded. “We’re coming with you. _Those who abandon their comrades are worse than scum._ You taught me that, Senpai. Did you really think we were going to leave Kotori in the hands of someone like Gyoku?”

"Besides, what are they going to do, declare all of us rogue?" Yugao asked.

Satoshi shook his head. "I did warn them it was better to let you go. Well, we'll deal with that later Captain."

He felt an overwhelming gratitude. He adjusted the forehead protector so that the metal plate sat securely over his eye. “Let’s go then.”


	25. The Caged Songbird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: This chapter deals with Kotori’s captivity and her mental state during it. I’ve purposely left the details of the torture vague, although I always intended for it to be physical/mental in nature. Read at your own risk?

Kotori felt disoriented as she woke up. Lightning buzzed through her chakra network, inflaming everything at once. Her head was throbbing at the temples, sensitive to the slightest sound. Every single instinct in her body was screaming that she was in danger. Her fight or flight response had kicked in. Wherever she was, she knew she wasn’t safe.

“Am I in hell?” She mumbled into the darkness. Her voice was raspy and sore.

There was a snort beside her.

Her eyes slowly adjusted to the dim light. She found herself on a dirty old futon. There was a trio of genin spread out on their own. One of the boys was sitting up against the wall as he kept watch.

 _Ryoku_ her brain supplied. _His name is Ryoku._

The details of the past few weeks slowly came back to her. She was being held captive with the three genin by Gyoku and his men. She had managed to survive her own explosion, substituting herself with a clone at the last possible second. However she had been severely weakened and injured by the fighting beforehand. As she had waited, hovering between the brink of unconsciousness, it wasn’t her team who had found her. But rather Gyoku. He had given his men the instructions to keep her weak, but alive. Beyond that they could do whatever they wanted.

Kotori flinched as she remembered the night before. She must have passed out because she didn’t remember being brought back to the room.

“Depends on your definition of hell.” Ryoku passed a water bottle to her along with a bento, pulling her out of her thoughts. “We saved you dinner, if you’re up for it.”

Kotori cracked open the lid, her stomach churning at the plain rice and container of miso soup. She sighed as she picked at it, not feeling hungry but knowing she needed what little strength she had.

“How do you feel?”

“Just peachy.” They both knew it was a lie. While Kotori had tried to downplay the extent of her torture, her injuries were starting to catch up to her.

Ryoku shot her an annoyed look. “You don’t have to pretend for us. We’re not little kids.”

“Ah Ryoku, don’t worry about me. ANBU are trained for that type of thing,” she forced herself to give him a bright smile. She didn’t want the kids to worry about her.

She had tried so hard to keep their spirits up throughout everything. It was the only thing that gave her purpose in her more lucid moments. She remembered the hopeful expressions on their faces her first night. Their belief that she was going to rescue them. Her promise that she would get them home.

 _Some promise_ , she miserably thought. The guards kept her too weak and drugged to do much. She could barely walk on her leg. Her chakra network had been agitated. Every attempt to use her own chakra left her gasping in pain. 

If she had the chakra to summon Raiden, they might be able to fly fast enough to get away. Very few shinobi could outrun her ninja hawk. The kids were also small enough that she might be able to fit the four of them on Raiden’s back. She knew Raiden could fit herself with two other adults... Satoshi was kind of the size of two genin anyway. It was a lot of _ifs_ and _maybes_ , but it was the best plan she had. Other than sitting around and waiting for Konoha to rescue them. Which was seeming less likely each day.

Kotori tried not to think about that.

Ryoku gave her a skeptical look. “Whatever drugs they keep giving you must be good. You’re too - _positive_.”

She tried to stifle her laugh at that. Positive was a word. Not one she would use to describe herself at the moment. However she was relieved that she had him convinced.

“Did I miss anything while I was out?” 

Ryoku shrugged. “More of the same. Kouta thinks he found the room they’re keeping our stuff in. He’s going to try to get access.”

The kids were better treated by their captors. Rather than tortured, they were used for labour. It was enough to keep the young genin too exhausted to try and make an escape. Of course, it was difficult to escape even if they weren’t exhausted. From what she had gathered, they were on an abandoned farmhouse in the middle of paddy fields. There was no tree cover and just fields in every direction. There seemed to be a dozen or so men at their camp.

“He needs to be careful,” Kotori tiredly said. “The last thing we need is the guards to start making your lives difficult.”

Ryoku was a Nara. She knew he was unlikely to act without thinking of the consequences. Of the three genin, she suspected he was the only one who truly understood the dangers they were in. Kouta was liable to make some grand and valiant attempt to escape. Kotori was worried he might try something foolish and get caught. Mimi was, well, a little hellion. She sassed the guards and had attempted to run off multiple times to search for help. Kotori would have been impressed if she wasn’t terrified for the girl’s life. Mimi just wasn’t quite fast enough or strong enough to escape on her own. Fortunately the Inuzuka responded well to authority. So while there was a battle of wills, she listened to Kotori. For now.

She had the kids pretend to be properly cowed while they scouted for escape routes and weak spots. Kotori had hoped she might be able to recover enough to attempt an escape, but that seemed unlikely without some sort of outside interference. The thought of leading a team of genin - of _kids_ \- out of here filled her with fear. They were so inexperienced and young. Team Ro had been completely outmatched against Gyoku at full strength. It seemed hopeless. Everything seemed so hopeless.

“I wonder what it would be like to have a difficult life,” Kouta cheekily piped in.

“I mean it,” Kotori gave a low warning. The last thing she wanted was for the kids to get on the wrong side of their captors and be tortured. The thought of any of them going through what she had -

“You worry too much, Captain!”

There wasn’t a window in their room so they had no real concept of day or night. The guards seemed to keep up a consistent routine of fetching the kids every morning. It was the only way they could gauge time or keep track of the days. Ryoku scratched a line on the wall, indicating it was the twenty-third day since the kids had been taken. Kouta roughly woke up Mimi, the girl growling at him before rubbing the sleep out of her eye. Mimi then groggily plopped herself in front of Kotori who braided her hair back in a pair of plaits. Kotori felt a tinge of nostalgia. She could remember Kosuke braiding her hair before trainings or missions when she had been this age.

She felt the familiar pang in her heart she felt each time she thought of her loved ones. Kosuke probably wasn’t even aware she was missing. Her disappearance would be kept secret as long as possible. Covered up as a lengthy mission. Until one day when the Hokage officially declared her killed in action. Her friends would grieve, but they would move on. It was a part of life as a shinobi. Aimi had her friends in Intelligence. Ensui had a young family now. Team Ro would continue taking missions together. Genma would be given a new partner.

Kakashi -She closed her eyes, trying not to remember the desperation on his face as he tried to save her. He must be devastated. After everything he had been through - after everything she had been through - didn't they deserve to be happy together? It wasn't _fair_. She wanted him here so bad. He would know what to do. She always felt so safe when he was around. She would give anything to be able to see him again. Even if it was just one last time.

She bit the inside of her cheek, focusing on the braid with a single-minded determination. “There, that should keep it in place.”

She let the familiar banter of the kids wash over her. If she hadn’t known better she would think they were getting ready for a regular mission. Kotori could still see through the cracks, the masks the kids wore were not quite as strong as her own. The false bravado that Kouta wore like armour. The mischievous smile Mimi hid behind. The biting sarcasm that Ryoku wielded like a kunai.

“Stay safe, alright?” Kotori told the three of them. She ruffled Ryoku’s hair and gave Kouta a playful push, earning squawks of protest from them both. She then gave Mimi a one-armed hug.

Before long, the door was unlocked and a pair of guards were leading the kids away. She curled in on herself in the futon, listening as their footsteps faded. She allowed herself to finally give into the horrible despair that threatened to consume her. She was tired of holding herself together. Pretending for the sake of the kids took everything she had. The bubble swelled in her chest, making it feel like she couldn’t breathe. Until it finally erupted into a fit of shaky breaths and hot tears.

Kotori knew she wasn’t getting out of here. Not alive anyway. Little by little, her hope was chipped away. Her body could only endure so much pain. She didn't know what would break first, her body or her mind. There had been rumours before of shinobi being assumed dead and then discovered years later. They were often a shell of their former selves. How long until Lord Third gave the order to abandon them and consider them killed in action?

The thought of wasting away here for months or _years_ -

Someone was coming, she had kept telling herself, desperately wishing it was true. Someone _had_ to be coming. Kakashi would never abandon her.

“ _Did you think your little boyfriend was coming to save you?_ ” The guard’s words echoed in her mind. “ _Last I heard, he’s been staying in the village like a good little hound. Loyal to his masters, isn’t he?_ ”

He wouldn’t leave her.

“Love _._ Friendship _._ Camaraderie _. They sound nice, don’t they? But they’re just meaningless words in the end_.”

He loved her. That meant something. The guards were wrong.

 _Kakashi, where are you?_ She thought.

Sometime later, as she starred up at the ceiling, she tried to use her jutsu to make contact with Konoha. She had tried every day, getting little flashes of her village. Lately she had only been able to see the inside of an office. There was nothing that gave away who’s office it was and it was usually empty when she tried. She had never been able to stay long enough. Whatever had been done to her chakra network burned every time she tried to use it. Even now she could feel the uncomfortable sting as she pulled on her chakra.

She was back in a cage this time. Something bloomed in her chest when she realized Inoichi was at the desk. His long blond hair was starting to slip out of the low hanging ponytail. He looked tense as he read over some report.

She warbled helplessly at him, trying to get his attention.

He looked up -

The burning sensation grew more intense, causing her to cry out and drop the connection. She clenched her fists as she tried not to pass out from the pain. She formed the bird seal to try one more time.   
  
"Kotori?" Inoichi was kneeling in front of the birdcage, his palm hovering over her forehead. If she could project her mind into the chakra bird for long enough, Inoichi should be able to get enough intel from her memories. However the invasion of her mind coupled with the burning pain from her chakra was too much. She could see the edges of her vision go fuzzy before losing the connection altogether.

“Captain?” Mimi's worried face came into focus. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, just taking a nap.”

Kotori groaned as she sat up. Her head was pounding and she felt dizzy. It also seemed to be much later in the day now. Or at least, she assumed it was later because Mimi and Kouta were back. Both were moving easily which was good. Genin wouldn’t have been that skilled at hiding injuries.

The door opened and Ryoku was pushed inside by one of the guards. He was sporting a bloody nose and two swollen eyes. Kotori immediately felt her hackles rise.

“Not so rough!” Ryoku grumbled.

“Well, then next time don’t go out of bounds. You’re lucky you can still walk.” The door slammed shut, leaving the four of them alone once more. 

So much for thinking before acting. And Kotori thought he was the reasonable one. She roughly grabbed his chin and inspected Ryoku's injuries. “Well, you’ll definitely have two black eyes tomorrow. Let’s see if I can help move it along.”

She used the smallest amount of chakra to speed up the healing process. She was neither gentle nor particularly skilled with medical ninjutsu but knew how enough to heal bruises. 

“Hey - that stings-!” He whined.

“What the hell were you thinking anyway? I told you to be careful.”

“It was a calculated risk! I thought that you had a medical kit with your bag,” Ryoku smugly told her. He pulled out a sealing scroll from his pockets. With a _poof_ of smoke, the sealing scroll opened to reveal her mission pack and tanto.

Her heart leapt up into her throat. “Did they notice?”

“I don't think so, they only caught me sneaking out of bounds. I made it look like I was heading to the kitchen. They bought it, for now.”

They didn’t have long before the guards would come for them. Ryoku could be tortured or killed for his disobedience. She couldn’t let that happen. Her heart hammered in her chest, adrenaline rushing through her veins. The decision was made.

“Empty the pack, take any ninja tools you need,” she quickly instructed as she took the medic kit. “We’ll have to travel light.”

She choked a painkiller down with some water. While it didn’t take away her pain completely, she found she was able to bare weight on her leg and her chakra network no longer felt as agitated. She tested it with a simple henge. She then took a chakra pill for good measure. Kotori didn’t want to think of the pain she would be in if the painkiller wore off before the chakra pill did. That was a problem for future-Kotori.

Mimi sniffed the air. “They’re coming back.”

“How many guards?” Kotori asked her.

“Two.”

It was the only warning they had before the door burst open. Ryoku’s shadow snapped into place, grabbing hold of both the guards. One of them sneered at him.

“This old trick again? Is that all you can do, boy? When I get out of this I’m going to - “

They never found out what the guard was going to do. Kotori snuck up behind him, slitting his throat with her kunai. She caught him, lowering him to the ground before the noise could alert anyone else.

“You - !”

Before the second guard could call for help, Ryoku’s shadow lifted off the ground, piercing the man through the chest. Ryoku was pale-faced and shaken as he released the jutsu. Killing someone, even in self-defence, was not an easy thing.

Kotori put a hand on his shoulder as she gently pushed him towards the door. There would be time to process once they got out of here. In normal circumstances, no one expected a genin to kill. Even when she had been at war, she had never been placed in situations that she had to kill another person. Generally Ensui or other shinobi were around to make that call.

She put a hand on his shoulder. “You did what you had to do.”

“I know,” he quietly replied.

Both he and Kouta used a henge to disguise themselves as the guards. They grabbed Mimi by the arms as if they had captured her. Meanwhile Kotori used a camouflage jutsu to blend in with the walls. The walk down the corridor was nerve wracking. She could hear people inside the rooms. Every footstep the genin took seemed much too loud and Kotori thought someone would come check. They were almost at the main entrance when a one of the doors slid open, a shinobi poking his head outside.

“What's going on?" 

“The brat was being mouthy again,” Kouta said, forcing his voice to sound deeper. “So we’re going to teach her a lesson.”

Kotori told tell that the guard wasn’t quite buying it. Impersonating someone amongst their peers was difficult, even with time to prepare. Never mind that it was possible he had some sort of sensory skill. The guard stepped in front of them, blocking their exit.

They were so close. They couldn't get caught now. Kotori ran through the seals of her wind blade jutsu, slitting the man's throat.

“Run,” she told the kids, cancelling her camouflage jutsu. “I’ll cover you.”

Doors were sliding open now as the rest of the enemy shinobi came to see what had happened. The chakra pill had given her more than enough chakra that, for once, her smaller reserves did not matter. Kotori sent a typhoon wind ripping through the corridor, sending everyone flying back and buying her and the kids time to get outside. Once outside, she bit her thumb before slapping the palm of her hand on the ground. She could feel the angry burn of her chakra as she called on her summon. She pushed through the sensation of white hot needles stabbing the insides of her arm. The painkiller was wearing off quicker than she had thought. 

It didn’t matter. She was so close to freedom. With a blinding flash of light she could see the outline of her faithful partner. Hope soared in her heart as she watched Raiden take to the air, his wings beating as he sent a gust of wind that once sent the guards flying back.

“Stop them!” She could hear someone shout.

Raiden pulled up beside them so that the kids could jump on. Kotori made sure they were secure first before she eyed the space on Raiden's back. While it was true that three kids took up less space than three adults, there still wasn't enough room for a fourth person. The realization hit her in the chest. She wasn't getting out of here.

She'd have to do the next best thing then. Kotori made eye contact with her trusted ninja hawk. She gave a tight smile as she ruffled the feathers on his head. In low tunes she said, “Get them to Konoha. I’ll give you time.”

“Kotori - ” There was understanding in Raiden’s voice. “I’ll come back as soon as I can.”

Konoha had to be at least a day’s journey for him. Kotori doubted she would last that long. She could only keep this up so long before the painkiller wore off completely and she was once again at the mercy of Gyoku’s men. Only this time she knew they would not be so merciful. They would be furious.

“I’ll be right behind you,” she lied to the kids. “I’m just going to make a distraction first. Go!"

She saw Raiden take to the sky with the three genin on his back. Every minute she could hold off the enemy was another minute the kids had to get further away from here.

_I'm sorry, Kakashi. I'll try my best._

Unfortunately her best just wasn't enough.

She lasted all of ten minutes before the enemy had her surrounded. Her hands formed the seals as she prepared to shoot another lightning arrow. However her muscle spasmed, jerking her arm up. The arrow misfired, shooting straight up into the air. She watched as it exploded in the sky above them.A searing pain ripped through her arm, causing her to cry out. It felt like lightning coursing through her body, electrocuting her from the inside.

Gyoku started laughing. “You foolish girl. Let me guess, you took a painkiller to numb the pain and then a solider pill to replenish your chakra? It’s what most would do. Haven't you figured out what my jutsu does yet? It burns through your body’s chakra network. That chakra pill is like throwing oil on top of a fire. You’re starting to feel it, aren’t you? The painkiller isn’t holding up as long as it should. You’ll be begging for death before long.”

She sunk to her knees, no longer able to see or hear or _think_. The pain was all consuming. There was a terrible, inhuman screaming noise that might have been coming from her. She didn't know. She didn't care. She just wanted the pain to stop. And then, finally, it did. Kotori slumped forward, prepared to join her family at last. She could hear them calling to her as darkness overtook her.

The chirping of a thousand birds.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author’s Commentary: While Kotori is not an ANBU captain, she is still a jonin and they seem to be treated as captains in the regular forces. So the genin would refer to Kotori as “Captain” as it’s how she would be addressed if she led a regular mission outside of ANBU (similar to Naruto/Sakura referring to Yamato as Captain Yamato).
> 
> Thank you everyone for your support. I'm excited to be back with a new chapter <3


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